procrastination is life.

#219 - food blog

2010-08-09T19:09:00.000-07:00

okay well i guess it was just a matter of time before i (a food lover) wrote a blog about food. it's not great and i don't even know where i'm going with it but i know a few things. i love food. i love to try new things. i love to take pictures and share them with people. so it may be restaurants i've tried or food that i've made but i'm starting it out here:

Brandizzle Eats

Check it out and be jealous of the delicious food I'm eating!

#218 - radical apartmemt

2010-07-02T10:43:00.001-07:00

well i guess i've been busy cause i haven't been posting lately. sorry to the one or two people who read this! haha at least you can look on facebook and see what i've been eating. i've actually been really busy with work mostly. also i went home for a quick trip to visit my grandpa who is in a nursing facility now. then i moved.

WORK
i'm working primarily as a "medicine nurse" right now...aka "drug dealer". i am passing meds to the forty-plus people in the facility. its getting busier with new admissions and everyone has tons of meds. when i'm old i say no more than five a day! some people take like 50 pills. i'm not even exaggerating. its pretty sad. its not really nursing but its the only position they have open right now. i was able to be the "treatment nurse" one day when they needed someone to cover it. that was awesome cause i felt like a real nurse, but at the same time it was kind of boring because there weren't many treatments. i don't really know what i want to do but it probably is not either one. the other position is the "charge nurse" who basically answers the phone a lot and does tons of paperwork. definitely not my jam. so right now i am just working to pay the bills and thinking about what i really want to do.

MAUI
i went to maui for five days i think, it was pretty short. my grandpa had pneumonia, not sure if its gone now but he is getting weaker and not eating much. he was sleeping a lot and not opening his eyes, even when he was eating! it was really good to see him and spend time with him. we were all kind of realizing that he may not make it to my sister's wedding next year. that's really sad but i guess that's reality. she was able to come over to maui and so were my parents. so all four of us were there, which was really nice. i was there for father's day so we all went to IHOP. basically we'd go see my grandpa at the facility two or three time a day and help him eat or push him around in the wheelchair. he likes to get up and then 5 minutes later want to lay down. so it was pretty challenging to be patient. it was weird to be on the family side of things. having to ask the nurses and CNAs for help with things and being patient. i know how much work they have to do so it was weird to have to be the one to wait.

MOVE
just moved in with my bf, we got this two bedroom apt not too far from where i was. it's pretty awesome, close to the best coffee shop, a theater, whole foods, great food and a beautiful park. it's way closer to his work so that's nice. my work is still about 4 miles away and its an uphill bike ride but thankfully i don't have to do that everyday. the weather is finally getting to be nice. the apartment itself is nothing too fancy. its on the second floor, carpet, pretty spacious and nice windows/light. its got a dishwasher and lots of closets. we are still putting it together and there is crap everywhere but it's great. we put up some of his art on the walls and slowly its starting to feel like home! :) the move itself was pretty grueling. got a u-haul one day and had to move our two places. got a couple friends to help but it was hot and we had to keep going up and down stairs. UGH! but it was all worth it. we have an extra bedroom so everyone is welcome to come visit! pictures to come soon...

#217 - one year

2010-05-24T19:55:00.000-07:00

it's been a year since Hector passed away. RIP Hector. to me he was the most amazing lover of a dog. i can't write much because i am crying too much but i just did want to recognize this day. he was a lover and a fighter, if that's possible. i feel really empty and broken without him. there is a chihuahua-sized hole in my heart that cannot be filled. one year later and i still think about him everyday. love is like that i guess. in memory of sweet hector i decided to get a tribute tattoo. it is still healing so i haven't a proper picture but this is the one i took from my phone immediately afterwards.
i got it done at imperial tattoo in portland by this guy named mike. he was awesome and did such a perfect job! the tattoo is almost as cute as the real thing! now i carry him with me wherever i go.

#216 - new job

2010-04-27T17:19:00.000-07:00

as you may know, i've been looking for a job for a long time now. although i was working part time and paying the bills, it was not what i wanted. i got my RN last june and have since not had much luck finding a job as one. bummer, right? yes. so i opened up my search to include more than just the hospitals in the portland area. i opened my job search to include CNA work as well, which is what i've been doing for 5 years now. you would think it would be easy to find a job in something i've been doing for that long. so did i. as soon as the potential employer found out i had my RN they dismissed me, knowing i would keep looking for work and eventually quit.

i applied to a CNA position i found on craigslist at Gateway Care & Retirement on 4/10. they called me on 4/12 and i interviewed on 4/13. they were just as baffled to find that i couldn't find a job as a RN but instead of thinking that me having my RN was bad, they were excited. i got the job, signed papers on 4/14 and started working as a CNA on 4/15. i talked to the DNS (director of nursing services) and he was encouraging. the plan/idea was for me to get some experience in the place and get to know the facility, then eventually train me to pass meds, do treatment nurse and eventually charge nurse. it was really exciting and encouraging to know that the DNS was looking out for me and welcomed me aboard "the team". at my previous job the DNS was scary and not encouraging at all. so this was new.

training for the CNA position was great, i just got back right into the dressing, feeding, wiping, cleaning, showering, etc. i trained for four days, then had two days off before i was to start full time on day shift. i showed up on 4/22 when i was scheduled and found out that their CMA (med aide) had just quit the day before. they were wondering what to do and someone was like, "why doesn't Brandi do it?" since i am a RN i can pass the medications on my license. i talked to the DNS again and he said it sounded good, it would be difficult but i would have lots of help if i needed it. so the next day i started training on passing meds. the day shift med position starts at 5am so we are able to pass the 6am meds. unfortunately the bus does not run that early. i live about 4.5 miles from work and so in order to get there on time, i need to ride my bike. i leave around 4:30am. at that time i am not yet awake but there are not many cars on the road. by the time i get to work i am wide awake.

training went quickly and i learned a lot. the person who trained me had been doing it for 9 years so she had a lot of experience. she knew all the residents' meds inside and out. she knew everything i needed to know. it went quickly and there was a lot to learn. after training for three days i had one day off, then started on my own today. although i felt like i was kind of drowning slowly, it also felt like i would get it down eventually and it would become doable. the day goes incredibly fast because there are meds at 0600, 0730, 0800, 0930, 1100, 1200, 1300, 1400. there are over 40 residents and they all get lots of meds at different times. i actually like work that keeps me busy the whole time so it suits me.

two more days on my own for day shift then i train on evening shift for two days. eventually my schedule will be two days on, two evenings on, two off then repeat. so i have rotating "weekends" and don't have to get up at 4am every day of the week. i'm looking forward to when that starts on may 6. all in all, i am glad i am working again.

#215 - bicycle!

2010-03-08T17:35:00.000-08:00

i just got my bike out for the first time in probably close to a year. both tires were really flat so i had to put air in them and be sure i was good to go. i was worried i would forget how to bike and i was definitely a little afraid of biking in traffic. of course i still remember HOW to ride but it was a little awkward.

the day that i took my first ride of 2010 was so gorgeous, almost knocking on summer's door. summers in oregon are so amazing and i am really excited for it to come. i thought for sure the sun and warmth would last.. unfortunately today it got really COLD! i had heard rumors about snow in the next couple days and did not believe it because i swear it was in the upper 60's the other day. so imagine my surprise when i looked out the window today and saw snow falling down! granted, it is probably in the low 40s right now but hey it's MARCH for crying out loud! the cherry blossoms are in bloom and flowers are popping out everywhere so dammit, snow, stay away! i am ready to go out in t-shirts and maybe a light sweatshirt. no more winter clothes...grrr... i do enjoy the winter and this one was quite short with not enough rain (yes, i said it!) or snow. the sun is such a tease! i was dreaming of summer days and nights, staying out till nine and it still being light out. oh yeah! picnics, hikes, bikes, parties, swimming, the coast, etc. summer is going to rock!

so my bike is out and ready to ride. i will ride in the cold but not rain or snow. i am so fair weather. but i have a bus pass so its all good and i don't care what you bike people think.. its for fun and not my main mode of transport. maybe someday that will change but for now it's just fun to ride. i can get some exercise while also getting fresh air and going from point A to B faster, not having to wait for the bus. OOH CAN'T WAIT FOR SUMMER!! i should change the title to "summer"

#214 - wedding dress

2010-02-16T14:03:00.000-08:00

i arrived in hawaii yesterday for my aunty's funeral (thursday). it feels like i was just here so i don't really have a long list of things to do, plus there are a lot of funeral-related family events going on while i'm here. the only thing i really want/need to do is go to the beach and surf.

so i arrived about 2:30pm and the first thing we did was pick up my sister and go to three bridal shops. this was my first time to ever step into one of these places. whoa, it was weird. i've never been one of those gals who dream of their wedding and the perfect dress, etc. i don't think i'm going to become one either. luckily for me, she had already done some homework as to what she wanted. she took us to the three stores and had a few dresses picked out at each.

when she put on the first dress and walked out, it was like another person. this can't be my little sister!! it was a beautiful woman about to be married! oh my, it was weird. she looked awesome in all the dresses she tried on, even if they were samples and not the right size for her. the dresses ranged in price all the way up to $1400. i was like, omg that is way too much for a dress you are only gonna wear once!! but i guess it's your special day and if you can afford it, why not splurge?

the dresses she liked all had varying amounts of bead work and shiny stuff on it. totally not my style. i had to keep reminding myself, "this is not your wedding/dress/day!" it is kind of easy to get caught up in the glamour and idea of weddings and for me to fantasize about my own future wedding and what i want and don't want. i am so not there yet but i doubt i'll be throwing down anything in four figures for a silly dress.

so back to the dress. the one she finally chose (but had to sleep on) was a pretty, simple, a-line strapless dress with a corset looking tie in the back. it has a little "bling" but not over the top. it also has a chiffon layer and not too big a train. i think it's gonna be my job as maid of honor to fix that thing when it gets all messed up so i'm glad it's not too big/bulky. the worker who was helping her was a bit pushy for a bigger more poofy dress but none of us liked that style. she was a nice gal but i think she had her own conception of what the perfect wedding dress was and was trying to force it on us. i don't want my sister to have a bubble butt on her wedding day!

her wedding isn't even till june 2011 so i'm like, wow this is early. but i guess you have to get these things in order ahead of time. knowing me i'll end up in vegas getting married by an elvis impersonator! i am excited for her though, and she is excited too. i hope she doesn't become a bridezilla...

#213 - sick

2010-02-10T09:37:00.001-08:00

Sucks to be sick. I'm in bed right now, trying to blog and rest. I have a raging sore throat and overall malaise. Luckily I don't work till friday but I have tickets to see Elton John and Billy Joel tonight! It's in ten hours so hopefully laying in bed for that time will help me feel better. I don't wanna miss it! My whole house is sick in one form or another. One has a sinus thing and the other kind of similar. I'm trying everything to get rid of this thing, lots of water, tea, salt water gargle, soup, vitamins, oj, superfood, and rest. Oh and hot showers.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

#212 - bodybuilding

2010-02-02T15:07:00.000-08:00

i decided it's time to become serious about getting the body i want by weight lifting and good nutrition. i've been thinking about for a long time. i have been weight lifting since 1996 when i had knee surgery in high school. i was forced into the gym at school to rehabilitate my knee back to basketball form. that knee got stronger and i realized that one of the reasons i got hurt in the first place was because my muscles were weak and i was a weakling. our high school basketball team training did not include weight training, which is a real shame. although i resisted a little at first, i came to really enjoy lifting weights. i've been a gym rat ever since and it even led to my degree in exercise and sports science. i've taken lots of classes on exercise and related topics like exercise physiology, motor skills, and even weight lifting. i learned the different techniques, about reps/sets/volume, and about periodization. it was all geared towards training an injured athlete but the same principles apply. i still like to read and learn about exercise.

in college we had all-access to a really nice gym and i really hit it hard. i remember the first time i went to the gym. i was so excited, worked out hard for two hours and puked my guts out. it was great! after that i controlled my workouts and learned to create plans. i experimented with different variables and even got pretty strong by doing heavy lifting sessions with my buddy ALQ. we worked out a lot and were pretty active. if there wasn't so much partying going on i probably would've had a pretty nice physique. HA! beer and unlimited cheap food at my disposal led to weight gain. since graduating in 2003 i have lost about 20 pounds. i think i have lost some muscle as well because although i've been "going to the gym" i haven't really been serious about following a plan. or about my nutrition.

i have never been one to "diet" but if i am not conscious of what i am eating then i overdo it. the dictionary says it is "the sum of the food consumed by an organism or group". well i am an organism and i am keeping track of all the food i consume. what it consists of is 5-6 meals a day. lots of veggies, egg whites, lean chicken breast, protein powder, cottage cheese and water. i have been reading up on nutrition, especially in the bodybuilding community, and it is all pretty similar. it is a pretty healthy way to eat. the biggest problem is time. it's hard enough to fit three meals in a day. imagine trying to do 6. so there is a lot of prep going on. yesterday i spent 2 hours in the kitchen preparing my foods for the week. look up "clean eating" and this is essentially what i am doing. avoiding processed crap and going for stuff with lots of nutrients. i have about ten different veggies in my fridge right now. it's great!

nutrition and exercise go together. i've got my nutrition all planned out and have a few different workouts that i planned as well. i'm trying to workout 5-6 days a week, with three of those being weights. i just wanted to blog a little about it to be accountable. i'm keeping track of everything in this little notebook and i'm pretty excited to see what will happen!

#211 - time flies

2010-01-17T12:47:00.000-08:00

half of january is already gone. how the heck did that happen?! i have been working a bit but other than that nothing has really pushed this month to go fast. life in general seems to be going faster all the time. maybe i am enjoying myself more ("time flies when you're having fun"). i didn't even have much time to think about the non-resolutions that i made (twenty ten). i did not want to make new years resolutions because they never really seem to work. it's more about making lifestyle changes and being accountable to them everyday. in the first couple months of the year the gym is always packed and i hate it. i want people to fall off their resolution wagons already so i can do supersets and not have to worry about waiting for equipment.

one of my excuses for not going to the gym is that it is so busy all the time but honestly i haven't been feeling it. i have been lazy. also i haven't been conscious about what i've been eating so it's kind of a waste of time. what is it going to take for me to actually be serious about becoming the best that i can be? no, i am not joining the army. i just feel like i only get one shot at this thing called life. each day comes and goes and then it is gone, you only have one chance to really grab life by the balls. everyday is a new day, a new game. it's like golf where each hole is an individual one but at the end you have a total score. string together a bunch of good days and you'll get a good week. string together weeks and you can see some progress in a weight lifting program or even on the scale if that is your goal.

regardless of it being daily thing though, i do have a goal now. june 4, 2011 my little sister is getting married and i have the honor of being her maid of honor. it is freaking me out just a little bit but i figured out that i have 502 days until the wedding. i have lots of time! i don't have to freak out. i want to look good for her wedding (not better than her of course!) and i'll have to wear a dress. i get to have input on the kind of dress which is cool. i don't think i even put on a dress in 2009 because i didn't have reason to do so. i own one but it is deep in storage somewhere and doesn't even fit because i bought it in 2005. the point to this whole post is that i want to work on myself for this wedding. 502 days is a lot but i know it will go by quickly with preparations and so forth. if it were my wedding i'd go to vegas or voodoo donuts and just be done with it but that wouldn't make my mom very happy. luckily i don't have to think about that yet.

i bought a notebook for $1 at fred meyer and i plan on keeping track of everything, food and exercise. this is the only way to do it. i have the knowledge and education to put together workouts and meal plans. i even have the time right now to do it. i have just been lazy. STOP BEING LAZY! it is just so much more fun to sit and play resident evil 4 on the wii rather than hit the gym. so today i went to the gym first and now i'm gonna go play RE4. hahaha

#210 - part time

2010-01-11T21:01:00.000-08:00

i've been doing some part time home care work. yes, work. wow. it's been awhile since i've had to get up at a certain time. it is not even 9pm and i am ready for bed. while starting at 9am shouldn't be too difficult, it is kind of annoying. i like to sleep in. i don't like to set my alarm. for awhile there i was waking up consistently at about 10. i will miss those days but it is kind of nice to get into a sort-of schedule. i say sort-of because this is just temporary. the couple i am doing home care for just needs someone till they are over a hump of sorts. then it's onto the next client, and the next, and the next. they all live in different areas of portland and it will take different amounts of time to get there. also the times of their care will vary. right now it's four hours a day (9a-1p), five days a week, ten blocks from my house. i can handle that. plus they are cute and nice. if this at all sounds like complaining or whining, it is not. i like it. i just like sleep better. why can't i be paid to eat, sleep, workout, listen to music, and play Wii?

#209 - twenty ten

2010-01-02T10:06:00.000-08:00

i started the year forcing myself to stay awake till midnight. i must be getting old because that has never been hard before. also i am sick so that doesn't help things much. unfortunately i have been under the weather since christmas eve. i am so done with not being able to breathe properly and coughing up gross stuff. hopefully it is not a sign of things to come.

new years day was pretty great though, slept in and ate lots of good food, including good luck ozoni. we went to see the movie AVATAR that everyone is talking about. i had all these expectations because of everything people were saying and thought i would be disappointed. thankfully i was not. the movie was cool and the effects were amazing. it really made me want to visit their planet and of course take care of our own. someone wants what you have so you start a war to take it away. hmm sounds familiar.

what do i want for 2010? i guess this would be new years wishes.

1. health
2. happiness
3. money (a job)

i think that just about sums it up. everything that i want for this year would go under those three categories somehow. i think that is the order of importance for me because if i don't have my health then i cannot have the other two. 2009 will be hard to beat but i have a feeling that this year will be better!

HEALTH
of greatest importance is my health. included in this category would be eating right and exercising. thankfully these are things that i enjoy doing. the last couple months have been pretty gluttonous. i have a hard time not filling myself with delicious foods when it is in front of me. i have to eat until i am uncomfortably full...but i am working on this. okinawans have a phrase, "hara hachi bu" which means 80% full. i want to practice this. i love my veggies and health food in general. thank goodness the holidays are over!

my gym membership is still good and they are in the middle of a renovation so it will be bigger and better. i need to be more consistent with this. it got really cold and so i am wearing long underwear everywhere. it just seems like such a hassle to change out of them and into gym clothes and then back into them afterwards. pain in the ass. so i haven't gone in awhile because of that.

HAPPINESS
koko ni sachi ari. my life is wonderful and i am thankful to have all the people in my life today. i am really happy. could it be my relationship of the last 11 months? could it be all the free time and no stress of work? could it be ___? i am not sure but i am glad i am feeling this way. i have hope for this upcoming year that it will only get better. there will be trials and tribulations. there will be hardships. there will be fighting and unhappiness. there will also be my support system all around me to carry me through. awesome!

MONEY
that's what i want. it has been about 6 months with my RN license and still no job despite looking and applying all the time. it is a little frustrating but i believe there is a reason for it so i am going with it. i am doing the work and waiting for results. not much else i can do. so while i am waiting for that first nursing job to come, i still need to make money so i am looking all over the place for work. we'll see what happens.

happy new year!

#208 - review 2009

2009-12-30T16:42:00.000-08:00

back on the first of january i wrote a blog about the upcoming year, 2009. it was kind of interesting to see what i was looking forward to at the beginning of this year. some things happened and others were way off. overall it was a very great year, one of the best so far. despite being unemployed at the moment, i am officially a registered nurse and am done with school (for now). while that was one of the things i was looking forward to, so was getting a job. who knew that the recession and economy would be so bad? the hospitals can basically pick and choose who they want to hire and be really specific, like wanting you to have 3 years of experience. i am not sure where i can get that but i am still trying. back in july i took and passed my NCLEX to get my RN, so i have been seeking work since then. wow, six months and still nothing. while at times it is frustrating and embarrassing, i know that it will happen when the time is right.
my whole family came up to see me graduate from nursing school, which was pretty cool. my sister had the honors of "pinning" me and everything was awesome. finally graduating was a good feeling. after graduation we went on a trip to alaska on a cruise! we drove up to seattle and then took a ship out from there. it was about a week of eating tons of food everyday. we got off the ship in several ports and saw lots of cool stuff. we went to check out glaciers and do shopping in gold rush towns. it was all pretty neat and we were up there for the longest day of the year, june 21, so it was pretty much light out all day and night.
the last awesome thing this year was meeting jeremy, my sweet boyfriend. he has been a great friend and i really can't ask for more in a relationship at this point. things are wonderful and we are having a great time together. i even went to his family's house for christmas which was nice and not awkward at all. we've been together since january and it has flown by really quick. he is the best!

#207 - christmas and stuff

2009-12-28T19:06:00.000-08:00

this was a new kind of christmas because i am not really sure when i last missed christmas in hawaii. since i am job searching and wanted to be available during the holidays i went home for thanksgiving. that went great and i had a good time. i did everything i wanted to but it was pretty short. two weeks goes by quickly, especially when you are filling it with surfing, manapuas, fried rice, football games, costco, loco mocos, and shave ice.

i never really felt like it was christmas in the weeks leading up to it. i really didn't do well on christmas gifts and i kind of didn't care. i have something in mind that i am working on but i never got around to it in time. my family knows i don't have much money so i am sure they understand my giftlessness but someday i just want to get it together enough to be on time with good, thoughtful, loving gifts for the fam. maybe next year.

my plans for christmas ended up being driving down to coos bay to spend time with jeremy and his family. the drive on christmas eve was long (4 hours) and we left after he got off work around 7. i met his whole family previously, but on separate occasions. i was excited because they all seemed really fun. we got there late and hung out for a little while but were pretty worn out. christmas morning was spent sleeping in then having a leisurely brunch. we went out to the beach and the weather was so perfect. they said i was lucky because it was one out of maybe five days of sun all year. supposedly its really cold, windy and rainy all the time. not for me, it was gorgeous and even warmer than portland. after that we opened presents and had dinner. we watched some old family videos which were really precious! to end the night we went to shore acres, which is a botanical garden with an awesome light display. there were millions of lights covering plants there but since we went so late it closed shortly after we arrived. the whole day was really nice and relaxed. the fam was really entertaining and fun.

so up next is new years eve i guess. blog recap of 2009 to come shortly and perhaps what i am looking forward to in 2010. the days are winding down for this year. it's been good.

#206 - thanks

2009-11-27T00:42:00.000-08:00

it's almost the end of thanksgiving day. i am feeling a lot of thankfulness and this will be a rambling rant. i am thankful for being alive. there is fresh air (though a bit humid) and i have a roof over my head. i have been eating non-stop for days and don't think i will stop anytime soon. my family and friends are always here for me when i come home and its like i never left. tomorrow i am going surfing (hopefully) while other people run around like chickens without heads, trying to find deals on stuff at stores. all i want to do is sit on my board out in the ocean and be one with it. catching waves is great and an amazing thing on its own but just being out there is so perfect. when i am out there, that is all there is. there is nothing else. i am thankful for being able to have that peace once a year. i could have it more by coming more often, moving here, or even surfing in oregon but maybe having it just once a year makes it that much more special. i am thankful for the oregon state football season and having the civil war be so incredibly EPIC this year! i have a chance to go to the rose bowl. although i'm not living what others may see as a successful life, i am amazingly happy. i have a great relationship with a wonderful person who i am missing a lot right now. although i don't really have a job, i never go hungry. i am in great health. i have a pass to the gym which i want to use more often. back in portland life goes on but i will jump back into that life soon. i will have a fun visitor and it's gonna be great! the only thing i need/want right now is a full time job but if i had that i wouldn't be here, wouldn't be able to spend as much time with friends and won't be able to go to rose bowl. the right job will pop up at the right time and i will welcome it with open arms. i am ready to work! but i am enjoying right now. i am thankful for the ability to appreciate the moment.

#205 - thanksgiving trip

2009-11-23T11:13:00.001-08:00

i'm not sure when the last time was that i was home for thanksgiving. maybe 2003 after i graduated from college? it's been awhile. in less than 24 hours i will be on a plane to hawaii, my boarding pass is printed and i am (not) packed. with the new baggage policy i will be just bringing a carryon. i don't need much anyway, swimsuit, some t-shirts and shorts, and slippers. what else would i need? i am gonna try to workout everyday since a lot of people will be busy during the day with things like work. other than that i have a few plans.

tuesday
arrive around noon
lunch with mom

wednesday
beach?
dinner with friends

thursday
thanksgiving!
brunch with family

friday
surfing?
mom's b-day dinner @ ige's

saturday
sister time?
UH football tailgate and game - go warriors!

sunday
golfing maybe?
tennis at night?

monday
beach?

tuesday
golfing with dad?
flight to maui

so i am trying to get in a lot of sun while i am there, store up some vitamin D. haven't been in strong sun in awhile. i have my oregon tan right now. all my plans with ?s are up in the air but strong possibilities. i haven't been working too hard on making plans because i know they will come together without me. things always workout in the end. i am looking forward to lots of things like seeing friends/family, surfing, golfing and eating. some foods on my list are big city diner, mililani golf course, loco mocos and ramen. also tokyo tei in maui! i am getting hungry just thinking about all this. so because of all this eating i need to be hitting the gym or beach everyday. if not, the plane won't be able to take off because of too much weight. hahaha

i always fill up my time in hawaii with lots of things so it goes by really fast. in no time i will be back here so i want to just make the best of it. i have been posting a lot about oregon state football but it is real now. we are playing the civil war on december 3 at autzen stadium. it's the biggest one of them all, and i am not just saying that. whoever wins goes to the rose bowl! the granddaddy of them all! it has been quite the season and we are just getting better. we have a little over a week to prepare and it is on!! i am so excited but unfortunately i'll be away from the state of oregon. not to worry though, i am bringing a lot of OSU paraphanelia and t-shirts. i will be representing and watching it wherever i can. hopefully with oregon state fans present.

see you all soon.

