well i guess i've been busy cause i haven't been posting lately. sorry to the one or two people who read this! haha at least you can look on facebook and see what i've been eating. i've actually been really busy with work mostly. also i went home for a quick trip to visit my grandpa who is in a nursing facility now. then i moved.
WORK
i'm working primarily as a "medicine nurse" right now...aka "drug dealer". i am passing meds to the forty-plus people in the facility. its getting busier with new admissions and everyone has tons of meds. when i'm old i say no more than five a day! some people take like 50 pills. i'm not even exaggerating. its pretty sad. its not really nursing but its the only position they have open right now. i was able to be the "treatment nurse" one day when they needed someone to cover it. that was awesome cause i felt like a real nurse, but at the same time it was kind of boring because there weren't many treatments. i don't really know what i want to do but it probably is not either one. the other position is the "charge nurse" who basically answers the phone a lot and does tons of paperwork. definitely not my jam. so right now i am just working to pay the bills and thinking about what i really want to do.
MAUI
i went to maui for five days i think, it was pretty short. my grandpa had pneumonia, not sure if its gone now but he is getting weaker and not eating much. he was sleeping a lot and not opening his eyes, even when he was eating! it was really good to see him and spend time with him. we were all kind of realizing that he may not make it to my sister's wedding next year. that's really sad but i guess that's reality. she was able to come over to maui and so were my parents. so all four of us were there, which was really nice. i was there for father's day so we all went to IHOP. basically we'd go see my grandpa at the facility two or three time a day and help him eat or push him around in the wheelchair. he likes to get up and then 5 minutes later want to lay down. so it was pretty challenging to be patient. it was weird to be on the family side of things. having to ask the nurses and CNAs for help with things and being patient. i know how much work they have to do so it was weird to have to be the one to wait.
MOVE
just moved in with my bf, we got this two bedroom apt not too far from where i was. it's pretty awesome, close to the best coffee shop, a theater, whole foods, great food and a beautiful park. it's way closer to his work so that's nice. my work is still about 4 miles away and its an uphill bike ride but thankfully i don't have to do that everyday. the weather is finally getting to be nice. the apartment itself is nothing too fancy. its on the second floor, carpet, pretty spacious and nice windows/light. its got a dishwasher and lots of closets. we are still putting it together and there is crap everywhere but it's great. we put up some of his art on the walls and slowly its starting to feel like home! :) the move itself was pretty grueling. got a u-haul one day and had to move our two places. got a couple friends to help but it was hot and we had to keep going up and down stairs. UGH! but it was all worth it. we have an extra bedroom so everyone is welcome to come visit! pictures to come soon...
Showing posts with label nursing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nursing. Show all posts
02 July 2010
27 April 2010
#216 - new job
as you may know, i've been looking for a job for a long time now. although i was working part time and paying the bills, it was not what i wanted. i got my RN last june and have since not had much luck finding a job as one. bummer, right? yes. so i opened up my search to include more than just the hospitals in the portland area. i opened my job search to include CNA work as well, which is what i've been doing for 5 years now. you would think it would be easy to find a job in something i've been doing for that long. so did i. as soon as the potential employer found out i had my RN they dismissed me, knowing i would keep looking for work and eventually quit.
i applied to a CNA position i found on craigslist at Gateway Care & Retirement on 4/10. they called me on 4/12 and i interviewed on 4/13. they were just as baffled to find that i couldn't find a job as a RN but instead of thinking that me having my RN was bad, they were excited. i got the job, signed papers on 4/14 and started working as a CNA on 4/15. i talked to the DNS (director of nursing services) and he was encouraging. the plan/idea was for me to get some experience in the place and get to know the facility, then eventually train me to pass meds, do treatment nurse and eventually charge nurse. it was really exciting and encouraging to know that the DNS was looking out for me and welcomed me aboard "the team". at my previous job the DNS was scary and not encouraging at all. so this was new.
training for the CNA position was great, i just got back right into the dressing, feeding, wiping, cleaning, showering, etc. i trained for four days, then had two days off before i was to start full time on day shift. i showed up on 4/22 when i was scheduled and found out that their CMA (med aide) had just quit the day before. they were wondering what to do and someone was like, "why doesn't Brandi do it?" since i am a RN i can pass the medications on my license. i talked to the DNS again and he said it sounded good, it would be difficult but i would have lots of help if i needed it. so the next day i started training on passing meds. the day shift med position starts at 5am so we are able to pass the 6am meds. unfortunately the bus does not run that early. i live about 4.5 miles from work and so in order to get there on time, i need to ride my bike. i leave around 4:30am. at that time i am not yet awake but there are not many cars on the road. by the time i get to work i am wide awake.
training went quickly and i learned a lot. the person who trained me had been doing it for 9 years so she had a lot of experience. she knew all the residents' meds inside and out. she knew everything i needed to know. it went quickly and there was a lot to learn. after training for three days i had one day off, then started on my own today. although i felt like i was kind of drowning slowly, it also felt like i would get it down eventually and it would become doable. the day goes incredibly fast because there are meds at 0600, 0730, 0800, 0930, 1100, 1200, 1300, 1400. there are over 40 residents and they all get lots of meds at different times. i actually like work that keeps me busy the whole time so it suits me.
two more days on my own for day shift then i train on evening shift for two days. eventually my schedule will be two days on, two evenings on, two off then repeat. so i have rotating "weekends" and don't have to get up at 4am every day of the week. i'm looking forward to when that starts on may 6. all in all, i am glad i am working again.
i applied to a CNA position i found on craigslist at Gateway Care & Retirement on 4/10. they called me on 4/12 and i interviewed on 4/13. they were just as baffled to find that i couldn't find a job as a RN but instead of thinking that me having my RN was bad, they were excited. i got the job, signed papers on 4/14 and started working as a CNA on 4/15. i talked to the DNS (director of nursing services) and he was encouraging. the plan/idea was for me to get some experience in the place and get to know the facility, then eventually train me to pass meds, do treatment nurse and eventually charge nurse. it was really exciting and encouraging to know that the DNS was looking out for me and welcomed me aboard "the team". at my previous job the DNS was scary and not encouraging at all. so this was new.
training for the CNA position was great, i just got back right into the dressing, feeding, wiping, cleaning, showering, etc. i trained for four days, then had two days off before i was to start full time on day shift. i showed up on 4/22 when i was scheduled and found out that their CMA (med aide) had just quit the day before. they were wondering what to do and someone was like, "why doesn't Brandi do it?" since i am a RN i can pass the medications on my license. i talked to the DNS again and he said it sounded good, it would be difficult but i would have lots of help if i needed it. so the next day i started training on passing meds. the day shift med position starts at 5am so we are able to pass the 6am meds. unfortunately the bus does not run that early. i live about 4.5 miles from work and so in order to get there on time, i need to ride my bike. i leave around 4:30am. at that time i am not yet awake but there are not many cars on the road. by the time i get to work i am wide awake.
training went quickly and i learned a lot. the person who trained me had been doing it for 9 years so she had a lot of experience. she knew all the residents' meds inside and out. she knew everything i needed to know. it went quickly and there was a lot to learn. after training for three days i had one day off, then started on my own today. although i felt like i was kind of drowning slowly, it also felt like i would get it down eventually and it would become doable. the day goes incredibly fast because there are meds at 0600, 0730, 0800, 0930, 1100, 1200, 1300, 1400. there are over 40 residents and they all get lots of meds at different times. i actually like work that keeps me busy the whole time so it suits me.
two more days on my own for day shift then i train on evening shift for two days. eventually my schedule will be two days on, two evenings on, two off then repeat. so i have rotating "weekends" and don't have to get up at 4am every day of the week. i'm looking forward to when that starts on may 6. all in all, i am glad i am working again.
