back on the first of january i wrote a blog about the upcoming year, 2009. it was kind of interesting to see what i was looking forward to at the beginning of this year. some things happened and others were way off. overall it was a very great year, one of the best so far. despite being unemployed at the moment, i am officially a registered nurse and am done with school (for now). while that was one of the things i was looking forward to, so was getting a job. who knew that the recession and economy would be so bad? the hospitals can basically pick and choose who they want to hire and be really specific, like wanting you to have 3 years of experience. i am not sure where i can get that but i am still trying. back in july i took and passed my NCLEX to get my RN, so i have been seeking work since then. wow, six months and still nothing. while at times it is frustrating and embarrassing, i know that it will happen when the time is right. my whole family came up to see me graduate from nursing school, which was pretty cool. my sister had the honors of "pinning" me and everything was awesome. finally graduating was a good feeling. after graduation we went on a trip to alaska on a cruise! we drove up to seattle and then took a ship out from there. it was about a week of eating tons of food everyday. we got off the ship in several ports and saw lots of cool stuff. we went to check out glaciers and do shopping in gold rush towns. it was all pretty neat and we were up there for the longest day of the year, june 21, so it was pretty much light out all day and night. the last awesome thing this year was meeting jeremy, my sweet boyfriend. he has been a great friend and i really can't ask for more in a relationship at this point. things are wonderful and we are having a great time together. i even went to his family's house for christmas which was nice and not awkward at all. we've been together since january and it has flown by really quick. he is the best!
this was a new kind of christmas because i am not really sure when i last missed christmas in hawaii. since i am job searching and wanted to be available during the holidays i went home for thanksgiving. that went great and i had a good time. i did everything i wanted to but it was pretty short. two weeks goes by quickly, especially when you are filling it with surfing, manapuas, fried rice, football games, costco, loco mocos, and shave ice.
i never really felt like it was christmas in the weeks leading up to it. i really didn't do well on christmas gifts and i kind of didn't care. i have something in mind that i am working on but i never got around to it in time. my family knows i don't have much money so i am sure they understand my giftlessness but someday i just want to get it together enough to be on time with good, thoughtful, loving gifts for the fam. maybe next year.
my plans for christmas ended up being driving down to coos bay to spend time with jeremy and his family. the drive on christmas eve was long (4 hours) and we left after he got off work around 7. i met his whole family previously, but on separate occasions. i was excited because they all seemed really fun. we got there late and hung out for a little while but were pretty worn out. christmas morning was spent sleeping in then having a leisurely brunch. we went out to the beach and the weather was so perfect. they said i was lucky because it was one out of maybe five days of sun all year. supposedly its really cold, windy and rainy all the time. not for me, it was gorgeous and even warmer than portland. after that we opened presents and had dinner. we watched some old family videos which were really precious! to end the night we went to shore acres, which is a botanical garden with an awesome light display. there were millions of lights covering plants there but since we went so late it closed shortly after we arrived. the whole day was really nice and relaxed. the fam was really entertaining and fun.
so up next is new years eve i guess. blog recap of 2009 to come shortly and perhaps what i am looking forward to in 2010. the days are winding down for this year. it's been good.
it's almost the end of thanksgiving day. i am feeling a lot of thankfulness and this will be a rambling rant. i am thankful for being alive. there is fresh air (though a bit humid) and i have a roof over my head. i have been eating non-stop for days and don't think i will stop anytime soon. my family and friends are always here for me when i come home and its like i never left. tomorrow i am going surfing (hopefully) while other people run around like chickens without heads, trying to find deals on stuff at stores. all i want to do is sit on my board out in the ocean and be one with it. catching waves is great and an amazing thing on its own but just being out there is so perfect. when i am out there, that is all there is. there is nothing else. i am thankful for being able to have that peace once a year. i could have it more by coming more often, moving here, or even surfing in oregon but maybe having it just once a year makes it that much more special. i am thankful for the oregon state football season and having the civil war be so incredibly EPIC this year! i have a chance to go to the rose bowl. although i'm not living what others may see as a successful life, i am amazingly happy. i have a great relationship with a wonderful person who i am missing a lot right now. although i don't really have a job, i never go hungry. i am in great health. i have a pass to the gym which i want to use more often. back in portland life goes on but i will jump back into that life soon. i will have a fun visitor and it's gonna be great! the only thing i need/want right now is a full time job but if i had that i wouldn't be here, wouldn't be able to spend as much time with friends and won't be able to go to rose bowl. the right job will pop up at the right time and i will welcome it with open arms. i am ready to work! but i am enjoying right now. i am thankful for the ability to appreciate the moment.
