#150 - best albums

i was just gonna put one of those sidebar things on my favorite albums but i decided to blog on it instead. i can explain, rave about or describe my favorite albums. i love music and most of the time i'll be listening to something. thank you ipod! i figure that people in the movies have a soundtrack, why not i? i'm special.

today i was listening to metallica's "metallica" (aka the black album, 1991). i was in the mood. there are so many awesome songs on that album and i sometimes forget that they all exist on the same record. "enter sandman", "the unforgiven" and "nothing else matters" are three great classics.

pink floyd - dark side of the moon, 1973. a lot of the times i'm listening to my ipod or itunes on shuffle so i don't benefit from albums that are made to be listened all the way through. this is definitely a classic album that flows so perfectly, it's seamless. i can't really single out songs on this one, it's gotta be listened to straight through. there is also a good tribute album, called "dub side of the moon" which is a reggae version with a nice vibe to it.

nirvana - MTV unplugged in new york, 1994. it was close, between this one and nevermind, the biggest selling album of theirs. they are both excellent albums but for a live album, unplugged really makes you feel kurt cobain's pain and emotion. it covers a lot of songs that were unknown or at least not hits. only one song ("come as you are") was actually a hit single.

frente - marvin the album, 1992. i don't think many people know this one but i love it. i guess they are australian but the singer has this amazingly clear and sweet voice. it's a happy album! give it a listen if you can.

sublime - sublime and 40 oz to freedom. classic sublime, what can i say about one of my favorite bands? i just love this stuff.

queen is one of the greatest bands of all time. unfortunately i haven't heard all their albums but i have the greatest hits, 1981 and they really are great! i wish i could've seen them in concert, would have been an awesome show.

in the same kind of train of thought there is the beatles. i enjoy most of their music and there are awesome songs on each album. one is a comp album of the #1 hits and has it all. they have influenced most of music today. music would be different today if not for the beatles and all of their albums are influential. they all have great songs and the evolution of the music is so evident from the first to last album. if i had to pick one besides a comp i'd say the white album.

okay well i started this post several days ago and haven't finished it. i could probably go on and on about great albums forever. so here are some others that i have no time to write about but are awesome.

• bob marley & the wailers - legend. it's legend, duh. 1984
• simon & garfunkel - bridge over troubled water
• johnny cash
• carpenter's christmas
• blackalicious - blazing arrow
• RENT
• green day - dookie
• ac/dc - back in black
• neutral milk hotel - aeroplane over the sea
• brandi carlile - the story
• mason jennings - century spring and boneclouds
• pearl jam - ten
• NOFX - heavy petting zoo
• ben lee - awake is the new sleep
• carrie underwood - carnival ride
• sugarland - enjoy the ride
• indigo girls - despite our differences
• iron & wine - the shepherd's dog

my musical taste is very varied and there is really something for every mood i'm in. right now i'm listening to some punk rock! it's good packing/cleaning music for sure.

#149 - burdens lifted

i am done with clinicals. we had ten days of clinicals at the hospital and it was such a great experience. well, i take that back, it sucked. i learned a ton from the nurses i worked with and towards the end actually believed i can do this. i got confidence and am excited to be almost there. i can't wait to get a job and start working, of course i don't know enough yet but it's exciting all the same. so the reasons it sucked are many but they all have to do with my instructor. i will not name her name of course but will call her U for useless. she is nice but pretty useless as a clinical instructor. in the past (this is my 4 1/2th term in clinicals) we have had one shadow day and then picked patients and learned a lot. our instructors were there to help us out, they sought out opportunities for learning and new skills and gave us direction. they made sure we knew what our expectations were and the lines of communication were wide open. so this is a new experience. i think it would be best to use bullet points to list things that didn't go well.