#204 - more football

2009-11-18T13:27:00.000-08:00

okay there are only a couple weeks left in this season. this weekend will be big! oregon state has to take care of things at washington state, the worst team in the pac-10. we are favored by more than 30 points so it would be nice if we can demolish them like that. a bigger game going on would be oregon traveling to arizona. arizona just lost to california, so they dropped in the standings.

this is what the top of the pac-10 looks like:
oregon 6-1, 8-2 (will play 12/3)
stanford 6-2, 7-3 (OSU beat stanford)
oregon state 5-2, 7-3
arizona 4-2, 6-3 (arizona beat OSU)
USC 4-3, 7-3 (USC beat OSU)
california 4-3, 7-3 (OSU beat cal)

this week oregon plays @arizona, california @stanford (stanford losing would be interesting), oregon state @ WSU, and USC has a bye. oregon state got the key help/upsets last weekend that i predicted. this weekend, oregon should beat arizona, which will lead up to a crazy civil war where we would be #1 and #2 and play for the rose bowl. should the ducks lose to arizona, USC has a chance to beat them on 12/5. either way, we need to win the civil war! but we also can't look past WSU as an upset would be very embarrassing there.

GO BEAVERS!!

i want to go to pasadena for new years. please!

#203 - pac 10 football

2009-11-08T14:29:00.000-08:00

this is always the most exciting month in football, november. october is a baseball month and while important in the football world, doesn't seem as huge. the beavers are sitting in a tie for second in the pac-10 with 2 losses. there are no undefeated teams in this conference, no real dominance and different players stepping up in each game. here is a look at the top half of the pac-10:

oregon (5-1,7-2) lost to stanford and boise state. they should beat arizona state easily but have arizona as an away game on 11/21. and of course end the season with the civil war, which of course the beavers will win. they could end up pac-10 champs or end with 3 conference losses. 6-3 or 7-2.

arizona (4-1,6-2) lost to washington and iowa. they have a tough four weeks ahead of them, with games @california, oregon, @arizona state and @USC. cal will have something to prove, having just lost at home to the beavers. arizona state should be a W. it is difficult to go into trojan stadium and get a win. 6-3 or 5-4.

USC (4-2,7-2) lost to washington and oregon. USC is usually the team to beat but with two losses they are not in total control of their bowl destiny. they have perhaps two challenging games - stanford and arizona but an easy one against UCLA, all three at home. they will most likely close out the season with all wins, 7-2.

stanford (5-2,6-3) lost to oregon state, arizona and wake forest. they have a strong running game but two tough games ahead with a road game @USC and home against cal. while cal has a few losses they are a tough team. their last game is a non-conference one against notre dame which should not matter. i see them ending up at 6-3.

oregon state (4-2,6-3) lost to USC, arizona and cincinatti. as is traditional, the beavers will close out the season with solid wins. UW at home, washington state away and the ducks at autzen. we are just beginning to peak and will trample the ducks as appropriate with the rodgers brothers leading the way. 7-2.

we will be pac-10 champs and play in the rose bowl if:
#1. we win the rest of our games. (UW, WSU, oregon)
#2. arizona loses two of their four games. (cal, oregon, arizona state, USC)
#3. USC loses one of their three games. (stanford, UCLA, arizona)

i think there is a good chance of that happening, especially with the way this season has been. our best chances are oregon and USC beating arizona and stanford beating USC. otherwise, cal and stanford will have to step it up. maybe cal will be angry next weekend after the beavs killed them and tear a new one into arizona. all i know is the next few saturdays should be fun and i will be cheering for many teams in addition to the beavers!

#202 - portland!

2009-11-08T11:32:00.000-08:00

this one is for matt.
i have been thinking of all the cool things that we can do when you come next month. there is just so much, i had to blog about it. i have probably written about my love for portland before but i just want to highlight some of the things that are in store for you and anyone else who decides to come visit me.

restaurants

saburos is one of my parent's favorite things to do when they come here. it is this rad sushi restaurant that serves up some of the biggest, cheapest and tastiest sushi in town. if you like unagi you won't be disappointed.
nicholas restaurant is a lebanese food place and if you've never had it before, this is the best place to go. i used to drive up to portland from corvallis in college with my friends, just to go eat here. hummus, falafel, kabobs, flat bread and baba ganouj. it is an essential stop.
le bistro montage is a fun, eclectic late night portland hang out. the food is great, kind of southern style with yummy mac & cheese. they have late hours and it's a fun atmosphere.
voodoo donuts is a must-see/do place. they make the most amazing and fun donuts. names like grape ape, dirt, and cock & balls (yes, i said it). you can also get married there!
mcmenamins pubs are a chain of local pubs and restaurants. they brew their own delicious beer, show movies for cheap and have over 50 of them in the area. you are never far away from a mcmenamins. for $3 you can see a movie AND have beer and pizza while watching. rad!
stumptown brews strong coffee for the coffee lovers. i am having one right now!

things to do

japanese garden is really pretty and colorful, especially in the fall. i think maybe by mid-december most of the fall colors are fading but i think it would still be nice to check out. also there is the rose test gardens which i hear are amazing but i've never been.
the oregon coast is a totally different experience than hawaiian beaches but is beautiful in its own way. it can get quite cold and stormy in the winter but it is fun anyway. there is also shopping and casinos if it is too rainy.
OMSI is a fun museum for kids and adults alike. they hosted the bodyworlds exhibit awhile back and the last time i went it was a CSI exhibit. now, until january, is all about the science of fear! sounds rad. they also have the regular museum section and of course, OMNIMAX (IMAX) which always shows awesome movies. what can i say, i'm just a big kid.
i'd say we could hit a Blazer game but it looks like they will be out of town that weekend.
ground kontrol arcade is fun for kids and adults. it's an arcade that serves adult bevs. they have bands play there sometimes but mostly its about getting your nerd on and playing video games!
saturday market is a good place to spend a weekend day. local artists and creatives sell things here. there is good food, music and lots of people. its a great place to get handmade gifts for the holidays or just how people create things. get inspired here!
powells is not just a bookstore. the main one downtown is called the "city of books" and it takes up a whole city block. they have every book you could imagine and others that you can't. you can buy, sell or just read while you are there.
portland art museum i've never actually been but here it is pretty cool. they had an exhibit on tattoos this summer but i missed it.
shopping. yes we have no sales tax. there is a lot you can buy here and plenty of places to do it. there are your big chains and malls of course, ikea, and factory outlets but there are also many, many boutiques and small local businesses that are awesome. each neighborhood has its shopping districts and its pretty fun to just window shop at least.
dodgeball pickup happens on friday nights. basically a ton of people go and throw balls at each other. it's not organized but it's wicked fun and you can see what all the dodgeball fun is about!
oh, and it will probably be raining.
music! although we are going to see a show on sunday, there are always tons of bands playing every night. big names and local artists playing in big and small venues. some of the bands that will be playing that weekend - the thermals, dandy warhols, and zero 7.
portland underground tours - there are some walking tours of portland that are pretty interesting but they might not be happening in december. there are stories of secret tunnels, ghosts and other things that make portland weird. maybe they don't do them during the winter cause you'll basically be walking in the rain for hours.
snowboarding might be an option, if we can get a ride up the mountain and if the conditions are good. not a guarantee but it is a possibility!

there is just so much to do, see and eat here that you will always have more to come back for. it will be a fun filled weekend for sure, no matter what we decide to do. we can't do it all but we can certainly try. or if you just wanna chill and hang out portland-style, we can do that too!

#201 - halloween

2009-11-01T14:57:00.000-08:00

this was one of the most fun halloweens i've participated in. i don't even remember what i did last year or in the years recent past. for the first time in over ten years i went trick or treating. no, i didn't just take a kid trick or treating. i actually went door to door with a little bag, hoping for candy. yes, i know i am 28 but that didn't stop me. the "adults" at the doors didn't seem to notice i was older than average, they still gave me candy. i was with a couple of 8 year olds and a middle schooler dressed as a milk carton. i was dressed as a hippie. you can't really say no to a hippie, right?! it was cool because we went out for less than an hour so it didn't get boring. i kind of remember being out for hours when i was a kid, getting pounds and pounds of candy. although i didn't get the quantity this time, i sure did get some quality. lots of reese's cups, some twizzlers, a full sized crunch bar, and lots of snickers. yay sugar high!
the most fun part of this was making halloween theme foods. we made bloody eyeballs, a brain, swamp juice, finger foods and severed toes. it was all delicious! here are some cool pics.

having 8 year old friends is awesome! perhaps i am still 8 at heart, it was pretty darn fun! maybe i didn't get enough of that when i was little. who knows. it's kind of cool to do stuff with other peoples kids and hope that someday i'll be able to do it again with my own. maybe by then i will grow up a little more and not feel the need to actually trick or treat. maybe not.

#200 - all moved in!

2009-10-26T22:16:00.000-07:00

after days and days of packing, cleaning, moving, unpacking and organizing i can say i am pretty much done. my room is finished. clean and arranged how i want it, for now. i can see the whole floor and things are in their places. i doubt it will stay this way for long but i will try. i have a little pride now. i like this place! here is a little shot of what my room looks like.
i haven't done much in terms of decorating but that will come later. i had to cover the window because there are other apartments right next to ours and i am paranoid. so the red fabric is one i got in singapore. i got some new furniture from IKEA, that bookshelf in the corner and a dresser that i badly needed. it was a pain to put together but luckily my friend helped me and i think she enjoyed it.

i spent a lot of time today organizing the kitchen. my roommate jen is not really a cook so i have maybe 90% of the kitchen stuff and food. it's awesome cause i get to decide where things go. i'll probably change it later but for now i think it'll work out well. one of the new things i have to adapt to is having two cats. yes, i said cats. they are pretty cute but it is hard to keep them out of my room. i had the unfortunate chance to have my ex-roommate's cat pee on my bed once so naturally i worry. cat pee is the worst. anyway, PJ is a pretty frisky little one who likes to explore and get into everything (like plastic bags). june is quiet and hides a lot so i don't see much of her. they are cool though. less work than dogs but not as smart/cute/cuddly/fun, if you know what i mean..

#199 - HELD vegan belts

2009-10-18T12:18:00.000-07:00

my friend just opened this store called HELD VEGAN BELTS. it is located at 3033 NE alberta in the lovely alberta arts district, right next to vita cafe. let me tell you about these belts. they are made from reclaimed materials. they are way superior to leather because they do not stretch or crack. they will last forever! all the belts and wrist cuffs are handmade by my friend and his people. it is a small, local business that just started and is dedicated to sustainability and animal rights. if you live in portland, support this store!

i have been helping my friend run the store since he is recovering from surgery and it is exciting to be a part of. when i move into my new place (10/24!) i will have internet at home so i will post lots of pictures! also the store is showcasing jeremy's paintings as the inaugural art installation. i am proud of him and the paintings look awesome in the store!

there is no official store website but you can check out a couple belts here.

#198 - my new apartment

2009-10-09T11:15:00.001-07:00

i titled it like a scrubs episode, which i've been watching a lot lately. good stuff! i am moving in two weeks into a two bedroom apartment with my friend and fellow nurse, jen. we had been talking about moving in together for awhile. we used to work together and are both pretty chill and not too anal so i think it will work out. i haven't seen the place yet but she did and i trust her judgement. usually i am the one who will live in any dumpy place so if she says it's cool then i am down. the thing is it's really, really close to a lot of essentials. there is a fred meyer (like safeway that sells clothes and electronics) about two blocks away, really good thai food about 6 blocks away, a couple frequent bus lines two blocks away, dodgeball gym 8 blocks and the 24 hour is 16 blocks away. i can actually walk there...but the bus ride is probably about 4 minutes so i will do that instead. now i have absolutely no excuses!

my room will be a little smaller than jen's room but i think i'll be paying a little less. all i need is a place to sleep and a good kitchen. she says it's got good cabinet space so that is awesome. i'm just excited to be moving in closer to society. right now i am really far from everything and everyone that matters. although i'll need to take two buses to jeremy's place, it'll only be 20 minutes at the most. it's so convenient and for a decent price!! i'm so excited!

this will be portland rental #10. yes, this is the 10th place that i have lived in 5 years. yikes! that is a lot of moving around and packing/unpacking. i am used to it but really what i want to do is get rid of a lot and just have the essentials. i feel like i have a lot of crap that i don't need or use. "the things you own, end up owning you." -fight club, yo. you buy all this stuff and have to haul it around with you and you have to find an apartment/house big enough to keep that stuff. while the monk's life with just a robe and a bowl is not as far as i want to go, i certainly don't want to be weighed down by unnecessary belongings. the less i have, the less i have to worry about. but i am an american consumer and that is engrained into my being, so i do like a trip out to ikea every now and then. i tell myself i NEED that new ____. it doesn't even matter if i have the money, i know i don't need it but it feels good to buy it. there is something wrong with that. just cause i can, i do.

i just watched "Blood Diamond" again the other night and it is a pretty powerful movie. sure, i watched it to make googley eyes at leo but it also shows a world that is totally unknown and foreign to me and to many others. there is so much that goes on in the world that we have no idea is happening. they don't show a lot of these controversial issues on the 6:00 news. genocide in africa using child soldiers on crack is not a pressing issue. this stuff is still going on. how can we help? for one, when you buys diamonds (cause i do all the time) make sure they are conflict-free. but there is really no way to really know for sure so why buy them in the first place? people die so that you can have some bling. it's sad. there are other ways to show your lover that you love them, it doesn't always have to be so consumeristic and materialistic. and who says when you get married you need to have this ring with a giant sparkly rock? i don't know who started it but plenty of people get the nicest ring with the biggest rock then have to sell it later because they get divorced. it does not represent love, just money.

anyway, that was my rant of the day. i am excited for my new apartment though!!

#197 - being japanese

2009-10-03T15:28:00.000-07:00

i like all things japanese and i've been on youtube watching funny japanese stuff. enjoy!

the dango song. just funny.

i'm thinking of being a kyonshi for halloween.

example of the japanese genius.

i've been trying to find this shimura ken music skit on the days of the week. it was on a show called "daijoubu da". i haven't found it yet. if you know japanese, check out some of the shows. they are hilarious!

#196 - time

2009-09-24T16:32:00.000-07:00

i am having a hard time blogging, with my ipod touch i do most of my internetting on it. Writing a whole blog on it doesn't make so much sense. so i haven't done it in awhile. Not enough time, too small a keyboard. that's it for now..

#195 - fall!!!

2009-09-04T11:40:00.000-07:00

it's been a month and a half since my last post. wow. i'm in the middle of a ruthless job search. i am kicking ass and taking names. actually, no, it is not very successful yet. but it will be. it has to! this isn't about my lack of a RN job.

it is about FALL! oh yeah. we had a little rain this morning. football season just started.. the oregon ducks went down last night to boise state! i could not be more tickled. the real football team in this state (OSU BEAVERS) will start its season this saturday against portland state. i hope its a good game, i plan to watch it at 24 hour fitness. i wonder how much cardio i can do while watching. i plan to bring lots of snacks for halftime. it could be pretty fun, better than going to a bar anyway.

i don't have any plans yet to see any of the games but i do hope i can. its always nice to go back to corvallis and pretend i'm a student again. that was the life! hit all the old haunts.

i have applied to numerous RN jobs and they all want experienced nurses. bollocks, i say! so for now i am still working as a CNA. i even worked a little catering gig with my friend. was pretty fun, a nice outdoor summer wedding with great food! it would be fun to do another but that's totally not what i went to school for. go figure.

but anyway i am glad it's finally fall and football is here again. it's like i'm whole. :)

#194 - vegetarian, again

2009-07-17T11:53:00.000-07:00

don't get me wrong, i love meat. i don't need it though and right now my body wants me to be vegetarian! it's been a long time coming and i've thrown the idea for a few months now. i have no aversion to tofu, tempeh, seitan and other non-meat substances. for that, i am lucky i guess. eventually i want to get to being vegan but that is quite a jump for now. so i'm in the transition period. i don't want to waste food so i'm gonna eat up or give away whatever i have in my fridge/freezer.

there are many reasons for me wanting to live the vegan life. i'm not trying to be preachy but sometimes when i read posts about becoming veg that's what it sounds like. this is just me and how i feel. so if you'll be offended, stop reading, i'm not trying to convert you.

reason #1 - health
my family has a history of high cholesterol and i know that when i eat meat it goes up and when i don't, it goes down. this is a fact cause i've tried it. i've not been veg for a few years now so i'm sure it's up over 200, which is "high". there are so many things associated with high cholesterol and i'm young so i want to avoid them. i also don't want to get on any kind of medications for this like my whole family. the less pharmaceuticals i need to take, the better. when i am veg i am more conscious of what i am eating, and will gravitate towards fresh fruits and vegetables. i don't have to worry about saturated fats or cholesterol, which is not found in plant products. a meat-based diet leads to heart disease, cancer and other icky diseases.

reason #2 - animals
i don't want this to become an animal rights blog but i watched this show called "earthlings" which was narrated by joaquin phoenix (world famous actor and now rapper). it talks about all the ways in which animals are used by humans. also that using animals is like any other kind of -ism. it's an interesting documentary. i've seen a lot of other vids and read lots of other books on the subject. the majority of meat, eggs, dairy and other animal products are from animals who lead a terrible and horrifying life. they are in cramped quarters and do not live on a "farm". many times they live in concrete buildings. the ways in which they are slaughtered are a whole nother thing. yuck. enough about animals.

reason #3 - environment
living in oregon i am very conscious of environmental issues. everyone drives a prius, everything is recycled and there are tree hugging hippies here. i'm not about to chain myself to a tree anytime soon but i do appreciate what we have here on earth. i see how it is fading and the future generations will have nothing but muck. muckety muck. how does eating a vegan diet help the environment?! in many ways. growing grain to feed the animals instead of feeding humans is a waste of resources. rainforests are being cut down to create grazing land for cattle. the water supply is not only used mindlessly by the industry but is also being polluted by animal waste. another thing is that the world is not prepared to have all its people eating a meat-based diet. it is not sustainable but more and more are trying to follow the SAD (standard american diet).

reason #4 - spiritual
i have been thinking a lot about living a more conscious life and with that comes the idea of karma and nonviolence. i grew up without religion really so i love to study it. in this great world i am only one little piece so why should i matter more than other beings? it's not that i don't believe i am worthy, it's that i have respect for others. the animals were killed so that i could enjoy a steak or what have you. they were in pain. when i think about that, i don't want to eat meat. they say that if slaughter houses were made of glass or you had to kill your own animals, most people would be vegetarian.

reason #5 - you don't really need meat
the first thing people think about is protein, which is easily attainable on a vegetarian diet. you get the protein without saturated fats and cholesterol. most americans eat too much protein anyway. if you are worried about protein, eat more beans! most other vitamins and minerals are found primarily in plant foods. all except vitamin b-12, which can be easily supplemented. fruit and veggies are where it's at.

reason #6 - obesity
i am definitely not doing this to lose weight nor do i think i am fat/obese. this is a good reason though. although it's not one of my reasons, eating a good, balanced vegan diet has a side effect of losing weight. obesity is an epidemic in this country, just look around you. fat people everywhere. what else do we have a lot of? fast food joints.. they are correlated people! obesity is linked to lots of bad stuff (see reason #1). i've read that 1 in 3 children are considered obese. they have crazy metabolisms and should not be obese but they eat crap and sit around all day. it's scary.

ok that's more than enough reasons for now. some people eat meat for every meal, every day. if they were to just skip one of those meals and replace it with a vegetarian one, it would still be beneficial. you have to start somewhere. it may be challenging to change your ways but you can do it. now is the part where i actually recommend trying to eat less meat. this would mostly go under the health reason because really it is dangerous. there are more and more young people with clogged arteries ending up on my cardiac floor. gross. try going veg for a day. i challenge you!

#193 - two wolves

2009-07-16T16:42:00.000-07:00

my mom sent this to me in an e-mail. very interesting.

Two Wolves
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside all people. He said, 'My son, the battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all.

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.'

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: 'Which wolf wins?'

The old Cherokee simply replied, 'The one you feed.'

i really like this story. it is simple but very true. it is all about your outlook and attitude. i definitely want the Good wolf to win in me. i do not have much more to say on it but just wanted to pass it along without filling your inbox with junkmail.

#192 - new dog

2009-07-15T14:13:00.000-07:00

sadly, i don't think i am getting the dog. while i would love to take care of a puppy, i think it might just be too sudden. i have been thinking about her for a couple weeks now but at this point i do not yet have a full time job. so i'd have lots of time to train her, but no money to feed her. i wouldn't want to starve the little girl. it is likely that i will be working 12-hour shifts and with a 30-60 minute commute each way that could potentially be 14 hours away, three times a week. that's not fair to the puppy.

i have been watching my friend's two dogs here at the coast. they are a handful but are house broken and past the puppy stage. they sleep with me and cuddle all i want. i'm getting a huge dose of doggy love. maybe this is all i need for awhile. the playing without the responsibility. sure, i am taking care of them and responsible enough that they don't get hurt or stolen. i am even feeding them everyday. they are easy enough.

having a dog means being tied down. i would have to either bring it with me or get home everyday. sometimes things come up and i am away all day. that is not fair to a young puppy. also if i am to travel anytime soon (and hopefully i am) i would have to find someone to care for her. although i have a lot of people probably willing to do so, i'd hate to do it.

my current living situation is a temporary one. i am basically house sitting while cleaning it to be rented/sold. so the puppy would get used to the house and we'd have to move again in the fall. tortuous. also i'd have to pay for cleaning and deposits, which i am not too keen on. i want to wait for a more permanent place.

all these things point to "no" yet i am still torn. i am still going to meet her on friday even though i am about 90% sure. she deserves a look-see.

#191 - brandi RN

2009-07-09T11:45:00.000-07:00

i did it, i passed my NCLEX. whoo hoo!! party time!! wait, actually this means now i have to look for and find a job, and then start working. oh bollocks! it's not that i don't want or need a job, i really do. it's more that i will probably start working full time and not have any time or energy for other things. i want to be paid for sitting at home and doing nothing, or going to the gym, or grocery shopping and cooking, or traveling. these are exciting ideas for jobs. if anyone knows of jobs like these, let me know.

in all seriousness though, i am excited to be done and officially a nurse! woot! i do want to meet and help people, it's cool. nursing is a fun and interesting profession, i am stoked. new job, new scrubs, new co-workers, new boss, new patients, new money, new house, new dog. ahem, yes, i said dog. this does not have anything to do with nursing but i have the opportunity to get a dog, less than one year old so i guess a PUPPY!! she is a chihuahua (of course) and not trained yet so i have to do that. a family wants to give her up because i guess she is a handful, DUH she is a puppy! if all goes well i will get her in about a week and then start training her. i am not sure when i will be training for my temporary job (at the nursing home where i've worked as a CNA) but i know i will have lots of time to hang out and train the puppy dog. WOOF!! her name is "little bit" which i will definitely change. she is tan colored and adorable. any suggestions for names? i was thinking lolita or bella (haha twilight!). i haven't actually met her yet so maybe i will wait till then. i've never had a girl dog before or trained a puppy by myself. research begins.

#190 - cat sitting

2009-07-06T11:52:00.000-07:00

i find this hilarious and i know a few who will too. i am cat sitting!! there are no dogs involved. since when do i take care of cats?! this is very strange. so far i play with the cat, feed it, give it water, medication, and even empty the kitty litter. OMG this is weird. now don't get too excited, i'm not gonna go out and get a cat just yet. while they are easy to care for and interesting creatures, i am still a dog person. i want a dog, specifically a chihuahua. but this is not about dogs.

the cat KAI is old and has hyperthoroidism so he gets a pill twice a day, which i have to sit and hold him while i pry his mouth (with sharp teeth) open and shove this pill-giving syringe to the back of his throat and pop it in. it's dangerous! he is not an aggressive cat but i am still wary of his teeth and claws. rawr.

in other news, the new house i just moved into has a cat also. it is a reclusive little thing and no one has seen it in weeks. they put food and water out for it and it poos so it has to be there, but no one sees it. strange but true. so while i won't be really caring for this cat, i will be living with it. i will be the one to refill his/her food/water and do the litter thing maybe. yuck, that is so disgusting! oh yeah, i moved again. this time to a place a little farther out but am living there for a few months until we can clean it up. it is my friend's grandma's house and she is living in assisted living but has this gigantic house with tons of stuff. so in exchange for a place to live, i am helping go through the stuff and put it into boxes for goodwill or the trash.

these are things i need to do with my own stuff. i tried and got a few boxes to give away but i still moved 2 1/2 truckloads. one was my bed so not too bad but still, i think i had like 40 boxes/items. maybe 4-5 was food, 4-5 was clothes, 2 kitchen stuff, a couple office boxes, bedroom, bathroom, oh and 3 boxes of books. i have a box of textbooks that i probably will never look at again. i sold some but why do i keep the others? i did recycle a lot of paperwork and other random junk i was keeping. i just feel so weighed down by my things. my goal is that the next time i move it is only 1 truckload of stuff plus my bed. too much stuff!!!

