#36 - being away

it's hard being away from home. although i've lived away from home and parents for almost 8 years it is still hard. it is totally by choice and i love oregon and portland. i love being able to jump in a car or on a train and go somewhere without spending $500 on a plane ticket. i love the seasons and all the rain. all the friends i've made here are great and i wouldn't trade them for anything. can't forget dodgeball, partying, living in the city, being 2 hours away from the ocean, and mountain. there are many reasons why i love living on the mainland.

but at the same time i miss my high school friends at home. they all stay really close and see each other often. some have even married each other! we've kinda got an unofficial "unmarried" club that's getting smaller every year. i am not worried about not being married or anything like that, no way! i just found out about another wedding and a birth of a baby!! that is just crazy. i'm definitely not ready or looking for that.

one thing is that i am not very good at keeping in touch. i used to be a great pen pal but now that i have virtually no time, keeping in contact with all those great people is often the last thing on my mind. luckily for me i get to go home for holidays and summer usually so then i see my friends often.

my family would love it if i could live there but i just couldn't. i love seeing them and spending time with them when i am there though. it is especially hard when i call and there is something wrong that i can't help with. or if someone is sick i can't just be there to help them. when my grandpa had a stroke it took awhile for me to be able to go visit and we didn't know if he would make it. but he did and is still very much kicking so i am thankful for that. i get to go spend time with them soon and we'll go to costco on a sunday to see his friends cause that's what he likes to do.

you hear about things that happen and things you want to do or would rather do, but you've made a decision to be away and just have to deal with it. sometimes it hurts and you just want to go home and let your mom take care of you. sometimes you just want to get onto a plane and go visit your friends. being away and living the life is great but sometimes it is hard because of the things you miss out on. choices, decisions and sacrifices.

#35 - football!!

first things first, congrats to my home team, the hawaii (rainbow) warriors!!! they are now 11-0, the only undefeated team in college football. they are ranked #10 and #11 depending on the poll. the only reason they aren't higher is that they play in the WAC, a non-BSC conference that is supposedly weak. the only team they played that was ranked was boise state, ranked #19, and they beat them 39-27. their quarterback, colt brennan, is a total stud. he's passed for a whole bunch of records, including all-time TD pass leader. read more on warriors. next up: university of washington. it's the last game of the season before a bowl game. if UH wins they seal up a spot in a BCS bowl! go bows!!



next up: civil war 2007 - oregon state beavers @ oregon ducks.
the home team has won every year since 1997 but that is all about to change.
location - autzen stadium, eugene:


the oregon ducks had been in the national title hunt up to the arizona game two weeks ago. what happened? their star quarterback and heisman hopeful, dennis dixon, was injured again. he had been playing with a partially torn ACL when it finally gave out.



so on to backup brady leaf (younger brother of former WSU star turned #2 draft pick (behind peyton manning)/laughing stock ryan leaf). although bl is a pretty decent quarterback he couldn't get the job done against arizona. they lost 34-24. yesterday the ducks played ucla, who has been sucking. they lost to ND for crying out loud. anyways brady leaf gets hurt in the first quarter, didn't have any offense and scored a big fat 0. now they are tied in the pac-10 with OSU. the winner of CW will be in 3rd place unless ucla beats usc (highly unlikely). so a lot is on the line.

bad news - yvenson bernard underwent minor arthroscopic surgery on his knee a week ago. our big time player who's involved in almost every offensive play may not be 100%. it was good we had a bye but we'll see how healthy he is is. we need him to really be effective but we've got two backups who can move the chains. not as well but they can. our defensive rocks. hopefully the O won't be putting them in bad situations but i'm looking for the D to have some big plays and put some points up on the board.



with sean canfield (our first string QB) out with a shoulder injury and questionable to play in CW, all eyes are on lyle moevao who isn't the best thrower but got the job done last week @WSU, 52-17. here is a clip of him against UW the week before. he totally lays out a defensive end on a reverse play! oh yeah baby that's what i'm talking bout!



CIVIL WAR 2007 - DECEMBER 1ST 1:30PM ON ESPN2!