30 December 2009
#208 - review 2009
back on the first of january i wrote a blog about the upcoming year, 2009. it was kind of interesting to see what i was looking forward to at the beginning of this year. some things happened and others were way off. overall it was a very great year, one of the best so far. despite being unemployed at the moment, i am officially a registered nurse and am done with school (for now). while that was one of the things i was looking forward to, so was getting a job. who knew that the recession and economy would be so bad? the hospitals can basically pick and choose who they want to hire and be really specific, like wanting you to have 3 years of experience. i am not sure where i can get that but i am still trying. back in july i took and passed my NCLEX to get my RN, so i have been seeking work since then. wow, six months and still nothing. while at times it is frustrating and embarrassing, i know that it will happen when the time is right.
my whole family came up to see me graduate from nursing school, which was pretty cool. my sister had the honors of "pinning" me and everything was awesome. finally graduating was a good feeling. after graduation we went on a trip to alaska on a cruise! we drove up to seattle and then took a ship out from there. it was about a week of eating tons of food everyday. we got off the ship in several ports and saw lots of cool stuff. we went to check out glaciers and do shopping in gold rush towns. it was all pretty neat and we were up there for the longest day of the year, june 21, so it was pretty much light out all day and night.
the last awesome thing this year was meeting jeremy, my sweet boyfriend. he has been a great friend and i really can't ask for more in a relationship at this point. things are wonderful and we are having a great time together. i even went to his family's house for christmas which was nice and not awkward at all. we've been together since january and it has flown by really quick. he is the best!
my whole family came up to see me graduate from nursing school, which was pretty cool. my sister had the honors of "pinning" me and everything was awesome. finally graduating was a good feeling. after graduation we went on a trip to alaska on a cruise! we drove up to seattle and then took a ship out from there. it was about a week of eating tons of food everyday. we got off the ship in several ports and saw lots of cool stuff. we went to check out glaciers and do shopping in gold rush towns. it was all pretty neat and we were up there for the longest day of the year, june 21, so it was pretty much light out all day and night.
the last awesome thing this year was meeting jeremy, my sweet boyfriend. he has been a great friend and i really can't ask for more in a relationship at this point. things are wonderful and we are having a great time together. i even went to his family's house for christmas which was nice and not awkward at all. we've been together since january and it has flown by really quick. he is the best!
27 November 2009
#206 - thanks
it's almost the end of thanksgiving day. i am feeling a lot of thankfulness and this will be a rambling rant. i am thankful for being alive. there is fresh air (though a bit humid) and i have a roof over my head. i have been eating non-stop for days and don't think i will stop anytime soon. my family and friends are always here for me when i come home and its like i never left. tomorrow i am going surfing (hopefully) while other people run around like chickens without heads, trying to find deals on stuff at stores. all i want to do is sit on my board out in the ocean and be one with it. catching waves is great and an amazing thing on its own but just being out there is so perfect. when i am out there, that is all there is. there is nothing else. i am thankful for being able to have that peace once a year. i could have it more by coming more often, moving here, or even surfing in oregon but maybe having it just once a year makes it that much more special. i am thankful for the oregon state football season and having the civil war be so incredibly EPIC this year! i have a chance to go to the rose bowl. although i'm not living what others may see as a successful life, i am amazingly happy. i have a great relationship with a wonderful person who i am missing a lot right now. although i don't really have a job, i never go hungry. i am in great health. i have a pass to the gym which i want to use more often. back in portland life goes on but i will jump back into that life soon. i will have a fun visitor and it's gonna be great! the only thing i need/want right now is a full time job but if i had that i wouldn't be here, wouldn't be able to spend as much time with friends and won't be able to go to rose bowl. the right job will pop up at the right time and i will welcome it with open arms. i am ready to work! but i am enjoying right now. i am thankful for the ability to appreciate the moment.
09 July 2009
#191 - brandi RN
i did it, i passed my NCLEX. whoo hoo!! party time!! wait, actually this means now i have to look for and find a job, and then start working. oh bollocks! it's not that i don't want or need a job, i really do. it's more that i will probably start working full time and not have any time or energy for other things. i want to be paid for sitting at home and doing nothing, or going to the gym, or grocery shopping and cooking, or traveling. these are exciting ideas for jobs. if anyone knows of jobs like these, let me know.
in all seriousness though, i am excited to be done and officially a nurse! woot! i do want to meet and help people, it's cool. nursing is a fun and interesting profession, i am stoked. new job, new scrubs, new co-workers, new boss, new patients, new money, new house, new dog. ahem, yes, i said dog. this does not have anything to do with nursing but i have the opportunity to get a dog, less than one year old so i guess a PUPPY!! she is a chihuahua (of course) and not trained yet so i have to do that. a family wants to give her up because i guess she is a handful, DUH she is a puppy! if all goes well i will get her in about a week and then start training her. i am not sure when i will be training for my temporary job (at the nursing home where i've worked as a CNA) but i know i will have lots of time to hang out and train the puppy dog. WOOF!! her name is "little bit" which i will definitely change. she is tan colored and adorable. any suggestions for names? i was thinking lolita or bella (haha twilight!). i haven't actually met her yet so maybe i will wait till then. i've never had a girl dog before or trained a puppy by myself. research begins.
in all seriousness though, i am excited to be done and officially a nurse! woot! i do want to meet and help people, it's cool. nursing is a fun and interesting profession, i am stoked. new job, new scrubs, new co-workers, new boss, new patients, new money, new house, new dog. ahem, yes, i said dog. this does not have anything to do with nursing but i have the opportunity to get a dog, less than one year old so i guess a PUPPY!! she is a chihuahua (of course) and not trained yet so i have to do that. a family wants to give her up because i guess she is a handful, DUH she is a puppy! if all goes well i will get her in about a week and then start training her. i am not sure when i will be training for my temporary job (at the nursing home where i've worked as a CNA) but i know i will have lots of time to hang out and train the puppy dog. WOOF!! her name is "little bit" which i will definitely change. she is tan colored and adorable. any suggestions for names? i was thinking lolita or bella (haha twilight!). i haven't actually met her yet so maybe i will wait till then. i've never had a girl dog before or trained a puppy by myself. research begins.
01 June 2009
#188 - freedom
i'm so close i can smell the freedom. this must be what people in prison feel like right before they get out. anticipation of what's ahead. an insecurity of self. excitement of the endless possibilities. it feels good but at the same time i have a lot of anxiety. i've been in nursing school since january 07 and doing prerequisites for a couple years before that. so i'm used to being in school while working a couple jobs. but mostly i'm used to being in school. it's a kind of comfort yet it is a commitment. a commitment i am almost free of! no more teachers, no more books, something and dirty looks. i am so glad.
this brings up another kind of freedom though, one that i'm losing. i've been floating along for a couple years and i'm used to working whenever i want. having two on-call jobs i can usually work as much or little as i want avoiding holidays and administrators, which is definitely a luxury. i will be starting out on-call at my nursing home after training for a number of days, once i get my license. this will pay the bills for awhile but i certainly don't want to work there forever. i might get stuck. this means i will probably have to find a full time job. yuck! while full time in the hospital will probably mean three 12-hour shifts, its still kind of constricting. really committing myself three times a week for awhile sounds horrible. having to work holidays, weekends and pretty much any time they tell me to. ugh! being tied down, yuck.
good thing is i will have more free time. bottom line, more free time. i have to remember that. school took up so much time and while it will be worth it in the end (10 days from now) but it was a long process i am glad to be done. i will be able to hit the gym again and maybe even sleep in a few days a week. these are things i am looking forward to in my "freedom" summer. i will have to devote a lot of time to studying for my NCLEX but ultimately it is on my time and no one will be making me do it. i will pass the test, i know this. once i pass the test then it's on. i can be hired, trained, work and all that jazz. all the paperwork is done, it's time to wait.
oh and i also have to move. another freedom because i will be getting rid of stuff and simplifying again, of course. i have boxes yet unpacked since i moved into my apt in november. it will be gone. i need to figure out how to best get rid of these things because i don't want to add to the landfills but i doubt anyone will want any of it. it's junk. junk in my trunk. i have 33 days to find a place to live that is preferably close to where i am now, in a basement or otherwise not too hot, has an actual stove, and is decently priced. good luck with that, me.