#189 - JUNE

2009-07-01T20:02:00.000-07:00

i haven't written anything in a month! i've been busy and i promise there was some excitement. first of all, i finished school and graduated! yeehaw now i am waiting to take my NCLEX, the national board exam for nursing. after i pass that i will be a RN. my parents, sister and uncle all came up from hawaii to visit and participate in my graduation ceremony. it was awesome. unfortunately, no pictures of graduation yet. sorry.

my big june event was a trip to alaska on a cruise ship! it was my first cruise and while maybe not the last, i don't think i'll be going on another anytime soon. it was a lot to take in, for sure. especially when it came to eating. most of the meals are included in the price, unless you want a fancier meal, then it is $10-$25 set price. we ate a lot at the market cafe, which was buffet style. towards the end we started eating more in the restaurants but you could still order as many appetizers and stuff that you wanted. it was a lot of eating, what we are really good at!

it was cool cause i got to spend a lot of time with my sister, who i miss a lot. we get along fantastically. i also spent a lot of time with my parents. it was nice but a little cramped. we all shared one room and i slept on a bunk! it was interesting and i wish we had two rooms. it would have been a lot more expensive tho i think. there was a lot to do on the ship, a lot of which i did not partake in - crazy dance parties, a pool and hot tubs, casino, bingo (played once). we did go to all the night time shows though, with the jean ann ryan company. they did 3 shows - andrew lloyd webber tribute, cirque pacific, and "band on the run" 70's. it was really neat and we saw the chinese all-star acrobats, which was badass! another awesome thing was the magic show! shawn farquar is a two time world magic champion and he was awesome! here is one of his best card tricks, it's amazing!

we did four different outings off the ship in different ports of call. one of the best was the glacier day. we went to see mendenhall glacier by taking a bus ride from juneau. the glacier was cool but it was far away, i thought we'd get closer but i suppose it is better if people stay far away from them.i also wanted to see the glacier calving, which is when big chunks fall off. but we did not get to see that unfortunately. too bad, but what we did see was maybe even better...a BEAR! it was a baby i think and who knows where the mother was. i was standing at a lookout trying to get a picture of the glacier when i look down and there is a bear! i said "oh my god!" and screamed like a girl. that probably wasn't the best idea but that's what happened. the bear didn't even notice me or the other people around. he was 10-15 feet away from me, only a 3-foot cement wall separating us. oh man it was scary!after that experience nothing was going to be awesome so we got back on the ship and went on our merry way. the plan was to go see sawyer glacier but for whatever reason it was not accessible, so we went up a different fjord and set sail for dawes glacier. it took over 2 hours and everytime there was a little bend in the road we thought it would be around the corner! it took forever and the scenery didn't change much. it was cold and rainy and we were standing on the bow so all the wind was going right into our frozen faces. it was pretty spectacular though.we also had stops in ketchikan, skagway and prince rupert, canada. we went on a scenic train ride in the yukon area and learned about the gold rush. basically there was gold in alaska and so a bunch of men went there to get some. what do a bunch of men need? a bunch of women. so in every gold rush town there were lots of brothels. we went on a tour of one...that's all i remember about skagway. my sister and i nicknamed it "skankway". and if you get a chance to go to prince rupert, canada - don't. there is nothing there! we're still not sure why we stopped there. so that was my trip.

now i am back in portland, studying for my exam and moving (again!). also i have to look for a RN job and start working. yikes! for all those who have been hounding me for a picture of my bf, here is one of me and jeremy at a park. we had just finished a big meal of sushi and were hanging out in the sun.

#188 - freedom

2009-06-01T11:14:00.000-07:00

i'm so close i can smell the freedom. this must be what people in prison feel like right before they get out. anticipation of what's ahead. an insecurity of self. excitement of the endless possibilities. it feels good but at the same time i have a lot of anxiety. i've been in nursing school since january 07 and doing prerequisites for a couple years before that. so i'm used to being in school while working a couple jobs. but mostly i'm used to being in school. it's a kind of comfort yet it is a commitment. a commitment i am almost free of! no more teachers, no more books, something and dirty looks. i am so glad.

this brings up another kind of freedom though, one that i'm losing. i've been floating along for a couple years and i'm used to working whenever i want. having two on-call jobs i can usually work as much or little as i want avoiding holidays and administrators, which is definitely a luxury. i will be starting out on-call at my nursing home after training for a number of days, once i get my license. this will pay the bills for awhile but i certainly don't want to work there forever. i might get stuck. this means i will probably have to find a full time job. yuck! while full time in the hospital will probably mean three 12-hour shifts, its still kind of constricting. really committing myself three times a week for awhile sounds horrible. having to work holidays, weekends and pretty much any time they tell me to. ugh! being tied down, yuck.

good thing is i will have more free time. bottom line, more free time. i have to remember that. school took up so much time and while it will be worth it in the end (10 days from now) but it was a long process i am glad to be done. i will be able to hit the gym again and maybe even sleep in a few days a week. these are things i am looking forward to in my "freedom" summer. i will have to devote a lot of time to studying for my NCLEX but ultimately it is on my time and no one will be making me do it. i will pass the test, i know this. once i pass the test then it's on. i can be hired, trained, work and all that jazz. all the paperwork is done, it's time to wait.

oh and i also have to move. another freedom because i will be getting rid of stuff and simplifying again, of course. i have boxes yet unpacked since i moved into my apt in november. it will be gone. i need to figure out how to best get rid of these things because i don't want to add to the landfills but i doubt anyone will want any of it. it's junk. junk in my trunk. i have 33 days to find a place to live that is preferably close to where i am now, in a basement or otherwise not too hot, has an actual stove, and is decently priced. good luck with that, me.

#187 - RIP hector

2009-05-25T15:29:00.001-07:00

in the wee hours of the morning yesterday (may 24), hector "the projector" passed away. he had been sick for awhile, with his body no longer producing blood cells. he was anemic and perhaps had some kind of doggy leukemia. i don't know and i guess i don't really need to. he is gone, that's all that matters. he was getting blood transfusions a few times a week so that his levels would go up, and it seemed to be doing him good. but he stopped giving kisses a long time ago and just was not himself.while he may not be suffering anymore, it is hard to say he is in a better place because that place is without me. i am without him. i had not seen him in a long time but his picture on my wall is usually one of the last things i see before i go to sleep. the one with the sombrero. he definitely did not like that hat but we made him wear it for the picture.he was one special dog. special in many ways. in my opinion he was one of the sweetest, loving dogs in the world and definitely my favorite after Niki. he gave the smallest, cutest, perfect kisses. never too much tongue and he didn't try to stick it in your mouth. it was just sweet. to me, he was gentle and kind. he wasn't my dog but he was so special to me and will always be.yes, there are those who hector did not warm up to (most people) who mostly got growled at and even a special few who got love bites. it took him awhile to trust i guess. once you earned that, he was yours forever. he is my forever friend.this dog would eat anything but especially liked chicken, which Mike would always have in his truck for hector, his best friend. they always went to work together and hector would run around the house looking for trouble or some blue tape to eat. he loved to eat tape.i remember when hector was just a baby, four short years ago. he was very curious but kind of wary of new things. he was always a cuddler. all i can think about is how much of a lover hector was. it's hard for me to think of going to the coast and hector not being there to greet me. when i go to the beach he won't be there chasing or barking at birds/dogs/people. when i'm lying on the couch he won't be there trying to jump up on it with me. i say "try" because as a small, fat chihuahua he didn't think he could make it up. so usually i would just pick him up and set him next to me.indeed, i will miss hector forever. i don't know why he became so special to me but that is doggy love. he knows things about me that most people don't because i told him. he loved me no matter what and it goes both ways. he can't do no wrong. even now, i can't blame him. while i do feel some guilt for not being there when he was sick, i can't blame myself. i am just sad and i will miss him. he was a part of me and i would've given my arm/leg/butt cheek for him. hector, such a good dog!

#186 - i want out

2009-05-23T12:20:00.000-07:00

i want to get out of here! don't get me wrong, i love portland and my life is pretty darn good right now but i want out...i want to travel. i'm getting the itch pretty bad. i think what makes it worse is the thought that i will be getting a full time job pretty soon. i hate the idea of being tied down. i have been working on-call for the past couple years, so i say when i am available and when i am not. i can say i don't want to work for the month of june or whatever. it's the bomb.

last summer i went to mexico and guatemala, it was an amazing experience and once i was back i just wanted to leave again. it was a month-long trip but i wanted more. i am not into having just two weeks off a year as your "vacation". i don't like the idea of having to plan a trip within the confines of 14 days. lame! i just do not want to work a full time job. i think that is the expectation. most places do not want to hire you unless you have experience. they also do not want to know you are going to leave after making X amount of money so you could travel to ___ for X amount of time. so i cannot tell anyone that, shh....

mostly i want to travel the world. i want to see everything. unfortunately i know i will never be able to do that. at this point there are several places that i must see before i die. there are different reasons but i've got a few trips in my head that i must do, in order to see these places.

SOUTHEAST ASIA i am totally drawn to this area right now, i don't know if its the culture, food or landscape but it just seems AWESOME! places and things in order of importance:

thailand - songkran in april - it's a new years festival where everyone throws water on each other. plus, i could eat all the pad thai and som tum i want. for cheap, like thai food should be! a thai tattoo would be cool too.
laos - while not many people i know have been there, i have heard it is cool and will definitely get there
vietnam - again, food is key here. phở is the bomb.
cambodia seems wild
malaysia - my parents went there and said it was fun but pretty grossly humid.
indonesia would be neat to go to

ITALY i feel italian sometimes. i could seriously eat italian food all day, everyday. i'm not exaggerating. i think in another life i was italian. while i mostly want to eat my way through italy, there are also a number of things i want to see/do there: rome, vatican, sicily, venice, tuscany, abruzzo, florence...basically everywhere. i want to see art and learn italian. i want to push the leaning tower over.

BACKPACK EUROPE this is separate from my trip to italy. i want to do the whole backpacking thing, taking the eurorail and sleeping in hostels. not sure where i want to start and end but i know i want to go through the chunnel! i'm guessing i will start in great britain - england, ireland, scotland. i need to golf in scotland and swim in lake guinness in ireland. then on to france, portugal, spain, germany, netherlands, austria, czech. not necessarily in that order or equal time in those places. there are obviously lots of things to see there. i'll need many months and moneys.

SOUTH AMERICA/CENTRAL AMERICA, again i will forget my two spanish phrases if i don't go there soon. oh dear. first, see motorcycle diaries, then you will know what i want to do in south america. basically i want to travel the continent, as it is "all one america". i want to see iguaza falls, go down the amazon river, go to carnival in brazil, rain forests, mountains, oceans, people, food, etc. i want to speak spanish and i guess maybe i could learn a few phrases in portuguese as well. chile and argentina sound like awesome countries!

AFRICA duh.

#185 - what i want

2009-05-13T16:17:00.000-07:00

i'm thinking about what i want my life to be like. i'm thinking about the future. i'm sitting in a coffee shop right now, wasting time. it's not that i am bored and have nothing to do. i have tons of things to do, but i need to get this thing for school done. it's an online tutorial and i need to do 2.5 hours every 2 weeks. of course it's due friday and i didn't start till today. so i've spent the last 100 minutes clicking back and forth between the timed tutorial and various online activities (facebook, myspace, etc). i've still got another 50 minutes to spend on this.

i hate wasting time, especially when i don't have much free time. coffee shops get boring after an hour or so and i forgot my ipod. *sad mac face* i am really looking forward to more free time this summer. having a somewhat regular schedule will be nice. having multiple days off a week will be nice.

i really can't complain much right now. i have a job, i pay most of my bills, i have a house (until july 5), i'm almost an RN, i am enjoying clinicals, i play dodgeball and kickball, i have an awesome relationship, portland rocks, and it's good. but...i still complain! i'm congested (maybe allergies), tired, it's raining, i work too much, i have no free time, not enough money, i've been eating crap and time flies. overall i'm happy but those little things are annoying.

so this summer will be exciting. PLANS - i'm going on an alaskan cruise (june 20-27) and house sitting at the coast (july 9-17). i'll be taking my NCLEX (and passing!) some time in july. i'll also be moving somewhere in july. moving is never that much fun but i like to do it anyway. who wants to stay in the same place too long? get a new job, preferably at providence on 2G! whoo! my clinicals there have just been awesome and it's a great working environment. busy and interesting. draft league dodgeball, something i haven't done yet. you sign up and get picked up on a team, then play with cool peeps you haven't played with before! awesome! bike rides when it gets sunny more consistently. other than that, who knows what this summer holds for me.

maybe i'll start some new hobbies. maybe i'll have time to workout. maybe i'll cook more. maybe i'll garden. maybe i'll become president. who knows..and besides me, who cares?!

i want to say i will continue my "no buying" thing but i just don't know if i can. i want... i want a new laptop, mine takes about 20 minutes to start up and get going. it still works but i want to smash it to pieces. my desktop is just as slow starting and i don't even have it connected to the internets. i'm pretty sure they both have viruses. my laptop needs a new battery, it only lasts about 10 minutes off AC power. so i could spend money to fix them...or buy a macbook...heheif i do cave, it will be on a new laptop. that's all i can think about. i have too much clothes and other things that i would've normally spent frivolously on. i'm over buying stuff for the sake of it and to make me feel better. i would probably get buyers remorse now, something i've never really had previously. it hasn't been that hard not to buy things. i am pretty stubborn afterall. if i make a decision to do or not to do something, then it's done and done. whatever the reasons may be.

#184 - right now

2009-05-07T13:32:00.000-07:00

i figure i should blog. haven't done so in awhile and not really doing anything important right now. there is about 5 hours until i have some kind of commitment (dodgeball) and although there are OTHER things i could be doing, i'm just sitting here with my laptop. things are still busy with me but going really well i guess.

clinicals are badass. being at the hospital is kind of fun and i can totally see myself there in the future, if they have jobs. the whole nursing shortage-hiring freeze dilemma is dumb. no makey sensey. but that is the truth and that's where we are at right now.

monday was tattoo day. the day of the dead has always been interesting for me. it's basically a holiday to remember dead people and celebrate their lives. i guess it's similar to the japanese obon season. here in america, death is kind of taboo. we don't talk about it enough and so we don't really celebrate it. we don't talk about the deceased. i think talking about it is therapeutic. i'm around death/dying a lot working in the nursing home. memorial day is coming up and they do a memorial day service for all the people who've died since last year. it's a nice thing that they do there and we can write down some interesting memories we have of the people. i've never been to the service but it seems very nice. funerals give people a time and place to mourn that is socially acceptable. society says we have to accept a death and move on but it takes time for most people. we are human afterall.

i guess i am entering the homestretch. let's see...a month and 5 days until graduation. it is getting close folks!! i am just about halfway through my clinicals, learning a lot everyday and getting used to the long 12-hour shifts. it's not all that bad if i keep eating throughout the day and have lots of coffee to start it off. i'm not sure if coffee keeps me awake or if it's the adrenaline of things. i think even if i'm tired, if something is interesting/cool/exciting then i can definitely stay up without coffee. but...coffee is so good! i tried to quit drinking it for a time but that was dumb. it's soothing and yummy, and people like to socialize over it. it's easy to "meet for coffee", especially since there are so many coffee shops around town!

the other day i did meet someone for grilled cheese sandwiches. we went to the grilled cheese grill on ne alberta. they do have the classic plain grilled cheese but you can get all kinds of additions, and you can get it with the crusts cut off! haha but i got one with four cheeses ("the gabby") and bacon. c'mon, you know you want it!

#183 - hormones?

2009-04-23T15:20:00.000-07:00

i've never really been a big "baby" person. it's not the one thing i want to do with my life. i don't really understand those people who just want to pop them out one after another. no offense to you who do, but it's not for me. i always assumed i would have kids, two of them. the same as i'd assume i would go to college, work, and get married. are they cultural or societal expectations? sure. parental? probably. the thought of doing something other than settling down is unsettling for some. to a certain extent it is also unsettling for me but there are a lot of things i have to do before that even becomes an issue. now that i am close to being done with school (again) forever i am thinking about the future. i went into nursing thinking it was a sure thing, of course there are jobs! now with the recession all i hear about are the hiring freezes at hospitals and pushing nurses to the limits.

so back to the baby thing. i was never one of those nursing students who wanted to go into OB/GYN or pediatrics. yuck, i don't want anything to do with pregnant women and crying babies! i want patients who i can converse with who aren't crazy on hormones! i managed to get through school with only 24 hours of experience with such patients, WHEW! we did have quite extensive education on pregnancy and such but i never paid much attention. recently though, maybe it is the warm weather, my hormones, or age, i have been thinking about babies. ack! i see babies and moms with babies and dads with babies and it's just so darn cute! how could you not want one? and then i smack myself upside the head and remind myself, "oh yeah, there is a ton of stuff still to do sans baby". DUH!

my grandma wants me or my sister to have kids, she wants great grandkids! we are the only grandkids so we're the only hope. i keep telling my sister that she should be first since she's had her bf for awhile and you know they're getting married someday. speed it up! i would love more to be an aunty at this point than a mom so...anyway when i argued my gm that i'm not even married she said AND I QUOTE "you don't need to be married!" most of the time grandmothers encourage marriage before babies, right?! or am i crazy?

anyway, this is the closest to baby fever as i am gonna allow myself to get. it's just not healthy. i'll just stare at people with them. i'm not even going to hold them, it might be contagious.

***EDIT*** i just posted this a few minutes ago, i know. i went back looking through my blog cause i KNEW i wrote something on babies before. so guess what, two months ago i wrote this about kids. last year, almost exactly a year, i wrote this little piece on babies. so then i was thinking well it must be a spring thing. i am a little creeped out by all this.

#182 - pseudo summer

2009-04-21T15:16:00.000-07:00

right now, portland is gorgeous! the sun is shining and it is warm. it's getting a little too warm for me but i know it will go away soon. we are being teased by the weather gods, as usual. i am totally okay with that. i don't even want summer yet. it's still april. i want a few months of nice cool sunny weather, in the 50-60's preferably. i am not ready to break out the tank tops and sunscreen. i got cheated out of a normal winter of endless days of rain. we had all kinds of weird stuff like snow, hail and sun. i don't want to be cheated out of a rainy, cool spring with little breaks of sunny days.

all that being said, i've enjoyed the last couple days of nice weather. i took time off for my sanity. i did nothing. i laid in a hammock. i went on a hike. i sat in the sun. i slept in. these are all things that needed to be done, i was going nuts-o. i have a hard time just relaxing. there always has to be something being done, even if it is as simple as changing my fb status. usually i am doing two things at once (like writing a blog and resume at the same time). i feel like i am using my time better but i know that is not true. doing laundry AND dishes AND listening to music AND preparing lunch. there just does not seem to be enough time to do everything i need/want to. where does all that time go? i have been keeping a time log and i notice much of my time goes to waiting or riding the bus, at least 2 hours a day. it seems like a waste but i use it to read a lot. when i do too much it makes me less present.

thinking about summer, i can tell this will be an awesome one! while i do not look forward to certain things, i know they will turn out ok. i already have two little trips planned and i want to do more. if and when i survive the next 50-odd days i will be free!! i will no longer have school, classes, homework, clinicals, etc. of course there will be the job search, interviews, possibly moving houses, and then work. but with 12-hour shifts at the hospital and only needing to work 3 days a week...that just sounds so sweet! i'm thinking of day trips out to the coast, weekend trips, rivers, lakes, fun, food, friends and being outside. all of what i moved to oregon for. one of the reasons i want a rainy spring is so that i stay on track and not get caught up in the nice weather too much, it makes me want to only do fun things and forget all my responsibilities.

#181 - housing situation

2009-04-10T16:22:00.000-07:00

once again i am thinking about moving. my 6-month lease is up on may 5. my landlord wanted me to sign a one-year lease once this one was up, so she wouldn't have to look for a tenant in november again. i am not quite ready to move, don't have time to look for places, and don't have money to put down for deposits. so i want to propose a 3-month lease (which would be done august, which is perfect for moving) or a month-to-month deal. she is kind of old and i could see where she would be unwilling to budge, but it is also a good idea on my part. the biggest problem is that she is somewhere far away in her RV without a cell phone, until may. i'm assuming she's coming back to take care of my lease and/or moving. i wasn't able to talk to her and so i don't know what to do. she didn't even tell me she was going on this trip in the first place. lame. so i inteded to talk to her before a 30-day notice would be appropriate. i called her, she was not there. does this mean she doesn't need 30 days notice?

i hate the physical and mental strain of moving. i hate putting all my crap (it's mostly crap) into boxes and shuttling them from one temporary place to another. i knew moving in that this place would not be my last, mostly because it's got no "real" kitchen. that bothers me but for now i deal with it because it's a good deal. eventually i want to live in a place that feels like HOME and that i will not think of as temporary. for the last 4 years that i've lived in portland i think i've lived in 7 or 8 places. my mom hates it because she has to change her address book so much. i don't do it on purpose but certain places just get old after awhile. call it what you want. i get antsy after awhile.

also i want a dog. i can't have one at my current place. :(

thinking of moving always makes me think of simplifying. i have way too much stuff, yet i really don't have much. it's all junk. if i died and there was an estate sale (or even a yard sale), there would be nothing of interest. i've got too much stuff yet nothing sellable. i probably couldn't even give my things away. there are two boxes full of junk headed for goodwill, probably is, they have been parked there in the corner for almost 6 months now, since i moved in. how lame am i? it's mostly clothes i don't seem to want/need/like anymore. i don't even like fashion so why do i have all these clothes?! ridiculous.

#180 - overwhelmed

2009-04-02T13:47:00.000-07:00

i am in my last term of nursing school. 10 weeks until graduation. a few months away from taking my NCLEX exam and becoming an RN, leaving professional poo-cleaning behind me. 71 days until our "pinning ceremony" which is a special nursing thing, like graduation. the problem is...in those 71 days i will be busy, very busy. these are concerns i just learned about today. you don't have to read or understand, it's for me to freak out about.

clinical hours 150 hours in the hospital doing patient care, my favorite part about school. i'll be doing thirteen 12-hour shifts.

work someone's gotta pay for rent and school. so i've got to find work hours here and there. boo. my goal is 2-3 shifts a week.

resume, cover letter, portfolio self-explanatory i guess but i have to get together all these documents i was supposed to be saving over the past 2 years and put them neatly in a fancy folder for my portfolio. i'll have to raise them from the dead/recycling.

NCLEX practice questions and medspub tutorial busywork. 200 practice questions and 2.5 hours of tutorial are due every 2 weeks. if it takes about 1 minute per question, that's 200 minutes. so 1400 minutes = almost 24 hours of busy work.

simulation three times this quarter we will be going into the sim room and take care of a dummy, who will most likely code. yuck. this creates a ton of anxiety and is just. not. fun.

ONA convention day-long convention in jantzen beach, listening to speakers and such. 8:30-4:30. BOO!

HESI exam to be taken in third week. must get score of 750 or not allowed to take NCLEX exam.

leadership project at long term care facility. spend 24 hours on various projects with old people, including an in-service for the staff and care conference with a resident.

community project going to a head start program and putting fluoride on bratty little kids' mouths. they are gonna love it.

OSBN and NCLEX fill out a bunch of paperwork, get fingerprints, passport photo, and pay around $400 in various fees. sure, that's chump change considering how much i will be making as a nurse, BUT i am not making that right now. plus i have $1200 in tuition for this quarter.

take and pass NCLEX this will be a month after graduation but it's still there in my mind.

get a job really?!! do i have to?

life i don't think i'll have one of these this term, but i can try. i do have dodgeball every thursday and kickball on sundays. that's about it.

#179 - schedule

2009-04-01T12:05:00.000-07:00

it is 3 days into spring term. i still do not know when my clinicals will be. i know who my clinical preceptor is (by name only) and who i will be working with, but my teacher neglected to tell me what days or shift i will be on. so it doesn't really do me any good. so i cannot tell my work what days i am available, which means i won't get as many shifts to work, which i really need. i heard that my preceptor is working the 3-11 shift, which will only make finding shifts at my job harder. UGH!! this isn't really blogging, more like venting. there is nothing i can do to speed up this process and it's basically a waiting game. my teacher isn't really proactive and i can't change that. it's out of my hands, right?! i should just let it go, right?! but i can't. but i need to.

UPDATE: i found out less than an hour about my clinicals! it's cool how i tried to let it go and it righted itself. so i am on the 7am-7pm shift but i still have to meet with my preceptor so we can figure out days that i will be working with her. i have to do this with my teacher as well so hopefully we can get it done soon. now i am in class again, and we are finding out about a zillion other things we are supposed to do this term. it is going to be really busy and i'm not excited about that. basically i will not have much of a life this term. i am not sure i'll be able to get enough shifts at work either. i might have to become a vampire so i don't need sleep. anyone available to bite me?

#178 - let the obsession begin..

2009-03-25T09:56:00.000-07:00

i guess i put it off long enough. i'd heard about it and read about it, but i was not ready. or i thought it was silly. but i knew i would become a victim. what the hell am i talking about? ...TWILIGHT! two of my friends had read it, k*spice and nure nezumi. so of course i had to read it. i cannot remember when i had the conversation with my friend about the book but she brought it to me on sunday, i didn't start it that night because i had a feeling i would like it and had to get up early the next morning. i needed to sleep. monday morning i started reading it on my way to work, continued during my lunch break, on the way home from work, heading to the coffee shop, at the coffee shop, on the way home, and at home until i finished it that night. i could not put it down for long. i don't even know what the big draw was. i liked the writing, plot, characters, and of course freakin VAMPIRES!!!

it's basically a high school romance with vampires, i guess. i have always liked but never obsessed about vampires, bram stoker's dracula is one of my favorites but was written long ago. twilight is set in a small town in washington where it rains a lot and is very green. the main character, bella, is a new girl in town who is painfully clumsy. i guess i relate to her in a lot of ways. not to give a lot away but her love interest is a vampire named edward. he is perfect, fluid, talented, amazingly beautiful and did i mention he's a vampire?!

i read the harry potter books in this obsessive fashion and i couldn't put da vinci code down when i started it. i get hooked into books pretty easily i guess. i am a few chapters into new moon (second book of twilight series) but don't want to read it too fast because then i'll be halfway done and in no time i will have no more twilight to read. that makes me sad but i cannot help but just take it all in at once. it's really good!

just one more thing - the movie. i wonder if i should wait until i read them all to watch it. it's playing right now at the kennedy school for $3. how can i resist? i want to know if it's like i pictured. i don't want to be disappointed but i hear it's good as well. i will probably see it next week because i'm just not that good at waiting patiently. i am sure i could get someone to watch it with me but i wouldn't mind going alone too. i feel like i'm always behind the trends. people were reading this last year and seeing the movie when it came out, etc. well at least i am reading it and i will see it soon. better late than never.