i'm not sure when the last time was that i was home for thanksgiving. maybe 2003 after i graduated from college? it's been awhile. in less than 24 hours i will be on a plane to hawaii, my boarding pass is printed and i am (not) packed. with the new baggage policy i will be just bringing a carryon. i don't need much anyway, swimsuit, some t-shirts and shorts, and slippers. what else would i need? i am gonna try to workout everyday since a lot of people will be busy during the day with things like work. other than that i have a few plans.
tuesday arrive around noon lunch with mom
wednesday beach? dinner with friends
thursday thanksgiving! brunch with family
friday surfing? mom's b-day dinner @ ige's
saturday sister time? UH football tailgate and game - go warriors!
sunday golfing maybe? tennis at night?
monday beach?
tuesday golfing with dad? flight to maui
so i am trying to get in a lot of sun while i am there, store up some vitamin D. haven't been in strong sun in awhile. i have my oregon tan right now. all my plans with ?s are up in the air but strong possibilities. i haven't been working too hard on making plans because i know they will come together without me. things always workout in the end. i am looking forward to lots of things like seeing friends/family, surfing, golfing and eating. some foods on my list are big city diner, mililani golf course, loco mocos and ramen. also tokyo tei in maui! i am getting hungry just thinking about all this. so because of all this eating i need to be hitting the gym or beach everyday. if not, the plane won't be able to take off because of too much weight. hahaha
i always fill up my time in hawaii with lots of things so it goes by really fast. in no time i will be back here so i want to just make the best of it. i have been posting a lot about oregon state football but it is real now. we are playing the civil war on december 3 at autzen stadium. it's the biggest one of them all, and i am not just saying that. whoever wins goes to the rose bowl! the granddaddy of them all! it has been quite the season and we are just getting better. we have a little over a week to prepare and it is on!! i am so excited but unfortunately i'll be away from the state of oregon. not to worry though, i am bringing a lot of OSU paraphanelia and t-shirts. i will be representing and watching it wherever i can. hopefully with oregon state fans present.
okay there are only a couple weeks left in this season. this weekend will be big! oregon state has to take care of things at washington state, the worst team in the pac-10. we are favored by more than 30 points so it would be nice if we can demolish them like that. a bigger game going on would be oregon traveling to arizona. arizona just lost to california, so they dropped in the standings.
this is what the top of the pac-10 looks like: oregon 6-1, 8-2 (will play 12/3) stanford 6-2, 7-3 (OSU beat stanford) oregon state 5-2, 7-3 arizona 4-2, 6-3 (arizona beat OSU) USC 4-3, 7-3 (USC beat OSU) california 4-3, 7-3 (OSU beat cal)
this week oregon plays @arizona, california @stanford (stanford losing would be interesting), oregon state @ WSU, and USC has a bye. oregon state got the key help/upsets last weekend that i predicted. this weekend, oregon should beat arizona, which will lead up to a crazy civil war where we would be #1 and #2 and play for the rose bowl. should the ducks lose to arizona, USC has a chance to beat them on 12/5. either way, we need to win the civil war! but we also can't look past WSU as an upset would be very embarrassing there.
this is always the most exciting month in football, november. october is a baseball month and while important in the football world, doesn't seem as huge. the beavers are sitting in a tie for second in the pac-10 with 2 losses. there are no undefeated teams in this conference, no real dominance and different players stepping up in each game. here is a look at the top half of the pac-10:
oregon (5-1,7-2) lost to stanford and boise state. they should beat arizona state easily but have arizona as an away game on 11/21. and of course end the season with the civil war, which of course the beavers will win. they could end up pac-10 champs or end with 3 conference losses. 6-3 or 7-2.
arizona (4-1,6-2) lost to washington and iowa. they have a tough four weeks ahead of them, with games @california, oregon, @arizona state and @USC. cal will have something to prove, having just lost at home to the beavers. arizona state should be a W. it is difficult to go into trojan stadium and get a win. 6-3 or 5-4.