this brings up another kind of freedom though, one that i'm losing. i've been floating along for a couple years and i'm used to working whenever i want. having two on-call jobs i can usually work as much or little as i want avoiding holidays and administrators, which is definitely a luxury. i will be starting out on-call at my nursing home after training for a number of days, once i get my license. this will pay the bills for awhile but i certainly don't want to work there forever. i might get stuck. this means i will probably have to find a full time job. yuck! while full time in the hospital will probably mean three 12-hour shifts, its still kind of constricting. really committing myself three times a week for awhile sounds horrible. having to work holidays, weekends and pretty much any time they tell me to. ugh! being tied down, yuck.
good thing is i will have more free time. bottom line, more free time. i have to remember that. school took up so much time and while it will be worth it in the end (10 days from now) but it was a long process i am glad to be done. i will be able to hit the gym again and maybe even sleep in a few days a week. these are things i am looking forward to in my "freedom" summer. i will have to devote a lot of time to studying for my NCLEX but ultimately it is on my time and no one will be making me do it. i will pass the test, i know this. once i pass the test then it's on. i can be hired, trained, work and all that jazz. all the paperwork is done, it's time to wait.
oh and i also have to move. another freedom because i will be getting rid of stuff and simplifying again, of course. i have boxes yet unpacked since i moved into my apt in november. it will be gone. i need to figure out how to best get rid of these things because i don't want to add to the landfills but i doubt anyone will want any of it. it's junk. junk in my trunk. i have 33 days to find a place to live that is preferably close to where i am now, in a basement or otherwise not too hot, has an actual stove, and is decently priced. good luck with that, me.
23 April 2009
#183 - hormones?
i've never really been a big "baby" person. it's not the one thing i want to do with my life. i don't really understand those people who just want to pop them out one after another. no offense to you who do, but it's not for me. i always assumed i would have kids, two of them. the same as i'd assume i would go to college, work, and get married. are they cultural or societal expectations? sure. parental? probably. the thought of doing something other than settling down is unsettling for some. to a certain extent it is also unsettling for me but there are a lot of things i have to do before that even becomes an issue. now that i am close to being done with school (again) forever i am thinking about the future. i went into nursing thinking it was a sure thing, of course there are jobs! now with the recession all i hear about are the hiring freezes at hospitals and pushing nurses to the limits.
so back to the baby thing. i was never one of those nursing students who wanted to go into OB/GYN or pediatrics. yuck, i don't want anything to do with pregnant women and crying babies! i want patients who i can converse with who aren't crazy on hormones! i managed to get through school with only 24 hours of experience with such patients, WHEW! we did have quite extensive education on pregnancy and such but i never paid much attention. recently though, maybe it is the warm weather, my hormones, or age, i have been thinking about babies. ack! i see babies and moms with babies and dads with babies and it's just so darn cute! how could you not want one? and then i smack myself upside the head and remind myself, "oh yeah, there is a ton of stuff still to do sans baby". DUH!
my grandma wants me or my sister to have kids, she wants great grandkids! we are the only grandkids so we're the only hope. i keep telling my sister that she should be first since she's had her bf for awhile and you know they're getting married someday. speed it up! i would love more to be an aunty at this point than a mom so...anyway when i argued my gm that i'm not even married she said AND I QUOTE "you don't need to be married!" most of the time grandmothers encourage marriage before babies, right?! or am i crazy?
anyway, this is the closest to baby fever as i am gonna allow myself to get. it's just not healthy. i'll just stare at people with them. i'm not even going to hold them, it might be contagious.
***EDIT*** i just posted this a few minutes ago, i know. i went back looking through my blog cause i KNEW i wrote something on babies before. so guess what, two months ago i wrote this about kids. last year, almost exactly a year, i wrote this little piece on babies. so then i was thinking well it must be a spring thing. i am a little creeped out by all this.
so back to the baby thing. i was never one of those nursing students who wanted to go into OB/GYN or pediatrics. yuck, i don't want anything to do with pregnant women and crying babies! i want patients who i can converse with who aren't crazy on hormones! i managed to get through school with only 24 hours of experience with such patients, WHEW! we did have quite extensive education on pregnancy and such but i never paid much attention. recently though, maybe it is the warm weather, my hormones, or age, i have been thinking about babies. ack! i see babies and moms with babies and dads with babies and it's just so darn cute! how could you not want one? and then i smack myself upside the head and remind myself, "oh yeah, there is a ton of stuff still to do sans baby". DUH!
my grandma wants me or my sister to have kids, she wants great grandkids! we are the only grandkids so we're the only hope. i keep telling my sister that she should be first since she's had her bf for awhile and you know they're getting married someday. speed it up! i would love more to be an aunty at this point than a mom so...anyway when i argued my gm that i'm not even married she said AND I QUOTE "you don't need to be married!" most of the time grandmothers encourage marriage before babies, right?! or am i crazy?
anyway, this is the closest to baby fever as i am gonna allow myself to get. it's just not healthy. i'll just stare at people with them. i'm not even going to hold them, it might be contagious.
***EDIT*** i just posted this a few minutes ago, i know. i went back looking through my blog cause i KNEW i wrote something on babies before. so guess what, two months ago i wrote this about kids. last year, almost exactly a year, i wrote this little piece on babies. so then i was thinking well it must be a spring thing. i am a little creeped out by all this.
02 April 2009
#180 - overwhelmed
i am in my last term of nursing school. 10 weeks until graduation. a few months away from taking my NCLEX exam and becoming an RN, leaving professional poo-cleaning behind me. 71 days until our "pinning ceremony" which is a special nursing thing, like graduation. the problem is...in those 71 days i will be busy, very busy. these are concerns i just learned about today. you don't have to read or understand, it's for me to freak out about.
clinical hours 150 hours in the hospital doing patient care, my favorite part about school. i'll be doing thirteen 12-hour shifts.
work someone's gotta pay for rent and school. so i've got to find work hours here and there. boo. my goal is 2-3 shifts a week.
resume, cover letter, portfolio self-explanatory i guess but i have to get together all these documents i was supposed to be saving over the past 2 years and put them neatly in a fancy folder for my portfolio. i'll have to raise them from the dead/recycling.
NCLEX practice questions and medspub tutorial busywork. 200 practice questions and 2.5 hours of tutorial are due every 2 weeks. if it takes about 1 minute per question, that's 200 minutes. so 1400 minutes = almost 24 hours of busy work.
simulation three times this quarter we will be going into the sim room and take care of a dummy, who will most likely code. yuck. this creates a ton of anxiety and is just. not. fun.
ONA convention day-long convention in jantzen beach, listening to speakers and such. 8:30-4:30. BOO!
HESI exam to be taken in third week. must get score of 750 or not allowed to take NCLEX exam.
leadership project at long term care facility. spend 24 hours on various projects with old people, including an in-service for the staff and care conference with a resident.
community project going to a head start program and putting fluoride on bratty little kids' mouths. they are gonna love it.
OSBN and NCLEX fill out a bunch of paperwork, get fingerprints, passport photo, and pay around $400 in various fees. sure, that's chump change considering how much i will be making as a nurse, BUT i am not making that right now. plus i have $1200 in tuition for this quarter.
take and pass NCLEX this will be a month after graduation but it's still there in my mind.
get a job really?!! do i have to?
life i don't think i'll have one of these this term, but i can try. i do have dodgeball every thursday and kickball on sundays. that's about it.
clinical hours 150 hours in the hospital doing patient care, my favorite part about school. i'll be doing thirteen 12-hour shifts.
work someone's gotta pay for rent and school. so i've got to find work hours here and there. boo. my goal is 2-3 shifts a week.
resume, cover letter, portfolio self-explanatory i guess but i have to get together all these documents i was supposed to be saving over the past 2 years and put them neatly in a fancy folder for my portfolio. i'll have to raise them from the dead/recycling.
NCLEX practice questions and medspub tutorial busywork. 200 practice questions and 2.5 hours of tutorial are due every 2 weeks. if it takes about 1 minute per question, that's 200 minutes. so 1400 minutes = almost 24 hours of busy work.
simulation three times this quarter we will be going into the sim room and take care of a dummy, who will most likely code. yuck. this creates a ton of anxiety and is just. not. fun.
