i've never really been a big "baby" person. it's not the one thing i want to do with my life. i don't really understand those people who just want to pop them out one after another. no offense to you who do, but it's not for me. i always assumed i would have kids, two of them. the same as i'd assume i would go to college, work, and get married. are they cultural or societal expectations? sure. parental? probably. the thought of doing something other than settling down is unsettling for some. to a certain extent it is also unsettling for me but there are a lot of things i have to do before that even becomes an issue. now that i am close to being done with school (again) forever i am thinking about the future. i went into nursing thinking it was a sure thing, of course there are jobs! now with the recession all i hear about are the hiring freezes at hospitals and pushing nurses to the limits.
so back to the baby thing. i was never one of those nursing students who wanted to go into OB/GYN or pediatrics. yuck, i don't want anything to do with pregnant women and crying babies! i want patients who i can converse with who aren't crazy on hormones! i managed to get through school with only 24 hours of experience with such patients, WHEW! we did have quite extensive education on pregnancy and such but i never paid much attention. recently though, maybe it is the warm weather, my hormones, or age, i have been thinking about babies. ack! i see babies and moms with babies and dads with babies and it's just so darn cute! how could you not want one? and then i smack myself upside the head and remind myself, "oh yeah, there is a ton of stuff still to do sans baby". DUH!
my grandma wants me or my sister to have kids, she wants great grandkids! we are the only grandkids so we're the only hope. i keep telling my sister that she should be first since she's had her bf for awhile and you know they're getting married someday. speed it up! i would love more to be an aunty at this point than a mom so...anyway when i argued my gm that i'm not even married she said AND I QUOTE "you don't need to be married!" most of the time grandmothers encourage marriage before babies, right?! or am i crazy?
anyway, this is the closest to baby fever as i am gonna allow myself to get. it's just not healthy. i'll just stare at people with them. i'm not even going to hold them, it might be contagious.
***EDIT*** i just posted this a few minutes ago, i know. i went back looking through my blog cause i KNEW i wrote something on babies before. so guess what, two months ago i wrote this about kids. last year, almost exactly a year, i wrote this little piece on babies. so then i was thinking well it must be a spring thing. i am a little creeped out by all this.
23 April 2009
21 April 2009
#182 - pseudo summer
right now, portland is gorgeous! the sun is shining and it is warm. it's getting a little too warm for me but i know it will go away soon. we are being teased by the weather gods, as usual. i am totally okay with that. i don't even want summer yet. it's still april. i want a few months of nice cool sunny weather, in the 50-60's preferably. i am not ready to break out the tank tops and sunscreen. i got cheated out of a normal winter of endless days of rain. we had all kinds of weird stuff like snow, hail and sun. i don't want to be cheated out of a rainy, cool spring with little breaks of sunny days.
all that being said, i've enjoyed the last couple days of nice weather. i took time off for my sanity. i did nothing. i laid in a hammock. i went on a hike. i sat in the sun. i slept in. these are all things that needed to be done, i was going nuts-o. i have a hard time just relaxing. there always has to be something being done, even if it is as simple as changing my fb status. usually i am doing two things at once (like writing a blog and resume at the same time). i feel like i am using my time better but i know that is not true. doing laundry AND dishes AND listening to music AND preparing lunch. there just does not seem to be enough time to do everything i need/want to. where does all that time go? i have been keeping a time log and i notice much of my time goes to waiting or riding the bus, at least 2 hours a day. it seems like a waste but i use it to read a lot. when i do too much it makes me less present.
thinking about summer, i can tell this will be an awesome one! while i do not look forward to certain things, i know they will turn out ok. i already have two little trips planned and i want to do more. if and when i survive the next 50-odd days i will be free!! i will no longer have school, classes, homework, clinicals, etc. of course there will be the job search, interviews, possibly moving houses, and then work. but with 12-hour shifts at the hospital and only needing to work 3 days a week...that just sounds so sweet! i'm thinking of day trips out to the coast, weekend trips, rivers, lakes, fun, food, friends and being outside. all of what i moved to oregon for. one of the reasons i want a rainy spring is so that i stay on track and not get caught up in the nice weather too much, it makes me want to only do fun things and forget all my responsibilities.
all that being said, i've enjoyed the last couple days of nice weather. i took time off for my sanity. i did nothing. i laid in a hammock. i went on a hike. i sat in the sun. i slept in. these are all things that needed to be done, i was going nuts-o. i have a hard time just relaxing. there always has to be something being done, even if it is as simple as changing my fb status. usually i am doing two things at once (like writing a blog and resume at the same time). i feel like i am using my time better but i know that is not true. doing laundry AND dishes AND listening to music AND preparing lunch. there just does not seem to be enough time to do everything i need/want to. where does all that time go? i have been keeping a time log and i notice much of my time goes to waiting or riding the bus, at least 2 hours a day. it seems like a waste but i use it to read a lot. when i do too much it makes me less present.
