#155 - economical crisis

i was watching the news and they were talking about consumerism, what we do the best. to me, this whole crisis should be a wake up call as to our spending habits. instead of encouraging people to control their spending, they are decreasing interest on loans and credit cards so that they can keep on. i do understand that a certain amount of consumerism is necessary to keep the economy rolling but on a personal level, i can control what i spend, period. i cannot control what is happening on the national or international level. sure, things will get more expensive and people will lose jobs. it is sad and scary and although i hope no one i know will be affected, i know they will. people are losing jobs everywhere. it is crazy.

i have been working on simplifying my life, which automatically means spending less or being more aware of what i am buying. i used to be quite the shopper but have never gone shopping on "black friday", the day after thanksgiving that has all the crazy sales at 4am. when there are sales you buy things you wouldn't normally buy. you spend money you don't need to spend. now when i buy things i am sure that they will last me longer and i get more from it. it needs to be something well-made and long-lasting. if i can borrow it, i do. if i can buy it second-hand, i do.

a lot of people say they shop on black friday so they can get christmas presents. every year christmas is less desirable to me. it is way too focused on consumerism and presents. it kind of defeats the whole purpose of christmas to me. lately i've been trying to make christmas presents, especially keeping in mind what people would use and love. i try to personalize it as much as i can. some things that i've made are shirts, bookmarks, and calendars. this year i am so far behind. i have no idea what i am doing this year. being a poor student i am sure people don't expect much but i still want to give some kind of gift.

this week is thanksgiving, a time to give thanks. there are so many things i am thankful for right now. we should be thankful everyday but when there is so much crap going on sometimes it's hard. in the span of about 12 hours i broke my phone and lost my bus pass (value of about $800). i blame working too much on those thing and being tired. thankfully my friend had an extra phone that works and i got a call this morning that someone turned in my pass! how amazing. i may complain about this or that but really i am so lucky and happy. i have a job, i am in school to get my RN soon, i have food to eat, a cool new house, friends, family and live in oregon. so many people have lost their jobs, are bankrupt, going through bad relationships, in jail, whatever...and so i have no right to complain. it's so much easier to be negative, i have to work on that.

#154 - civil war!

well here it is folks, the week we've all been waiting for. the battle for the state of oregon...civil war!! this is a tradition over a hundred years. oregon state versus oregon in what is the most important game of the year. you can be 0-10 but if you win the civil war then it is not all lost. whoever wins the civil war gets bragging rights and pride all year. the last two years the Beavs have been successful and before that it was back and forth, with the home team winning.
2006 - Reser Stadium

2007 - Autzen Stadium

2008 - back at Reser!
what's at stake this year is the rose bowl, yes the rose bowl. Beavers win and we go to the rose bowl on new years! since we beat USC this year we are actually at the top of the pac-10. we've gone through quite an exciting season, ups and downs. we had losses to stanford, utah and penn state. when we get to the rose bowl we will face penn state again and redeem ourselves. it won't be at their stadium and we have found our mojo on the field. when we played them at the beginning of the season we didn't quite have it together.

OREGON, YOU ARE GOING DOWN!!!

GO BEAVERS!!!

#153 - winter dodgeball

the fall season is nearing it's end and already registration for winter recess dodgeball opens on monday. signups for underdog dodgeball have been up for awhile now even though we just started our "late fall" season. underdog will be on mondays. for recess time there will be three nights - tuesday/thursday is regular league nights and wednesday is going to be a "no sting" league, which is going to use a different kind of ball. not a foam or rhinoskin ball but one that doesn't hurt when you get hit. this one is in SE, which is closer to my house. so potentially, i could be playing league games mon-thu and pickup on friday. dearie me that is a lot of dodgeball, my arm could fall off...or i could become an awesome dodgeball player.

monday - underdog in NW
tuesday - recess in N
wednesday - recess in SE
thursday - recess in NE
friday - pickup in NW
saturday and sunday - rest! :)

the problem here is that i have to pay for each one of these league nights so i have to decide when and where i really want to play. it's a hard life. haha