ONA convention day-long convention in jantzen beach, listening to speakers and such. 8:30-4:30. BOO!
HESI exam to be taken in third week. must get score of 750 or not allowed to take NCLEX exam.
leadership project at long term care facility. spend 24 hours on various projects with old people, including an in-service for the staff and care conference with a resident.
community project going to a head start program and putting fluoride on bratty little kids' mouths. they are gonna love it.
OSBN and NCLEX fill out a bunch of paperwork, get fingerprints, passport photo, and pay around $400 in various fees. sure, that's chump change considering how much i will be making as a nurse, BUT i am not making that right now. plus i have $1200 in tuition for this quarter.
take and pass NCLEX this will be a month after graduation but it's still there in my mind.
get a job really?!! do i have to?
life i don't think i'll have one of these this term, but i can try. i do have dodgeball every thursday and kickball on sundays. that's about it.
25 October 2008
#149 - burdens lifted
i am done with clinicals. we had ten days of clinicals at the hospital and it was such a great experience. well, i take that back, it sucked. i learned a ton from the nurses i worked with and towards the end actually believed i can do this. i got confidence and am excited to be almost there. i can't wait to get a job and start working, of course i don't know enough yet but it's exciting all the same. so the reasons it sucked are many but they all have to do with my instructor. i will not name her name of course but will call her U for useless. she is nice but pretty useless as a clinical instructor. in the past (this is my 4 1/2th term in clinicals) we have had one shadow day and then picked patients and learned a lot. our instructors were there to help us out, they sought out opportunities for learning and new skills and gave us direction. they made sure we knew what our expectations were and the lines of communication were wide open. so this is a new experience. i think it would be best to use bullet points to list things that didn't go well.
another thing that i had to go through was a "simulation". basically there is this dummy that talks and breathes by teachers controlling it from this little room, think wizard of oz. you have a scenario and go in, with all your student peers watching on a live feed video. so you don't know what's going to happen and you have to react, with all these people watching, judging and probably commenting. it is way too much for me to handle and every time i just have so much anxiety. so this time i just freaked out a little and kind of bonked. when it came time for me to perform, i didn't. this is not a venue where i excel. i had to go in and watch my video to see how i did and it was not pretty. it's like i wasn't even there. psychologically/emotionally i don't think i was. so anyway, i am glad that is over for now. we have one more to do at the end of the term and hopefully i do better.
- our first day she says "this is my summer term but i have this huge credit card bill and that's the reason i'm doing this." thanks for letting us know how much you want to be here.
- she tells us we are going to have two shadow days. i ended up having three because she couldn't check me off on meds on the third day.
- we cannot give meds until she checks us off and then tells me she wasn't checking me till the 4th day! we had been getting checked off on the first day previously.
- we couldn't give IV medications until the second week, day 5/10. it wouldn't be a problem but EVERYONE in the hospital has an IV! so sometimes you feel useless and the patients are like, "why can't you do that" and basically the answer is because our teacher has no trust in the education we have received from her institution.
- when i asked her to clarify what we can do and that i was feeling like i was taking a step back she got really offended and started to lecture me. she informed me that she has all this experience doing clinicals and this is how it works best. i told her what i accomplished the previous term and that i wanted to move forward and she looked at me like i just said i was going to hold everyone in the hospital hostage with an AK-47.
- when she talks she goes off on tangents and her voice trails, you never really know what she means and she'll throw in a totally random comment.
- she disappears off the floor for hours at a time and when you need to find her she's not around. or she's on the phone or email. she's looking at pictures of cute puppies. aww...
- when she is there it happens to be when we sit down to look up things in the chart and she thinks we're not using our time wisely. but where was she the other 5 hours?
- one of my friends got kicked out of school because of her. she had it out for him. she specifically said to be there at 2:45 and then she said he was late when he showed at that time. some of his paperwork was incomplete and that to her was very important. but she didn't really stress that in our orientation. basically it was all these little things that got him kicked out, and nothing to do with his actual nursing skills or care with the patients. it wasn't even that his nurse preceptors didn't think he did a good job. it was nothing that warrants getting kicked out of the nursing program. i am upset over this, stewing actually.
- he will be the first one to say that he could have done some things right. he had the flu the previous weekend and was recovering from that. the problem is that she instantly focused in on him. other people had incomplete paperwork and she didn't give a crap. she treated him unfairly.
- she argues things. maybe it's fun for her but she really has to be right and doesn't allow differences of opinion.
- she's obsessed over diabetes.
- another gal cried because U said she couldn't communicate and all these other "non-issues" and said "if you want to leave you can".
- she lectured two gals on taking an hour lunch break when they took only 45 minutes, which was what she said to do. they were in there the whole time with their nurse and if she had asked him she would know. but NO, she had to be right. she said "i KNOW you were in there from 7-8" when in fact they were getting a new patient at 7:15 so that was impossible.
- there were other things but i'm tired of thinking about her.
another thing that i had to go through was a "simulation". basically there is this dummy that talks and breathes by teachers controlling it from this little room, think wizard of oz. you have a scenario and go in, with all your student peers watching on a live feed video. so you don't know what's going to happen and you have to react, with all these people watching, judging and probably commenting. it is way too much for me to handle and every time i just have so much anxiety. so this time i just freaked out a little and kind of bonked. when it came time for me to perform, i didn't. this is not a venue where i excel. i had to go in and watch my video to see how i did and it was not pretty. it's like i wasn't even there. psychologically/emotionally i don't think i was. so anyway, i am glad that is over for now. we have one more to do at the end of the term and hopefully i do better.
10 October 2008
#146 - eight months
i could almost have a baby in the time that it will take me to graduate from nursing school, which is a lot of time yet none at all. we are applying for graduation today, a couple ladies from the registration office are here to help us. after this term i only have four classes, a total of 18 credits. i have been thinking a lot about what i will do after graduation and get a job.
A DOG
hopefully i will be on a good schedule, maybe three 12-hour shifts. that gives me a lot of time for cuddling with a doggie. right now i am barely home and it would be abusive to have a dog. i find myself lonely for a little friend, especially since niki died this year. of course i wasn't living with him but he did leave an empty place in my heart. so now i am aching for a little love bug. i've been checking out the humane society and petfinder just torturing myself.
of course i do "officially" have a sweet dog named maui but he lives on the coast and i know he wouldn't want to live in portland. i wouldn't either but that's how it has to be right now. maybe someday i'll have him again but not right now. so i'm always looking up little chihuahuas to adopt. i kind of want a puppy because those years are so special and they are real characters at that time but i'm not opposed to getting an older one. i get really weak just looking at these sweethearts.
OWN PLACE
another thing i really look forward to is getting my own place, without roommates. right now having roommates is all good but really, it would be nice to live alone. i wouldn't have to worry about leaving dishes in the sink overnight or not cleaning as much as my house does. i don't see my roommates that often so it's cool but i would like to be able to have a place to call my own, without buying anything. all i'm looking for is a nice little studio. not much space and real simple. the smaller the space the less room i have to fill it with crap and less to clean. i'll probably be paying almost twice as much but it will be worth it, and i will be making maybe twice as much.