• our first day she says "this is my summer term but i have this huge credit card bill and that's the reason i'm doing this." thanks for letting us know how much you want to be here.
• she tells us we are going to have two shadow days. i ended up having three because she couldn't check me off on meds on the third day.
• we cannot give meds until she checks us off and then tells me she wasn't checking me till the 4th day! we had been getting checked off on the first day previously.
• we couldn't give IV medications until the second week, day 5/10. it wouldn't be a problem but EVERYONE in the hospital has an IV! so sometimes you feel useless and the patients are like, "why can't you do that" and basically the answer is because our teacher has no trust in the education we have received from her institution.
• when i asked her to clarify what we can do and that i was feeling like i was taking a step back she got really offended and started to lecture me. she informed me that she has all this experience doing clinicals and this is how it works best. i told her what i accomplished the previous term and that i wanted to move forward and she looked at me like i just said i was going to hold everyone in the hospital hostage with an AK-47.
• when she talks she goes off on tangents and her voice trails, you never really know what she means and she'll throw in a totally random comment.
• she disappears off the floor for hours at a time and when you need to find her she's not around. or she's on the phone or email. she's looking at pictures of cute puppies. aww...
• when she is there it happens to be when we sit down to look up things in the chart and she thinks we're not using our time wisely. but where was she the other 5 hours?
• one of my friends got kicked out of school because of her. she had it out for him. she specifically said to be there at 2:45 and then she said he was late when he showed at that time. some of his paperwork was incomplete and that to her was very important. but she didn't really stress that in our orientation. basically it was all these little things that got him kicked out, and nothing to do with his actual nursing skills or care with the patients. it wasn't even that his nurse preceptors didn't think he did a good job. it was nothing that warrants getting kicked out of the nursing program. i am upset over this, stewing actually.
• he will be the first one to say that he could have done some things right. he had the flu the previous weekend and was recovering from that. the problem is that she instantly focused in on him. other people had incomplete paperwork and she didn't give a crap. she treated him unfairly.
• she argues things. maybe it's fun for her but she really has to be right and doesn't allow differences of opinion.
• she's obsessed over diabetes.
• another gal cried because U said she couldn't communicate and all these other "non-issues" and said "if you want to leave you can".
• she lectured two gals on taking an hour lunch break when they took only 45 minutes, which was what she said to do. they were in there the whole time with their nurse and if she had asked him she would know. but NO, she had to be right. she said "i KNOW you were in there from 7-8" when in fact they were getting a new patient at 7:15 so that was impossible.
• there were other things but i'm tired of thinking about her.

so anyway, i am glad to be done. i did learn a lot and gain confidence, by my own doing and initiative, but mostly i learned that i have to just keep my nose down and fly under the radar. i don't want to be that person she focuses in on and treats unfairly. i hate authority and kissing ass, i will not do it. so i just need to stay out of the way, don't argue, and get what i can from my nurses. is that really the best learning experience for me? no, but it's what i have to do to get through school. i'll graduate, pass the NCLEX, get a job and then the real learning starts, or so i hear. it's just frustrating that they put up so many blocks to our learning and don't really foster it. in a better school or educational system i think they would try to accommodate different things like illness and be more flexible to individual learning needs. not everyone has the same learning styles.

another thing that i had to go through was a "simulation". basically there is this dummy that talks and breathes by teachers controlling it from this little room, think wizard of oz. you have a scenario and go in, with all your student peers watching on a live feed video. so you don't know what's going to happen and you have to react, with all these people watching, judging and probably commenting. it is way too much for me to handle and every time i just have so much anxiety. so this time i just freaked out a little and kind of bonked. when it came time for me to perform, i didn't. this is not a venue where i excel. i had to go in and watch my video to see how i did and it was not pretty. it's like i wasn't even there. psychologically/emotionally i don't think i was. so anyway, i am glad that is over for now. we have one more to do at the end of the term and hopefully i do better.

#148 - ballots!

i just got my ballot in the mail, yay! in oregon we have an all-mail ballot system. we don't have polling places. i don't know how this ever started but it saves a lot of time/money i think. not that the polling people are paid, but in terms of gas and time and all that good stuff. so we get our ballots a couple weeks before election, then fill them out and mail them in. it's great. they all get tallied on election day and on november 4th we will see who the next president will be.

everyone probably knows who i'm voting for president. it's no secret, obama is the man. i haven't opened the ballot yet but as soon as i do, i'm filling it out and sending it in. my vote needs to count. i have no idea who is running for other offices, besides jeff merkley. that's only because i've seen so many ads. there are a ton of ballot measures and none that really stand out. i know there is one that affects nurses so i'll definitely vote on that one. the verbage in those things is so hard to understand.

the only one i do know for sure is president. this year it is as crucial as ever to vote. the economy is in the dumps, something has to be done about the "war" in iraq, national spending has to change to support meaningful social programs, and we need someone we can trust and that has the brain to lead this country. we need change! if you didn't catch sarah palin on SNL, it's funny stuff! tina fey is dead on, i think maybe palin is impersonating her.

she was a good sport but i can't figure out why she wanted to do it. it's not gonna sway voters that way. interesting tactics, maybe they are getting desperate. in any case, what an exciting and scary election. there is a lot at stake and i'm anxious to find out what will happen. will i have to move to another country or am i going to be safe here? what kind of mass cover-up/scandal will happen this year? what kind of bs is the GOP going to pull out at the last minute? we will see.