#34 - christmas already?

so after thanksgiving is done the christmas season starts...and all the insanity that comes with it. every year i've become less consumeristic when it comes to christmas because it seems like that's all it is anymore. sad. anyway i was at work listening to christmas music all day and realized that it was almost a month away. i'll be leaving for hawaii in 23 days. that's rad. so i thought i'd post some of my favorite christmas songs to get into the spirit cause i love singing the stuff:

• grandma got run over by a reindeer
• anything by the carpenters
• trans-siberian orchestra - "christmas eve"
• feliz navidad
• josh groban's "noel"
• kenny g stuff
• carol of the bells

i'll add more to the list when i think of titles.

#33 - thanks

as i procrastinate the studying of two exams and dream about stuffing to come tomorrow...i also think about how lucky and thankful i am. i am thankful for:

• you - someone actually reading this!!!
• thanksgiving - can't go wrong with loads of food!
• life and everything that comes with it
• my family - in hawaii and my adopted family in portland
• nursing school - even though it's my biggest pain at the moment, it will be worth it some day (that's what i have to keep telling myself)
• the many friends i've made this year through school and dodgeball
• having a job even though it frustrates me at times
• the old people at my job who make me laugh and smile about the silliest things, and being able to make them laugh and smile about the silliest things
• having money enough to house, feed and cloth myself
• being healthy and able-bodied and minded
• dodgeball, even with my multiple injuries/mishaps
• $2 drink specials (broadway grill anyone?)
• music and my ipod with its massive number of songs! i'd die without it
• have i mentioned stuffing yet?
• good roommates and new best friends
• old best friends
• nature, beauty, love (sunsets!)
• OSU football - go Beavs!!
• having met and enjoyed the company of some wonderful people who are no longer with us. sharing friendship, games, food, laughter and stories to last forever - RIP

#32 - snow!

timberline is opening tomorrow! whoooo!! i haven't been snowboarding in so long. hopefully i still remember how. i'm sure the first time out will be pretty painful, get the rust off. oh i can just feel it now...powder! well, oregon powder that is. my friend danny is trying to get me out to colorado where he said snow is so dry and amazing. maybe spring break.

i took this class at oregon state - snowboarding! we'd go up every thursday to mt. bachelor. we'd have an hour or so of class then off on our own!! it was so nice to go up to the mountain every week. i took the class three times!! boo yah. the unfortunate things for me right now are:
1) no vehicle, let alone one that would make it up to the mountain through snow
2) no time
3) no money
4) no friends going (yet)

hopefully i'll be able to remedy this situation. time and money kind of compete with each other. i will make it happen.

#31 - humboldt squid

i just watched this discovery channel show on the killer humboldt squid. who knew that there was such a thing? apparently it attacks people. you may think that squid are harmless, as did i, but this particular species has suckers with sharp teeth, up to 36000 teeth!! they are carnivorous and move in schools. they can swim up to 15 miles an hour and they hunt in packs to kill prey that are larger than themselves. although their jaws (beak) are not strong, several squid can quickly kill and devour their food. crazy! they can grow up to 7 ft and weight 100 pounds!! they change colors like most squid from white to red. they are called the humboldt squid because they are found in the humboldt current of the eastern pacific ocean. they are generally found in waters off mexico and california but also have washed up onto shores farther north. after seeing this program i realized i may have seen one before. here is a picture from wikipedia:



here is a picture i took of squid that washed up onto the shores of manzanita beach on the oregon coast. it was certainly an odd sight, there were probably a couple dozen all washed up dead, mostly picked at by birds. i didn't take the chance to look at them closer to see the teeth in suckers because of course i didn't know about them at the time. so of course i have no way to know if these were the killer squid.



what do you think? pretty darn similar looking. of course the one in my picture has shorter tentacle legs but other than that, same general shape and color with similar characteristics. man i love the discovery channel!