thinking about summer, i can tell this will be an awesome one! while i do not look forward to certain things, i know they will turn out ok. i already have two little trips planned and i want to do more. if and when i survive the next 50-odd days i will be free!! i will no longer have school, classes, homework, clinicals, etc. of course there will be the job search, interviews, possibly moving houses, and then work. but with 12-hour shifts at the hospital and only needing to work 3 days a week...that just sounds so sweet! i'm thinking of day trips out to the coast, weekend trips, rivers, lakes, fun, food, friends and being outside. all of what i moved to oregon for. one of the reasons i want a rainy spring is so that i stay on track and not get caught up in the nice weather too much, it makes me want to only do fun things and forget all my responsibilities.
10 April 2009
#181 - housing situation
once again i am thinking about moving. my 6-month lease is up on may 5. my landlord wanted me to sign a one-year lease once this one was up, so she wouldn't have to look for a tenant in november again. i am not quite ready to move, don't have time to look for places, and don't have money to put down for deposits. so i want to propose a 3-month lease (which would be done august, which is perfect for moving) or a month-to-month deal. she is kind of old and i could see where she would be unwilling to budge, but it is also a good idea on my part. the biggest problem is that she is somewhere far away in her RV without a cell phone, until may. i'm assuming she's coming back to take care of my lease and/or moving. i wasn't able to talk to her and so i don't know what to do. she didn't even tell me she was going on this trip in the first place. lame. so i inteded to talk to her before a 30-day notice would be appropriate. i called her, she was not there. does this mean she doesn't need 30 days notice?
i hate the physical and mental strain of moving. i hate putting all my crap (it's mostly crap) into boxes and shuttling them from one temporary place to another. i knew moving in that this place would not be my last, mostly because it's got no "real" kitchen. that bothers me but for now i deal with it because it's a good deal. eventually i want to live in a place that feels like HOME and that i will not think of as temporary. for the last 4 years that i've lived in portland i think i've lived in 7 or 8 places. my mom hates it because she has to change her address book so much. i don't do it on purpose but certain places just get old after awhile. call it what you want. i get antsy after awhile.
also i want a dog. i can't have one at my current place. :(
thinking of moving always makes me think of simplifying. i have way too much stuff, yet i really don't have much. it's all junk. if i died and there was an estate sale (or even a yard sale), there would be nothing of interest. i've got too much stuff yet nothing sellable. i probably couldn't even give my things away. there are two boxes full of junk headed for goodwill, probably is, they have been parked there in the corner for almost 6 months now, since i moved in. how lame am i? it's mostly clothes i don't seem to want/need/like anymore. i don't even like fashion so why do i have all these clothes?! ridiculous.
i hate the physical and mental strain of moving. i hate putting all my crap (it's mostly crap) into boxes and shuttling them from one temporary place to another. i knew moving in that this place would not be my last, mostly because it's got no "real" kitchen. that bothers me but for now i deal with it because it's a good deal. eventually i want to live in a place that feels like HOME and that i will not think of as temporary. for the last 4 years that i've lived in portland i think i've lived in 7 or 8 places. my mom hates it because she has to change her address book so much. i don't do it on purpose but certain places just get old after awhile. call it what you want. i get antsy after awhile.
also i want a dog. i can't have one at my current place. :(
thinking of moving always makes me think of simplifying. i have way too much stuff, yet i really don't have much. it's all junk. if i died and there was an estate sale (or even a yard sale), there would be nothing of interest. i've got too much stuff yet nothing sellable. i probably couldn't even give my things away. there are two boxes full of junk headed for goodwill, probably is, they have been parked there in the corner for almost 6 months now, since i moved in. how lame am i? it's mostly clothes i don't seem to want/need/like anymore. i don't even like fashion so why do i have all these clothes?! ridiculous.
02 April 2009
#180 - overwhelmed
i am in my last term of nursing school. 10 weeks until graduation. a few months away from taking my NCLEX exam and becoming an RN, leaving professional poo-cleaning behind me. 71 days until our "pinning ceremony" which is a special nursing thing, like graduation. the problem is...in those 71 days i will be busy, very busy. these are concerns i just learned about today. you don't have to read or understand, it's for me to freak out about.
clinical hours 150 hours in the hospital doing patient care, my favorite part about school. i'll be doing thirteen 12-hour shifts.
work someone's gotta pay for rent and school. so i've got to find work hours here and there. boo. my goal is 2-3 shifts a week.
resume, cover letter, portfolio self-explanatory i guess but i have to get together all these documents i was supposed to be saving over the past 2 years and put them neatly in a fancy folder for my portfolio. i'll have to raise them from the dead/recycling.