USC (4-2,7-2) lost to washington and oregon. USC is usually the team to beat but with two losses they are not in total control of their bowl destiny. they have perhaps two challenging games - stanford and arizona but an easy one against UCLA, all three at home. they will most likely close out the season with all wins, 7-2.
stanford (5-2,6-3) lost to oregon state, arizona and wake forest. they have a strong running game but two tough games ahead with a road game @USC and home against cal. while cal has a few losses they are a tough team. their last game is a non-conference one against notre dame which should not matter. i see them ending up at 6-3.
oregon state (4-2,6-3) lost to USC, arizona and cincinatti. as is traditional, the beavers will close out the season with solid wins. UW at home, washington state away and the ducks at autzen. we are just beginning to peak and will trample the ducks as appropriate with the rodgers brothers leading the way. 7-2.
we will be pac-10 champs and play in the rose bowl if: #1. we win the rest of our games. (UW, WSU, oregon) #2. arizona loses two of their four games. (cal, oregon, arizona state, USC) #3. USC loses one of their three games. (stanford, UCLA, arizona)
i think there is a good chance of that happening, especially with the way this season has been. our best chances are oregon and USC beating arizona and stanford beating USC. otherwise, cal and stanford will have to step it up. maybe cal will be angry next weekend after the beavs killed them and tear a new one into arizona. all i know is the next few saturdays should be fun and i will be cheering for many teams in addition to the beavers!
this one is for matt. i have been thinking of all the cool things that we can do when you come next month. there is just so much, i had to blog about it. i have probably written about my love for portland before but i just want to highlight some of the things that are in store for you and anyone else who decides to come visit me.
restaurants
saburos is one of my parent's favorite things to do when they come here. it is this rad sushi restaurant that serves up some of the biggest, cheapest and tastiest sushi in town. if you like unagi you won't be disappointed.
nicholas restaurant is a lebanese food place and if you've never had it before, this is the best place to go. i used to drive up to portland from corvallis in college with my friends, just to go eat here. hummus, falafel, kabobs, flat bread and baba ganouj. it is an essential stop.
le bistro montage is a fun, eclectic late night portland hang out. the food is great, kind of southern style with yummy mac & cheese. they have late hours and it's a fun atmosphere.
voodoo donuts is a must-see/do place. they make the most amazing and fun donuts. names like grape ape, dirt, and cock & balls (yes, i said it). you can also get married there!
mcmenamins pubs are a chain of local pubs and restaurants. they brew their own delicious beer, show movies for cheap and have over 50 of them in the area. you are never far away from a mcmenamins. for $3 you can see a movie AND have beer and pizza while watching. rad!
stumptown brews strong coffee for the coffee lovers. i am having one right now!
things to do
japanese garden is really pretty and colorful, especially in the fall. i think maybe by mid-december most of the fall colors are fading but i think it would still be nice to check out. also there is the rose test gardens which i hear are amazing but i've never been.
the oregon coast is a totally different experience than hawaiian beaches but is beautiful in its own way. it can get quite cold and stormy in the winter but it is fun anyway. there is also shopping and casinos if it is too rainy.
OMSI is a fun museum for kids and adults alike. they hosted the bodyworlds exhibit awhile back and the last time i went it was a CSI exhibit. now, until january, is all about the science of fear! sounds rad. they also have the regular museum section and of course, OMNIMAX (IMAX) which always shows awesome movies. what can i say, i'm just a big kid.
i'd say we could hit a Blazer game but it looks like they will be out of town that weekend.
ground kontrol arcade is fun for kids and adults. it's an arcade that serves adult bevs. they have bands play there sometimes but mostly its about getting your nerd on and playing video games!
saturday market is a good place to spend a weekend day. local artists and creatives sell things here. there is good food, music and lots of people. its a great place to get handmade gifts for the holidays or just how people create things. get inspired here!
powells is not just a bookstore. the main one downtown is called the "city of books" and it takes up a whole city block. they have every book you could imagine and others that you can't. you can buy, sell or just read while you are there.
portland art museum i've never actually been but here it is pretty cool. they had an exhibit on tattoos this summer but i missed it.