#147 - greatness

from i hate medium an article by dan john from t-nation.com:

doing everything all at once will destroy you....you have to be lousy at everything. to be great, you have to focus on very few things — most of us can barely handle more than one.

i am living proof of this. well, i'm not lousy at everything but i am very medium. i'm not great at anything but that is because i like many things. maybe my attention span is too short or i am just not a dedicated person but there is nothing i can say i've worked hard at and seen greatness. i love working out, have my degree in exercise, and still yet my workouts suck. i don't see much gain from my workouts because i never stick to a single program. my goals are not specific enough and i don't adhere to them well. i'd be a bad client. i'm similar to the majority of people in goals - wanting more lean muscle mass and less fat. my problem is that i like to try out new things where my workouts are concerned.

right now i don't even have a gym membership but i workout at my workplace. there are some simple, common machines that use air pressure for resistance but i don't use them much because they don't really do the job and feel limiting. there are also dumbbells up to 20#, some bars that go up to maybe 35# and several cardio machines. this is a fitness room for seniors so it's pretty limited. not many of them are looking to become the next arnold. so i work with what i have and so a lot of workouts are based on simple, low weight exercises and combo work. i also do some plyometrics in hopes that it helps with my dodgeball.

i love to read any kind of information on new exercises or workouts, nutrition and health stuff. i'm a nerd. i guess the reason why i'm not in that field anymore is that i don't want my passion to be my job. my belief is that any job, no matter how much i love it, is just a job, it is a way to make money. many people would argue with me over this but it's MY belief. sure, you can do a lot within that job and be satisfied morally but it does not define who you are as a person. there is so much more than what you do at work. i'm in school to be a nurse and i want to be a good nurse but definitely don't want to become burnt out because i put too much of myself in it without having a life. i have to be able to leave and have "me time" to do what i love.

other passions i guess would be photography and food. i wouldn't want to be a professional in either field but i enjoy learning all i can about each and trying new things. i think a "jack of all trades" is not such a bad thing and really, mastering one isn't that awesome. i like to be able to have conversations with anyone on any subject and to be in "the know". i'm a pretty decent golfer and maybe if i took the time and spent the money for lessons i could get really good. i could set my goal to become a scratch golfer but really i just enjoy going out with my dad, spending a few hours talking and then beating him! that only happened once but it was awesome. i also love surfing but i don't have a car, wetsuit or board here so that makes it hard to go very often. the nice thing is that i cherish every second that i'm in the ocean on a twice-a-year visit home. each wave i catch is forever imprinted into my being and i can go back to it whenever i want. even though the ride might have been ten seconds long, it is longer in my mind. it's instant serenity when i revisit a nice ride.

there just isn't enough time. my friend beth and i had this club. well, it was more of a motto - "minimum effort, maximum results". while some would say this is a slacker club, it's kind of the opposite. you have a limited amount of time and resources so you have to make the best of it. i'd rather put in 100% effort for 10 minutes than 50% for 20 minutes, efficiency. same goes for my workouts. for cardio i usually do some high intensity interval training, rather than steady state. when i'm lifting, i always superset or keep my rest really short. i'm not doing any heavy lifting so this is perfect. circuits are also good but i'm kind of too lazy to set it up for myself. usually, i am in and out in 30 minutes, am tired but invigorated and have a good hurt the next day. maybe you can say i like multi-tasking or being well-rounded but for me, i don't need greatness.

#146 - eight months

i could almost have a baby in the time that it will take me to graduate from nursing school, which is a lot of time yet none at all. we are applying for graduation today, a couple ladies from the registration office are here to help us. after this term i only have four classes, a total of 18 credits. i have been thinking a lot about what i will do after graduation and get a job.

A DOG
hopefully i will be on a good schedule, maybe three 12-hour shifts. that gives me a lot of time for cuddling with a doggie. right now i am barely home and it would be abusive to have a dog. i find myself lonely for a little friend, especially since niki died this year. of course i wasn't living with him but he did leave an empty place in my heart. so now i am aching for a little love bug. i've been checking out the humane society and petfinder just torturing myself.of course i do "officially" have a sweet dog named maui but he lives on the coast and i know he wouldn't want to live in portland. i wouldn't either but that's how it has to be right now. maybe someday i'll have him again but not right now. so i'm always looking up little chihuahuas to adopt. i kind of want a puppy because those years are so special and they are real characters at that time but i'm not opposed to getting an older one. i get really weak just looking at these sweethearts.