#177 - wicked

2009-03-17T11:44:00.000-07:00

i just went to see the musical WICKED at keller auditorium in portland. it was awesome! WICKED is based on the novel of the same name, by gregory maguire. it tells the story of the wicked witch of the west from wizard of oz, before and how she became wicked. it's a very creative and interesting idea and gives me a new appreciation for the movie.i read the book maybe 6 months ago, when i learned that the musical was coming to portland. although it's not for everyone, i really enjoyed it. the book is very dark and i wondered how they would make it okay for family audiences. so when i saw it the other day i learned - they changed it a lot. the general plot and story was the same but there were many important changes from the book that i won't go into. i am still trying to figure out if i am okay with those changes. before i went to see WICKED i listened to the soundtrack endlessly and really enjoy all the lyrics and melodies. watching it finally i was able to tie together the songs and it was pretty fun. the acting was awesome as well, i really enjoyed watching the actors.in the original production, idina menzel (RENT) was the main character elphaba. that was one of the draws of WICKED for me, being a huge RENT fan and knowing her voice. although she was not in the traveling group that i saw, she is on the soundtrack.

if you have a chance to go see WICKED, do it! it's a fun musical and story. the costumes were pretty awesome too. i'd totally recommend the book if you are into dark stories that put a twist on what you think you know. it totally gives you empathy into wickedness and you know why she wanted those damn ruby slippers!

#176 - letting go

2009-03-10T15:09:00.000-07:00

i have a deep and incessant need to be in control. there are so many things that are actually out of my control. things like weather (damn snow in march!), tides, bus schedules, and what other people do/think. i know i cannot control these things, yet i let them bother me. why can't i just let them go?

i've been listening to a lot of buddhist podcasts and one that really stuck out was "letting go". my mind is a constant chatterbug. it's always going, never ceasing to concoct the latest conspiracy theory or ultimate utopian society. i am always judging things - myself and others. it really drives me nuts. the point of letting go is not to rid yourself of these thoughts but to actually let go of the attachment to them. when i heard that it immediately made sense. in buddhist thought, it is attachment to things that cause suffering. and let me tell you, being attached to my thoughts causes me lots of suffering. i feel crazy sometimes.

judging people is not really a good thing to be practicing. i am trying to do more positive things and less negative, working on my karma! :) it is so hard to rid yourself of those judgements, though. when you are used to one way it is hard to change. it is easy to judge because it somehow makes you feel better. it's like watching jerry springer. the train wrecks they have on there are insane and it only makes you feel "normal" and "good". i am constantly making judgements though. i need to work on immediately letting go if it. i make a judgement then it is gone. ok. i cannot really help what gets into my head but i don't have to leave it there.

another term i like is "letting be". things will be what they are, just let them. you cannot always change the situation but you can let it be, like the song. to me, the song means that the right things will come to us, when it is appropriate. we may want something really bad but it may not be the right time for it. when the universe is ready, we will get it. it may even be a different version of what we thought we wanted. just accept what you have and let it be. we are in control of some things, like what we choose to wear on a given day. but our choices are influenced by things we cannot change, like the weather. i may want to wear my favorite sweater but if it's 100 degrees out, i would not.

i have tried to meditate. it is so hard! my mind just goes and goes, on and on. i try letting go of the thoughts and it takes a lot of energy. people say that meditating gets easier, i hope so. i've been reading a lot too, right now i'm reading a book of dalai lama writings. reading it really makes sense but it is the putting it into practice that is hard. i read something about 10 things to avoid. there are the obvious ones like killing and lying but then there are the more subtle, like idle gossip (i think that goes with right speech). i often speak without thinking and say things i later wish i had rephrased. i involve myself in a lot of idle gossip. and i like celebrity magazines, which is the ultimate idle gossip! it's one of my guilty pleasures.

another thing i think about with letting go is being in the moment. when you can let go of the extraneous thoughts then it may be easier to stay in the moment. you cannot be in the moment without letting go. two of my favorite songs are "let it be" (the beatles) and "be here now" (mason jennings). this is a constant struggle because my mind is always going, therefore i am planning the future and reviewing the past. i am rarely here. it is easy to be off somewhere else but it is better to truly enjoy this moment because in a blink it is gone. when i am totally in the moment i really enjoy myself. and when i am enjoying myself then you know i am in the moment.

#175 - reading books

2009-03-06T12:29:00.001-08:00

i like reading books. right now i am on the lookout for books to put on "the list". i also have a list for movies, it's a long one. i've been reading a lot of random things, i read obama's first book and it was real good so i want to read the other one. right now i'm reading "junky" by william s. burroughs, it's about a heroin addict. not something i relate to very much but it's interesting.

so why am i reading all these books? basically, i have a big test coming up. whenever i have big important things to do (like studying) i tend to find other more important things to do. i am reading my own books, getting my hands on whatever other books i can (friend's books) and even reading books i've already read. i enjoy reading and will start any book once or twice to see if i can get into it. if i read a few chapters, 20-30 pages and do not get into it, i usually put it down. and then there are those other books i pick up and read it without putting it down at all, not even to sleep. (harry potter!)

last year i had a list of 50 books to read. i think i read about five of them since i made the list. i got kind of tired of the classics and wanted to read different things, eventually i totally forgot about the list. for instance, i tried a few times to read "ulysses" by james joyce. it is at the top of many top 100 book lists. i just could not get into it. i will try again later.

so basically i want some suggestions for books. my friend is giving me a stack of her books, which includes some on my list of 50. also one she recommends is "a thousand splendid suns" by khaled hosseini who also wrote "kite runner" which i think i liked. i maybe didn't like the ending but i hear this new one is better.

anyway, my posts lately have been pretty lame. no pictures, nothing that interesting, nothing too in-depth or thought provoking. maybe when i'm done with this term. i am having my last school test ever...in 11 days. it's about pregnancy/OB stuff and GI. not really my strongest subjects but i will do my best. i will be "studying hard" the next 11 days....or reading.

#174 - i want spring

2009-02-27T13:19:00.000-08:00

yesterday morning i walked out the door and there was snow on the ground. yes, this is still february but it's the portland metro area, it should only snow ONCE A YEAR! it has been such a crazy winter and i am so ready for spring. i've never had spring fever like this before. it's such a tease because the sun keep peeking out and some days are clear as can be (but cold). it hasn't rained much this year and so it's just been strange.

i am totally ready for spring. i want to go on bike rides, have picnics, take a hike, enjoy the sun, be outside and feel healthy/good. the winter has been long! winter is a good excuse to stay inside and do indoor things. i am a wimp and realize that i can do all those above things (except maybe picnics and sun) during the winter...i just don't want to. it is sunny today and may get warm but i am ready for some consistency. maybe the same weather for two days in a row...it may be a reach but hey, that's what i want!

i'm working on and finalizing my taxes right now. i've had them almost done for awhile, just been putting them off. had a big test (which i bonked on), clinicals, school and a bunch of other stuff (dodgeball) so i just didn't finish. i've been playing dodgeball a lot, 3 nights a week of team play, not just pickup. it's such a huge commitment and has become kind of a drag. once i am there it's fun and cool but some days it takes an hour to get there and an hour home so it gets to be long days. still, i enjoy hitting people with rubber balls.

i've been a little under the weather for the past couple weeks too so i think if it were sunny i would be feeling better. plus right now i am at the library sitting next to some smelly dude. i wanna hurl. so i think i'll end this here, now. please....sun....soon!

#173 - lent, again

2009-02-23T15:18:00.000-08:00

it seems like it's always lent. well it is here once again, on wednesday. i didn't really give it much thought this year, as i have already given up shopping for 2009. that is going really well, haven't bought anything except food and 1 gift for someone. i think this year instead of focusing on the giving up of something i will do another part of it, which is the getting closer to god part.

i am not catholic or even christian, i like to think i'm kind of buddhist. so why do i even practice lent? i don't know. why do i practice gift-giving at christmas? i am a damn conformist! i'm not going around with an ash cross on my head on wednesday but i do love the idea of lent. i started in college and just kept doing it every year. 40 days is a pretty long time and if you can do anything for that long it kind of becomes a habit. then if i like it i will continue and if not, well it was good for those 40.

this year i will practice my spirituality and do things to get closer to god. while for more people this means prayer, for me i think i will try different things. i will try to pray (i've tried it before....not so much) but i really want to do some meditation. i may even try some yoga again. the idea for me is to do something everyday to get me in touch with my spiritual nature and the god within me. it may include reading spiritual literature or listening to a buddhist podcast.

i am going to do buddhist things for a christian tradition. i like to mix my religions up! so anyway, that's my plan for lent. pray, meditate, yoga, read, listen, spiritualize!

on a totally unrelated note, i watched a great movie yesterday called "into the wild" it's based on a book by jon krakauer (also wrote "into thin air"). it's based on a true story about a guy who basically goes to alaska to live in the wilderness and be free of society and its rules. he burned the last of his money, hitchhiked around, rode trains, met people, lived life and ultimately he chose solitude. the soundtrack was amazing, music by eddie vedder. the main character was played by emile hersh who is quickly becoming one of my fave new actors (he also played alongside oscar-winner sean penn in "milk"). i'd definitely recommend it!

#172 - kids

2009-02-20T10:27:00.000-08:00

kids are interesting. this morning, on my way to school, there was a cute little indian boy on the bus. he was sitting on the seat in front of me with his mom, who only spoke indian. he was probably about 2ish and kept looking at me. i smiled and then we proceeded to play peek-a-boo for about 10 minutes. it was pure, unadulterated fun. simple and pure. he made me smile! it was a nice way to start the day. it's funny how kids can play peek-a-boo so long, or even hide-and-seek. i once played hide-and-seek for 2 hours non-stop. it was exhausting! i guess peek-a-boo crosses cultural lines as well. anyway, it was cute.

i always assumed i would have kids. my parents were 24 and 25 when they had me, so obviously i'm older than they were. i can't even imagine having kids at that age. i'm definitely not ready now yet. i go back and forth on wanting kids almost everyday so by that comment i'm definitely not ready. a lot of people don't think about these things. i mean that lady that had octuplets...crazy. she already had 6 kids and is on federal aid (not that there is anything wrong with that..). she doesn't work and i've heard is going to lose her house. you already have 6 kids then go through in vitro to have 8 more?! what is wrong with this lady? i know there are religions that do not allow contraception but obviously this was not a religious thing. the way i see it, each parent only has so much time and energy. so say you have 2 parents. you can only fully give one kid your whole energy at a time, so that means 2 kids at most. my parents only had 2 kids, it was enough i think. we each got attention, even though i tried to get more for myself. (it's a leo thing)

mostly i want my sister to have kids soon. i want to be an aunty! then i can play with the kids and dress them up, spoil them and not have to raise them. i would definitely need to be closer to her when she has them. of course she is not married yet so it's probably not going to happen that soon. my grandma has been telling both of us we don't need to get married before having kids, cause she wants us to have them soon while she's still around. i laugh everytime she says this, it's a very un-grandma like thing to say, especially since she's pretty conservative. of course i want to make my grandma happy but not at the expense of my life. once you have kids, your independent adult life is over, as you know it. it's the biggest commitment you could ever make. i'm not against commitment but this is huge. parents have so much influence over the outcome of the kids' lives. sometimes they don't realize how much. although my upbringing was not bad, i can attribute a lot of things to things that happened or did not happen. although i have grandiose ideas that i would be the best parent ever, it's not a good idea yet. i want to be a little more stable myself.

what a weird post that is all over the place. that's my mind today.

#171 - honoring her

2009-02-16T12:17:00.000-08:00

today we did a module on post-mortem care. we cleaned the body (mannequin) and fixed it up so it could be taken to the morgue. these are things i'll have to do as a nurse. these are things i've been doing as a CNA. recently many people have been dying, they kind of come in waves. usually it is in series of 3's. anyway, one of our ladies was 103 (i previously wrote about her that she was 104, oops) and died a couple weeks ago. i looked in the obits everyday (something that old people do) to find hers. it wasn't until today (18 days later) that it appeared.

Aili (Enegren) Knox
Monday, February 16, 2009
The Oregonian
Aug. 17, 1905 - Jan. 29, 2009
Aili was born in Coos Bay. She worked as a public school teacher.
Survived by several nieces and nephews.
No service will be held. Arrangements by Holman's Funeral Service.

i'm kind of upset and sad for this obit, i mean this lady was amazing. sure she kind of lost her marbles at the end but she was amazing nonetheless. give her a service, put in an obit right away (sometimes i see them as early as 5 days later), write a little more about her, and at least honor her someway publicly. this made me really sad. if i were to write about her, i would've said something like this:

aili was born in coos bay to a loving mother and "dad", she enjoyed life in coos bay and growing up in the outdoors. she enjoyed her family and career as a school teacher. she especially loved the children. one of her passions was flying, which was quite unusual for a lady of her times. she lived her life to its fullest and openly gave love away to everyone she met. she truly enjoyed the company of other people and always had a smile on her face. she will be missed dearly.

i guess this will have to do. i wish i had some pictures to share of her (but that would be violating HIPPA) and could remember more stories. i guess i will always have that with me. death and dying are such emotional subjects that i have to talk about in school a lot. i will be faced with this in my career so much. i enjoy getting to know these old people and their lives. it's interesting to learn about what they were like and what they have become, usually it is totally different. we just lost another resident on friday. he was one of my favorites and i knew it was coming. he had pneumonia and was just going downhill. i will always remember him because he was a singer. we'd tell him "do you have rhythm?" and he'd answer singing "i've got rhythm!" then we'd request another song like "old man river" or "i've been working on the railroad". he had this deep voice and would really get into it. he'd do the whole vibratto thing and it was just so cute! i knew he wasn't going to get better when he started saying "i don't have music in me today" when i requested a certain song. he was just a really neat guy.

my mom always tells me i should keep a journal of old people stories. i should, and maybe it would make it easier to let go. it's so hard to let go cause these people become like family. i mourn them just as i would an old aunty or uncle. i feel like i'm actually closer to them though because i take care of them and see them more. i should try to spend more time with my grandparents. each year is one year closer and you never know when you'll lose them. they are important.

i hate to be debby downer with my sad blogs about death and dying but it's been on my mind since she died. i just want people to remember her as i do. i think she deserves it!

#170 - valentine's day

2009-02-16T11:19:00.000-08:00

i don't like valentine's day. i don't know what the origins of it are particularly. i think maybe it has to do with some saint? well whatever it started as, it's totally different now. i am not being bitter for having done nothing for that day but i have never really liked it. even when i was in a relationship or even when i got a dozen roses from a friend (that was really sweet!) i am just not big on the idea of it. it is basically consumerism at its finest. you have to show your bf/gf/spouse/lover how much you love them by showering them with gifts (diamonds!), chocolates, roses, and nice dinner. how shallow and lame. people have all kinds of expectations for the day and when it doesn't work out, they are disappointed. sure, who doesn't love getting gifts? it is nice to get all these things, but wouldn't it be more awesome if it was given on a totally separate day, when it is not expected? when society isn't telling you to buy all these things?

it's all so fake to me. pick a random day and surprise me. i'm not into diamonds so much but chocolate and flowers are always a plus! do i sound bitter? i hope not, that's not my intention and i don't think i'm bitter. i just think it's lame that the holiday is so commercialized. it's not even a real holiday but it seems like people only shower their loved ones on days they are expected to, v-day, birthdays, xmas. be a little more creative people!

i guess everything nowadays is commercialized and consumerism is all-important. since the economy is bad, we should stimulate it. what a concept. instead of watching our spending and living within our means we should go out and buy stuff. i like holidays where buying stuff isn't a big part of it, like thanksgiving. pretty simply, turkey day is getting together with family to eat and be thankful. and of course they try to commercialize it. it bugs me.

i spent the day giving love to the old people at my work, dressed everyone in red or pink (haha), and hanging out with friends. it was a good day and i felt the love. i didn't need anyone to buy me flowers cause i could appreciate all the flowers that the old people got from their relatives (but did they visit? hell no). i even enjoyed looking at the lilies that give me allergies. i ate chocolate too, why not?! it was good times and perhaps someday i will get flowers and a lovely romantic dinner...on a random day cause it's more awesome.

#169 - old age

2009-02-13T10:29:00.000-08:00

i know, i'm not old yet. i shouldn't whine about my age, i'm in my prime. but i feel old! my body creaks and i have a sore back. when i bend down to pick something up my knees creak/pop and i always groan. when i did this in front of a patient she's like "you sound as old as me". i felt it too that day. maybe it's hanging out with all these old people that rubs off on me. they might be 60 years older than me but i feel connected to them. i like old people, they are funny. maybe i should call them "geriatrics" or "seniors" but i just like to say "old people". whatever.

i've been working at the nursing home for 3 years now and one of my favorite people just died. she was one of the most amazing people i've met and although she has dementia she was cool. she was a teacher and flew airplanes for fun, most exciting of all she lived to be 104. i've asked all my 100-year old patients at one time or another how they did it or how they feel about reaching that point. they kind of shrug it off as if it's no big deal. from what i can tell though, in order to make it to that age you need to be good-humored, friendly, positive and enjoy life, or more specifically enjoy the small things in life. most of them have outlived their friends and family, which is really sad. so anyway, this 104 year old lady was my favorite. her birthday was 3 days after mine and so i asked her "so, our birthdays are coming up in a few days, how should we celebrate?" she thought for awhile and she said "all i really want to do is love you". i just about lost it right there, i mean it was just so sweet i wanted to melt. that is why i still work there i guess.

although i love the old people and working with them makes my life better, i don't want to work there as a nurse. maybe i am selfish and want to have a more exciting job. i think i would lose all my skills also. mostly i think if i worked there i'd just become older, faster. i'm already physically feeling old. sometimes i feel like i think like an old person (it's 5:00, time for dinner). i've told a bunch of people that if my favorite patient (above) were to die that i'd quit my job. of course i'm not gonna do that but i just feel like something is missing there now. i am still mourning and it's been 2 weeks. there has not been an obituary/funeral for her yet so i'm really kind of annoyed at her family. the woman lived a great life of 104 years, please honor her life, DAMMIT! maybe it was a private funeral or something but at least just run a free obit in the paper. i'll just have to sort out my feelings on my own i guess.

although old people might be crazy (most of them are!) they have a lot to offer. not only the wisdom that comes with age but perspective from another generation. these people have been through so much it's amazing. many of them are lonely and have been living at the facility for awhile. some of have lost their marbles and only repeat the same lines over and over ("it's good work if you can get it, you can get it if you try"). i feel sorry for them a lot of the time but try to be more than just their caregiver when i work with them. anyone can wipe an ass, not everyone can care for people. so i guess i learn a lot from work. alls i know is that i don't want any of my relatives in a place like that. i'll admit the one i work at is a pretty swanky place but as much as it is nice, it's not home and i don't know if you can ever be comfortable there. family may come visit often, but it's not the same.

that's it. don't get old.

#168 - taxes

2009-02-03T15:43:00.000-08:00

yikes, it's tax time again. i look at my W-2s and see how much (or little) i made this year. i realize (cause i forget sometimes) that i live at a level just slightly higher than the US poverty line. in terms of money i do not make much, i only work part-time and i go to school. i work as much as i can, which is only about twice a week, but i am always busy. i feel extremely grateful that i have a job in this economy. everyday i hear about people who have lost their jobs or have less hours than expected. even at my job, we have less hours because our residents move out or die. if we don't get more coming in, less CNA's are needed to work. since i'm "on-call" then i get shafted first.

despite knowing how little i make and knowing that i am close to that line of poverty, i do not feel like it. i am able to eat healthily (a lot) and eat out (too much), i have a place to live that i love, i play dodgeball and do other fun things, and i am very comfortable. i buy mostly organic and local produce at a fancy local supermarket that i know is pricey. i am willing to pay more for that. i know the worth of my earnings because i have to watch it carefully. sometimes i do feel like i am walking the line.

all this is fine and good, i am ok. i also know that in about 5 months i will be done with school, taking my RN exam (and passing), and finding a job which i will most likely be making twice as much per hour and working 36+ hours. this is gonna make me so much more money i am not sure how i will handle it. i will probably eat out a little more but other than that i don't think my lifestyle will change, much. i might move out of the basement apartment that i like, just because i cannot have pets there. i want to eventually have a doggy.

i am a little concerned though for all my money that goes to social security and medicare taxes. by the time i am ready to collect on this, i am sure there will be no money for us. we are paying for the baby boomers! also all that federal income tax goes to the government and they decide what happens to it. supposedly we have a say, but it's pretty indirect. voting for your politician, writing to your senator or representative, etc, is how we decide. i guess i need to be more vocal to my representatives so that i can have my taxes be used how i want, or at least pretend my voice is being heard. the spending in this country is pretty horrendous, especially in the last 8 years. the economy is in the toilet right now and the gov't is bailing everyone out. where is that money coming from?! my social security, that's what! so i am a little worried...but i have hope! it's going to take a long time to put everything back together and get things going in the right direction. i don't mind paying taxes as long as it's going to good purposes, such as social programs and education, and not wars!

as for the government bailouts, all it teaches people (in my opinion) is that you can go into debt and be irresponsible with your spending and then get bailed out. that is not the case. we need financial responsibility. all these credit card companies have people by the balls, release yourselves! stay out of debt, i think that is one of the best things you can do for yourself, is to live within your means.

#167 - winter

2009-01-30T12:56:00.000-08:00

it's winter and it's been a weird one because we've actually had a winter! usually oregon gets one or two days of snow in the valley. in portland we've had weeks of snow, i think there were three different storms. it's been crazy and unusual. definitely a case of the weather going down the toilet due to global warming. this is not a post about the environment though. it's about snow and winter...and most importantly, snowboarding!

in college i took a course called snowboarding. it was one of the many one-credit PAC (physical activity course) classes that are available. i took it three times, in addition to other classes like bowling, ultimate frisbee and rock climbing. yes, i did take all those classes, for college credit. you do have to pay an extra fee of $350 or so but that buys you lift tickets, bus ride and one hour of instruction. i think we had 6 sessions at the mountain, every thursday. i always loaded up my MWF classes in winter term so that i could take this class. it was great! we had to leave early, like 5am or something, then it takes about 4 hours to get to the mountain. you take your one hour class and then get the rest of the day to ride the mountain. it was pretty tight! the four hours back to school were watching movies on the bus ride or sleeping. sure, it took all day and i was exhausted at the end but it was SOOOOO worth it!the first time i took the class i was a beginner and the next two times i did the intermediate course so you get different instructors that teach different skills. we did stuff like carving, the pipe, jumps, grabs, turns, etc. i felt like a badass. that was five years ago and i haven't gone since so i assume i am back to square one. many times i've thought about selling my equipment and just forgetting the whole thing, but i held on. i've got the board, bindings, boots, goggles, jacket, pants and gloves still.

now my friend from school is just starting out, she's only gone twice and has a car. our plan is to go next friday after school, to mt hood ski bowl for night skiing (apparently america's largest night ski area). the thing about night skiing is that it's cheaper and actually kind of neat. they have lights on the snow and it glows. cheaper is good cause snowboarding can be really expensive. $26 for night vs $43 for day, tuesdays are ladies night and it's $14 for night skiing. so we'll definitely hit that up! hours are 3pm to 10pm so that's a big chunk of time and you can't really go that long anyway. snowboarding all day is tiring!!!since i'm just starting up again i'll be super tired and sore the next day, i'm sure. i am just excited to get into snowboarding again! in the five years that i've not been boarding i have done surfing and skateboarding so hopefully some of that carries over. tho i've heard that surfing and snowboarding are opposites. both of them you kind of put pressure into your board though, it's just a different type. surfing (long board) puts me more at ease and is kind of meditating, snowboarding is hard-core high energy fun where you charge.

so anyway, hopefully we get it together and go next friday. i will have to update after that. maybe i'm too old to start this again...my creaky joints might have a say. we'll see. i'm sure dodgeball kind of keeps me in shape, lower-body muscle/joint-wise. or at least i like to think that.

#166 - president obama

2009-01-22T14:36:00.000-08:00

while i didn't really have time to watch the inauguration all day, it was quite a day. i was at the hospital for clinicals and it seemed like it was on every tv. people were excited. we have a new president! it was historical. i wanted to watch but by the time i took a break it was 9:30 and it was all said and done and they were showing bush on his way to texas (YEEEEHAW!). see ya. although it seems a lot of money was spent on this whole deal, with parades and balls and such, it was cool. i know a few people who went and it just seems like it would have been a great thing to be a part of. it was cool to see the washington mall full of people, over a million i think. it's like people actually care again. i guess i don't really have much more to say on the subject but i'm so glad to have a new president! i am full of hope. the road will be hard and long but i know we are on the way to a better country. we will work together and do what is necessary to right the wrongs and move on. together. i love it!