#152 - simplify, simplify

i am sure i have a post already named this. i believe it is a quote from "walden" by thoreau. i read it in high school but definitely need to hit it again. it's timeless. so i don't know if anyone noticed but it's been a week since i've written a blog. that is a long time for me. what has happened, you may have wondered...maybe not. i moved into my new place on the 5th. it's a studio, it's awesome, i live by myself and i love it. i've never lived alone, always with family or roommates, both pains if you ask me. moving always forces you to take an inventory of your "stuff". i had three truck loads. part of that was goodwill donations and other things to get rid of. i decided i had no more use for those things and that someone needed it more than i. i am trying to simplify my life. i am always trying to do this, ask anyone i know! having my own place has made it easier though. i really take a certain pride in what my place looks and feels like. i want to make it home and if there is too much clutter everywhere it just doesn't feel that way.

physical "stuff" clutter is one thing. it is pretty easy to get rid of, if you make that decision. i cut my wardrobe probably in half because there were so many things i just never wore. i thought i would make good use of somethings and just didn't. i am wasteful and very privileged. i understand that, and take responsibility for my waste. my things have gone back into circulation, to people who need/want them more than i have use for. i am also dealing with other kinds of clutter - emotional, psychological and technological. the first two are a whole 'nother post.

i am working on less techy stuff though, i cut down my list of rss feeds. it became too taxing to read through all of them. i wasn't enjoying them anymore and just trying to get through them. most of them were food-related, food porn if you will. when i am bored i like to look at pictures of yummy food. the idea being i would cook those yummy things eventually but truthfully it never happens. i don't have enough time. if i need a recipe i can get one! so the ones i still have are friend's blogs, because i still want to know what's going on there. another thing is i have no internet at my place. at first i was worried because i NEED my internet! then as i thought about it more, if i have it 24/7 i'm on it 24/7. simple as that. so i am weaning myself off of internet. it's for the best. now i go online when i need/want to, not just to waste time. i want my time to be better spent than just mindlessly surfing the net. i go online at work on night shift, at school and i can go to a coffee shop anytime. laptops rule.

my blog has become kind of boring. since i don't have a lot of time to take pictures, i'm not. so there aren't any pictures. sorry. once i get my place in order i'll probably put some pics up. not quite there yet. i'm still figuring out where everything goes or should go. i'm getting rid of things as i go along, like the college graduation present i NEVER used (2003). it's kind of ridiculous how i have dragged things around with me to every new place (8 since 2004), sometimes the thing being a box of recycling i had to go through. ridiculous! i didn't just do it then, i always left it for later. such a procrastinator!! now i'm not saying i'm going to become a non-procrastinator, that just wouldn't be right. :)

one more thing for simplicity - "have to's". a lot of times we say that we have to do things. in reality, there is nothing you really HAVE TO do. you make choices everyday. maybe if you say no the result will be negative and worse than if you say yes, making it hard to say no. i am working on saying no and not using the phrase "have to". there is no use. do i have to get up, out of bed and to work? no, but then i wouldn't get paid and couldn't eat or pay rent. there are consequences to our actions. i don't have to stay at a job i don't like but if i am too lazy to find a new one then that is my problem. i don't have to ride the bus everywhere, i can buy a used car and work extra to make more money to pay for insurance and gas. i make the choice. it's nice to have that choice but at the same time, it's on my shoulders so i am responsible.

already i am freeing up time for things like playing my guitar and reading. i just finished "WICKED" which was pretty (wickedly) awesome. i wanted to read it before i saw the musical, which i was told and quickly realized isn't much like the book. the book is all dark and adult whereas the musical is appropro for kids as well. i'm curious to see how it'll turn out and what was changed from the book. i'm listening to the soundtrack too, i like to know the songs cause it's weird when you go see a musical and don't know the songs. so now i've got "popular" in my head right now. it's insane.

i'm working on another budget, since i've changed locations and other priorities. it will be simple, of course, and i want to drastically reduce my spending/consumerism. while it would be nice to be able to buy whatever i want, i am sort of glad i need to be on a budget because i am a crazy impulsive shopper who loves to spend money (that i don't have). i've always been responsible with my credit but basically i go out shopping then have to pick up extra shifts at work to pay for stuff. vicious cycle. i did that "no buying" for lent and that worked out well. i wonder if i could do it for a whole year, or more. just not buy things anymore. something to think about.