shopping. yes we have no sales tax. there is a lot you can buy here and plenty of places to do it. there are your big chains and malls of course, ikea, and factory outlets but there are also many, many boutiques and small local businesses that are awesome. each neighborhood has its shopping districts and its pretty fun to just window shop at least.
dodgeball pickup happens on friday nights. basically a ton of people go and throw balls at each other. it's not organized but it's wicked fun and you can see what all the dodgeball fun is about!
oh, and it will probably be raining.
music! although we are going to see a show on sunday, there are always tons of bands playing every night. big names and local artists playing in big and small venues. some of the bands that will be playing that weekend - the thermals, dandy warhols, and zero 7.
portland underground tours - there are some walking tours of portland that are pretty interesting but they might not be happening in december. there are stories of secret tunnels, ghosts and other things that make portland weird. maybe they don't do them during the winter cause you'll basically be walking in the rain for hours.
snowboarding might be an option, if we can get a ride up the mountain and if the conditions are good. not a guarantee but it is a possibility!
there is just so much to do, see and eat here that you will always have more to come back for. it will be a fun filled weekend for sure, no matter what we decide to do. we can't do it all but we can certainly try. or if you just wanna chill and hang out portland-style, we can do that too!
this was one of the most fun halloweens i've participated in. i don't even remember what i did last year or in the years recent past. for the first time in over ten years i went trick or treating. no, i didn't just take a kid trick or treating. i actually went door to door with a little bag, hoping for candy. yes, i know i am 28 but that didn't stop me. the "adults" at the doors didn't seem to notice i was older than average, they still gave me candy. i was with a couple of 8 year olds and a middle schooler dressed as a milk carton. i was dressed as a hippie. you can't really say no to a hippie, right?! it was cool because we went out for less than an hour so it didn't get boring. i kind of remember being out for hours when i was a kid, getting pounds and pounds of candy. although i didn't get the quantity this time, i sure did get some quality. lots of reese's cups, some twizzlers, a full sized crunch bar, and lots of snickers. yay sugar high! the most fun part of this was making halloween theme foods. we made bloody eyeballs, a brain, swamp juice, finger foods and severed toes. it was all delicious! here are some cool pics. having 8 year old friends is awesome! perhaps i am still 8 at heart, it was pretty darn fun! maybe i didn't get enough of that when i was little. who knows. it's kind of cool to do stuff with other peoples kids and hope that someday i'll be able to do it again with my own. maybe by then i will grow up a little more and not feel the need to actually trick or treat. maybe not.
after days and days of packing, cleaning, moving, unpacking and organizing i can say i am pretty much done. my room is finished. clean and arranged how i want it, for now. i can see the whole floor and things are in their places. i doubt it will stay this way for long but i will try. i have a little pride now. i like this place! here is a little shot of what my room looks like. i haven't done much in terms of decorating but that will come later. i had to cover the window because there are other apartments right next to ours and i am paranoid. so the red fabric is one i got in singapore. i got some new furniture from IKEA, that bookshelf in the corner and a dresser that i badly needed. it was a pain to put together but luckily my friend helped me and i think she enjoyed it.
i spent a lot of time today organizing the kitchen. my roommate jen is not really a cook so i have maybe 90% of the kitchen stuff and food. it's awesome cause i get to decide where things go. i'll probably change it later but for now i think it'll work out well. one of the new things i have to adapt to is having two cats. yes, i said cats. they are pretty cute but it is hard to keep them out of my room. i had the unfortunate chance to have my ex-roommate's cat pee on my bed once so naturally i worry. cat pee is the worst. anyway, PJ is a pretty frisky little one who likes to explore and get into everything (like plastic bags). june is quiet and hides a lot so i don't see much of her. they are cool though. less work than dogs but not as smart/cute/cuddly/fun, if you know what i mean..
my friend just opened this store called HELD VEGAN BELTS. it is located at 3033 NE alberta in the lovely alberta arts district, right next to vita cafe. let me tell you about these belts. they are made from reclaimed materials. they are way superior to leather because they do not stretch or crack. they will last forever! all the belts and wrist cuffs are handmade by my friend and his people. it is a small, local business that just started and is dedicated to sustainability and animal rights. if you live in portland, support this store!