OWN PLACE
another thing i really look forward to is getting my own place, without roommates. right now having roommates is all good but really, it would be nice to live alone. i wouldn't have to worry about leaving dishes in the sink overnight or not cleaning as much as my house does. i don't see my roommates that often so it's cool but i would like to be able to have a place to call my own, without buying anything. all i'm looking for is a nice little studio. not much space and real simple. the smaller the space the less room i have to fill it with crap and less to clean. i'll probably be paying almost twice as much but it will be worth it, and i will be making maybe twice as much.

APPLE SWAG
ever since i got my first ipod i've had apple envy, i guess. i play with my friend's iPhone and it's just awesome. i don't have or probably won't ever have AT&T so i'm not sure iPhone would be beneficial. instead i'm thinking the iPod touch. i'm definitely due for a new ipod and why not this guy?! photos, videos, music, internets, calendar, maps, games, really what can you not do on this thing (besides the phone)? right now it goes up to a 32GB but probably by next year it will have a bigger capacity. my old one was 60GB so i would like something similar. either way, a touch would be AWESOME!the other thing i want to treat myself with is a new computer. i got both my computers second hand. my desktop from my uncle and the laptop from craigslist, both probably 4 years old or so. ancient in computer terms. i've used macs and really like how they work and i hear they are great in terms of safety and security. i really enjoy having a laptop but i also like the power of having a desktop. if i can get the speed and power of a desktop on a laptop...well a laptop would be better so why have both. i'm looking at the macbook pro and it comes with up to a 250GB hard drive and 4 GB RAM. that's way more than my desktop has right now. of course it's gonna cost close to $3000, which is a lot of money but i figure it's gonna last me for a long time, do lots for me and just look at it!
okay so i know that is a lot of things that i WANT. it's not like i'll be making a killing right out of school so i'm not getting them all right away and these are just things. it's gonna be thousands of dollars to get it all and maintain it. my level of spending will go up probably exponentially but my income will go up a little as well. i deserve it right?! i like to think having one computer instead of two is simpler and more efficient. i can justify these things. although having a doggie will be a lot more work and money, having that little guy running around and waiting for me to come home is worth it. as for my own place, well, it's about time. i'm getting close to 30. sheesh, that's like an adult or something. i'm not into buying a house cause i don't think i can say i'll be here for longer than 5 years but you never know. eight months!

#145 - baseball playoffs!

it's october, you know what that means. october = fall = baseball, cold weather, football, halloween and almost thanksgiving! what an awesome time! so that brings me to the baseball playoffs, which have been going on but i didn't really pay attention because who cares about the games leading up to the pennant races right? now it's dodgers vs phillies in the national league and red sox vs rays in the american league. while i've always been an atlanta braves fan, i do follow a few other teams including two of these four. mostly because the braves have not been performing up to par lately. i wrote a blog about a year ago on baseball and here i am again.

basically, i want to see a phillies vs red sox world series. while i did enjoy the red sox's thrashing of the rockies last year, it didn't make for a very exciting series. i like when it goes to game 7 and it's been awhile. either way, i'd have one guy on each team to cheer for and wouldn't really know which way to go. so if i'm just a casual fan, not a rabid/avid one then wanting a good, competitive long series is best. on the phillies i've got shane victorino, who is a great guy from maui and i've seen his mom at the costco there. he's nice, down to earth and funny as well. on the other side - jacoby ellsbury of the red sox went to oregon state and of course i got to work with him a little. he is pretty shy but has a great work ethic and steals bases like crazy.

so i've got two good guys to root for and hopefully it will work out for me. i was watching the phillies game and they were down 2-0, victorino was up, he hit and the throw from ss rafael furcal (see that's what he gets for leaving the braves!) was errant. so shane took 2nd and the rest is history i guess. the next batter hit a homerun to tie. then there was another homerun shortly after to seal the deal, 3-2. tomorrow all teams play so i'll definitely be rooting for the boys.

#144 - musicals

i feel like i'm in a musical. or at least when i am listening to musical soundtracks (which i do often) i like to sing and feel like i'm in it. i cannot sing or act really but maybe it's a secret fantasy of mine. it doesn't matter what kind of musical, i love it! the only one i don't care much for is CATS. it just kind of creeps me out (sorry wongi). i do like the music but once i saw it, the cats were just weird. of course my favorite is RENT and then there are the others close behind - phantom, les mis, and miss saigon. while the movie version of RENT was pretty good and had many of the original broadway cast (who i will be seeing in june!) it was just different. it didn't quite capture the feeling of the live show. when i need a RENT fix though, i have the movie.