#30 - unfair

no one should have to experience so many close to them dying. it started less than two months ago. my "oregon grandma" passed away at age 91, pretty unexpectedly. then a month ago one of my favorite residents died at age 90. she slowly got weaker and then finally decided to let go. then this past friday i got the news no one wants to hear.

i was screwing around on the computer at home friday night when i got a call from my friend saying that her sister's husband (who i lived with for awhile) was in the hospital - OHSU. so it was 8:15 or so and i got some stuff together and hopped on the bus. an hour later i arrived at icu where he was, along with my friend and her sister. everything from then was a blur. he had heart failure, they had to do cpr for an hour, he didn't have enough oxygen to his brain, he was on a ventilator and of course there wasn't much hope. i spent the night friday and saturday at the hospital, not really sleeping because tiny couches aren't comfortable for that purpose. i cried a lot. especially every time a new family member arrived to see him. he looked pretty much the same, with a little more scruff than normal. he had a bunch of tubes coming out from everywhere but for the most part didn't look too bad.

although we wanted to have hope that he would get better, the reality was that his organs were shut down, as was his brain. the only thing really working was his heart, which was tachycardic. the ventilator was the only thing really keeping him alive - life support. he had told his wife never to let him live like that, but his mom was on her way from michigan. he had to be kept going till she arrived. it was the longest two days. i couldn't really eat or sleep. i cried more than i ever have. why so much pain? well he was only 31. 5 years older than i. it was tragedy, we were all left asking "why?" and wondering what we could've done to prevent it. what could we do to bring him back? what is the purpose of life if it could be taken away like that? and really the question that bothered me most:
"is it better to have loved and lost or never have loved at all?"

while that question has yet to be answered it makes me afraid of finding any kind of mind-blowing love. put all my energy into this one person, to actually become one. to not want to live without the other, or not be able to live without the other. to feel like you are not whole without him. to feel pain everytime you think of him, gone. can people recover from this type of loss and if so, how?? they really complemented and completed each other. no one else understood either of them but yet they both got each other. why?

so they took him off life support on sunday. i saw him and he looked really dead. in the previous days he didn't look anything but sleeping. but when he was actually gone it was different. he was 31. three deaths in two months. it is a little too hard to understand why. the old people (the grandmas) had lived. they had kids, they traveled, they loved, they lost, they loved again, 90 birthdays is a lot. 31 is not enough. he still had so much to do and it's just not fair. not fair.

sure you could say that none of these people were my direct relatives or even my closest friends, but for some reason it felt so real - so close. it didn't matter the blood relation but the fact that these people gave me so much. making me apple pie, telling me i was funny, teaching me how to cook something. it's the little things. it's not about how long you know them or even how well but each moment you spend with people counts. each conversation you have and each little story means something. those are the things that you remember. in the end you are surprised about the things you remember. when you lose someone so many priorities change and you realize the things that are important. spending time with the friends and family you love becomes it. love is all you need.

#29 - dr. goodbody's total goodbody system

i read this article in the new york times. it's hilarious and ridiculous at the same time. it's from back in february but i just read it a minute ago.

#28 - my face, part two

i did it again, less than a week after the last time. my face was a target for some guy's hard shot. i found out later his name is kevin. we were playing extrava danza, one of the top teams in our division. we didn't expect to do well at all but it was fun times. i didn't see the ball coming but it hit me on the right side (to balance out last week's left side hit) and i pretty much fell back flat. i laid there for awhile holding my head, which was dizzy. then i turned over and started laughing. it was pretty damn funny. kevin ran over straight away and apologized. he felt really bad.

later at the bar they bought us our "loser's pitcher", plus kevin sent over another "face shot pitcher" AND he brought over a "slow screw against the wall" for me too. he was so sweet.

#27 - cholesterol

so not only is my cholesterol high. my vitamin D is low. i need some sunshine...and fortified stuff. i have a plan.

things i need to eat:
leafy green veggies
skim milk
orange juice fortified
legumes
nuts
oatmeal
soy
omega 3 FA
flax oil, flax seed
egg whites, egg beaters
*lean meat and fatty fish

things i can't eat:
egg yolks :(
fried food
fatty food
salami, other processed meats
butter
cheese

exercise helps.

and beer...check out this article on a beer created by canadians (genius) that is a cholesterol-lowering beer!!! yay just what i need.