APPLE SWAG
ever since i got my first ipod i've had apple envy, i guess. i play with my friend's iPhone and it's just awesome. i don't have or probably won't ever have AT&T so i'm not sure iPhone would be beneficial. instead i'm thinking the iPod touch. i'm definitely due for a new ipod and why not this guy?! photos, videos, music, internets, calendar, maps, games, really what can you not do on this thing (besides the phone)? right now it goes up to a 32GB but probably by next year it will have a bigger capacity. my old one was 60GB so i would like something similar. either way, a touch would be AWESOME!
the other thing i want to treat myself with is a new computer. i got both my computers second hand. my desktop from my uncle and the laptop from craigslist, both probably 4 years old or so. ancient in computer terms. i've used macs and really like how they work and i hear they are great in terms of safety and security. i really enjoy having a laptop but i also like the power of having a desktop. if i can get the speed and power of a desktop on a laptop...well a laptop would be better so why have both. i'm looking at the macbook pro and it comes with up to a 250GB hard drive and 4 GB RAM. that's way more than my desktop has right now. of course it's gonna cost close to $3000, which is a lot of money but i figure it's gonna last me for a long time, do lots for me and just look at it!
okay so i know that is a lot of things that i WANT. it's not like i'll be making a killing right out of school so i'm not getting them all right away and these are just things. it's gonna be thousands of dollars to get it all and maintain it. my level of spending will go up probably exponentially but my income will go up a little as well. i deserve it right?! i like to think having one computer instead of two is simpler and more efficient. i can justify these things. although having a doggie will be a lot more work and money, having that little guy running around and waiting for me to come home is worth it. as for my own place, well, it's about time. i'm getting close to 30. sheesh, that's like an adult or something. i'm not into buying a house cause i don't think i can say i'll be here for longer than 5 years but you never know. eight months!
A DOG
hopefully i will be on a good schedule, maybe three 12-hour shifts. that gives me a lot of time for cuddling with a doggie. right now i am barely home and it would be abusive to have a dog. i find myself lonely for a little friend, especially since niki died this year. of course i wasn't living with him but he did leave an empty place in my heart. so now i am aching for a little love bug. i've been checking out the humane society and petfinder just torturing myself.
of course i do "officially" have a sweet dog named maui but he lives on the coast and i know he wouldn't want to live in portland. i wouldn't either but that's how it has to be right now. maybe someday i'll have him again but not right now. so i'm always looking up little chihuahuas to adopt. i kind of want a puppy because those years are so special and they are real characters at that time but i'm not opposed to getting an older one. i get really weak just looking at these sweethearts. 
OWN PLACE
another thing i really look forward to is getting my own place, without roommates. right now having roommates is all good but really, it would be nice to live alone. i wouldn't have to worry about leaving dishes in the sink overnight or not cleaning as much as my house does. i don't see my roommates that often so it's cool but i would like to be able to have a place to call my own, without buying anything. all i'm looking for is a nice little studio. not much space and real simple. the smaller the space the less room i have to fill it with crap and less to clean. i'll probably be paying almost twice as much but it will be worth it, and i will be making maybe twice as much.
APPLE SWAG
ever since i got my first ipod i've had apple envy, i guess. i play with my friend's iPhone and it's just awesome. i don't have or probably won't ever have AT&T so i'm not sure iPhone would be beneficial. instead i'm thinking the iPod touch. i'm definitely due for a new ipod and why not this guy?! photos, videos, music, internets, calendar, maps, games, really what can you not do on this thing (besides the phone)? right now it goes up to a 32GB but probably by next year it will have a bigger capacity. my old one was 60GB so i would like something similar. either way, a touch would be AWESOME!
the other thing i want to treat myself with is a new computer. i got both my computers second hand. my desktop from my uncle and the laptop from craigslist, both probably 4 years old or so. ancient in computer terms. i've used macs and really like how they work and i hear they are great in terms of safety and security. i really enjoy having a laptop but i also like the power of having a desktop. if i can get the speed and power of a desktop on a laptop...well a laptop would be better so why have both. i'm looking at the macbook pro and it comes with up to a 250GB hard drive and 4 GB RAM. that's way more than my desktop has right now. of course it's gonna cost close to $3000, which is a lot of money but i figure it's gonna last me for a long time, do lots for me and just look at it!
okay so i know that is a lot of things that i WANT. it's not like i'll be making a killing right out of school so i'm not getting them all right away and these are just things. it's gonna be thousands of dollars to get it all and maintain it. my level of spending will go up probably exponentially but my income will go up a little as well. i deserve it right?! i like to think having one computer instead of two is simpler and more efficient. i can justify these things. although having a doggie will be a lot more work and money, having that little guy running around and waiting for me to come home is worth it. as for my own place, well, it's about time. i'm getting close to 30. sheesh, that's like an adult or something. i'm not into buying a house cause i don't think i can say i'll be here for longer than 5 years but you never know. eight months!
19 August 2008
#129 - nursing clinicals
i had a summer class that i cut my summer trip short for. i should've been in costa rica getting ready for a fun wedding. instead i've been back for almost a month, back in the real world. it seems weird that just a month ago i was traveling and living out of my backpack. now it's back to reality and my messy disaster of a room. add to that a broken dryer and shower in my house. i am not sure how i will take a shower tomorrow tho i'm thinking maybe at work. one of my roommates is supposedly taking care of it but the dryer has been broken for weeks. i had to use the laundromat the other day because i ran out of scrubs and underwear. this guy fell in a puddle of water and his wife called an ambulance. there wasn't anything i could do for him and i felt pretty helpless.
so bottom line is - i need to move. a couple friends from work are looking for a place with me and we're looking for cheap, 3 br, preferably in inner SE or NE, maybe even nopo would be cool. something in the range of $1000-$1400. W/D would be nice, or even hookups. option of pets would be nice but i know i'm not ready for one yet.
my summer class consisted of one day of in-the-classroom practice. we were given some videos to review as well as tools to help us get back into nursing. our last clinicals were in november, so our skills are a bit rusty. or they were. after that class i was a little nervous and skeptical of my skills but now i'm back in the game. we had to do four clinical days out at the hospital. it was usually about 7am-4pm but we got out early today. doing those four days really helped my confidence in patient care and an assortment of skills i didn't know i had. things like patient teaching and organizing my day with medications and treatments. of course, i only had one patient but i also was able to observe several seasoned nurses and how they do things. every nurse has their own "practice" and it's nice to be able to model the things i like and omit the others. i haven't had a bad nurse yet but i've heard some stories.
one of my patients was a homeless man withdrawing from alcohol. he was very agitated and it said he drank a dozen 24-oz per day...that is a lot of beer! there are many patients like this and seeing him only reaffirmed my decision to quit drinking. i don't want to get to that point. i don't think i would become that way, but i don't think he ever thought that either. it really can happen to anyone if they slowly lose that control and let the alcohol take over their lives. it's a harsh disease that affects many people.
TV - just started watching six feet under, it's about a family that owns a mortuary. showtime has the best shows! this one is pretty funny and the family is so dysfunctional it's entertaining. a lot of people are afraid of death or even talking about it. uncomfortable topic, use comedy! i guess working at a nursing home i see a lot of old people die so it doesn't make me too scared. it's a natural part of life and for me, it's nice helping someone to be comfortable at the end. you just have to accept it's going to happen.
so bottom line is - i need to move. a couple friends from work are looking for a place with me and we're looking for cheap, 3 br, preferably in inner SE or NE, maybe even nopo would be cool. something in the range of $1000-$1400. W/D would be nice, or even hookups. option of pets would be nice but i know i'm not ready for one yet.
my summer class consisted of one day of in-the-classroom practice. we were given some videos to review as well as tools to help us get back into nursing. our last clinicals were in november, so our skills are a bit rusty. or they were. after that class i was a little nervous and skeptical of my skills but now i'm back in the game. we had to do four clinical days out at the hospital. it was usually about 7am-4pm but we got out early today. doing those four days really helped my confidence in patient care and an assortment of skills i didn't know i had. things like patient teaching and organizing my day with medications and treatments. of course, i only had one patient but i also was able to observe several seasoned nurses and how they do things. every nurse has their own "practice" and it's nice to be able to model the things i like and omit the others. i haven't had a bad nurse yet but i've heard some stories.
one of my patients was a homeless man withdrawing from alcohol. he was very agitated and it said he drank a dozen 24-oz per day...that is a lot of beer! there are many patients like this and seeing him only reaffirmed my decision to quit drinking. i don't want to get to that point. i don't think i would become that way, but i don't think he ever thought that either. it really can happen to anyone if they slowly lose that control and let the alcohol take over their lives. it's a harsh disease that affects many people.