#151 - yes we can! ...and we did!

so this is what happiness and hope feels like. it is pretty amazing. i just finished watching president-elect barack obama's speech. he is an amazing speaker that just gives me so much energy. since 2004 when he gave that DNC speech, we've known his ability on a national level to inspire people with his words. he doesn't have much experience but that may just be his advantages. he has and gives us hope. we were able to really believe in obama, not just to vote for someone so the opponent would not get in. this is my third election and i had never felt so invested or positive. i didn't want to get too optimistic before the election because in the last one i felt pretty good. we all know how that ended up. so many people came to and realized that obama is different. he will produce change and give us a new life. we can be really proud of our country. i've never felt this way. i've always known how lucky i am to be an american but this makes it totally different. i can tell people from other countries when i travel that i am from obama's america. i voted for him. he is my president!

i probably do not make any sense on this blog but i'm way too tired from watching all the election results. i'm probably too giddy to even sleep tonight. i have so much in my head that i can't really write about it. it's such an amazing feeling. i can be proud out loud and not be apathetic. i can dare to hope. these are feeling that are sort of unnatural for me and young people in general i think. washington has always been an old white rich man's world and now there is a man who represents real people there, leading the nation. tomorrow is the first day of a new attitude for this nation. we can use hope and not fear as motivation now. there will be change. we did it but the work is only beginning. our nation has become a mess and a lot needs to be done. obama can do it. we can do it.

#150 - best albums

i was just gonna put one of those sidebar things on my favorite albums but i decided to blog on it instead. i can explain, rave about or describe my favorite albums. i love music and most of the time i'll be listening to something. thank you ipod! i figure that people in the movies have a soundtrack, why not i? i'm special.

today i was listening to metallica's "metallica" (aka the black album, 1991). i was in the mood. there are so many awesome songs on that album and i sometimes forget that they all exist on the same record. "enter sandman", "the unforgiven" and "nothing else matters" are three great classics.

pink floyd - dark side of the moon, 1973. a lot of the times i'm listening to my ipod or itunes on shuffle so i don't benefit from albums that are made to be listened all the way through. this is definitely a classic album that flows so perfectly, it's seamless. i can't really single out songs on this one, it's gotta be listened to straight through. there is also a good tribute album, called "dub side of the moon" which is a reggae version with a nice vibe to it.

nirvana - MTV unplugged in new york, 1994. it was close, between this one and nevermind, the biggest selling album of theirs. they are both excellent albums but for a live album, unplugged really makes you feel kurt cobain's pain and emotion. it covers a lot of songs that were unknown or at least not hits. only one song ("come as you are") was actually a hit single.

frente - marvin the album, 1992. i don't think many people know this one but i love it. i guess they are australian but the singer has this amazingly clear and sweet voice. it's a happy album! give it a listen if you can.

sublime - sublime and 40 oz to freedom. classic sublime, what can i say about one of my favorite bands? i just love this stuff.

queen is one of the greatest bands of all time. unfortunately i haven't heard all their albums but i have the greatest hits, 1981 and they really are great! i wish i could've seen them in concert, would have been an awesome show.

in the same kind of train of thought there is the beatles. i enjoy most of their music and there are awesome songs on each album. one is a comp album of the #1 hits and has it all. they have influenced most of music today. music would be different today if not for the beatles and all of their albums are influential. they all have great songs and the evolution of the music is so evident from the first to last album. if i had to pick one besides a comp i'd say the white album.

okay well i started this post several days ago and haven't finished it. i could probably go on and on about great albums forever. so here are some others that i have no time to write about but are awesome.

• bob marley & the wailers - legend. it's legend, duh. 1984
• simon & garfunkel - bridge over troubled water
• johnny cash
• carpenter's christmas
• blackalicious - blazing arrow
• RENT
• green day - dookie
• ac/dc - back in black
• neutral milk hotel - aeroplane over the sea
• brandi carlile - the story
• mason jennings - century spring and boneclouds
• pearl jam - ten
• NOFX - heavy petting zoo
• ben lee - awake is the new sleep
• carrie underwood - carnival ride
• sugarland - enjoy the ride
• indigo girls - despite our differences
• iron & wine - the shepherd's dog

my musical taste is very varied and there is really something for every mood i'm in. right now i'm listening to some punk rock! it's good packing/cleaning music for sure.