NCLEX practice questions and medspub tutorial busywork. 200 practice questions and 2.5 hours of tutorial are due every 2 weeks. if it takes about 1 minute per question, that's 200 minutes. so 1400 minutes = almost 24 hours of busy work.
simulation three times this quarter we will be going into the sim room and take care of a dummy, who will most likely code. yuck. this creates a ton of anxiety and is just. not. fun.
ONA convention day-long convention in jantzen beach, listening to speakers and such. 8:30-4:30. BOO!
HESI exam to be taken in third week. must get score of 750 or not allowed to take NCLEX exam.
leadership project at long term care facility. spend 24 hours on various projects with old people, including an in-service for the staff and care conference with a resident.
community project going to a head start program and putting fluoride on bratty little kids' mouths. they are gonna love it.
OSBN and NCLEX fill out a bunch of paperwork, get fingerprints, passport photo, and pay around $400 in various fees. sure, that's chump change considering how much i will be making as a nurse, BUT i am not making that right now. plus i have $1200 in tuition for this quarter.
take and pass NCLEX this will be a month after graduation but it's still there in my mind.
get a job really?!! do i have to?
life i don't think i'll have one of these this term, but i can try. i do have dodgeball every thursday and kickball on sundays. that's about it.
clinical hours 150 hours in the hospital doing patient care, my favorite part about school. i'll be doing thirteen 12-hour shifts.
work someone's gotta pay for rent and school. so i've got to find work hours here and there. boo. my goal is 2-3 shifts a week.
resume, cover letter, portfolio self-explanatory i guess but i have to get together all these documents i was supposed to be saving over the past 2 years and put them neatly in a fancy folder for my portfolio. i'll have to raise them from the dead/recycling.
NCLEX practice questions and medspub tutorial busywork. 200 practice questions and 2.5 hours of tutorial are due every 2 weeks. if it takes about 1 minute per question, that's 200 minutes. so 1400 minutes = almost 24 hours of busy work.
simulation three times this quarter we will be going into the sim room and take care of a dummy, who will most likely code. yuck. this creates a ton of anxiety and is just. not. fun.
ONA convention day-long convention in jantzen beach, listening to speakers and such. 8:30-4:30. BOO!
HESI exam to be taken in third week. must get score of 750 or not allowed to take NCLEX exam.
leadership project at long term care facility. spend 24 hours on various projects with old people, including an in-service for the staff and care conference with a resident.
community project going to a head start program and putting fluoride on bratty little kids' mouths. they are gonna love it.
OSBN and NCLEX fill out a bunch of paperwork, get fingerprints, passport photo, and pay around $400 in various fees. sure, that's chump change considering how much i will be making as a nurse, BUT i am not making that right now. plus i have $1200 in tuition for this quarter.
take and pass NCLEX this will be a month after graduation but it's still there in my mind.
get a job really?!! do i have to?
life i don't think i'll have one of these this term, but i can try. i do have dodgeball every thursday and kickball on sundays. that's about it.
01 April 2009
#179 - schedule
it is 3 days into spring term. i still do not know when my clinicals will be. i know who my clinical preceptor is (by name only) and who i will be working with, but my teacher neglected to tell me what days or shift i will be on. so it doesn't really do me any good. so i cannot tell my work what days i am available, which means i won't get as many shifts to work, which i really need. i heard that my preceptor is working the 3-11 shift, which will only make finding shifts at my job harder. UGH!! this isn't really blogging, more like venting. there is nothing i can do to speed up this process and it's basically a waiting game. my teacher isn't really proactive and i can't change that. it's out of my hands, right?! i should just let it go, right?! but i can't. but i need to.
UPDATE: i found out less than an hour about my clinicals! it's cool how i tried to let it go and it righted itself. so i am on the 7am-7pm shift but i still have to meet with my preceptor so we can figure out days that i will be working with her. i have to do this with my teacher as well so hopefully we can get it done soon. now i am in class again, and we are finding out about a zillion other things we are supposed to do this term. it is going to be really busy and i'm not excited about that. basically i will not have much of a life this term. i am not sure i'll be able to get enough shifts at work either. i might have to become a vampire so i don't need sleep. anyone available to bite me?
UPDATE: i found out less than an hour about my clinicals! it's cool how i tried to let it go and it righted itself. so i am on the 7am-7pm shift but i still have to meet with my preceptor so we can figure out days that i will be working with her. i have to do this with my teacher as well so hopefully we can get it done soon. now i am in class again, and we are finding out about a zillion other things we are supposed to do this term. it is going to be really busy and i'm not excited about that. basically i will not have much of a life this term. i am not sure i'll be able to get enough shifts at work either. i might have to become a vampire so i don't need sleep. anyone available to bite me?
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