i have been helping my friend run the store since he is recovering from surgery and it is exciting to be a part of. when i move into my new place (10/24!) i will have internet at home so i will post lots of pictures! also the store is showcasing jeremy's paintings as the inaugural art installation. i am proud of him and the paintings look awesome in the store!
there is no official store website but you can check out a couple belts here.
i titled it like a scrubs episode, which i've been watching a lot lately. good stuff! i am moving in two weeks into a two bedroom apartment with my friend and fellow nurse, jen. we had been talking about moving in together for awhile. we used to work together and are both pretty chill and not too anal so i think it will work out. i haven't seen the place yet but she did and i trust her judgement. usually i am the one who will live in any dumpy place so if she says it's cool then i am down. the thing is it's really, really close to a lot of essentials. there is a fred meyer (like safeway that sells clothes and electronics) about two blocks away, really good thai food about 6 blocks away, a couple frequent bus lines two blocks away, dodgeball gym 8 blocks and the 24 hour is 16 blocks away. i can actually walk there...but the bus ride is probably about 4 minutes so i will do that instead. now i have absolutely no excuses!
my room will be a little smaller than jen's room but i think i'll be paying a little less. all i need is a place to sleep and a good kitchen. she says it's got good cabinet space so that is awesome. i'm just excited to be moving in closer to society. right now i am really far from everything and everyone that matters. although i'll need to take two buses to jeremy's place, it'll only be 20 minutes at the most. it's so convenient and for a decent price!! i'm so excited!
this will be portland rental #10. yes, this is the 10th place that i have lived in 5 years. yikes! that is a lot of moving around and packing/unpacking. i am used to it but really what i want to do is get rid of a lot and just have the essentials. i feel like i have a lot of crap that i don't need or use. "the things you own, end up owning you." -fight club, yo. you buy all this stuff and have to haul it around with you and you have to find an apartment/house big enough to keep that stuff. while the monk's life with just a robe and a bowl is not as far as i want to go, i certainly don't want to be weighed down by unnecessary belongings. the less i have, the less i have to worry about. but i am an american consumer and that is engrained into my being, so i do like a trip out to ikea every now and then. i tell myself i NEED that new ____. it doesn't even matter if i have the money, i know i don't need it but it feels good to buy it. there is something wrong with that. just cause i can, i do.
i just watched "Blood Diamond" again the other night and it is a pretty powerful movie. sure, i watched it to make googley eyes at leo but it also shows a world that is totally unknown and foreign to me and to many others. there is so much that goes on in the world that we have no idea is happening. they don't show a lot of these controversial issues on the 6:00 news. genocide in africa using child soldiers on crack is not a pressing issue. this stuff is still going on. how can we help? for one, when you buys diamonds (cause i do all the time) make sure they are conflict-free. but there is really no way to really know for sure so why buy them in the first place? people die so that you can have some bling. it's sad. there are other ways to show your lover that you love them, it doesn't always have to be so consumeristic and materialistic. and who says when you get married you need to have this ring with a giant sparkly rock? i don't know who started it but plenty of people get the nicest ring with the biggest rock then have to sell it later because they get divorced. it does not represent love, just money.
anyway, that was my rant of the day. i am excited for my new apartment though!!
i like all things japanese and i've been on youtube watching funny japanese stuff. enjoy!
the dango song. just funny.
i'm thinking of being a kyonshi for halloween.
example of the japanese genius.
i've been trying to find this shimura ken music skit on the days of the week. it was on a show called "daijoubu da". i haven't found it yet. if you know japanese, check out some of the shows. they are hilarious!
i am having a hard time blogging, with my ipod touch i do most of my internetting on it. Writing a whole blog on it doesn't make so much sense. so i haven't done it in awhile. Not enough time, too small a keyboard. that's it for now..
it's been a month and a half since my last post. wow. i'm in the middle of a ruthless job search. i am kicking ass and taking names. actually, no, it is not very successful yet. but it will be. it has to! this isn't about my lack of a RN job.
it is about FALL! oh yeah. we had a little rain this morning. football season just started.. the oregon ducks went down last night to boise state! i could not be more tickled. the real football team in this state (OSU BEAVERS) will start its season this saturday against portland state. i hope its a good game, i plan to watch it at 24 hour fitness. i wonder how much cardio i can do while watching. i plan to bring lots of snacks for halftime. it could be pretty fun, better than going to a bar anyway.