#165 - individuality

2009-01-17T15:15:00.000-08:00

portland has a number of free weekly newspapers and one of them is called the portland mercury. they have this section called "i, anonymous" where people send in rants about random things. my friend wrote this one:

I, Anonymous - Beardos Are Not Weirdos...Portland men, I am onto you. You can't hide behind your beards and your Levi's, your fixed gears and your thick glasses, your affection for all creatures cute and fuzzy. I bet you like to dance, and you paint/draw/sew/play music. You say the most charming, adorable things. You have tattoos, or not. But if you do, I'll bet you one million bucks there's a "mom" one in there somewhere. You know your coffee and good food. Your record collection would make me blush. You like comics (see, you really are a nerd) but all of this, all this seemingly boyish charm you possess is all a ruse. I'm so effing sick of you all. You're cowards, you hide behind those winter beards. You're not special, not different. You all look the same. You end up with the same type of girl, and I'm so sick of your faces and your thrift store finds. Fuck fixed gears, by the way. Have you ever even ridden on a track??? I hope your knees go out from all your stupid track stands. You're so caught up in keeping up this image. I'm just so over you all. —Anonymous

so i've been thinking about this a lot for a couple days. it's so true. there is no such thing as an original. people everywhere are the same even if they are different, especially in portland. even if you look at them and they are dressed weird/different, it is the same. in portland, people do weird things and you never know what you'll see on any given day. there is a popular bumper sticker here:portland is pretty weird. i've seen people dressed as animals (not just animal prints, but like wearing lion hats that looked real with long mane-y fur and a whole lion outfit) and just every unimaginable fashion you could not imagine. it is hard not to laugh sometimes because people try really hard to be original and different. the fact is, everyone is an original but they try hard to fit in, somewhere. no two people have the exact same experiences/pasts/beliefs/hopes/dreams/idea yet they may look exactly alike fashion-wise (or facial hair-wise). we are all flesh & blood, we all breathe the same air, we all have feelings (whether or not we show them), we all have to eat/sleep/love. clothes and fashion are so superficial yet people are identified by what they wear. it's the first thing you can judge. appearances count for a lot, people are always judging you and you are all judging. but really, what do you care? you will never really KNOW people until you get past all that. sometimes it's hard to get past it but i really want to know what they are inside, so i imagine them naked....hahaha j/k.

i've tried really hard all my life to fit in. i've worn baggy clothes, brand names, thrift store finds, my parents' old clothes, and the latest trends. i've tried drinking, smoking, biking, hobbies, activities, sports, and a number of other things to try and fit in. i've been a vegetarian, vegan, meat-eater and all in between. i've shaved my head, grown my hair, colored it, cut it and worn hats/caps/beanies/bandanas. i haven't done it all but i've tried, and it's taken a long time for me to be comfortable with who and what i am. i do not like to label myself and i still do not feel like i fit in somewhere but no one should. a few labels i could use: student, japanese, short, dodgeball player, future nurse, tattooed, awesome... i'm tired of trying to fit in to social norms or abnorms, tired of trying to be different or fit in. i know i am different and special already so i wear clothes that are comfortable and fit. i hate skinny jeans and think they are just the lastest dumb fashion trend.

i see someone more original if they have original ideas/thought, are honest, and know who they are. they do what they truly want to or enjoy, and make decisions as such. at a basic level, i think everyone wants some kind of acceptance and for someone to care even if they portray themselves as an individual who "doesn't care". people have to wear clothes since nudism isn't widely accepted (or even comfortable in cold weather) and it's their way to express themselves without saying anything. "i'm a badass with tattoos" or "i am a hipster/hippie/yuppie/outdoorsperson/punk/etc". i see guys with hairdos that i know would take more time to do than for me to shower, get dressed and be out the door. i'm so low maintenance that it just seems like a waste of time to be so caught up in your image. i guess if that's what matter to you then sure, you should spend your time on it. but for me, i have better things to do with my time than tease my hair. i will never date anyone more high maintenance than me, period.

this post feels kind of all over the place. i've had too much coffee. this post is about fashion, clothes and appearance. it's motivated by "i, anonymous". it's taken a few hours to write because i've been distracted by coffee shop goings on, homework i'm supposed to be doing, and i'm also doing stuff on facebook. admit it, you're on facebook too. i'm also listening to music (damien rice!). while there is new music coming out everyday that is original, it's inspired by other music/musician and life. i listen to every type of music imaginable, depending on mood. while i like folk music more than say hip hop, i sometimes rock out to missy elliott or nelly. i love country music. i love dancing to "sexyback" and miley cyrus "see you again". i can admit things like that, now. i dig it. i may not relate to the lyrics of gangsta rap but hey, there's no reason why i can't rap.

#164 - the gym

2009-01-15T16:08:00.000-08:00

i've been going to the gym for a couple months now, it's great. i even got on an almost daily regimen. i'm feeling great and have a good plan. i love working out. on the other side of that, there are a lot of things i notice. some things bother me, others make me irritated or angry.

things that bother me:

people wearing spandex. you are not in the tour de france with a lance armstrong-type body. do not wear spandex in the gym! if you must, just wear shorts over it.
smelly people. it's called deoderant people, wear it!!! also, washing your clothes could help.
extra sweaty people. just wipe down the damn machine/mat/ball when you are done.
new years resolution makers. just quit now. you aren't gonna last more than a month anyway, so just quit now so i don't have to wait 15 minutes for a freakin treadmill. thanks.
ab exercises should not be bouncy, but slow and controlled. otherwise it looks too sexual and i get distracted.
people that don't need to be at the gym - you look like you are 70 lbs and do cardio for an hour a day. i don't know how to tell them they should get psychiatric help and actually eat more.
really hot guys - they are distracting! ok, i actually like them there.
did i mention spandex?

#163 - internet, or lack thereof

2009-01-09T11:29:00.000-08:00

okay, so i moved into this new place a couple months ago. it is awesome, it is a studio that includes utilities and it's great. i have my own space and i can do whatever i want. the only bad thing is i have no internet included. so i had to make a decision to get internet, which would probably be about $50 a month cause i'm by myself, or go without. i have a laptop which i use at school and can take to a coffee shop if i need internet. so it's not like i don't have access, ever. i have access at least twice a week. monday and friday. what i'm trying to do is limit my internet-consumption to those two days. i have come to realize that i have so much more time when i am not stuck to my computer 24/7. i have to make the choice to get my stuff together, leave the house, find a coffee shop, order coffee and then sit down and "surf". hopefully i will not miss out on important information in the middle of the week. if it truly is important perhaps i will get a *gasp* phone call to alert me.

although i don't have that much free time to start with, what's left of it goes to productive things like book-reading, cleaning (oh no!), studying and cooking. these are all things that i find to be essential and enjoyable (with the exception of cleaning, which just has to be done sometimes i've learned). i guess it is a way of becoming more conscious with my time and life. it is so easy to be online all night and then realize it's like 2 in the morning and you have to get up in several hours. where did it all go? facebook? myspace? blogging? surfing? youtube? who knows sometimes.

i have a lot on my plate - school, work, dodgeball, working out, and eating right (5-6 meals a day!). those are the things i do everyday, without fail. now, if i have some actual free time i kind of just want to relax. while internet can be relaxing, sometimes information overload is just not what i need. i may think i want it, but perhaps it can be detrimental.

#162 - 2009

2009-01-01T15:28:00.000-08:00

2008 is history! overall i guess it was a good year, esp with the election. well i guess it's already 5 days into this year and already i am running behind. i started this post on the 1st, after i woke up smoke-filled lungs and all. i stayed up late playing firework then singing karaoke. it was good times. my dad bought this huge stash of stuff to burn and it took about 4 hours to do so. we put on quite a show with our "paperless" fireworks, which was actually nice cause then there was less clean up. the air was pretty thick with smoke though so i'm glad i don't have asthma.

so what will 2009 bring? shall i start a list? I like lists!

inaugurating a new president!
more dodgeball (duh)
possible trip to whistler for spring break with sister!
finishing nursing school in june
possibly a family vacation to Yellowstone
taking and passing the NCLEX to become an RN!
hopefully a new, awesome job
more pay
another kick ass Beaver football season in the fall

well it's not that big of a list but it's a pretty huge change in my life. i will probably get a better studio, one that accepts dogs. that's one thing i really miss, having a dog to snuggle and play with. i will at least be able to afford a better place. mine right now is perfect but i can't have pets. my lease is up in may so we'll see what happens.

i don't believe in or make resolutions. i constantly try to work on myself, inside and out to become a better person. i don't need the turn of a calendar page to remind me to get in shape or to eat better. i just came back from a 17 day trip home to hawaii where all i did really was eat. i ate anything and everything in sight: loco mocos (maybe 3), ribs (big city!), kim chee fried rice (golf course), various potlucks (with ono food like alonzos steak!), lots of chicken katsu, etc. i'm sure my arteries are not happy. but i am back to cooking and eating for myself, when and where i want. i also have time and motivation to hit the gym, which i didn't when i was on vacation. sure, i did lots of active things like surf and golf but it's not quite the same as working hard at the gym.

one thing i am starting is not shopping. i did this for lent last year, and it worked well. i have a big problem with shopping even though i don't have much money. i will buy things then have to work an extra shift to pay for it. luckily i have made the habit of always paying my credit card bills on time, in full. so i've never carried a balance. i have bad self-control, let me just say that. if there is a huge plate of food in front of me, i eat it. if there is something i want at the store, i buy it. pretty simple. so i am back to not shopping. no going to the mall, stores, REI, online shopping sites or any other possible place i could spend my money frivolously.

so that's what i have to look forward to this year. yipppeeee!

#161 - christmas!

2008-12-28T00:49:00.000-08:00

i know it's not really about the presents but christmas kind of tends to focus around presents. you wake up and all you can think is, "i wonder if i got any good presents?!" unfortunately with the new airline baggage restrictions, i can't really enjoy any big presents cause i'd have to lug them back with me and pay for them. i did not really get anything to write about. i don't actually expect good presents, never have and never will. i already got something i really wanted anyway, and that was a gym membership. i think at this point in your life, as adults, you already buy the things you need and want. or at least i do. i did get $25 to the mall so i'll have to use that before i leave. hopefully there will be some awesome sales!

we had a christmas party at night, which is more of what the day means. you hang out with family, eat a lot, and play games. we played bingo. i won $4! haha it was fun but i passed out before 10. i've been sleeping weird lately. i sleep by my grandpa who needs help to the bathroom so i have been sleeping lightly at night so that i can hear him. so i wake up to take him to the toilet and it takes awhile to get back to sleep. i then wake up early because everyone else does. there are ten people in this house that was probably built for 5. it's a small house.

we've been playing lots of games - scrabble, dominoes, and cards. i love scrabble, it's fun! i'm a nerd. i've been playing wii. my favorite games i lego star wars and i'm working on it right now, started last year and am just continuing it till i can finish, hopefully. i'm almost halfway i think. my sister got an "outdoor adventure" wii game that we played, it has a running pad like on the old nintendo. my cousin's fiancee has an iphone and had a ton of old nintendo games on it! i played some duck hunt!! gotta love the classics.

we went to lahaina today, which wasn't too exciting. we ate at cheeseburger in paradise MMMM and walked around art shops. it's hard to do stuff with ten people. everyone has to agree and people walk at different paces. while i don't want to abandon my family, it would be good to go do my own thing at some point. i've got a few more days here then it's back to my regular life/schedule. it will be a welcome change but i'm gonna enjoy the fam and islands for the rest of the time i'm here.

oh, the hawaii bowl did not turn out well for us. i went to the game, cheered as hard as i could, and still yet - notre dame 49, hawaii 21. boo!! i guess you can't win em all. but...i have a chance for redemption. sun bowl on the 31st, oregon state vs pitt. our top two players, the rodgers brothers, are out with injuries. althought that's no excuse for potential poor play, it sucks cause they are fun to watch. i am just gonna cheer and hope our team steps up. pitt is a pretty good, competitive, talented team. we definitely have to show up and play way better than in the civil war. that was embarassing. GO BEAVERS!

#160 - vacation thoughts

2008-12-24T13:49:00.001-08:00

i'm here still, lots of sun. portland is still snowing i think. it's crazy! i've been pretty busy, seeing friends and doing things. today i'm going to the hawaii bowl to watch hawaii beat notre dame! it's always fun to beat them, even if they aren't necessarily good this year. oregon state beat them 41-9 in the fiesta bowl some years ago, that was AWESOME! right after my dad and i are taking a flight to maui to join the rest of the fam. yesterday i went golfing and the day before i went surfing. i've been to a few potluck dinner parties and hung out with pretty much all my friends here. it's been good.

the only thing is i'm missing lots of snow! i've never been in a real winter. portland usually has an inch a year, maybe. it's not a big deal and it's gone in a day or two. now this is real snow! it's still there after a week and it's gettin bigger! i want a white xmas. too bad it's not snowing here, that would be cool.

i've eaten a lot here too and haven't been to the gym as much as i planned. i've had loco mocos, manapuas, pork hash, cake noodle (mmm), and lots of dessert. i think i went to the gym twice. ooops. i did surf and golf though, if that counts as exercise. oh and tennis once! ha! i'm headed to maui where i don't have any friends, only family, so definitely more gym time. i'll need "brandi time" and i'm sure to be eating a lot more ono stuff so i'll need the gym. i've got a lot of projects that my grammy has for me. paint the front door and build a mailbox are two of the big ones. i always try to do some projects when i'm there cause its fun and makes my grandparents happy. plus, i like painting. it's fun and messy!

i am glad i still have another week of vacation cause i need it. once i get back it'll be non-stop for a few months at least. work, school, clinicals, dodgeball, etc. somewhere in there i try to squeeze in sleep but i'm figuring out that i like to take a 2-3 hour nap during the day. i'm not sure how i'll be able to incorporate that into my daily schedule but when i get back but i want to try. good luck with that eh? i better finish packing and do some chores my mom gave me before i head off to the golf course for lunch...adobo fried rice! oh yeah!

GO WARRIORS!

#159 - skinny jeans

2008-12-17T19:45:00.000-08:00

i'm sorry, it may be "in style" but skinny jeans are dumb. i hate the look of them, especially on guys. i mean, aren't your balls being squished by the skinniness of the jeans? that could potentially affect your future family. skinny jeans work on skinny people i suppose but it only makes you look more undernourished.

skinny jeans just are not sexy, especially guys. if you are wearing skinnier jeans than i am - goodbye, not interested. i mean guys are wearing women's jeans and/or sewing them to make them skin tight. and the butt always looks weird in them. i'm not sure when it became acceptable to wear skinny jeans but i'm tired of it.

baggy jeans are also stupid but they are being worn a little less. i still see people's butts hanging out of their jeans. when your belt level is below your ass, what is the point of even wearing pants? just wear your underwear cause that's what we are seeing!

i am not a big fashionista. i don't even really care how i dress. i'm sure people criticize my "fashion sense" but i'm not gonna get caught up in every popular fashion of the day just to look cool. if i think it's uncomfortable or funny looking, i'm not gonna go there. end of story.

#158 - snow day!

2008-12-15T15:28:00.000-08:00

yesterday i woke up to a blanket of snow and wind outside my window. i didn't have much to do except hang out with friends to eat and drink coffee. what an awesome day! i've got pictures of the snow covered streets and what not, will post soon. it's been awhile since i've posted pictures. i've been very lazy with picture taking. or maybe just busy with other things. today my work was canceled so i got another day to just play. it's been awesome and i had more coffee and food with friends! i wish that was all i had to do, everyday. no real commitments, just fun and laughter. i cannot wait until june when school will be over and done with and i can have one less thing to do. it will be work, dodgeball, friends, food, etc. work cause i have to and all the others cause i want to. hopefully i'll find a job that i actually like though. well i like mine right now good enough but it's not a forever type of job.

i love coffee. i know that i shouldn't drink it too much cause it kind of makes me jittery but i love the flavor and warmth it gives me. plus it's a great excuse to hang out with friends. i feel so adult when i say "wanna get coffee?" i'm not much into the fancy espresso stuff anymore cause it's too spendy. i like a good latte now and then but good ole plain drip coffee does it for me. mmm...i think i wanna go get a cup right now!

#157 - hope vs. fear

2008-12-13T03:40:00.000-08:00

i recently watched the gus van sant film, milk. it was the first movie i've seen in a long time, at the theater. i just cannot afford it these days, i remember when movies were $5! anyway, it was worth every penny. it is about the first gay elected official, harvey milk. he was elected to the city supervisor position in san francisco during the 70's. it took several elections for him to become known and popular but he did. he brought hope to the people of san francisco, particularly the castro district, which was a big hangout for the gay community. at a time when there were a lot of crimes against gay men who were being beaten in the streets, milk stood up and said "no more". here is an excerpt from one of his most famous speeches, known as "the hope speech":

The only thing they have to look forward to is hope. And you have to give them hope. Hope for a better world, hope for a better tomorrow, hope for a better place to come to if the pressures at home are too great. Hope that all will be all right. Without hope, not only gays, but the blacks, the seniors, the handicapped, the us'es, the us'es will give up.

this speech reminded me a lot of barack obama, believe it or not. here is an excerpt from one of obama's speeches. while it is not the same topic exactly, they are both very inspiring and full of hope:

This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment. This is our time - to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth - that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people: Yes We Can.

so often we are ruled by fear. the last 8 years have been full of fear. now it is time to turn that around and be inspired. what's so wrong with being hopeful and positive? i am guilty of being pessimistic at times but seeing milk i just have to have hope. harvey milk was a nobody who decided that being gay was worth fighting for and who became a martyr. it was not acceptable to be in the closet and he deserved rights as an equal human being. while we have come a long way since the 70's in terms of gay rights, to me it is ridiculous that people have to fight for such things. the main issue he was fighting was called proposition 6, which was trying to get all the gay teachers out of schools in california. people felt threatened by them, that they were teaching the kids to be gay. ridiculous! heterosexuals feeling that the sanctity of marriage is threatened by gays is also silly to me. your marriage is your own thing and no one can threaten it but you. you work for it. i think a lot of straight couples don't take their vows seriously enough, and where are the activists protesting divorced couples? aren't they threatening the sanctity of marriage?

people are so much in other people's business it kind of sickens me. why are you judging other people without even knowing them? why do you think you and your beliefs are better? make sure you are perfect before you judge. no one is perfect. all we can control really is RIGHT HERE. i totally believe all people should have equal rights. we are all human. after all, even animals have rights. people believe in different religions, some will be judged by god eventually. others believe in karma and get what's coming to them. judged by the universe i guess. either way, it is a power greater than any human.

#156 - DOMS sucks

2008-12-02T12:06:00.000-08:00

so i joined 24 hour fitness again. this is probably my third "new membership" but it's a longer one. honestly i haven't been going everyday like planned. mostly this is because i got four personal training sessions. i went to my first one last week and it totally killed me! i've been weight lifting/working out for probably ten years, since high school. sometimes i take it more seriously than others but lately i've been kind of lax. i blame my busy schedule and other "more important" things like school but really i haven't been doing much besides playing dodgeball and pushing around some weights at the gym.

my trainer basically kicked my ass and made me hurt for a week. i cursed him a lot when trying to get out of bed or walk up stairs. i could see how his workout is a good one but DAMN! i am supposed to go again today at 4 but i am scared. i am scared i won't stick to it cause i'm a wimp. i can have the best workout planned with the best nutritional plans but if i don't take it seriously and stick to it, well it's all for naught. when i am hurting from DOMS (delayed onset muscle soreness) i don't want to do anything. i don't want to do cardio or even light weights. WIMP. so i've workout out once since my last session. my eating was not so good, i mean thanksgiving was in the middle of it and who could pass up pumpkin, mixed berry, and apple pie, plus a chocolate espresso cheesecake?! not me. and all the stuffing i could want...well it was a recipe for disaster.

when it comes to food i am weak. i am trying to eat cleaner. i am trying to eat every 2-3 hours with lean proteins at every meal. i am trying to eat more fresh fruit and veggies. it's like having another job. if you are serious about working out and putting in that effort then it is imperative to do the eating as well. eating every 2-3 hours is not the hard part. i am ALWAYS hungry! it's the planning and cooking and prepping. yesterday i was gone from 6:45am to 9pm and had to prep and plan meals for the whole time i was gone. it took a lot of time and effort to do so but in the end there i was with my little cooler full of food.

what i am anticipating when i return home for the holidays is food, lots of it and not necessarily the best for eating clean. i mean who can pass up a loco moco?! definitely not me. i even invented a whole new category of artery-clogger in what i call the "stuffing moco". it was half stuffing, half fried rice, leftover turkey, fried egg sunny side up, and gravy all over. of course it was to-die-for. literally. when i am in hawaii i want to eat all the food that i miss for all the time i am not there. chicken katsu curry, teri pork at tokyo tei, dry noodles at sam sato, loco mocos, shave ice from matsumoto, hamburger steak at kahuku golf course, ramen, tempura, etc. some of these foods i can get in portland but it's just not the same. when there is something in front of my that is amazingly awesome, delicious and not good for me, i just want to eat it all. portion sizes are out the window, meal planning is out the window, and working out...well we'll see. my goal is to get 30 minutes of some kind of activity besides lifting a fork to my mouth. surfing, golfing, 24 hour, stationary cycling or walking.

#155 - economical crisis

2008-11-25T18:53:00.003-08:00

i was watching the news and they were talking about consumerism, what we do the best. to me, this whole crisis should be a wake up call as to our spending habits. instead of encouraging people to control their spending, they are decreasing interest on loans and credit cards so that they can keep on. i do understand that a certain amount of consumerism is necessary to keep the economy rolling but on a personal level, i can control what i spend, period. i cannot control what is happening on the national or international level. sure, things will get more expensive and people will lose jobs. it is sad and scary and although i hope no one i know will be affected, i know they will. people are losing jobs everywhere. it is crazy.

i have been working on simplifying my life, which automatically means spending less or being more aware of what i am buying. i used to be quite the shopper but have never gone shopping on "black friday", the day after thanksgiving that has all the crazy sales at 4am. when there are sales you buy things you wouldn't normally buy. you spend money you don't need to spend. now when i buy things i am sure that they will last me longer and i get more from it. it needs to be something well-made and long-lasting. if i can borrow it, i do. if i can buy it second-hand, i do.

a lot of people say they shop on black friday so they can get christmas presents. every year christmas is less desirable to me. it is way too focused on consumerism and presents. it kind of defeats the whole purpose of christmas to me. lately i've been trying to make christmas presents, especially keeping in mind what people would use and love. i try to personalize it as much as i can. some things that i've made are shirts, bookmarks, and calendars. this year i am so far behind. i have no idea what i am doing this year. being a poor student i am sure people don't expect much but i still want to give some kind of gift.

this week is thanksgiving, a time to give thanks. there are so many things i am thankful for right now. we should be thankful everyday but when there is so much crap going on sometimes it's hard. in the span of about 12 hours i broke my phone and lost my bus pass (value of about $800). i blame working too much on those thing and being tired. thankfully my friend had an extra phone that works and i got a call this morning that someone turned in my pass! how amazing. i may complain about this or that but really i am so lucky and happy. i have a job, i am in school to get my RN soon, i have food to eat, a cool new house, friends, family and live in oregon. so many people have lost their jobs, are bankrupt, going through bad relationships, in jail, whatever...and so i have no right to complain. it's so much easier to be negative, i have to work on that.

#154 - civil war!

2008-11-23T00:02:00.000-08:00

well here it is folks, the week we've all been waiting for. the battle for the state of oregon...civil war!! this is a tradition over a hundred years. oregon state versus oregon in what is the most important game of the year. you can be 0-10 but if you win the civil war then it is not all lost. whoever wins the civil war gets bragging rights and pride all year. the last two years the Beavs have been successful and before that it was back and forth, with the home team winning.
2006 - Reser Stadium

2007 - Autzen Stadium

2008 - back at Reser!
what's at stake this year is the rose bowl, yes the rose bowl. Beavers win and we go to the rose bowl on new years! since we beat USC this year we are actually at the top of the pac-10. we've gone through quite an exciting season, ups and downs. we had losses to stanford, utah and penn state. when we get to the rose bowl we will face penn state again and redeem ourselves. it won't be at their stadium and we have found our mojo on the field. when we played them at the beginning of the season we didn't quite have it together.

OREGON, YOU ARE GOING DOWN!!!

GO BEAVERS!!!

#153 - winter dodgeball

2008-11-21T14:35:00.000-08:00

the fall season is nearing it's end and already registration for winter recess dodgeball opens on monday. signups for underdog dodgeball have been up for awhile now even though we just started our "late fall" season. underdog will be on mondays. for recess time there will be three nights - tuesday/thursday is regular league nights and wednesday is going to be a "no sting" league, which is going to use a different kind of ball. not a foam or rhinoskin ball but one that doesn't hurt when you get hit. this one is in SE, which is closer to my house. so potentially, i could be playing league games mon-thu and pickup on friday. dearie me that is a lot of dodgeball, my arm could fall off...or i could become an awesome dodgeball player.

monday - underdog in NW
tuesday - recess in N
wednesday - recess in SE
thursday - recess in NE
friday - pickup in NW
saturday and sunday - rest! :)

the problem here is that i have to pay for each one of these league nights so i have to decide when and where i really want to play. it's a hard life. haha

#152 - simplify, simplify

2008-11-16T02:40:00.000-08:00

i am sure i have a post already named this. i believe it is a quote from "walden" by thoreau. i read it in high school but definitely need to hit it again. it's timeless. so i don't know if anyone noticed but it's been a week since i've written a blog. that is a long time for me. what has happened, you may have wondered...maybe not. i moved into my new place on the 5th. it's a studio, it's awesome, i live by myself and i love it. i've never lived alone, always with family or roommates, both pains if you ask me. moving always forces you to take an inventory of your "stuff". i had three truck loads. part of that was goodwill donations and other things to get rid of. i decided i had no more use for those things and that someone needed it more than i. i am trying to simplify my life. i am always trying to do this, ask anyone i know! having my own place has made it easier though. i really take a certain pride in what my place looks and feels like. i want to make it home and if there is too much clutter everywhere it just doesn't feel that way.

physical "stuff" clutter is one thing. it is pretty easy to get rid of, if you make that decision. i cut my wardrobe probably in half because there were so many things i just never wore. i thought i would make good use of somethings and just didn't. i am wasteful and very privileged. i understand that, and take responsibility for my waste. my things have gone back into circulation, to people who need/want them more than i have use for. i am also dealing with other kinds of clutter - emotional, psychological and technological. the first two are a whole 'nother post.

i am working on less techy stuff though, i cut down my list of rss feeds. it became too taxing to read through all of them. i wasn't enjoying them anymore and just trying to get through them. most of them were food-related, food porn if you will. when i am bored i like to look at pictures of yummy food. the idea being i would cook those yummy things eventually but truthfully it never happens. i don't have enough time. if i need a recipe i can get one! so the ones i still have are friend's blogs, because i still want to know what's going on there. another thing is i have no internet at my place. at first i was worried because i NEED my internet! then as i thought about it more, if i have it 24/7 i'm on it 24/7. simple as that. so i am weaning myself off of internet. it's for the best. now i go online when i need/want to, not just to waste time. i want my time to be better spent than just mindlessly surfing the net. i go online at work on night shift, at school and i can go to a coffee shop anytime. laptops rule.

my blog has become kind of boring. since i don't have a lot of time to take pictures, i'm not. so there aren't any pictures. sorry. once i get my place in order i'll probably put some pics up. not quite there yet. i'm still figuring out where everything goes or should go. i'm getting rid of things as i go along, like the college graduation present i NEVER used (2003). it's kind of ridiculous how i have dragged things around with me to every new place (8 since 2004), sometimes the thing being a box of recycling i had to go through. ridiculous! i didn't just do it then, i always left it for later. such a procrastinator!! now i'm not saying i'm going to become a non-procrastinator, that just wouldn't be right. :)

one more thing for simplicity - "have to's". a lot of times we say that we have to do things. in reality, there is nothing you really HAVE TO do. you make choices everyday. maybe if you say no the result will be negative and worse than if you say yes, making it hard to say no. i am working on saying no and not using the phrase "have to". there is no use. do i have to get up, out of bed and to work? no, but then i wouldn't get paid and couldn't eat or pay rent. there are consequences to our actions. i don't have to stay at a job i don't like but if i am too lazy to find a new one then that is my problem. i don't have to ride the bus everywhere, i can buy a used car and work extra to make more money to pay for insurance and gas. i make the choice. it's nice to have that choice but at the same time, it's on my shoulders so i am responsible.

already i am freeing up time for things like playing my guitar and reading. i just finished "WICKED" which was pretty (wickedly) awesome. i wanted to read it before i saw the musical, which i was told and quickly realized isn't much like the book. the book is all dark and adult whereas the musical is appropro for kids as well. i'm curious to see how it'll turn out and what was changed from the book. i'm listening to the soundtrack too, i like to know the songs cause it's weird when you go see a musical and don't know the songs. so now i've got "popular" in my head right now. it's insane.

i'm working on another budget, since i've changed locations and other priorities. it will be simple, of course, and i want to drastically reduce my spending/consumerism. while it would be nice to be able to buy whatever i want, i am sort of glad i need to be on a budget because i am a crazy impulsive shopper who loves to spend money (that i don't have). i've always been responsible with my credit but basically i go out shopping then have to pick up extra shifts at work to pay for stuff. vicious cycle. i did that "no buying" for lent and that worked out well. i wonder if i could do it for a whole year, or more. just not buy things anymore. something to think about.