#26 - good and bad news

bad news first, always.
bad news is plentiful.

one, my cholesterol is up again at 210. it's supposed to be less than 200. i took a blood test as requested by my awesome NP and that's the only thing abnormal - total cholesterol. i knew it too. i could feel it in my arteries i guess. i've been eating pretty crappy lately. just whatever i wanted.

two, i can't eat all the stuff i've been eating. no more 2 eggs a day. no more pepperoni pizzas. no more cheese with every meal. no more genoa, sopressata, or finocchiona salamis. oh how i ache. i had fried chicken for lunch today. this is why my cholesterol is up. i love fried eggs, all runny and warm. i've even come to like poached eggs, on toast. a little salt and pepper. and of course bacon would complete the perfect breakfast sandwich.



three, i'm going home in a month and 10 days and i will be tempted to eat as many loco mocos as i can. you see, a loco moco is pretty much my perfect cholesterol-laden hawaii comfort food. you've got rice, a hamburger patty, fried egg and gravy all over. plus lots of pepper and definitely a side of mac. it's just delicious, and what i want when i go home. i eat it everywhere.



so enough with bad news. there is good in all this.

good news is...i'll be going back to being vegetarian. it's really the only way for me. i've gotta have it all or nothing. i got my cholesterol all the way down to almost 100 i think the last time i was a veg. i enjoy all my veggies, tofu, and even beans now. so there is no reason not to be veg for me...except i love my salami, bacon, pork ribs, lamb, chicken, and steak. my problem really is self-control. i have none. so if i am not vege then i just go all crazy with meats. it's a good thing beer doesn't have cholesterol.

i'll still eat eggs for now, just not as many yolks. i've got some chicken to eat in the fridge too. at least i'll go to a thanksgiving dinner with tofurky available. yum. i actually am not too crazed about turkey on t-day, it's all about the STUFFING!

#25 - free time

well i have none but some people do. check out this vid, it's just craziness.

ok well i guess if i'm posting blogs that technically is free time. but i need it. like i need myspace. it's fun and mindless, just what i need to get me through my classes and a good way to unwind after a day at work.

what would i even do with my free time? probably just study. yuck. nursing school life sucks.

#24 - beavers football

so we didn't beat USC. is that a surprise? not to anyone, including me. why?

• sean canfield can't scramble


• sean canfield can't throw the ball away


• yvenson bernard is hurt - he is the utility guy, running and receiving everything, he is usually involved in every play


• the o-line has some injuries


• the play calling sucks.


• the receivers are young, pretty good but young


• no sammie stroughter - out whole season with bruised kidney


• no kickoff or punt return threat

notice nothing about defense. our defense rocks. they are the only reason why the score was 24-3 and not 50-3 or worse. from the line to linebackers it is solid up and down. the corners and safeties are not too bad but make some mistakes and aren't that big/tall to challenge some receivers. but they mostly get the job done. next two weeks should be good - UW and WSU, both at the bottom of the pac-10. canfield better improve this week. then december 1...civil war baby!

usc was not all that great and definitely aren't a top of the pac-10 team. uo is playing like crazy right now, asu hung with them but clearly weren't as good. cal is decent and ucla didn't deserve to beat us. i see the ducks coming into the civil war at 10-1, and osu at 7-4. yv will be healthy by then and canfield at the top of his game. the defense will be even better and the receivers will be stepping up. the streak for home team dominance i think is at 8 years or something. this year we will rise up and break it! dixon is mobile, poised, experienced, focused and smart. canfield will be eventually but not for a season or two. in order for us to win we need to establish the run, deep threats and consistency on special teams. defense will definitely be there. UW will be good practice for defending a mobile quarterback, although locker is only a freshman he is pretty good.

GO BEAVERS!

#23 - my face

i don't have any pictures yet but i just got hit in the face at dodgeball. so tomorrow i may wake up with a shiner. we'll see. i was just standing there and this really nice guy threw a ball at me as i wasn't looking or paying attention. i pretty much needed to sit down, things were dizzy and my vision was fuzzy. not good. i think it's getting better though.