today i pretty much broke into the middle of a song from EVITA while waiting for the bus. while the movie wasn't my favorite, i loved the music. i hadn't heard the cd for maybe 5 years but i had to listen to it cause it was in my head. i love when they are just talking and then burst into song but it's kind of weird when they turn to the camera to sing. one of my favorite musical movies is moulin rouge, directed by baz luhrman, starring ewan mcgregor and nicole kidman. it's kind of a tribute to pop music and references/incorporates so many songs like "smells like teen spirit", "like a virgin" and "sound of music". they do a wonderful but different version of "your song" by elton john. it's a beautiful love story about love, a love that will live forever. here's a clip of the "elephant love medley":


i'm pretty excited cause i'm going to see WICKED in march! i haven't seen it before but i've got the soundtrack and it's pretty cool. there are so many shows i would go see or want to see but there is not nearly enough time or money. WICKED is based on a book that looks at the "wicked witch of the west" elphaba from wizard of oz. it's kind of a prequel i guess, about her relationship to glinda the good witch. elphaba is played on broadway by idina menzel who was also in the original broadway cast of RENT and the movie too. she won a tony award for her performance as elphaba and she has a great voice! here is a little clip of her singing "defying gravity":


music is just so important and without it life would be boring. so if i randomly break into a little song and dance, don't stare too hard, you might be in the musical too!

#143 - trimet

for the most part i enjoy doing my part and not contributing to the emissions caused by a car that i drive excessively to and from the store three blocks down. i walk there and back, it's no big deal. if i have to go a little farther i've got my trusty bus pass. the tri-met system is pretty good usually. i've got the #10 right in front of my house, #72 two blocks down and another maybe five blocks away that i only take in a pinch. so i'm in a pretty good place. the #10 is pretty reliable but only comes every half hour, going to my work, downtown and MAX line (light rail). the #72 is more frequent and i can take it to the MAX which goes to my school. i can also take the #72 the other way and connect to the #8 which is also frequent and takes me to work, library, downtown and the MAX. the MAX is actually pretty awesome, there are three different lines that can take you east to gresham (school), west to beaverton and hillsboro (friends, uwajimaya), and to the airport. it's faster, more frequent and doesn't smell as bad.

that was a lot of silly info, sorry. sometimes buses are running late, or i miss it cause my timing is off, or there are loud people on it. there are lots of reasons for me to be annoyed but for the most part it works for me. going anywhere pretty much takes an hour but i plan ahead. today i planned to go to dodgeball pickup. i wanted to get there at about 7:30 so i figured 6:30 would be great. there was a #10 bus coming at 6:38 so that was perfect. good. so i got on that bus and rode it to the rose quarter transit station, where a number of buses also stop. for some reason there was a lot of traffic and so i arrived around 7:16 (about 10 minutes late). i looked at the time schedule for the bus i wanted to take (the #77) and it said 7:16 so i was excited cause probably it was running late also. i waited, and waited, and waited...till about 7:35 only one bus came through when there should have been at least a few. it was strange. so i called their "transit tracker" which is not very accurate. it said the next #77 wasn't till 8:15! there was no way i was going to wait that long for a bus so i decided to take MAX downtown and catch another bus that went to the same area. that went well and i was downtown by 7:40. the #15 is a frequent bus and so i thought i'd have no problem catching it. it was a couple blocks from the MAX station and there were two guys already standing there. i figured the bus would arrive in a few minutes and i'd be playing dodgeball by 8. it was not to be. this "frequent" bus didn't arrive till 8:03! so i stood in the rain waiting for that one. i finally got to dodgeball, changed and started playing around 8:30. i had some aggression to take out! it was so frustrating!

usually we play till about 9:15 but what happened?! the lights went out at 9! so i was cheated out of an extra 15 minutes AND missed out on the first hour of my planned dodgeballing. after that i was just so upset and wondering what would happen next. it was a long night of irritating things happening (or not). i spent two hours waiting and riding buses basically for a ride that would take at MOST 30 minutes by car, more likely 20. so frustrating! it is times likes these that i desperately want a car because it would be so convenient!

i have thought of it a lot lately, of getting a car. right now there is no way i can afford it or the fuel and insurance costs but perhaps when i graduate and start nursing. i still don't want to rely on it but i know that if i got one i'd become lazy and drive everywhere just cause it's convenient. there is a program called zipcar that you pay a certain amount and have access to hundreds of cars around the city. they pay for gas and it's a pretty sweet thing. i haven't really looked into it yet because USUALLY riding the bus isn't such a pain. sure, it takes an hour to go to school but i can read or relax or sleep or listen to music so it's a pretty nice hour. i know most of the bus system pretty well since i've been using it over four years now and generally i like it. i feel good that i'm using mass transit and helping the environment. if not helping, at least not doing more harm.