#151 - yes we can! ...and we did!

2008-11-04T21:14:00.000-08:00

so this is what happiness and hope feels like. it is pretty amazing. i just finished watching president-elect barack obama's speech. he is an amazing speaker that just gives me so much energy. since 2004 when he gave that DNC speech, we've known his ability on a national level to inspire people with his words. he doesn't have much experience but that may just be his advantages. he has and gives us hope. we were able to really believe in obama, not just to vote for someone so the opponent would not get in. this is my third election and i had never felt so invested or positive. i didn't want to get too optimistic before the election because in the last one i felt pretty good. we all know how that ended up. so many people came to and realized that obama is different. he will produce change and give us a new life. we can be really proud of our country. i've never felt this way. i've always known how lucky i am to be an american but this makes it totally different. i can tell people from other countries when i travel that i am from obama's america. i voted for him. he is my president!

i probably do not make any sense on this blog but i'm way too tired from watching all the election results. i'm probably too giddy to even sleep tonight. i have so much in my head that i can't really write about it. it's such an amazing feeling. i can be proud out loud and not be apathetic. i can dare to hope. these are feeling that are sort of unnatural for me and young people in general i think. washington has always been an old white rich man's world and now there is a man who represents real people there, leading the nation. tomorrow is the first day of a new attitude for this nation. we can use hope and not fear as motivation now. there will be change. we did it but the work is only beginning. our nation has become a mess and a lot needs to be done. obama can do it. we can do it.

#150 - best albums

2008-10-26T02:48:00.000-07:00

i was just gonna put one of those sidebar things on my favorite albums but i decided to blog on it instead. i can explain, rave about or describe my favorite albums. i love music and most of the time i'll be listening to something. thank you ipod! i figure that people in the movies have a soundtrack, why not i? i'm special.

today i was listening to metallica's "metallica" (aka the black album, 1991). i was in the mood. there are so many awesome songs on that album and i sometimes forget that they all exist on the same record. "enter sandman", "the unforgiven" and "nothing else matters" are three great classics.

pink floyd - dark side of the moon, 1973. a lot of the times i'm listening to my ipod or itunes on shuffle so i don't benefit from albums that are made to be listened all the way through. this is definitely a classic album that flows so perfectly, it's seamless. i can't really single out songs on this one, it's gotta be listened to straight through. there is also a good tribute album, called "dub side of the moon" which is a reggae version with a nice vibe to it.

nirvana - MTV unplugged in new york, 1994. it was close, between this one and nevermind, the biggest selling album of theirs. they are both excellent albums but for a live album, unplugged really makes you feel kurt cobain's pain and emotion. it covers a lot of songs that were unknown or at least not hits. only one song ("come as you are") was actually a hit single.

frente - marvin the album, 1992. i don't think many people know this one but i love it. i guess they are australian but the singer has this amazingly clear and sweet voice. it's a happy album! give it a listen if you can.

sublime - sublime and 40 oz to freedom. classic sublime, what can i say about one of my favorite bands? i just love this stuff.

queen is one of the greatest bands of all time. unfortunately i haven't heard all their albums but i have the greatest hits, 1981 and they really are great! i wish i could've seen them in concert, would have been an awesome show.

in the same kind of train of thought there is the beatles. i enjoy most of their music and there are awesome songs on each album. one is a comp album of the #1 hits and has it all. they have influenced most of music today. music would be different today if not for the beatles and all of their albums are influential. they all have great songs and the evolution of the music is so evident from the first to last album. if i had to pick one besides a comp i'd say the white album.

okay well i started this post several days ago and haven't finished it. i could probably go on and on about great albums forever. so here are some others that i have no time to write about but are awesome.

bob marley & the wailers - legend. it's legend, duh. 1984
simon & garfunkel - bridge over troubled water
johnny cash
carpenter's christmas
blackalicious - blazing arrow
RENT
green day - dookie
ac/dc - back in black
neutral milk hotel - aeroplane over the sea
brandi carlile - the story
mason jennings - century spring and boneclouds
pearl jam - ten
NOFX - heavy petting zoo
ben lee - awake is the new sleep
carrie underwood - carnival ride
sugarland - enjoy the ride
indigo girls - despite our differences
iron & wine - the shepherd's dog

my musical taste is very varied and there is really something for every mood i'm in. right now i'm listening to some punk rock! it's good packing/cleaning music for sure.

#149 - burdens lifted

2008-10-25T01:25:00.000-07:00

i am done with clinicals. we had ten days of clinicals at the hospital and it was such a great experience. well, i take that back, it sucked. i learned a ton from the nurses i worked with and towards the end actually believed i can do this. i got confidence and am excited to be almost there. i can't wait to get a job and start working, of course i don't know enough yet but it's exciting all the same. so the reasons it sucked are many but they all have to do with my instructor. i will not name her name of course but will call her U for useless. she is nice but pretty useless as a clinical instructor. in the past (this is my 4 1/2th term in clinicals) we have had one shadow day and then picked patients and learned a lot. our instructors were there to help us out, they sought out opportunities for learning and new skills and gave us direction. they made sure we knew what our expectations were and the lines of communication were wide open. so this is a new experience. i think it would be best to use bullet points to list things that didn't go well.

our first day she says "this is my summer term but i have this huge credit card bill and that's the reason i'm doing this." thanks for letting us know how much you want to be here.
she tells us we are going to have two shadow days. i ended up having three because she couldn't check me off on meds on the third day.
we cannot give meds until she checks us off and then tells me she wasn't checking me till the 4th day! we had been getting checked off on the first day previously.
we couldn't give IV medications until the second week, day 5/10. it wouldn't be a problem but EVERYONE in the hospital has an IV! so sometimes you feel useless and the patients are like, "why can't you do that" and basically the answer is because our teacher has no trust in the education we have received from her institution.
when i asked her to clarify what we can do and that i was feeling like i was taking a step back she got really offended and started to lecture me. she informed me that she has all this experience doing clinicals and this is how it works best. i told her what i accomplished the previous term and that i wanted to move forward and she looked at me like i just said i was going to hold everyone in the hospital hostage with an AK-47.
when she talks she goes off on tangents and her voice trails, you never really know what she means and she'll throw in a totally random comment.
she disappears off the floor for hours at a time and when you need to find her she's not around. or she's on the phone or email. she's looking at pictures of cute puppies. aww...
when she is there it happens to be when we sit down to look up things in the chart and she thinks we're not using our time wisely. but where was she the other 5 hours?
one of my friends got kicked out of school because of her. she had it out for him. she specifically said to be there at 2:45 and then she said he was late when he showed at that time. some of his paperwork was incomplete and that to her was very important. but she didn't really stress that in our orientation. basically it was all these little things that got him kicked out, and nothing to do with his actual nursing skills or care with the patients. it wasn't even that his nurse preceptors didn't think he did a good job. it was nothing that warrants getting kicked out of the nursing program. i am upset over this, stewing actually.
he will be the first one to say that he could have done some things right. he had the flu the previous weekend and was recovering from that. the problem is that she instantly focused in on him. other people had incomplete paperwork and she didn't give a crap. she treated him unfairly.
she argues things. maybe it's fun for her but she really has to be right and doesn't allow differences of opinion.
she's obsessed over diabetes.
another gal cried because U said she couldn't communicate and all these other "non-issues" and said "if you want to leave you can".
she lectured two gals on taking an hour lunch break when they took only 45 minutes, which was what she said to do. they were in there the whole time with their nurse and if she had asked him she would know. but NO, she had to be right. she said "i KNOW you were in there from 7-8" when in fact they were getting a new patient at 7:15 so that was impossible.
there were other things but i'm tired of thinking about her.

so anyway, i am glad to be done. i did learn a lot and gain confidence, by my own doing and initiative, but mostly i learned that i have to just keep my nose down and fly under the radar. i don't want to be that person she focuses in on and treats unfairly. i hate authority and kissing ass, i will not do it. so i just need to stay out of the way, don't argue, and get what i can from my nurses. is that really the best learning experience for me? no, but it's what i have to do to get through school. i'll graduate, pass the NCLEX, get a job and then the real learning starts, or so i hear. it's just frustrating that they put up so many blocks to our learning and don't really foster it. in a better school or educational system i think they would try to accommodate different things like illness and be more flexible to individual learning needs. not everyone has the same learning styles.

another thing that i had to go through was a "simulation". basically there is this dummy that talks and breathes by teachers controlling it from this little room, think wizard of oz. you have a scenario and go in, with all your student peers watching on a live feed video. so you don't know what's going to happen and you have to react, with all these people watching, judging and probably commenting. it is way too much for me to handle and every time i just have so much anxiety. so this time i just freaked out a little and kind of bonked. when it came time for me to perform, i didn't. this is not a venue where i excel. i had to go in and watch my video to see how i did and it was not pretty. it's like i wasn't even there. psychologically/emotionally i don't think i was. so anyway, i am glad that is over for now. we have one more to do at the end of the term and hopefully i do better.

#148 - ballots!

2008-10-20T00:45:00.000-07:00

i just got my ballot in the mail, yay! in oregon we have an all-mail ballot system. we don't have polling places. i don't know how this ever started but it saves a lot of time/money i think. not that the polling people are paid, but in terms of gas and time and all that good stuff. so we get our ballots a couple weeks before election, then fill them out and mail them in. it's great. they all get tallied on election day and on november 4th we will see who the next president will be.

everyone probably knows who i'm voting for president. it's no secret, obama is the man. i haven't opened the ballot yet but as soon as i do, i'm filling it out and sending it in. my vote needs to count. i have no idea who is running for other offices, besides jeff merkley. that's only because i've seen so many ads. there are a ton of ballot measures and none that really stand out. i know there is one that affects nurses so i'll definitely vote on that one. the verbage in those things is so hard to understand.

the only one i do know for sure is president. this year it is as crucial as ever to vote. the economy is in the dumps, something has to be done about the "war" in iraq, national spending has to change to support meaningful social programs, and we need someone we can trust and that has the brain to lead this country. we need change! if you didn't catch sarah palin on SNL, it's funny stuff! tina fey is dead on, i think maybe palin is impersonating her.

she was a good sport but i can't figure out why she wanted to do it. it's not gonna sway voters that way. interesting tactics, maybe they are getting desperate. in any case, what an exciting and scary election. there is a lot at stake and i'm anxious to find out what will happen. will i have to move to another country or am i going to be safe here? what kind of mass cover-up/scandal will happen this year? what kind of bs is the GOP going to pull out at the last minute? we will see.

#147 - greatness

2008-10-12T03:53:00.000-07:00

from i hate medium an article by dan john from t-nation.com:

doing everything all at once will destroy you....you have to be lousy at everything. to be great, you have to focus on very few things — most of us can barely handle more than one.

i am living proof of this. well, i'm not lousy at everything but i am very medium. i'm not great at anything but that is because i like many things. maybe my attention span is too short or i am just not a dedicated person but there is nothing i can say i've worked hard at and seen greatness. i love working out, have my degree in exercise, and still yet my workouts suck. i don't see much gain from my workouts because i never stick to a single program. my goals are not specific enough and i don't adhere to them well. i'd be a bad client. i'm similar to the majority of people in goals - wanting more lean muscle mass and less fat. my problem is that i like to try out new things where my workouts are concerned.

right now i don't even have a gym membership but i workout at my workplace. there are some simple, common machines that use air pressure for resistance but i don't use them much because they don't really do the job and feel limiting. there are also dumbbells up to 20#, some bars that go up to maybe 35# and several cardio machines. this is a fitness room for seniors so it's pretty limited. not many of them are looking to become the next arnold. so i work with what i have and so a lot of workouts are based on simple, low weight exercises and combo work. i also do some plyometrics in hopes that it helps with my dodgeball.

i love to read any kind of information on new exercises or workouts, nutrition and health stuff. i'm a nerd. i guess the reason why i'm not in that field anymore is that i don't want my passion to be my job. my belief is that any job, no matter how much i love it, is just a job, it is a way to make money. many people would argue with me over this but it's MY belief. sure, you can do a lot within that job and be satisfied morally but it does not define who you are as a person. there is so much more than what you do at work. i'm in school to be a nurse and i want to be a good nurse but definitely don't want to become burnt out because i put too much of myself in it without having a life. i have to be able to leave and have "me time" to do what i love.

other passions i guess would be photography and food. i wouldn't want to be a professional in either field but i enjoy learning all i can about each and trying new things. i think a "jack of all trades" is not such a bad thing and really, mastering one isn't that awesome. i like to be able to have conversations with anyone on any subject and to be in "the know". i'm a pretty decent golfer and maybe if i took the time and spent the money for lessons i could get really good. i could set my goal to become a scratch golfer but really i just enjoy going out with my dad, spending a few hours talking and then beating him! that only happened once but it was awesome. i also love surfing but i don't have a car, wetsuit or board here so that makes it hard to go very often. the nice thing is that i cherish every second that i'm in the ocean on a twice-a-year visit home. each wave i catch is forever imprinted into my being and i can go back to it whenever i want. even though the ride might have been ten seconds long, it is longer in my mind. it's instant serenity when i revisit a nice ride.

there just isn't enough time. my friend beth and i had this club. well, it was more of a motto - "minimum effort, maximum results". while some would say this is a slacker club, it's kind of the opposite. you have a limited amount of time and resources so you have to make the best of it. i'd rather put in 100% effort for 10 minutes than 50% for 20 minutes, efficiency. same goes for my workouts. for cardio i usually do some high intensity interval training, rather than steady state. when i'm lifting, i always superset or keep my rest really short. i'm not doing any heavy lifting so this is perfect. circuits are also good but i'm kind of too lazy to set it up for myself. usually, i am in and out in 30 minutes, am tired but invigorated and have a good hurt the next day. maybe you can say i like multi-tasking or being well-rounded but for me, i don't need greatness.

#146 - eight months

2008-10-10T13:12:00.000-07:00

i could almost have a baby in the time that it will take me to graduate from nursing school, which is a lot of time yet none at all. we are applying for graduation today, a couple ladies from the registration office are here to help us. after this term i only have four classes, a total of 18 credits. i have been thinking a lot about what i will do after graduation and get a job.

A DOG
hopefully i will be on a good schedule, maybe three 12-hour shifts. that gives me a lot of time for cuddling with a doggie. right now i am barely home and it would be abusive to have a dog. i find myself lonely for a little friend, especially since niki died this year. of course i wasn't living with him but he did leave an empty place in my heart. so now i am aching for a little love bug. i've been checking out the humane society and petfinder just torturing myself.of course i do "officially" have a sweet dog named maui but he lives on the coast and i know he wouldn't want to live in portland. i wouldn't either but that's how it has to be right now. maybe someday i'll have him again but not right now. so i'm always looking up little chihuahuas to adopt. i kind of want a puppy because those years are so special and they are real characters at that time but i'm not opposed to getting an older one. i get really weak just looking at these sweethearts.

OWN PLACE
another thing i really look forward to is getting my own place, without roommates. right now having roommates is all good but really, it would be nice to live alone. i wouldn't have to worry about leaving dishes in the sink overnight or not cleaning as much as my house does. i don't see my roommates that often so it's cool but i would like to be able to have a place to call my own, without buying anything. all i'm looking for is a nice little studio. not much space and real simple. the smaller the space the less room i have to fill it with crap and less to clean. i'll probably be paying almost twice as much but it will be worth it, and i will be making maybe twice as much.

APPLE SWAG
ever since i got my first ipod i've had apple envy, i guess. i play with my friend's iPhone and it's just awesome. i don't have or probably won't ever have AT&T so i'm not sure iPhone would be beneficial. instead i'm thinking the iPod touch. i'm definitely due for a new ipod and why not this guy?! photos, videos, music, internets, calendar, maps, games, really what can you not do on this thing (besides the phone)? right now it goes up to a 32GB but probably by next year it will have a bigger capacity. my old one was 60GB so i would like something similar. either way, a touch would be AWESOME!the other thing i want to treat myself with is a new computer. i got both my computers second hand. my desktop from my uncle and the laptop from craigslist, both probably 4 years old or so. ancient in computer terms. i've used macs and really like how they work and i hear they are great in terms of safety and security. i really enjoy having a laptop but i also like the power of having a desktop. if i can get the speed and power of a desktop on a laptop...well a laptop would be better so why have both. i'm looking at the macbook pro and it comes with up to a 250GB hard drive and 4 GB RAM. that's way more than my desktop has right now. of course it's gonna cost close to $3000, which is a lot of money but i figure it's gonna last me for a long time, do lots for me and just look at it!
okay so i know that is a lot of things that i WANT. it's not like i'll be making a killing right out of school so i'm not getting them all right away and these are just things. it's gonna be thousands of dollars to get it all and maintain it. my level of spending will go up probably exponentially but my income will go up a little as well. i deserve it right?! i like to think having one computer instead of two is simpler and more efficient. i can justify these things. although having a doggie will be a lot more work and money, having that little guy running around and waiting for me to come home is worth it. as for my own place, well, it's about time. i'm getting close to 30. sheesh, that's like an adult or something. i'm not into buying a house cause i don't think i can say i'll be here for longer than 5 years but you never know. eight months!

#145 - baseball playoffs!

2008-10-09T23:51:00.000-07:00

it's october, you know what that means. october = fall = baseball, cold weather, football, halloween and almost thanksgiving! what an awesome time! so that brings me to the baseball playoffs, which have been going on but i didn't really pay attention because who cares about the games leading up to the pennant races right? now it's dodgers vs phillies in the national league and red sox vs rays in the american league. while i've always been an atlanta braves fan, i do follow a few other teams including two of these four. mostly because the braves have not been performing up to par lately. i wrote a blog about a year ago on baseball and here i am again.

basically, i want to see a phillies vs red sox world series. while i did enjoy the red sox's thrashing of the rockies last year, it didn't make for a very exciting series. i like when it goes to game 7 and it's been awhile. either way, i'd have one guy on each team to cheer for and wouldn't really know which way to go. so if i'm just a casual fan, not a rabid/avid one then wanting a good, competitive long series is best. on the phillies i've got shane victorino, who is a great guy from maui and i've seen his mom at the costco there. he's nice, down to earth and funny as well. on the other side - jacoby ellsbury of the red sox went to oregon state and of course i got to work with him a little. he is pretty shy but has a great work ethic and steals bases like crazy.

so i've got two good guys to root for and hopefully it will work out for me. i was watching the phillies game and they were down 2-0, victorino was up, he hit and the throw from ss rafael furcal (see that's what he gets for leaving the braves!) was errant. so shane took 2nd and the rest is history i guess. the next batter hit a homerun to tie. then there was another homerun shortly after to seal the deal, 3-2. tomorrow all teams play so i'll definitely be rooting for the boys.

#144 - musicals

2008-10-05T21:57:00.000-07:00

i feel like i'm in a musical. or at least when i am listening to musical soundtracks (which i do often) i like to sing and feel like i'm in it. i cannot sing or act really but maybe it's a secret fantasy of mine. it doesn't matter what kind of musical, i love it! the only one i don't care much for is CATS. it just kind of creeps me out (sorry wongi). i do like the music but once i saw it, the cats were just weird. of course my favorite is RENT and then there are the others close behind - phantom, les mis, and miss saigon. while the movie version of RENT was pretty good and had many of the original broadway cast (who i will be seeing in june!) it was just different. it didn't quite capture the feeling of the live show. when i need a RENT fix though, i have the movie.

today i pretty much broke into the middle of a song from EVITA while waiting for the bus. while the movie wasn't my favorite, i loved the music. i hadn't heard the cd for maybe 5 years but i had to listen to it cause it was in my head. i love when they are just talking and then burst into song but it's kind of weird when they turn to the camera to sing. one of my favorite musical movies is moulin rouge, directed by baz luhrman, starring ewan mcgregor and nicole kidman. it's kind of a tribute to pop music and references/incorporates so many songs like "smells like teen spirit", "like a virgin" and "sound of music". they do a wonderful but different version of "your song" by elton john. it's a beautiful love story about love, a love that will live forever. here's a clip of the "elephant love medley":

i'm pretty excited cause i'm going to see WICKED in march! i haven't seen it before but i've got the soundtrack and it's pretty cool. there are so many shows i would go see or want to see but there is not nearly enough time or money. WICKED is based on a book that looks at the "wicked witch of the west" elphaba from wizard of oz. it's kind of a prequel i guess, about her relationship to glinda the good witch. elphaba is played on broadway by idina menzel who was also in the original broadway cast of RENT and the movie too. she won a tony award for her performance as elphaba and she has a great voice! here is a little clip of her singing "defying gravity":

music is just so important and without it life would be boring. so if i randomly break into a little song and dance, don't stare too hard, you might be in the musical too!

#143 - trimet

2008-10-03T23:38:00.000-07:00

for the most part i enjoy doing my part and not contributing to the emissions caused by a car that i drive excessively to and from the store three blocks down. i walk there and back, it's no big deal. if i have to go a little farther i've got my trusty bus pass. the tri-met system is pretty good usually. i've got the #10 right in front of my house, #72 two blocks down and another maybe five blocks away that i only take in a pinch. so i'm in a pretty good place. the #10 is pretty reliable but only comes every half hour, going to my work, downtown and MAX line (light rail). the #72 is more frequent and i can take it to the MAX which goes to my school. i can also take the #72 the other way and connect to the #8 which is also frequent and takes me to work, library, downtown and the MAX. the MAX is actually pretty awesome, there are three different lines that can take you east to gresham (school), west to beaverton and hillsboro (friends, uwajimaya), and to the airport. it's faster, more frequent and doesn't smell as bad.

that was a lot of silly info, sorry. sometimes buses are running late, or i miss it cause my timing is off, or there are loud people on it. there are lots of reasons for me to be annoyed but for the most part it works for me. going anywhere pretty much takes an hour but i plan ahead. today i planned to go to dodgeball pickup. i wanted to get there at about 7:30 so i figured 6:30 would be great. there was a #10 bus coming at 6:38 so that was perfect. good. so i got on that bus and rode it to the rose quarter transit station, where a number of buses also stop. for some reason there was a lot of traffic and so i arrived around 7:16 (about 10 minutes late). i looked at the time schedule for the bus i wanted to take (the #77) and it said 7:16 so i was excited cause probably it was running late also. i waited, and waited, and waited...till about 7:35 only one bus came through when there should have been at least a few. it was strange. so i called their "transit tracker" which is not very accurate. it said the next #77 wasn't till 8:15! there was no way i was going to wait that long for a bus so i decided to take MAX downtown and catch another bus that went to the same area. that went well and i was downtown by 7:40. the #15 is a frequent bus and so i thought i'd have no problem catching it. it was a couple blocks from the MAX station and there were two guys already standing there. i figured the bus would arrive in a few minutes and i'd be playing dodgeball by 8. it was not to be. this "frequent" bus didn't arrive till 8:03! so i stood in the rain waiting for that one. i finally got to dodgeball, changed and started playing around 8:30. i had some aggression to take out! it was so frustrating!

usually we play till about 9:15 but what happened?! the lights went out at 9! so i was cheated out of an extra 15 minutes AND missed out on the first hour of my planned dodgeballing. after that i was just so upset and wondering what would happen next. it was a long night of irritating things happening (or not). i spent two hours waiting and riding buses basically for a ride that would take at MOST 30 minutes by car, more likely 20. so frustrating! it is times likes these that i desperately want a car because it would be so convenient!

i have thought of it a lot lately, of getting a car. right now there is no way i can afford it or the fuel and insurance costs but perhaps when i graduate and start nursing. i still don't want to rely on it but i know that if i got one i'd become lazy and drive everywhere just cause it's convenient. there is a program called zipcar that you pay a certain amount and have access to hundreds of cars around the city. they pay for gas and it's a pretty sweet thing. i haven't really looked into it yet because USUALLY riding the bus isn't such a pain. sure, it takes an hour to go to school but i can read or relax or sleep or listen to music so it's a pretty nice hour. i know most of the bus system pretty well since i've been using it over four years now and generally i like it. i feel good that i'm using mass transit and helping the environment. if not helping, at least not doing more harm.