i don't have any plans yet to see any of the games but i do hope i can. its always nice to go back to corvallis and pretend i'm a student again. that was the life! hit all the old haunts.
i have applied to numerous RN jobs and they all want experienced nurses. bollocks, i say! so for now i am still working as a CNA. i even worked a little catering gig with my friend. was pretty fun, a nice outdoor summer wedding with great food! it would be fun to do another but that's totally not what i went to school for. go figure.
but anyway i am glad it's finally fall and football is here again. it's like i'm whole. :)
don't get me wrong, i love meat. i don't need it though and right now my body wants me to be vegetarian! it's been a long time coming and i've thrown the idea for a few months now. i have no aversion to tofu, tempeh, seitan and other non-meat substances. for that, i am lucky i guess. eventually i want to get to being vegan but that is quite a jump for now. so i'm in the transition period. i don't want to waste food so i'm gonna eat up or give away whatever i have in my fridge/freezer.
there are many reasons for me wanting to live the vegan life. i'm not trying to be preachy but sometimes when i read posts about becoming veg that's what it sounds like. this is just me and how i feel. so if you'll be offended, stop reading, i'm not trying to convert you.
reason #1 - health my family has a history of high cholesterol and i know that when i eat meat it goes up and when i don't, it goes down. this is a fact cause i've tried it. i've not been veg for a few years now so i'm sure it's up over 200, which is "high". there are so many things associated with high cholesterol and i'm young so i want to avoid them. i also don't want to get on any kind of medications for this like my whole family. the less pharmaceuticals i need to take, the better. when i am veg i am more conscious of what i am eating, and will gravitate towards fresh fruits and vegetables. i don't have to worry about saturated fats or cholesterol, which is not found in plant products. a meat-based diet leads to heart disease, cancer and other icky diseases.
reason #2 - animals i don't want this to become an animal rights blog but i watched this show called "earthlings" which was narrated by joaquin phoenix (world famous actor and now rapper). it talks about all the ways in which animals are used by humans. also that using animals is like any other kind of -ism. it's an interesting documentary. i've seen a lot of other vids and read lots of other books on the subject. the majority of meat, eggs, dairy and other animal products are from animals who lead a terrible and horrifying life. they are in cramped quarters and do not live on a "farm". many times they live in concrete buildings. the ways in which they are slaughtered are a whole nother thing. yuck. enough about animals. reason #3 - environment living in oregon i am very conscious of environmental issues. everyone drives a prius, everything is recycled and there are tree hugging hippies here. i'm not about to chain myself to a tree anytime soon but i do appreciate what we have here on earth. i see how it is fading and the future generations will have nothing but muck. muckety muck. how does eating a vegan diet help the environment?! in many ways. growing grain to feed the animals instead of feeding humans is a waste of resources. rainforests are being cut down to create grazing land for cattle. the water supply is not only used mindlessly by the industry but is also being polluted by animal waste. another thing is that the world is not prepared to have all its people eating a meat-based diet. it is not sustainable but more and more are trying to follow the SAD (standard american diet).
reason #4 - spiritual i have been thinking a lot about living a more conscious life and with that comes the idea of karma and nonviolence. i grew up without religion really so i love to study it. in this great world i am only one little piece so why should i matter more than other beings? it's not that i don't believe i am worthy, it's that i have respect for others. the animals were killed so that i could enjoy a steak or what have you. they were in pain. when i think about that, i don't want to eat meat. they say that if slaughter houses were made of glass or you had to kill your own animals, most people would be vegetarian.
reason #5 - you don't really need meat the first thing people think about is protein, which is easily attainable on a vegetarian diet. you get the protein without saturated fats and cholesterol. most americans eat too much protein anyway. if you are worried about protein, eat more beans! most other vitamins and minerals are found primarily in plant foods. all except vitamin b-12, which can be easily supplemented. fruit and veggies are where it's at.
reason #6 - obesity i am definitely not doing this to lose weight nor do i think i am fat/obese. this is a good reason though. although it's not one of my reasons, eating a good, balanced vegan diet has a side effect of losing weight. obesity is an epidemic in this country, just look around you. fat people everywhere. what else do we have a lot of? fast food joints.. they are correlated people! obesity is linked to lots of bad stuff (see reason #1). i've read that 1 in 3 children are considered obese. they have crazy metabolisms and should not be obese but they eat crap and sit around all day. it's scary.