TV - just started watching six feet under, it's about a family that owns a mortuary. showtime has the best shows! this one is pretty funny and the family is so dysfunctional it's entertaining. a lot of people are afraid of death or even talking about it. uncomfortable topic, use comedy! i guess working at a nursing home i see a lot of old people die so it doesn't make me too scared. it's a natural part of life and for me, it's nice helping someone to be comfortable at the end. you just have to accept it's going to happen.
05 August 2008
#123 - failure and success
i have been reading a book called wooden: a lifetime of observations and reflections on and off the court, by john wooden. coach wooden was an amazing and storied coach and is a popular motivational speaker. he started his collegiate coaching career at indiana state then moved to UCLA where his teams won ten national championships, seven in a row, and had an overall record of 620-147. he coached for nearly twenty years there and no one even comes close to his achievements on the court. he is in the basketball hall of fame as both a player and coach. by these parameters you could say he is very successful but to him success is not national championships or number of games won. he said "try your hardest in all ways and you are a success" and "effort is what counts in everything". this is a man of principles, he was born in 1910 and raised by hard working parents. now this isn't really a post or biography about coach wooden. he is very successful and i could quote his book to fill pages but what i've been thinking about lately is failure and success. when i read my google reader today i came upon this video, which i've seen before:
michael jordan is my favorite athlete, no doubt. no one thinks about his so-called "failures" because he is a winner and a success. it's not so much an issue of half-full or -empty but people makes mistakes and fail at things. it's a fact. you cannot do anything if you do not try it. another wooden quote: "the individual who is mistake-free is also probably sitting around doing nothing". so i say this, what am i doing?! i'm sitting around, mostly cause i'm under the weather and it's way too hot to get anything done but i have been a bit lazy lately.
but i had my first "summer class" today. it's not a real class, i am taking this mandatory "transitional" class for those who failed a class and are left behind. so this class is to get us up to speed with where we should be. today we spend 5 hours in the lab practicing our skills then we have 40 hours in the next two weeks at clinicals. the last time i even touched an IV was probably in november at my last clinical, many months ago. i don't remember how to set up a piggyback. i am sketchy on how to insert a catheter. so these are things i had to work on. how can i be successful when i don't keep my skills up? how can i be successful when i am not putting forth my best effort with all i've got or hanging back waiting for someone to teach me? i cannot. i understand now what i need to do. perhaps that is why i am here in the first place, maybe i was not ready. on grey's anatomy, george o'malley failed his intern exam. so he had to take the whole year over, his friends moved on to become residents and he was still an intern. that is how i feel. my original class is graduating at the end of the month, i've got till next june. oh the horror. BUT, i am back on the horse, learned my lessons, and i will be a success because no one will work harder to achieve their potential than me. i will be a success.
michael jordan is my favorite athlete, no doubt. no one thinks about his so-called "failures" because he is a winner and a success. it's not so much an issue of half-full or -empty but people makes mistakes and fail at things. it's a fact. you cannot do anything if you do not try it. another wooden quote: "the individual who is mistake-free is also probably sitting around doing nothing". so i say this, what am i doing?! i'm sitting around, mostly cause i'm under the weather and it's way too hot to get anything done but i have been a bit lazy lately.
but i had my first "summer class" today. it's not a real class, i am taking this mandatory "transitional" class for those who failed a class and are left behind. so this class is to get us up to speed with where we should be. today we spend 5 hours in the lab practicing our skills then we have 40 hours in the next two weeks at clinicals. the last time i even touched an IV was probably in november at my last clinical, many months ago. i don't remember how to set up a piggyback. i am sketchy on how to insert a catheter. so these are things i had to work on. how can i be successful when i don't keep my skills up? how can i be successful when i am not putting forth my best effort with all i've got or hanging back waiting for someone to teach me? i cannot. i understand now what i need to do. perhaps that is why i am here in the first place, maybe i was not ready. on grey's anatomy, george o'malley failed his intern exam. so he had to take the whole year over, his friends moved on to become residents and he was still an intern. that is how i feel. my original class is graduating at the end of the month, i've got till next june. oh the horror. BUT, i am back on the horse, learned my lessons, and i will be a success because no one will work harder to achieve their potential than me. i will be a success.
10 June 2008
#112 - so done!
i did it! i became a SUPERSTAR!! i took my final exam this morning and not only passed, but got an A. maybe my teachers were right...or maybe this time it was based on more than just three tests. there were quizzes and extra credit as well. why not last time? so frustrating, but it's over. i studied hard and now don't have to worry about pathophysiology ever again. what a great feeling! i called my parents and they were so relived and happy, my mom said she had tears of joy. so funny. the madness however is not over. first they told me that my summer class would be the second 5-week term of summer, from july 28 till the end of august. so i planned my trip around that time frame, foregoing the wedding that i was supposed to attend in costa rica. now they tell me it's only going to be one day of lab time and four days of clinicals at the hospital. and of course, the timing is horrible. if they had said this in the first place, i would be at a wedding in late august! bastards. um, no hard feelings of course. but why can't they get it together?
anyway, so now school is done for this term. it's gonna be work, play and then the trip. i have so much still to plan and prepare and only 3 weeks to do it. it's getting close! i'm so excited and now i don't have to worry about coming back to the same job forever because i passed my class and will go on with nursing school as planned.
it's june. it's supposed to be summery and sunny. today it's raining and cold. last week i got my bike out and rode it to work. on the way home afterwards i hit an oil slick on a turn and skidded out. luckily it was a little chilly so i was wearing a jacket and pants. if not, my left elbow and leg wouldn't have much skin on it. so it was my first bike wreck. i'm glad it wasn't bad and no one was around to witness the humiliation. i was more upset than anything really. now i am a little nervous as i hit the turns that may or may not have wet/oily spots. my tires are pretty thin and aren't made for crazy maneuvers. i hope that's the last of my accidents. that elbow has had it's share of owies, mostly skateboarding falls. when it's sunny i'll probably start trying to skate again. last summer i learned an ollie, a 180, pop shove it, and kickflip. i want to get better at those tricks and do a heel flip too. also i want to get good enough to ride at the skate park. i tried it when i was back home, but i was by myself and still felt embarrassed. it's hard to commit to dropping into the half pipe. i need to find some balls.
anyway, so now school is done for this term. it's gonna be work, play and then the trip. i have so much still to plan and prepare and only 3 weeks to do it. it's getting close! i'm so excited and now i don't have to worry about coming back to the same job forever because i passed my class and will go on with nursing school as planned.
it's june. it's supposed to be summery and sunny. today it's raining and cold. last week i got my bike out and rode it to work. on the way home afterwards i hit an oil slick on a turn and skidded out. luckily it was a little chilly so i was wearing a jacket and pants. if not, my left elbow and leg wouldn't have much skin on it. so it was my first bike wreck. i'm glad it wasn't bad and no one was around to witness the humiliation. i was more upset than anything really. now i am a little nervous as i hit the turns that may or may not have wet/oily spots. my tires are pretty thin and aren't made for crazy maneuvers. i hope that's the last of my accidents. that elbow has had it's share of owies, mostly skateboarding falls. when it's sunny i'll probably start trying to skate again. last summer i learned an ollie, a 180, pop shove it, and kickflip. i want to get better at those tricks and do a heel flip too. also i want to get good enough to ride at the skate park. i tried it when i was back home, but i was by myself and still felt embarrassed. it's hard to commit to dropping into the half pipe. i need to find some balls.