#142 - SOLE food

2008-09-29T09:56:00.000-07:00

what is SOLE food? SOLE is seasonal, organic, local and ethical. my philosophy and relationship to food changes all the time but i always love it. i love cooking, shopping, thinking about, looking at, smelling and eating food. food is something that you can treat purely in terms of energy (calories) and just eat for the sake of keeping your engine running. or if you are like me, food is something to really enjoy. i am in the position of being able to choose what i eat. each food dollar is like a vote and you can choose where you put that money. i choose to buy foods that are SOLE foods as much as possible. personally i believe they taste better and make me feel better but it is also better for the environment. un-SOLE foods cost more in petroleum costs, mostly due to packaging and transportation of the foods. if you are buying local produce, perhaps at a local farmer's market, the food will not be packaged as much and will have traveled less.

seasonal foods is a concept that i did not really think about before, when i lived in hawaii. there, it is 80F all year around so there aren't real "seasons". also, much of the produce is shipped in so you can get anything anytime. there are farmer's markets but if you shop in the grocery store, most of that is coming from thousands of miles away. in oregon, there are seasons and i love it. with the seasonal weather changes comes seasonal food availability. mostly, foods are still widely available despite a certain season but it is more expensive. foods that are in season are most likely coming from a closer source and will also be cheaper. these foods will be at their peak, with the highest level of freshness, and therefore best taste and nutrition. i love looking forward to eating berries in the summer and squash in the fall/winter. eating certain foods reminds me of the seasons and it is kind of strange to be eating fresh blueberries in the middle of winter. i just KNOW they are coming from far away.

organic means that the food is grown without the use of chemical fertilizers and this goes for the soil that it is grown in. the organic certification process is overseen by the government and requires three years of growing their produce organically and keeping extensive documentation. they are not able to use the "organic" label at the time and so is an expensive process. growing food organically is tough because you have to combat disease and pests without the use of chemicals. they use different methods that increase the cost but in the end, when you consume an organic piece of food you know that it has not been sprayed with chemicals. some studies have shown an increased level of nutrients in organic foods and better taste as well. while organic food is usually more expensive, it is worth the price to know that many tons of chemicals were not used to grow it.

local food i think might be the most important. when the produce is coming from somewhere closer to you, it will be more fresh and is likely to be in season. it is better for the environment and cuts the costs of transportation and packaging. it is imperative that a place like hawaii become more sustainable and self-sufficient since it is in the middle of the ocean. with rising fuel costs and increased global warming, reliance on fossil fuels and products coming from elsewhere is a very negative thing. these products have to be packaged in such a way to be safe for travel and that creates a lot of waste. some of it maybe recyclable but the first of the three R's is "reduce". hawaii is a great place to grow food and an increase in shopping at farmer's markets would be awesome. there are so many farmer's markets here in portland that i'm probably spoiled. if i had the choice between something that was organic grown in peru or something not but grown at a local farm, i would definitely choose local. especially if i am at the farmer's market and can ask the farmer how he/she grew the food.

ethical food has to do with most meat and dairy. animals have been used for food since the beginning of time but started with hunting and gathering. hunters chased animals and killed them with their own hands. these animals were wild and had a better nutritional profile, leaner. the majority of the food sources were the "gathered" foods and was not a meat-heavy diet. humans are omnivores and can digest almost anything. carnivores can eat as much meat, protein and cholesterol as they want and not have negative health effects. humans eat too much cholesterol and get bad hearts. i am not advocating for a meat-free diet (i have tried it) because for most people that is impossible. today's meat is not wild and much of it not "free range". many people have the fantasy that the cow was walking free, eating grass as he pleased and happy. the fact is most commercially grown meat is coming from animals raised in small, cramped quarters. they have no access to fresh air or enough room to roam. therefore they are given a lot of antibiotics to treat them for sicknesses arising from bad conditions. for more info on that, go to peta. that isn't what this is about. for me, i try to buy dairy and eggs that are from free range animals not given antibiotics. i try to buy meat from local animals raised without antibiotics and humanely treated. i read somewhere if slaughterhouses had glass walls, everyone would be a vegetarian. eating animals is not necessarily unethical but they should be raised and slaughtered in such a way that they are not in pain or abused.

so what does this all mean? food shouldn't be something we take for granted. if you can afford to make choices, why not make choices that are well-informed and thought out? why not choose where your money is going? is it going to pay for the cost of pesticides, packaging and advertisement or is it going towards the upkeep and maintenance of a farm? do we want to rely on other countries for our produce or find some alternatives closer to us, keeping americans in business? do we want to flood our environment with pesticides and chemicals or should we try to avoid using them? do we care about how animals are treated or should we accept the fact that they live in crammed quarters with no fresh air? in the spirit of election season, why not use your dollars as a vote to choose what you stand for?

#141 - giant killers III

2008-09-25T22:47:00.000-07:00

i blogged a couple weeks ago about football season since we had just beaten hawaii. i wrote about the upcoming game against #1 USC and what we needed to do to beat them...well, we did it! oregon state 27, usc 21! it was our house and we defended it, we played with respect for USC and what they can do and just played beaver football. it was 21-0, oregon state at the half and i knew this usc team deserved to be #1 for a reason. they dominated the 3rd quarter and came back to within a touchdown, were going for another when greg laybourn intercepted mark sanchez's pass and ran it to the USC 2 yard line. the superstar of the night, jacquizz rodgers (a true freshman!), ran it in easily to put us up 27-14. of course they wouldn't stop and had a nice quick drive to pull within 6 with 1:19 to go. onside kick failed and it was history!

i wasn't there. (tear!) i didn't even watch it. i was in a meeting and had my friend texting me with updates. i was so nervous and clammy my whole meeting! when it was finally done i ran to a restaurant with a tv and stood outside cheering. it was crazy and i will definitely get a hold of a replay sometime. this team will be known as giant killers III. the original team was a dee andros team in 1967 who beat #1 USC 3-0. OJ simpson was on that USC team, it was historical. since then we have not beaten a #1 ranked team but we did beat them two years ago (i was there!) when they were ranked #3. although they weren't #1, many still consider it a giant victory. many thought that this year's USC team was the best and that sanchez would win the heisman. i am not sure if i doubt that now, if i say they aren't then maybe it's not a big a win as it seems. i want them to win out, i want them to play for the national championship (pretty slim chance i think) and i want to say that we were the only ones that could beat them this year. sure there are better teams than the beavs but we have a lot of heart. we've got an awesome quarterback with amazing energy. you can just feel it the way that he leads his team. he's a real leader.

sometimes i think i can believe in them hard enough so they will win. i think that maybe my cheering and believing actually makes a difference. who knows?! while i respect every opponent that dares to come into reser stadium, we will put up a fight. we will play our hearts out. we will prove that we belong here. and we will show you that just because you live in LA doesn't mean you're awesome. corvallis may be a sleepy little town, but it's a college town and it's all about the BEAVERS!!!

#140 - make me happy

2008-09-22T23:55:00.000-07:00

today was the first day of school. i'm not sure if that's what got me in a mood or the fact that in the past year so much has happened, very personal and emotional. but anyway i am a little down right now, listening to music that will hopefully make me feel better. then i thought of doggies. so here are some pictures of me and the dogs at the beach in june! we spent a lot of time at the beach, sun bathing on the deck, snoozing and cuddling up together on the couch (all 4 of us!). it was one of the best weeks ever.

maui (white), hector (black) and sancho (brown) are such sweet hearts and i miss them very much! they love to cuddle up to me and play. sancho LOVES to play. he's still a puppy so he's always wanting to play fetch. silly sancho. hector is a bit on the rough side, to put it lightly. well, he doesn't like people or dogs he doesn't know. he's known me since he was a puppy so he loves me lots but others he like to growl at and bite. not good. maui is the sweetest thing ever put on this earth, he is the best dog. i love them all! just seeing their pictures puts a big goofy smile on my face. i miss those guys! i hope i can house/dog sit again soon. =)

#139 - ahhh, fall

2008-09-21T14:41:00.000-07:00

tomorrow is the first official day of "autumn" but today certainly feels like it. it is crisp, overcast and wonderful. fall is my favorite season for many reasons, and october is my favorite month. we're almost there. why? the trees are all starting to change colors at the very tips of the leaves. orange tipped trees are beautiful. i love putting on layers of clothes and walking down the street with my face cold but body warm. i love the rain! my bike is now in it's "resting place" aka storage. i am a fair-weather biker. i admit it. having a bus pass and no fender for my bike really make it easy not to bike in the cold and rain. i am a wimp!

what a strange year it has been. just last week it was 90 degrees and now it's nipply out. i've been waiting patiently for fall to arrive and now it has. i start school tomorrow bright and early, with clinicals at the hospital as well. it is going to be one heck of a busy term and i am not sure i am prepared mentally. i am having major anxiety! on top of that i am looking for a new place to rent. i am currently living with 3 guys who i never really see or hang out with. so i have nothing really going for me here, and while it was nice to be across the street from a mcmenamins pub/theater i am over it. i want to be closer to work, school and friends. so i am moving. i'm gonna live with 2 gals from work who are awesome! i can't wait. first we have to find the perfect place though, and that's hard considering we are all poor/working/students.

on another note, RENT is done on broadway but doing a final tour with some of the original cast. i have been a fan of RENT since i first saw it. it's one of those shows that i really get and that i can relate to. other ones that i love i don't necessarily connect to but just like the music, like phantom of the opera and les miz. they are all essentially about love but RENT is set more in this age and place. also, the music is rockin and i love it! it is not coming until june but i just bought my tickets!!! i got orchestra seats for a thursday night but i'm thinking i'll probably try to rush for another night. they are only performing for a week so we'll see if i can.

i have to go to kickball soon. it's cold out and i'll have to dress warmly. last week we lost to the worst team, 10-2. we were short many people and our pitcher severely sprained his ankle. we had 2 guys who never played before and i was 0-3, something that's never happened. i'm not sure where my mojo went. hopefully it'll be back this week! go CHEATERS!

#138 - sarah palin

2008-09-16T08:02:00.000-07:00

who is sarah palin?
for one, she is john mccain's choice for VP. his big issue/concern with obama was that he had no international experience blah blah and who does he pick? the governor of alaska who comes from a small town where she was mayor of less than 10,000 people. who is this woman? i'm sure you've heard or seen her "hockey mom" comment. if not, here is her joke (told at the republican nat'l conv) what's the difference between a hockey mom and a moose? LIPSTICK! omg that is too funny....not. this election is not a laughing matter. our country is in dire need of leadership and change, not four more of the same stuff.

palin is far right, she is against abortion (a woman's right to choose), doesn't believe of separation of church and state, member of NRA, opposes same sex marriage, wants to drill in the ANWR and would not hesitate to go to war with russia. i am all for believing what you want but this woman cannot be president. with mccain being such a dinosaur the chances that he croaks and palin becomes president are high. that is a scary thought.

just listen to this woman speak. first of all she never answers this guy's question, she just dodges and talks about something else. plus she always looks like she's trying to defend herself and looks uncomfortable under pressure.

i've been hearing people who were previously clinton supporters jump over to the mccain-palin side. i wonder why. is it because she doesn't have a penis? why would anyone base their vote on that?! it clearly can't be the issues because on each one they are total opposites - war, abortion, economy, etc. people who would vote for mccain just because he has a woman on his ticket are INSANE! they shouldn't have the right to vote. i also heard the ridiculous notion that by getting palin in this time it opens the door for hilary clinton in 2012! omg that is so wrong.

i hope voters educate themselves and figure out why they are voting for a candidate. not just because "she's hot" (seriously, i heard this!) or he's black. c'mon. look at the deep issues and where they stand on things that are important to you. there is only two months left till people have to make a big decision, which to me is easier than tying my shoes or getting dressed. there is no way i can let this war go on indefinitely, have roe vs. wade overturned, and have the already sinking economy get worse. don't you think our country has gotten bad enough? the time for change is now.

here is one last thing i leave you with. saturday night live, tina fey doing palin. it's comedy.

#137 - pictures with parents

2008-09-14T17:11:00.000-07:00

i wrote a little about my travels with the 'rents but now i've got some pictures so i wanted to share a little bit about what we did.

SEATTLE
we stayed in seattle for two nights and did a few things that were new. we went to the olympic sculpture park for a free art walk. my dad is a big photographer and my mom needs to take pictures too cause then she has something to do while he's taking photos. so basically we all three had cameras and took awhile to go through the park. it was really cool cause it was free and you kind of just walk around and look at different sculptures. art is so up to interpretation, but i enjoy it sometimes. so this picture is of one of several giant safety cones. they were gigantic and while i thought they'd be made of the same material, they were not. they were metal. art.

bumbershoot! it's a weekend of music, music, music...and also some comedy and art. but i was there for the music. my parents were there also and i think had a good time. first we saw vince mira, a young guy from seattle with a voice like johnny cash. he sings a lot of cash covers and a few originals that are basically the same style. i saw blitzen trapper for the first time. they are a portland sextet and were pretty awesome, i'd definitely go see them again. they do lots of experimental stuff and mix country, bluegrass and folk. we got tickets to the show on the mainstage at night, which was death cab for cutie. i definitely like them and had a great time, even got to crowd surf, but my favorite act of the day was langhorne slim. he plays with an upright bass player and a drummer but is definitely the show. his music is kind of folk rock bluegrass and he has a different voice. some songs kind of remind me of bob dylan and others but other stuff is just different. real fresh and entertaining. here are a few vids from youtube:

CANADA
after seattle we drove up to vancouver, BC. vancouver is where the next olympics will be in 2010. can't wait! we stayed with some relatives and had really good dim sum. we went to grouse mountain which is the "peak of vancouver". most of the olympics will be held at whistler which is an hour away but this little mountain was cool. there was a tram ride up to the top and we saw a logger show and birds of prey, which was awesome. we saw a great horned owl, ferruginous hawk, turkey vulture and bald eagle. they would bring them out and the birds would fly from perch to perch, sometimes needed a little encouragement. it was really awesome though, one of them flew right over my head! these things are pretty dangerous/vicious to smaller animals and rodents. they have beaks but mainly use their strong talons to crush their prey! i learned a lot about these guys and it was a cool little demo. i learned that the bald eagle doesn't get a white head till it's pretty old, they start out all brown. they are also pretty big guys and build giant nests as well. it was neat. they also had two grizzly bears at grouse mountain. they were orphaned as babies and were brought to the mountain so they could be safe. they are testing out new ways to save orphans and return them to the wild so they don't have to be euthanized. so these guys are testing out electric fencing technologies.

after vancouver we took a ferry to vancouver island. we went to the butterfly gardens and butchart garden in victoria. they were both pretty fun and awesome. i've never really seen that many types of butterflies. my mom bought this butterfly chart and had me memories 34 types of butterflies while we were riding in the car. so i can identify those 34! haha i am such a nerd. there were so many, and it was set in this building with tropical plants and weather. it was chilly outside but almost 80 inside. there were many different sizes and colors of butterflies, including those popular orange and black monarchs. it made me think of all those caterpillars i saw in guatemala. i wonder what kind of butterflies they were going to be.

the butchart gardens were beautiful. we went before but i don't really remember much because it was in intermediate school but it's a giant garden and really british. it was cool but a little too proper for my tastes. there were tons of pretty flowers though and that was nice. we wanted to eat at the restaurant there but you needed reservations so we tried this place outside the park that had cajun/creole food and i had ribs that were delicious! we came back for the night gardens, which they pretty much just put lights on the different plants and it looked different. usually you think of flowers as beautiful for their colors so i experimented a little and did some B&W photography to capture their different shapes and sizes in the light with shadows. it was kind of fun and interesting. the whole day was basically photography with the parents, seriously they took hundreds, maybe thousands of pictures that day. i got away with only 200 maybe. so i had fun taking pics but it was kind of a long day. we went to our hotel in downtown victoria late that night and slept well. the next day was museum day and just hanging out around the town. it was a pretty nice time in canada, i always enjoy going there...mostly cause they say "eh"!

#136 - football season

2008-09-14T12:34:00.000-07:00

ahhhh, fall. changing colors, (supposedly) cooler weather, and football! well i went to my first (and probably only) football game of the season. it's the third week already and this was the first game i've seen all season. what's that about?! well i've been on the road, went to canada where they don't pay much attention to football and just hanging with the parents. so the purpose of their trip was to see me, but they planned it around this football game. hawaii @ oregon state.

the last time the two teams played, OSU went to aloha stadium and won 35-32 at the end of what was an amazing season. we beat USC that year and won the civil war with UO. our last game was at hawaii against colt brennan and company. it was such a good game that was close all the way, with the Beavs coming out on top. that's what i was hoping for yesterday but it just wasn't meant to be. the warriors lost many key players to the NFL or graduation, including colt and his receivers. so hawaii scored first, a touchdown and i thought it'd be a great game. unfortunately there were a slew of hawaii injuries and the oregon state defense came alive. here are 10 mins of osu highlights.

so my parents were a little disappointed cause they came all the way to see this game, especially since the warriors didn't even play well. we went to eat chinese food after the game and al afalava and family were there eating too. he's from kahuku and had a big family come over for the game. in one of the newspapers he was quoted as saying if osu loses he can't go home, so now he's free to go and have bragging rights i guess. he's our hard hitting safety and a really nice guy despite his intense play on the field.

one of his hits last year at the civil war:

well next up is #1 USC on the 25th. they just spanked formerly #5 (overrated) ohio state 35-3. it wasn't even close. i am shaking in my little beaver boots. now i am in no way a fair weather fan but i seriously doubt my teams abilities in what might be the best USC team in the pete carroll era. they are deep, fast and good. this is a great football team that will be in the national championship game this year. no doubt. the last time the trojans came into Reser stadium they were ranked #3 and we won, 33-31

we've got some play makers and a decent quarterback-leader in moevao, speedy quizz rodgers and his brother james. sammie straughter is due for a breakout performance as well. the defense needs to step it up. while they did well against the warriors, the line is gonna really need to get some pressure on the QB sanchez and stop the run of the many many talented backs that USC has. we're gonna have to force many turnovers like last time and just play really well. we gotta bring the A game!

GO BEAVERS!

#135 - ahh, portland

2008-09-06T23:28:00.000-07:00

travel is fun but it's always nice to come back home. i'm lucky and i have two such places, portland and hawaii. no matter how long i stay away for, hawaii still feels like home. i don't really want to live there anymore cause i love it on the mainland, but it is a special place. i am lucky to have family and friends there. i've been living in portland for 4 years now and oregon for a total of 8. i love the weather, people, places, greenery and attitudes.

my parents are here for two weeks so we went up to seattle and canada for one of them. after bumbershoot and spending time in seattle we drove up to canada. we have some far off relatives that live in vancouver, BC. we stayed with them for one night and they were nice people. i got to hear many stories about their past, many many stories of hardships they endured. it does get old eventually but they were pretty sweet and cute. we went to dim sum one day for brunch, it was the best i've had. the spring rolls with shrimp were amazing. the shrimp were HUGE and the outside so crispy and not greasy at all. roast duck (always a treat), choi sum, char siu bau and an assortment of other dim sum things. we also got a good spicy eggplant noodle dish. mmm...our relatives cooked dinner that night as well, baked salmon and tuna cakes. it was actually good, and i don't even like seafood. we visited grouse mountain, which is the highest peak in vancouver. they had a wildlife area with two grizzly bears and a program with birds of prey. it was pretty cool seeing the horned owl, ferruginous hawk, turkey vulture and bald eagle up close. they trained them to fly from post to post but some of them flew right over head. whooosh!

vancouver is where the olympics will be in 2010 so they are working hard on improving the city. it is costing them millions so i definitely plan on going and spending a few dollars up there. starting to save... my "aunty" (or however we are related) is not very happy about the money situation since they'll be in debt up to their heads and then have all these buildings afterwards. they had to build a curling building cause for olympics i guess it needs 8 lanes. the ones they had were only 4. so they built it on an old playground or something.

we took the ferry to victoria BC and went to the butterfly gardens and butchart gardens. i took many pics that i will upload soon. we spent lots of time and it was a lot of beautiful things with many colors. also in victoria we took a tour of the parliament building and visited the royal bc museum and saw two IMAX shows. it was fun!

all this was fun and i spent time with my parents but it was nice to finally come home to portland. it's comfortable here and i actually missed it while i was gone. seattle is too big and city-like, even though people like to think we're as big. we're not. being in canada was nice but we were mostly in touristy areas so that changes things a little. i'll be going back in 2 years and it'll be even more touristy. it's not a very big place yet thousands of people will be going for the olympics. i am giddy with excitement! stuff i want/need to see - snowboarding, ski jump, speed skating, figure skating (practice would be fine), hockey (any country). i am sure the events will all cost an arm and leg but i just want to be there.

#134 - bumbershoot

2008-09-03T08:05:00.000-07:00

i'm in canada right now! we drove up to seattle and spent two nights there. the second day we went to bumbershoot, which is a huge music and arts festival. it's been going on for many years but has become a giant event. i went with my parents, which was kind of odd cause it was more a "young people" thing. :)

we got there early, before gates opened, and stood in a long line that went around the EMP and down the street. it took about 20 minutes to get in once the line started moving at 11. once in we had to get our evening show passes, which were first come first served. the passes were for Superchunk and Death Cab for Cutie. i kind of mapped out the bands i wanted to see. there were about 5 different stages set up around the area, all with nice grassy areas to sit/lay in or stand and dance.

first we went to see vince mira, a young boy from seattle with an old, deep johnny cash-like voice! it was great. then we went to see joshua morrison but he got called away on military orders so couldn't make it. in his place was kristin ward, a folk singer. at that point my parents wanted to go to a comedy show and i to more music. so i left them.

i saw mark pickerel & the praying hands, blitzen trapper (awesome band from portland), langhorne slim (really awesome!) and two gallants.

i found some new music and had a great time! and of course in the evening, after we left to have dinner, we went and saw the big names in the stadium. it was fun. i got to dance around and be stuck with a bunch of sweaty teenagers. i went crowd surfing!!! i love it, you can see everything and it's fun!

#133 - there is hope

2008-08-28T22:45:00.000-07:00

there is hope again in this country and his name is barack obama. this will be the next president, he understands the needs of our country and what we need to have a future. "the change we need is coming, because i've seen it" what part of our country do we not need change? i see problems in every part: war in iraq, health care, economy/jobs, taxes, environmental policies, education, etc. i called someone to wish them a happy birthday and she said "did you see obama?! it was inspiring!" and it feels like there is so much going on, there is a special energy that seems to be involved in this election. her friend was undecided until she watched his speech. my mom cried. of course, there is a long way till the actual election but man, this is exciting!

you don't have to be a democrat to appreciate this speech. instead of dividing ourselves by our beliefs, why don't we come together as a nation? it is moving and addresses many of the concerns over obama's lack of experience or other issues people may have with him. just listening to him speak gives me the chills and i think it is hope that i am feeling. there is actually hope for this country. yes some may say this is the best country in the world but really, we are suffering as a whole. you may be comfortable in your suburban home with your 2 cars, children, etc but as they say, you are only as strong as your weakest link. we do not take care of each other and the divide between rich and poor is growing every day. we need to take care of those who can't afford health care and education. everyone has a right to those things. many people are born into poverty and we expect them to just rise above it but no one can do it alone. they have so much going against them yet we don't give them a helping hand.

you may not be a democrat, voter, political, idealist, optimist or activist but i know you are human. it is human to want what is best for yourself. everyone wants happiness and what better way than to provide a good life for every man, woman and child? we are just people, the same flesh and bone. we may differ on many things but why should we focus on that? we are all americans, let's come together and change our country for the better! listen and cheer, four parts for your enjoyment.

part 1

part 2

part 3

part 4

#132 - consumerism

2008-08-27T22:41:00.000-07:00

how do you define yourself? when you meet someone new, they often ask "what do you do?" and it's a hard question to answer for me because 1) i wipe butts for a job and 2) i am going to school to become a nurse. neither of these things really define me as a person and i don't really want to introduce myself as one or the other. but what should i say? i am a person who loves to play dodgeball, sing in the rain, travel the world and to eat good food. :) i think people sometimes ask so they can feel superior. they might not even be listening to what you say, but waiting for you to finish so they can one-up you.

i was watching "trading spouses" on CMT (yes, don't laugh) and this lady was so caught up with herself, she kept mentioning that she had a four-poster California king bed. her relationship with her husband was distant at best, and really - she was crazy and self-absorbed. her insecurities with her personal life manifested itself in showing off of her material possessions. having a nice big bed does not make you a good or decent person. she criticized the other mom for not running twice a day and said how "they are lucky i am here to help them and give them some culture." she was from florida and they were from wisconsin. i am not sure there is much more culture in florida than wisco.

so these things make me think of the movie FIGHT CLUB. if you have not seen it, you must. if you do not like violence then you can skip over those scenes, i don't really believe it is essential to the essence of the themes and purpose. here is a short clip/quote from the movie about self and identity.

you're not your job. you're not how much money you have in the bank. you're not the car you drive. you're not the contents of your wallet. you're not your fucking khakis. you're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.

i don't believe in advertising, especially for drugs. this is a post for another day but people really believe in what they see on tv. while this isn't necessarily their fault, it is a problem. "advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need." it is so true. why is it that we are so dependent on material possessions? having things makes us feel good and buying things makes us feel we are closer to somehow having everything we need. we will never get to that place because hopefully we are always evolving and will never reach a state of being "complete". every day is a chance to become a better person.

tyler durden says "the things you own end up owning you. it's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." meaning, material possessions are weighing us down. maybe it does not feel like it but our lives revolve around our "stuff". we need jobs to pay the rent to store the things we buy and electricity to keep them going. many people even have storage units to store the things they have purchased that they do not necessarily use. useless things taking up your money. that does not seem to make you "free". when people go through natural disasters and lose everything, they gain other things. they realize how the thing that's worth the most (their life) is still there even if they have no money. the friends and family that they still have is worth more than that house or car. while it may seem essential to have such things, it is not. of course losing all your possessions would be hard to cope with but there is more to life than stuff. with nothing to keep you attached you might realize that you have a bigger, larger purpose.

i re-read this post and it sounds kind of preachy. these are just my observations in general and while i believe a lot of it to be true, i do not really live this way. i buy things, i love to shop. i have more t-shirts than a person needs. i can not do laundry for a month and still have clothes to wear. BUT i do feel that all my things weigh me down and that if i can somehow simplify my life and pare down my belongings i will feel more free. i want to travel the world and having all this stuff kind of makes that less achievable. i need to pay rent or for storage while i am away, just so i have my things when i get back. on my trip to mexico/guatemala i lived out of a backpack, for almost a month. i never really felt i was lacking because i had the essentials and it was enough. back home, my room full of stuff was sitting there. going to school and working i do need a little more than just the essentials but the more you have, the more comfortable you become. why can't i just be content? if i am content with my material possessions, i can move on to other things. i can be free to change other aspects of my life and really work on my inner self, rather than focusing so much on my appearance/image/status.

i am working on finding a new place to live, with some friends. i want to pare down before i move. it will simplify the moving process as well as cut out the things in my life i don't need. other people could find better uses for my unloved things. i've got things sitting in the basement i haven't seen in a year. i am not even sure what's down there. i've got clothes i've never worn and books i never open. so i will simplify. will this get me closer to changing my life for the better? i hope so. it is hard to change the hard-wired consumerist lifestyle that we've become accustomed to but i want to, and hey, it can happen.