#149 - burdens lifted

i am done with clinicals. we had ten days of clinicals at the hospital and it was such a great experience. well, i take that back, it sucked. i learned a ton from the nurses i worked with and towards the end actually believed i can do this. i got confidence and am excited to be almost there. i can't wait to get a job and start working, of course i don't know enough yet but it's exciting all the same. so the reasons it sucked are many but they all have to do with my instructor. i will not name her name of course but will call her U for useless. she is nice but pretty useless as a clinical instructor. in the past (this is my 4 1/2th term in clinicals) we have had one shadow day and then picked patients and learned a lot. our instructors were there to help us out, they sought out opportunities for learning and new skills and gave us direction. they made sure we knew what our expectations were and the lines of communication were wide open. so this is a new experience. i think it would be best to use bullet points to list things that didn't go well.

• our first day she says "this is my summer term but i have this huge credit card bill and that's the reason i'm doing this." thanks for letting us know how much you want to be here.
• she tells us we are going to have two shadow days. i ended up having three because she couldn't check me off on meds on the third day.
• we cannot give meds until she checks us off and then tells me she wasn't checking me till the 4th day! we had been getting checked off on the first day previously.
• we couldn't give IV medications until the second week, day 5/10. it wouldn't be a problem but EVERYONE in the hospital has an IV! so sometimes you feel useless and the patients are like, "why can't you do that" and basically the answer is because our teacher has no trust in the education we have received from her institution.
• when i asked her to clarify what we can do and that i was feeling like i was taking a step back she got really offended and started to lecture me. she informed me that she has all this experience doing clinicals and this is how it works best. i told her what i accomplished the previous term and that i wanted to move forward and she looked at me like i just said i was going to hold everyone in the hospital hostage with an AK-47.
• when she talks she goes off on tangents and her voice trails, you never really know what she means and she'll throw in a totally random comment.
• she disappears off the floor for hours at a time and when you need to find her she's not around. or she's on the phone or email. she's looking at pictures of cute puppies. aww...
• when she is there it happens to be when we sit down to look up things in the chart and she thinks we're not using our time wisely. but where was she the other 5 hours?
• one of my friends got kicked out of school because of her. she had it out for him. she specifically said to be there at 2:45 and then she said he was late when he showed at that time. some of his paperwork was incomplete and that to her was very important. but she didn't really stress that in our orientation. basically it was all these little things that got him kicked out, and nothing to do with his actual nursing skills or care with the patients. it wasn't even that his nurse preceptors didn't think he did a good job. it was nothing that warrants getting kicked out of the nursing program. i am upset over this, stewing actually.
• he will be the first one to say that he could have done some things right. he had the flu the previous weekend and was recovering from that. the problem is that she instantly focused in on him. other people had incomplete paperwork and she didn't give a crap. she treated him unfairly.
• she argues things. maybe it's fun for her but she really has to be right and doesn't allow differences of opinion.
• she's obsessed over diabetes.
• another gal cried because U said she couldn't communicate and all these other "non-issues" and said "if you want to leave you can".
• she lectured two gals on taking an hour lunch break when they took only 45 minutes, which was what she said to do. they were in there the whole time with their nurse and if she had asked him she would know. but NO, she had to be right. she said "i KNOW you were in there from 7-8" when in fact they were getting a new patient at 7:15 so that was impossible.
• there were other things but i'm tired of thinking about her.

so anyway, i am glad to be done. i did learn a lot and gain confidence, by my own doing and initiative, but mostly i learned that i have to just keep my nose down and fly under the radar. i don't want to be that person she focuses in on and treats unfairly. i hate authority and kissing ass, i will not do it. so i just need to stay out of the way, don't argue, and get what i can from my nurses. is that really the best learning experience for me? no, but it's what i have to do to get through school. i'll graduate, pass the NCLEX, get a job and then the real learning starts, or so i hear. it's just frustrating that they put up so many blocks to our learning and don't really foster it. in a better school or educational system i think they would try to accommodate different things like illness and be more flexible to individual learning needs. not everyone has the same learning styles.

another thing that i had to go through was a "simulation". basically there is this dummy that talks and breathes by teachers controlling it from this little room, think wizard of oz. you have a scenario and go in, with all your student peers watching on a live feed video. so you don't know what's going to happen and you have to react, with all these people watching, judging and probably commenting. it is way too much for me to handle and every time i just have so much anxiety. so this time i just freaked out a little and kind of bonked. when it came time for me to perform, i didn't. this is not a venue where i excel. i had to go in and watch my video to see how i did and it was not pretty. it's like i wasn't even there. psychologically/emotionally i don't think i was. so anyway, i am glad that is over for now. we have one more to do at the end of the term and hopefully i do better.