12 May 2008
#105 - i can see through the b.s.
i am sitting in class, pretty much how i was 6 months ago. patho 2 in fall term. now i'm in patho 2 spring term. it's the same class (with different material and a different book). different teachers, different students. same b.s. we just took our second exam and coming into class this morning i hear rumblings from my fellow students about how frustrated they are with the class, their grades, the teachers, the stupid exams and the school. i can sympathize of course because i've been there. i am still frustrated about all the same things, BUT i am past caring.
don't get me wrong, i care about my education and school and becoming a good nurse. i care about knowing things i need to know to be that good nurse. i care about my future patients and giving them excellent nursing care. i care about passing this class and getting through the rest of school. what i don't care about is complaining about everything because i know it does not do good. one of my good friends in this cohort mentioned to the head of the nursing school that over 50% of the students in this class were concerned about their grades and frustrated with the teaching, etc. what does she say? basically in so many words: "f- you, figure it out together cause we're not going to help you" i was laughing to myself because i've been through this already. they SAY they want to help and they SAY they want to you be successful. yet their actions are quite different. when we asked them for help last time they said "oh well if you don't pass this term you'll come back and be superstars next time you take it." superstars.
well i didn't pass last time and now here i am, a superstar. it's a little easier the second time around. i am studying and reading and being a good student. i don't think i'll be getting an A this term but maybe if half the class fails, a B is superstar status! they tell us to get into a good study group and that way it'll be easier to learn, but it's pretty much like the blind leading the blind. no one knows what they will be testing us on. they give us a "test blueprint" which is supposed to say what the test is on, but really, it doesn't. there were questions on the exam that i don't think were written in english. their test questions are that bad. i've taken NCLEX style questions from a study book and did in the "A" range and then go to take their tests and end up more in the C range. that's just not right. where are they getting these questions?
getting all caught up in complaining about school is a waste of my time because it's not gonna do anything. i know the faculty know things. they've been nurses at some point (even if it was decades ago) and probably have a lot of knowledge. the problem is they do not teach us that material nor do they test on what they supposedly teach on. so basically when you are studying you have to guess what to focus on because it's not what you talk about in class or necessarily the reading assignments from the textbook. i feel all alone in the class and i know that i will pass somehow, but it's okay because i'm a superstar.
don't get me wrong, i care about my education and school and becoming a good nurse. i care about knowing things i need to know to be that good nurse. i care about my future patients and giving them excellent nursing care. i care about passing this class and getting through the rest of school. what i don't care about is complaining about everything because i know it does not do good. one of my good friends in this cohort mentioned to the head of the nursing school that over 50% of the students in this class were concerned about their grades and frustrated with the teaching, etc. what does she say? basically in so many words: "f- you, figure it out together cause we're not going to help you" i was laughing to myself because i've been through this already. they SAY they want to help and they SAY they want to you be successful. yet their actions are quite different. when we asked them for help last time they said "oh well if you don't pass this term you'll come back and be superstars next time you take it." superstars.
well i didn't pass last time and now here i am, a superstar. it's a little easier the second time around. i am studying and reading and being a good student. i don't think i'll be getting an A this term but maybe if half the class fails, a B is superstar status! they tell us to get into a good study group and that way it'll be easier to learn, but it's pretty much like the blind leading the blind. no one knows what they will be testing us on. they give us a "test blueprint" which is supposed to say what the test is on, but really, it doesn't. there were questions on the exam that i don't think were written in english. their test questions are that bad. i've taken NCLEX style questions from a study book and did in the "A" range and then go to take their tests and end up more in the C range. that's just not right. where are they getting these questions?
getting all caught up in complaining about school is a waste of my time because it's not gonna do anything. i know the faculty know things. they've been nurses at some point (even if it was decades ago) and probably have a lot of knowledge. the problem is they do not teach us that material nor do they test on what they supposedly teach on. so basically when you are studying you have to guess what to focus on because it's not what you talk about in class or necessarily the reading assignments from the textbook. i feel all alone in the class and i know that i will pass somehow, but it's okay because i'm a superstar.
28 April 2008
#101 - babies
last night i watched juno. i really enjoyed the dialogue, plot and music. very enjoyable movie. here is the trailer, basically its about a teenager who gets knocked up and has to make decisions on what to do with the baby. enter a couple interested in adopting and the wife vanessa, played by jennifer garner.
vanessa talks about how she feels she was born to have babies and be a mom. unfortunately for whatever reason, her and her husband have been trying for 5 years and couldn't get pregnant. her one goal in life is to be a mom. i think that's weird. i've met a lot of people who are like this actually and had a casual lunch conversation about wanting babies today. a few of my former nursing school classmates are always talking about getting done with school and immediately having kids. this is something that people plan and that's great, but it's weird to me. one reason being they are good students and will probably make great nurses, yet all they want to do is have babies and play mommy. why not just drop out of school and get busy now?
sure the idea of success by most of society is being married, having a house, car, kids, stuff and pets. but why? i think a lot of women want babies, and are obsessed over it. i've never felt this way but i'm sure at some point i will cause it probably has to do with maturity, hormones and possibly being married. it's only natural, the whole biological passing on of superior seed and what not. my parents had me when they were in their mid-twenties. i am there right now and cannot imagine having babies right now. i am a little too busy with my selfish life: fun, dodgeball and friends. i am still at the stage of my life where i can't give up everything (not even a little) that i love for a kid, even though i know it would be a wonderfully rewarding thing.
maybe i am also a little afraid. afraid that the baby will be hideous (think seinfeld) or have three eyeballs. everyone wants a perfect baby but there is so much that can go wrong. taking medical-type classes i can understand and see how many of the diseases starts off just by having bad genes, then add in environmental factors and other random things and you've got trouble. how could i handle a weird or sick baby? one that you've carried around for 9 months, having to eat right and take lots of vitamins. no partying, drinking, smoking, raw fish (not that i really eat it), wearing weird clothes, bloating, incontinence, a big belly and weird cravings. that's dedication/love.
babies and kids actually are fun and interesting. i think my fear has more to do with the child as a clean slate with nothing but genetic material and potential. i don't want to ruin their life! what kind of future they will have depends on so many things, but a lot to do with how you raise them. people do it all the time with no idea at first but get it right somehow. others, not so much. they say your kids end up being so many times worse than you. now there is a scary thought! i've always thought i'd have a couple kids, it's just one of those things...like going to college or getting a job. it's what normal people do. i don't know what it takes to raise a kid but i can certainly appreciate it. giving up everything for a kid who becomes all you need or love in life.
vanessa talks about how she feels she was born to have babies and be a mom. unfortunately for whatever reason, her and her husband have been trying for 5 years and couldn't get pregnant. her one goal in life is to be a mom. i think that's weird. i've met a lot of people who are like this actually and had a casual lunch conversation about wanting babies today. a few of my former nursing school classmates are always talking about getting done with school and immediately having kids. this is something that people plan and that's great, but it's weird to me. one reason being they are good students and will probably make great nurses, yet all they want to do is have babies and play mommy. why not just drop out of school and get busy now?
sure the idea of success by most of society is being married, having a house, car, kids, stuff and pets. but why? i think a lot of women want babies, and are obsessed over it. i've never felt this way but i'm sure at some point i will cause it probably has to do with maturity, hormones and possibly being married. it's only natural, the whole biological passing on of superior seed and what not. my parents had me when they were in their mid-twenties. i am there right now and cannot imagine having babies right now. i am a little too busy with my selfish life: fun, dodgeball and friends. i am still at the stage of my life where i can't give up everything (not even a little) that i love for a kid, even though i know it would be a wonderfully rewarding thing.
maybe i am also a little afraid. afraid that the baby will be hideous (think seinfeld) or have three eyeballs. everyone wants a perfect baby but there is so much that can go wrong. taking medical-type classes i can understand and see how many of the diseases starts off just by having bad genes, then add in environmental factors and other random things and you've got trouble. how could i handle a weird or sick baby? one that you've carried around for 9 months, having to eat right and take lots of vitamins. no partying, drinking, smoking, raw fish (not that i really eat it), wearing weird clothes, bloating, incontinence, a big belly and weird cravings. that's dedication/love.babies and kids actually are fun and interesting. i think my fear has more to do with the child as a clean slate with nothing but genetic material and potential. i don't want to ruin their life! what kind of future they will have depends on so many things, but a lot to do with how you raise them. people do it all the time with no idea at first but get it right somehow. others, not so much. they say your kids end up being so many times worse than you. now there is a scary thought! i've always thought i'd have a couple kids, it's just one of those things...like going to college or getting a job. it's what normal people do. i don't know what it takes to raise a kid but i can certainly appreciate it. giving up everything for a kid who becomes all you need or love in life.