#131 - cleaning schedule

2008-08-25T19:34:00.000-07:00

my roommate has been trying to get a house meeting together for some time now. we've all got different schedules and i think i'm out of the house most. the others are night jobbers so we're on different sleeping schedules. so he thought it best he just talk to us individually. i don't know if this is a dictatorship but he said that we're changing the cleaning schedule to have "incentives" although i am not sure that is the right word. basically, if you don't do your chores by sunday you pay $15. $10 to the person behind you on the list and $5 to a house fund. there is no way i can afford this and there is no way i can get my chores done every week. there are 4 rotating chores: kitchen (worst and hardest), bathroom (2nd most), living room/laundry (lame and easy), garbage (once a week, easy). most of the time i do not even know what day it is so being on a cleaning schedule really doesn't work for me.

sure, cleaning the house is important but when i clean, it's a deep clean that you can tell the difference afterwards. i don't think it's necessary every week. if you've seen my room you know i am not even a neat person. i don't consider myself "dirty" but i'm in no way neat. i do have anal tendencies when cleaning and organizing but it doesn't bug me that my room looks like a hurricane just went through. i have better things to do than upkeep the visual aesthetics of my living space. i don't mind stepping over things to get to my bed, then throwing random things on the floor that have been occupying that space. my room is about 8x12 so there isn't much room. i have too much stuff and i know this. i'm working on it. my new place will be smaller.

speaking of, i'm going to move out. i can't deal with cleaning schedules and such. especially cleaning schedules with "disincentives", if there is such a word. two gals from work want to find a house to live in together. it's gonna happen at the end of september. one of them is in eugene till i find a place and the other is at her mom's and wants to wait till she pays off her credit card. so far i haven't found much that will fit our needs and wants but there is still a month so even if i found something it wouldn't work out. we don't want to pay more than $1200 for a 3 BR which is actually kind of hard to find in a good location. so i'll keep looking cause i need to move out!

#130 - brandi @ the zoo

2008-08-24T17:01:00.000-07:00

brandi carlile is one of my favorite singers. she has an amazing voice and a great variety of music. in some songs she rocks out and others are sweet ballads. the band consists of "the twins", tim and phil hanseroth plus a drummer that's changed a couple times and the cellist, josh neuman. i went to my 4th brandi carlile concert the other night at the oregon zoo. it was an amazing show and i was right up at the front with other obsessed fans who knew all the words to her songs. they just wrapped up recording on a new album and so played a lot of new songs. i've been watching vids on youtube so i pretty much knew all the songs in the set, which ran about 90 minutes. it was great!!

it was a pretty amazing place to have a concert and they have concerts every week during the summer at the zoo. it just so happened that the elephant was very soon expecting a baby. so they kept commenting about the elephant and it turns out the baby, a boy, wasn't born till the next morning. i read that it was 286 lbs! i took a bunch of pictures throughout the show but many turned out blurry because it was dark and no flash was allowed (altho people still flashed, idiots). the funniest thing happened while i was shooting, this girl comes up and offers me a beer in exchange for e-mailing her pics! i agreed but didn't really want any beer so she gave me $2. does this make me a professional? :) the thing about brandi and seeing her live is that she puts everything into her shows. she lets it all go as if she's playing for you the first and only time. it really felt like i was the only one there, even though it was a sold out/packed show.

she played songs from her two albums "brandi carlile" and "the story" as well as some new songs on the upcoming album and cover songs. i've heard her cover many songs and she did a couple favorites, "folsom prison blues" (johnny cash) and "fortunate son" (credence clearwater revival). when you think about those songs you wonder how a gal could do it but she pretty much owns it! and as always, she closed the encore with a cover of "hallelujah" which is always amazingly spine-tingling. it is a leonard cohen song which has been done by many people and i think the most popular is the jeff buckley version, but brandi really makes it her own.

here are a couple new songs, hopefully on the new album!

dreams

caroline (oregon zoo show)

that year (heard it at her last show but it's still new)

pride & joy (not new exactly but they kinda changed it)

#129 - nursing clinicals

2008-08-19T16:01:00.001-07:00

i had a summer class that i cut my summer trip short for. i should've been in costa rica getting ready for a fun wedding. instead i've been back for almost a month, back in the real world. it seems weird that just a month ago i was traveling and living out of my backpack. now it's back to reality and my messy disaster of a room. add to that a broken dryer and shower in my house. i am not sure how i will take a shower tomorrow tho i'm thinking maybe at work. one of my roommates is supposedly taking care of it but the dryer has been broken for weeks. i had to use the laundromat the other day because i ran out of scrubs and underwear. this guy fell in a puddle of water and his wife called an ambulance. there wasn't anything i could do for him and i felt pretty helpless.

so bottom line is - i need to move. a couple friends from work are looking for a place with me and we're looking for cheap, 3 br, preferably in inner SE or NE, maybe even nopo would be cool. something in the range of $1000-$1400. W/D would be nice, or even hookups. option of pets would be nice but i know i'm not ready for one yet.

my summer class consisted of one day of in-the-classroom practice. we were given some videos to review as well as tools to help us get back into nursing. our last clinicals were in november, so our skills are a bit rusty. or they were. after that class i was a little nervous and skeptical of my skills but now i'm back in the game. we had to do four clinical days out at the hospital. it was usually about 7am-4pm but we got out early today. doing those four days really helped my confidence in patient care and an assortment of skills i didn't know i had. things like patient teaching and organizing my day with medications and treatments. of course, i only had one patient but i also was able to observe several seasoned nurses and how they do things. every nurse has their own "practice" and it's nice to be able to model the things i like and omit the others. i haven't had a bad nurse yet but i've heard some stories.

one of my patients was a homeless man withdrawing from alcohol. he was very agitated and it said he drank a dozen 24-oz per day...that is a lot of beer! there are many patients like this and seeing him only reaffirmed my decision to quit drinking. i don't want to get to that point. i don't think i would become that way, but i don't think he ever thought that either. it really can happen to anyone if they slowly lose that control and let the alcohol take over their lives. it's a harsh disease that affects many people.

TV - just started watching six feet under, it's about a family that owns a mortuary. showtime has the best shows! this one is pretty funny and the family is so dysfunctional it's entertaining. a lot of people are afraid of death or even talking about it. uncomfortable topic, use comedy! i guess working at a nursing home i see a lot of old people die so it doesn't make me too scared. it's a natural part of life and for me, it's nice helping someone to be comfortable at the end. you just have to accept it's going to happen.

#128 - taco thing

2008-08-17T17:09:00.000-07:00

i did an experiment. well first i wanted to make quesadillas cause they are yummy. so i pulled out some ingredients for that. then i realized i had a ripe avocado but i didn't want to put it IN the "dilla" so...i made this thing. i made my quesadillas first, with small round corn tortillas, shredded "mexican" cheese (cheddar and pepper jack i think) and frozen corn. i sliced up the avocado, then decided to mash them up instead. added some cilantro, lime and salt. once my quesadillas were done i spread the avocado mixture on half, put some salsa picante, chopped red onions and cilantro on top and VOILA - my taco thing! it was amazingly delicious so i didn't even have a chance to take a photo, but i am thinking of making them again tomorrow for dinner. here is what i used:
4 corn tortillas
2 handfuls of shredded cheese
some frozen corn
cilantro
1/2 avocado
1/2 lime
some salsa
some red onions

i think i have invented something new, or at least new to me. what to call it though...quesadilla tacos?

#127 - night shift

2008-08-16T19:47:00.000-07:00

i worked my first night shift. usually i work the day shift (6:30am-3pm) but there weren't enough open shifts this week so i picked up two night shifts (10:30pm-7am). i thought it would be really hard and i was pretty nervous but it ended up fine. i was a little tired at one point around 2-4am but it passed and i got a second wind. the residents mostly sleep and you answer a few call lights but mostly it's chill. i was thinking it might be good to work night shifts because when i become a RN most likely the shifts that i'll be able to get will be those unwanted ones.

it is still amazingly hot in portland, i'm pretty sure it hit 100F today. it's so yucky! i was worried that when i came home i wouldn't be able to sleep because of the heat and light but i got almost 8 hours. it's weird to wake up at 2:45 in the afternoon. i am not sure what kind of schedule i can get on when school starts but i am really wanting to work the night shift. it'll give me time to study when it's quiet and it's nice to be in quiet sometimes. also there are no administrators around so that's a big incentive. i need to figure out how to work nights and still be able to function during the day.

i am a big sweat bug right now. gonna shower, eat some leftover thai food then head to work. this day has been kind of weird, kind of zombie-like. i guess it's just another day. i finished the first season of dexter. there is another one but i think i'm gonna put it on hold for a little while. i started watching the 2nd season of "little mosque on the prairie". this show is funny, it's about a mosque in canada. it's an islamic comedy i guess, i saw the first season on dvd and just found the second on surfthechannel.com, check it out.

school starts in a little over a month. i am actually pretty excited to get started and going again. when i'm not in school or working full time i am kind of in limbo. it seems like i waste a lot of time (watching tv perhaps) and have no purpose. some people find ways to make themselves productive but not me. i'll have class on mondays and fridays and some clinicals thrown in there somewhere. they never tell us ahead of time when our clinicals will be and our class schedule usually changes without them telling us till THAT DAY. i just have to get through it. june 12 is the day, 10 months until i become something else.

#126 - birthday

2008-08-14T22:47:00.000-07:00

why does it have to be 100 degrees on my birthday? i'm not sure if it's hit that mark but it's pretty darn close. exhibit A - me in birthday suit. seriously i can't wear clothes in this weather! it's 11 at night and i am sweating. i didn't do much today, it was nice to not work and just relax. my uncle took me out for breakfast then he had to catch a flight back to san diego. when i got home i took a nap and didn't wake up till it was time to hang out with my friend from work. we sat at a french cafe and had coffee and sweets. that's about it. oh and i got my hair cut, it's about time cause it was getting pretty shaggy. i didn't really feel like doing much for my birthday this year. i wasn't feeling it, maybe it's some kind of birthday blues. after all, it's not really special and just another day. another day to look back and realize how much you have or haven't changed in a year.

i can't even think in this heat. tomorrow i work the night shift, 11pm to 7am. it's my first time and i'm not sure i'll be able to handle it. my plan is to stay up late tonight and sleep as long as i can tomorrow. with the heat i am not sure i will be able to sleep very long. i'm actually thinking of going down to the basement to snooze. basements are dark and cool, perfect for sleeping.

i've been watching a lot of tv online. it started when i was introduced to "firefly", a scifi western. it was pretty good but only survived one season so i was kind of left hanging, i don't like that. so i've been trying to find some good shows. "dexter" was recommended by this guy i know. it's a very dark show. it's basically about this guy dexter who is a forensics expert by day and serial killer by night. he only kills people who "deserve it" and it's pretty interesting.

i was halfway through the second season of "the l word" when the site i was using kind of stopped working. so again, i am left hanging. the last season (six) is gonna start in january and i think people are pretty excited. i just heard of it recently but it's pretty interesting. i still have a lot more to watch so i hope the website comes back.

i finished the "grey's anatomy" series through the fourth season, patiently awaiting the fifth in september. i had watched the first 3 but somehow stopped watching the latest one, probably because of school.

one of my favorites is "bones" and season four should be starting this fall as well. i don't have a tv so i rely on the internet for tv watching. once school starts though i will probably have a hard time keeping up. also i like to watch them with limited commercials or none at all. internets are good for this. also "house" is one of my favorites so i'm looking forward to season five of that. there is just so much to watch, so little time.

i used to watch "desperate housewives" but missed the last couple seasons. it kept getting weirder and i'm not sure if i want to revisit it quite yet.

i am thinking the next series i start might be CSI or the sopranos. i haven't seen either and heard good things about both. maybe monk or the office too. well i guess football season will be starting soon also. it's gonna be a busy fall!

okay technically it's not my birthday anymore so i better stop blogging about it. it's OLD news, just like moi! tomorrow is just another day.

#125 - olympics 2008

2008-08-08T20:43:00.000-07:00

usually i am all over the olympics. i like to watch as much as i can, even if it's something i find boring like track or it's in the middle of the night. some people enjoy watching other people run around in a circle, personally i find it boring. i don't care if someone can run 100 meters in less than 10 seconds cause if i don't have to run, i'm not gonna! i used to be very patriotic and believed USA should win it all, have the best medal count and all that jazz. did i somehow lose my olympic spirit and national pride? maybe it has to do with the fact that it's so much about marketing and money now, even if they say it's an amateur things with amateur athletes, that is not true. i don't even know if i care that some of them are professionals and get paid to do what they are great at. sure, there will be people who rise from being nobodies to become national heroes. there will be "sure things" who fail and don't live up to expectations of their country and countrymen. people will get up on the podium and cry as the national anthem is played, mouthing the wrong words because they forgot them. there will be (or probably was already) a crazy long opening ceremony with lots of interpretive dancing and music that is culturally relevant and what not. i guess i've always liked winter olympics better but i used to enjoy them all. what happened?

i didn't realize till now how much money and work goes into building and planning for olympics. there are millions of people involved and billions of dollars. they make an olympic "city" in a few years, i guess that's pretty amazing. they clean up the area that it's held in. i heard sydney was a pretty dirty city before the olympics rolled into town. the thing that has been bothering me is i read an article about people who have been displaced because of the olympics. they just get kicked out of their homes because it's now gonna be a stadium, or parking lot, or whatever. they have no choice but to leave. this is unfair, but i guess that is life. sucks.

another thing - tibet. i won't go deep into this issue but i believe that china is slowly crushing and destroying tibet's rich and beautiful culture. tibet's spiritual and political leader, hh dalai lama lives in exile in india and has not even seen his country in the 50 years that china has occupied tibet. it makes me angry and sad because of the atrocities that have taken place at the hand of chinese ruling in tibet. they have not only destroyed monasteries, homes and temples, but also tortured and killed over a million tibetan people, many over religious causes. the chinese government says they are "improving" tibet and putting money into that region to benefit the tibetans but really it encourages more chinese to move "out west".

so i am frustrated and not sure if i will watch any of the olympics. honestly i have a lot more going on right now and don't even have a tv. watching it on tv is so commercialized and over-produced that it's not as fun to watch. you have to sit through a lot of talking in order to watch any athletic action! i'm just not into it this year. i can't wait till vancouver '10 though!

#124 - the good

2008-08-06T20:47:00.000-07:00

my day at work was good and bad, mostly just busy/crazy. i will only write about the good though because this moment made my day. we have this resident i will call A. she's about to turn 104, i think. age gets fuzzy once they get so old. so we're sitting there at lunch and i am helping her to eat.

i tell her "A, next week is our birthdays you know?"
she says "oh really?"
i say "yeah you'll be 104"
she says "well it will be my day"
so i say "well what do you want on your special day?"
she answers "i just want to love you"

i love her! she is just such a sweet lady and i almost cried at that moment. i doubt she even really knows who i am, even though i've worked with her for 2.5 years. she's almost blind and pretty hard of hearing. sometimes i think she knows its me by my voice and gentle care but i can never really be sure. she says wonderful things like "you're a jewel" and "you're a beautiful girl" (i take it for what it is cause she's nearly blind).

one hundred and four years old! that's old. working in geriatrics you deal with a lot of old people, they come and go. there are usually people dying every month, some months more than others. A is the one resident that i am attached to and it will destroy me when she goes. i've seen so many die, some went slow and others fast and unexpected. i've gone to a few funerals of those who really impacted me in some way. i spend so much time there and get to know these wonderful people, it's really hard to let go. some of them don't even have a funeral because they have no one.

i have a couple who have been married for decades, probably 60 years or so. they still call each other sweetheart and are always looking for the other. they tell each other "i love you" and honestly, it's one of the most wonderful things. they don't know where they are or what year it is. he is pretty deaf and can't see well, she is kind of crazy (okay, really crazy), but what they do know is their love for one another, and it's beautiful. that's the thing that keeps them going.

and these people i take care of are the reason i keep going back, even though it kills my back and i can't stand some of the people i work with. i am there for the residents because they deserve someone who cares about them. it seems like everyday is a bad day and i say i'm never coming back, and then someone tells me they just want to love me. the thing is, everyone just wants and needs a little love.

#123 - failure and success

2008-08-05T19:09:00.000-07:00

i have been reading a book called wooden: a lifetime of observations and reflections on and off the court, by john wooden. coach wooden was an amazing and storied coach and is a popular motivational speaker. he started his collegiate coaching career at indiana state then moved to UCLA where his teams won ten national championships, seven in a row, and had an overall record of 620-147. he coached for nearly twenty years there and no one even comes close to his achievements on the court. he is in the basketball hall of fame as both a player and coach. by these parameters you could say he is very successful but to him success is not national championships or number of games won. he said "try your hardest in all ways and you are a success" and "effort is what counts in everything". this is a man of principles, he was born in 1910 and raised by hard working parents. now this isn't really a post or biography about coach wooden. he is very successful and i could quote his book to fill pages but what i've been thinking about lately is failure and success. when i read my google reader today i came upon this video, which i've seen before:

michael jordan is my favorite athlete, no doubt. no one thinks about his so-called "failures" because he is a winner and a success. it's not so much an issue of half-full or -empty but people makes mistakes and fail at things. it's a fact. you cannot do anything if you do not try it. another wooden quote: "the individual who is mistake-free is also probably sitting around doing nothing". so i say this, what am i doing?! i'm sitting around, mostly cause i'm under the weather and it's way too hot to get anything done but i have been a bit lazy lately.

but i had my first "summer class" today. it's not a real class, i am taking this mandatory "transitional" class for those who failed a class and are left behind. so this class is to get us up to speed with where we should be. today we spend 5 hours in the lab practicing our skills then we have 40 hours in the next two weeks at clinicals. the last time i even touched an IV was probably in november at my last clinical, many months ago. i don't remember how to set up a piggyback. i am sketchy on how to insert a catheter. so these are things i had to work on. how can i be successful when i don't keep my skills up? how can i be successful when i am not putting forth my best effort with all i've got or hanging back waiting for someone to teach me? i cannot. i understand now what i need to do. perhaps that is why i am here in the first place, maybe i was not ready. on grey's anatomy, george o'malley failed his intern exam. so he had to take the whole year over, his friends moved on to become residents and he was still an intern. that is how i feel. my original class is graduating at the end of the month, i've got till next june. oh the horror. BUT, i am back on the horse, learned my lessons, and i will be a success because no one will work harder to achieve their potential than me. i will be a success.

#122 - missy higgins

2008-08-03T22:53:00.000-07:00

usually i hear people before i see them live but i saw missy higgings open for mason jennings and i totally fell in love. i already knew it was gonna be a good show cause brett dennen (also awesome!) was playing too. but missy is an amazing singer and i really can't get enough! she's from australia and totally awesome with a beautiful voice and catchy songs. here are a few of my favorites:

"scar" - great energy!

"the special two" - just found this one and love it!

"peachy" - love the video and "life is peachy"

"where i stood" - was in grey's anatomy, totally perfect for the episode.

"greed for love"

"steer" - one of my faves

#121 - stranger than life

2008-08-03T15:44:00.000-07:00

i don't even know what that title is about. i think everyone gets a little weird around their birthday. some are scared of getting older but mostly i think we like to re-evaluate ourselves and our accomplishments. a year has passed and so we think about it. i do this at new years also. once i reached my 20s, life started getting better every year. if you ask my favorite age, i'll say it's right now. i'm figuring stuff out every day.

my bday is less than two weeks away and i've come to several conclusions. waking up at 4am on the side of the road kind of does that to you, details are unimportant but let's just say it involved drinking and i really woke up. i love to have fun but usually that means going out with a bunch of people to the bar. it's how i spend a lot of evenings and i enjoy it, it's what people do right? so now in order to avoid doing that i need to think of new things. the thing is i really enjoy beer, especially the microbrews of oregon and the northwest especially. i like going to beer fests and what not. it was one of my hobbies, okay maybe my only hobby besides pseudo sports (in which you get free beer for losing). i will probably watch more movies and i want to read more. i will probably end up being a hermit because most of my friends like to drink, a lot. i don't want to put myself into positions where it is hard to keep promises to myself. it's just easier to stay home than go to a bar with friends and not drink.

so back to my birthday. i've never had anxiety about growing older, probably because i'm still in my 20s. almost to my late 20s but still young. whenever i tell someone they say "oh you're a baby!" and really it's true. so much has changed since my last birthday, i started playing dodgeball for one. also, i have many new and exciting friends. went on an awesome trip and had a few new hairstyles... but many things are the same. i live in the same room in the same house. i work at the same job. i have a lot of same, great friends. but i am barely farther than i was in school last birthday. some would say being in the same house and same job are good things but it makes me antsy. not many understand that antsy feeling; i like change i guess. last year for the "special day" i went to the coast, hung out with family/friends, ate moroccan salsa and greek pasta salad all day, went to the river to swim and drink beers, and had a great day. it was just the sort of birthday i like, no expectations, just hanging out and having a good time.

this year my uncle (also a leo) is coming to town from san diego so we will be having a birthday dinner and hang out. i'm not really sure what i want to do to celebrate with my friends though. in all reality it is just another day and nothing special in the big scheme of things but i am a year older and it was a better year than the last. you can't go wrong with the making and eating of good food with good friends though, i'm thinking maybe mexican.

#120 - wasting time

2008-07-29T20:17:00.000-07:00

i've been back now for four days, and what do i have to show for it? not much besides pictures on flickr. yes, it took awhile, but that's not a good excuse. luckily my work has been calling me non-stop so i'm working thu, fri, sat this week. so i think i'll be ok money-wise. i was a little worried cause i've got rent coming up and i haven't been working, only spending. i spent just about $1000 on my trip, not counting the airfare there. it's not too bad, i kept track of everything i spent there so i would have a good idea of what i bought. the top three things were hotels ($140), meals/snacks/water ($318) and transportation ($190). other things would be gifts, internet, laundry, stupid phone calls, guatemalan farmacia purchases, border fees, park entrance fees and a massage.

it was the best $1000 i've ever spent.

i've been pretty much here, in my computer chair, doing computer stuff all day and listening to music. where have the days gone? i haven't left the house in a couple days. one of my goals for the week was to get some clothes bags together though and i've been working on that...very slowly. i've actually got 4 plastic bags full of clothes so far. i want to pare it down even more. what i realized while traveling is that i live in a world of excess. it's not just me but all i need to change is myself, i'm not worried about others right now.
we took a lot of buses through small towns and saw people living in probably 10x10 cement buildings with dirt floors. while i'm not gonna go that far i know that i don't want to live in a big house. i live in a room right now, it's probably about 8x13 or so. pretty small but it's just me and i've got a living room, bathroom, basement, and kitchen also in the house. whole families were living in these tiny rooms and that was it. plus they have lots of kids there, who knows where everyone slept.

another thing was that i did not travel with that much clothes:
-2 tank tops
-2 t-shirts
-black, collared short sleeve shirt
-green, no collared short sleeve shirt
-collared long sleeve shirt
-long sleeve linen shirt
-swim suit
-3 shorts/capris (gray, green, khaki)
-fleece
-rain jacket
-hat
-chaco sandals
-merrell waterproof shoes!
-rubber slippers
-3 undies and socks

some things i was able to just wash and hang up to dry. we did laundry i think 3 times, about once a week. although it was kind of tiring to wear the same things, i did mix and match them so i had some variety. so what i learned about that was i have WAY TOO MUCH CLOTHES! i barely wear things and other things i wear to death. while i'm not throwing out my whole closet, i do want to simplify it a bit. no one really needs 50 t-shirts right? especially ones with the same design...you get a new shirt on every dodgeball team, so i have a zillion shirt that say "recess time sports" on it, in many colors. i'm not gonna wear that anywhere but dodgeball really so into a plastic bag they went. if someone gives me a shirt, i try to wear it and keep it. really, i should only wear things i really like and that fit well but i'll hold onto things that people gave me that don't even fit...just in case. don't wanna hurt any feelings. i've also got a million orange/OSU shirts from athletic training days. i probably don't need them ALL.

so what i do is every hour or so, i get off my butt and do a little bit of cleaning/organizing/purging at a time. then i watch a movie or tv show online, or make some spaghetti. i am just enjoying the last days of my freedom i guess. tomorrow i am actually leaving the house to hang out with family friends then watch some dodgeball. go me!

i am also trying not to go grocery shopping, yet. the thing is, everyone has a pantry right? so you stock up on things when they go on sale and what not. well, do you ever really use everything? no. i tend to go through certain things and then some things just stay there. so now i'm trying to eat everything here before i go shopping. i will probably have to buy some things like fruits/veggies but i've got spaghetti, beans, rice, tomatoes, noodles, ramen, curry, miso soup, applesauce (my grandma sent me a care pkg full of little cups of applesauce), instant oatmeal, chili, soup, salsa, tofu, mac&cheese, crackers, frozen veggies and PB. i think i could live for quite awhile on those things.