ok that's more than enough reasons for now. some people eat meat for every meal, every day. if they were to just skip one of those meals and replace it with a vegetarian one, it would still be beneficial. you have to start somewhere. it may be challenging to change your ways but you can do it. now is the part where i actually recommend trying to eat less meat. this would mostly go under the health reason because really it is dangerous. there are more and more young people with clogged arteries ending up on my cardiac floor. gross. try going veg for a day. i challenge you!
my mom sent this to me in an e-mail. very interesting.
Two Wolves One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside all people. He said, 'My son, the battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all.
One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.'
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: 'Which wolf wins?'
The old Cherokee simply replied, 'The one you feed.'
i really like this story. it is simple but very true. it is all about your outlook and attitude. i definitely want the Good wolf to win in me. i do not have much more to say on it but just wanted to pass it along without filling your inbox with junkmail.
sadly, i don't think i am getting the dog. while i would love to take care of a puppy, i think it might just be too sudden. i have been thinking about her for a couple weeks now but at this point i do not yet have a full time job. so i'd have lots of time to train her, but no money to feed her. i wouldn't want to starve the little girl. it is likely that i will be working 12-hour shifts and with a 30-60 minute commute each way that could potentially be 14 hours away, three times a week. that's not fair to the puppy.
i have been watching my friend's two dogs here at the coast. they are a handful but are house broken and past the puppy stage. they sleep with me and cuddle all i want. i'm getting a huge dose of doggy love. maybe this is all i need for awhile. the playing without the responsibility. sure, i am taking care of them and responsible enough that they don't get hurt or stolen. i am even feeding them everyday. they are easy enough.
having a dog means being tied down. i would have to either bring it with me or get home everyday. sometimes things come up and i am away all day. that is not fair to a young puppy. also if i am to travel anytime soon (and hopefully i am) i would have to find someone to care for her. although i have a lot of people probably willing to do so, i'd hate to do it.
my current living situation is a temporary one. i am basically house sitting while cleaning it to be rented/sold. so the puppy would get used to the house and we'd have to move again in the fall. tortuous. also i'd have to pay for cleaning and deposits, which i am not too keen on. i want to wait for a more permanent place.
all these things point to "no" yet i am still torn. i am still going to meet her on friday even though i am about 90% sure. she deserves a look-see.
i did it, i passed my NCLEX. whoo hoo!! party time!! wait, actually this means now i have to look for and find a job, and then start working. oh bollocks! it's not that i don't want or need a job, i really do. it's more that i will probably start working full time and not have any time or energy for other things. i want to be paid for sitting at home and doing nothing, or going to the gym, or grocery shopping and cooking, or traveling. these are exciting ideas for jobs. if anyone knows of jobs like these, let me know.
in all seriousness though, i am excited to be done and officially a nurse! woot! i do want to meet and help people, it's cool. nursing is a fun and interesting profession, i am stoked. new job, new scrubs, new co-workers, new boss, new patients, new money, new house, new dog. ahem, yes, i said dog. this does not have anything to do with nursing but i have the opportunity to get a dog, less than one year old so i guess a PUPPY!! she is a chihuahua (of course) and not trained yet so i have to do that. a family wants to give her up because i guess she is a handful, DUH she is a puppy! if all goes well i will get her in about a week and then start training her. i am not sure when i will be training for my temporary job (at the nursing home where i've worked as a CNA) but i know i will have lots of time to hang out and train the puppy dog. WOOF!! her name is "little bit" which i will definitely change. she is tan colored and adorable. any suggestions for names? i was thinking lolita or bella (haha twilight!). i haven't actually met her yet so maybe i will wait till then. i've never had a girl dog before or trained a puppy by myself. research begins.
i find this hilarious and i know a few who will too. i am cat sitting!! there are no dogs involved. since when do i take care of cats?! this is very strange. so far i play with the cat, feed it, give it water, medication, and even empty the kitty litter. OMG this is weird. now don't get too excited, i'm not gonna go out and get a cat just yet. while they are easy to care for and interesting creatures, i am still a dog person. i want a dog, specifically a chihuahua. but this is not about dogs.