01 April 2008
#90 - myself
reading my blog from yesterday and then finishing my book eat, pray, love, i realized (again) that i am everywhere. not in the same idea as "God is everywhere" but i am all over the place mentally. on one side i've got crazy, bitter, resentful, angry, frustrated, embarrassed nursing student. on the other i've got calm, stress-free, life-living, soul-searching, caring student of life trying to make a difference in this world.
i got this little blurb out of the book: the bhagavad gita says "it is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else's life with perfection." i've read the gita and must read it again. that's wisdom and sage advice. i believe your twenties are really about trying to figure things out and coming to terms with the person you are, the person you want to be and the person you are becoming. these three people are (at the moment) not one and the same. for some people they are and others it takes longer. it's important to me to continually think about this. that way i've got accountability for myself (present and future).
at the end and start of every month i do a little thinking/analyzing about how the past month was and what i want out of the next one. a little check and re-check. what did i accomplish last month and what do i want to accomplish next? in the book, she writes that in bali common greetings are "where are you going?" and "where are you coming from?"
so where was i last month?
i was enjoying the last of my extended break from school. i went out a lot, hung out with friends, ate food, met people, stayed out late and basically paid for it in the end when i got a flu-like sickness. i slept for 14 hours the other day cause i was so exhausted. it's good to get it out of my system, the craziness. that is not to say there won't be some fun and crazy times this month, but they will be few and far between. i gave up shopping for lent and that worked out well, still haven't bought anything. and if anything, it's taught me to really think about things that i need. for example, my ipod that died. i have a shuffle and right now that is working out just fine for me. it's a little annoying when on a ride of longer than an hour because by then i want to listen to something other than one of the 250 songs that can fit. but lent has been over for a week and i haven't rushed out and bought my ipod (leaning towards the classic). i have to think about other things that i really need. i've got a trip coming up and need/want a few things for it. not even going to risk taking my ipod so i'll buy it when i get back, if i have any money left.
where am i going this month?
my main focus will be on school. i have the one class - pathophysiology. i will be a superstar and i will know things. i will study hard and i will do well. at the same time, i need to deal with my angry/bitter side by throwing dodgeballs at people. so i will be playing lots of dodgeball. i'm also going to be working a few times a week. so school, work and dodgeball. so out of 168 hours a week:
while i'm always thinking about the person i want to become and my future self, i often feel i need to focus more on the now, the present.
i got this little blurb out of the book: the bhagavad gita says "it is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else's life with perfection." i've read the gita and must read it again. that's wisdom and sage advice. i believe your twenties are really about trying to figure things out and coming to terms with the person you are, the person you want to be and the person you are becoming. these three people are (at the moment) not one and the same. for some people they are and others it takes longer. it's important to me to continually think about this. that way i've got accountability for myself (present and future).
at the end and start of every month i do a little thinking/analyzing about how the past month was and what i want out of the next one. a little check and re-check. what did i accomplish last month and what do i want to accomplish next? in the book, she writes that in bali common greetings are "where are you going?" and "where are you coming from?"
so where was i last month?
i was enjoying the last of my extended break from school. i went out a lot, hung out with friends, ate food, met people, stayed out late and basically paid for it in the end when i got a flu-like sickness. i slept for 14 hours the other day cause i was so exhausted. it's good to get it out of my system, the craziness. that is not to say there won't be some fun and crazy times this month, but they will be few and far between. i gave up shopping for lent and that worked out well, still haven't bought anything. and if anything, it's taught me to really think about things that i need. for example, my ipod that died. i have a shuffle and right now that is working out just fine for me. it's a little annoying when on a ride of longer than an hour because by then i want to listen to something other than one of the 250 songs that can fit. but lent has been over for a week and i haven't rushed out and bought my ipod (leaning towards the classic). i have to think about other things that i really need. i've got a trip coming up and need/want a few things for it. not even going to risk taking my ipod so i'll buy it when i get back, if i have any money left.
where am i going this month?
my main focus will be on school. i have the one class - pathophysiology. i will be a superstar and i will know things. i will study hard and i will do well. at the same time, i need to deal with my angry/bitter side by throwing dodgeballs at people. so i will be playing lots of dodgeball. i'm also going to be working a few times a week. so school, work and dodgeball. so out of 168 hours a week:
- 56 hours sleeping (8 hours a day, average)
- 24 hours working
- 12 hours AT SCHOOL on mondays
- 6 hours playing dodgeball
while i'm always thinking about the person i want to become and my future self, i often feel i need to focus more on the now, the present.
no day but today -renti neglect the now self. the only way to truly appreciate life is to embrace that self, no matter how flawed or wrong it feels. embracing it doesn't mean being content. you've got to love yourself first! i've never believed that contentment is a good thing. i don't mean contentment of material possessions (this is good), but always trying to be better. becoming a better person. no one is, was or ever will be perfect. some would argue that if you're always trying for something else you'll never appreciate what you have. i would have to disagree and say that being content with what you have will make you complacent and lax. it would me anyway. i appreciate everything i have, whether it was given to me or i have earned it. it doesn't mean i don't want to better myself. i do.
16 December 2007
#42 - never give up
"When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn." -H. B. Stowe
my mom sent me this quote after i wrote her saying i need to take my class over again that i didn't do well in. although i know they are disappointed in me, i know they are supporting me and that is making all the difference. basically what happened is i didn't get a 75% so i need to take the class again but can't until the spring. i also can't take any other classes till i take this one. so then instead of starting my second year of school in january, i can't start it till the FALL!! this means i won't be able to graduate until spring term '09. this is devastating and i feel like a loser. but it'll all be okay. it's not the end of the world.
i have a lot of things i've thought of that i will be able to do now that i don't have a class next term (to make myself feel better about the situation):
it's hard for me to be positive about this but i am trying. basically all my plans for the next year have changed and been postponed. it is sad. i will still be a nurse eventually and a great one at that! it's just going to take a little longer. i have a few friends in the same position as i so i'm not alone in my misery.
oh well what am i gonna do? can't change it, just gotta roll with it!
my mom sent me this quote after i wrote her saying i need to take my class over again that i didn't do well in. although i know they are disappointed in me, i know they are supporting me and that is making all the difference. basically what happened is i didn't get a 75% so i need to take the class again but can't until the spring. i also can't take any other classes till i take this one. so then instead of starting my second year of school in january, i can't start it till the FALL!! this means i won't be able to graduate until spring term '09. this is devastating and i feel like a loser. but it'll all be okay. it's not the end of the world.
i have a lot of things i've thought of that i will be able to do now that i don't have a class next term (to make myself feel better about the situation):
- work more and make some money
- workout more consistently
- dodgeball draft league on tuesday
- read more books
- go to shows
- cook more
- see the vanebo's new house at the coast
- new job maybe
- going to vegas with my sister
- take the train up to seattle!
it's hard for me to be positive about this but i am trying. basically all my plans for the next year have changed and been postponed. it is sad. i will still be a nurse eventually and a great one at that! it's just going to take a little longer. i have a few friends in the same position as i so i'm not alone in my misery.
oh well what am i gonna do? can't change it, just gotta roll with it!
04 October 2007
#4 - ischemia
we're learning about the heart and heart failure today. ischemia is not good but so fun to say, that and infarction. the heart is so complex and pretty amazing. the fact that it just beats for that many years, sometimes over 100 years! then in some people it just stops. science and the body is just so amazing.
good heart
good heart
bad heart
I just went to this exhibit at OMSI called body worlds 3. I went earlier in the summer and it was pretty awesome, just as awesome second time around. basically it is people who have donated their bodies to be learning materials. usually when a person or organism dies it decomposes. this guy figured out a way to stop the decomposition then replace cells with plastic and it's called plastination. so these people are presented in a very artistic way for a great learning experience. there are also samples of all body parts also plasticized and different views for optimum viewing experience.
a man holding his skin, the largest and heaviest organ in the body
good lung vs smoker's lung
anyways it was a great exhibit and I would definitely recommend it to anyone so if it's in your city, go see it!! it's well worth the $20. body worlds website
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