the cat KAI is old and has hyperthoroidism so he gets a pill twice a day, which i have to sit and hold him while i pry his mouth (with sharp teeth) open and shove this pill-giving syringe to the back of his throat and pop it in. it's dangerous! he is not an aggressive cat but i am still wary of his teeth and claws. rawr.
in other news, the new house i just moved into has a cat also. it is a reclusive little thing and no one has seen it in weeks. they put food and water out for it and it poos so it has to be there, but no one sees it. strange but true. so while i won't be really caring for this cat, i will be living with it. i will be the one to refill his/her food/water and do the litter thing maybe. yuck, that is so disgusting! oh yeah, i moved again. this time to a place a little farther out but am living there for a few months until we can clean it up. it is my friend's grandma's house and she is living in assisted living but has this gigantic house with tons of stuff. so in exchange for a place to live, i am helping go through the stuff and put it into boxes for goodwill or the trash.
these are things i need to do with my own stuff. i tried and got a few boxes to give away but i still moved 2 1/2 truckloads. one was my bed so not too bad but still, i think i had like 40 boxes/items. maybe 4-5 was food, 4-5 was clothes, 2 kitchen stuff, a couple office boxes, bedroom, bathroom, oh and 3 boxes of books. i have a box of textbooks that i probably will never look at again. i sold some but why do i keep the others? i did recycle a lot of paperwork and other random junk i was keeping. i just feel so weighed down by my things. my goal is that the next time i move it is only 1 truckload of stuff plus my bed. too much stuff!!!
i haven't written anything in a month! i've been busy and i promise there was some excitement. first of all, i finished school and graduated! yeehaw now i am waiting to take my NCLEX, the national board exam for nursing. after i pass that i will be a RN. my parents, sister and uncle all came up from hawaii to visit and participate in my graduation ceremony. it was awesome. unfortunately, no pictures of graduation yet. sorry.
my big june event was a trip to alaska on a cruise ship! it was my first cruise and while maybe not the last, i don't think i'll be going on another anytime soon. it was a lot to take in, for sure. especially when it came to eating. most of the meals are included in the price, unless you want a fancier meal, then it is $10-$25 set price. we ate a lot at the market cafe, which was buffet style. towards the end we started eating more in the restaurants but you could still order as many appetizers and stuff that you wanted. it was a lot of eating, what we are really good at!
it was cool cause i got to spend a lot of time with my sister, who i miss a lot. we get along fantastically. i also spent a lot of time with my parents. it was nice but a little cramped. we all shared one room and i slept on a bunk! it was interesting and i wish we had two rooms. it would have been a lot more expensive tho i think. there was a lot to do on the ship, a lot of which i did not partake in - crazy dance parties, a pool and hot tubs, casino, bingo (played once). we did go to all the night time shows though, with the jean ann ryan company. they did 3 shows - andrew lloyd webber tribute, cirque pacific, and "band on the run" 70's. it was really neat and we saw the chinese all-star acrobats, which was badass! another awesome thing was the magic show! shawn farquar is a two time world magic champion and he was awesome! here is one of his best card tricks, it's amazing!
we did four different outings off the ship in different ports of call. one of the best was the glacier day. we went to see mendenhall glacier by taking a bus ride from juneau. the glacier was cool but it was far away, i thought we'd get closer but i suppose it is better if people stay far away from them.i also wanted to see the glacier calving, which is when big chunks fall off. but we did not get to see that unfortunately. too bad, but what we did see was maybe even better...a BEAR! it was a baby i think and who knows where the mother was. i was standing at a lookout trying to get a picture of the glacier when i look down and there is a bear! i said "oh my god!" and screamed like a girl. that probably wasn't the best idea but that's what happened. the bear didn't even notice me or the other people around. he was 10-15 feet away from me, only a 3-foot cement wall separating us. oh man it was scary!after that experience nothing was going to be awesome so we got back on the ship and went on our merry way. the plan was to go see sawyer glacier but for whatever reason it was not accessible, so we went up a different fjord and set sail for dawes glacier. it took over 2 hours and everytime there was a little bend in the road we thought it would be around the corner! it took forever and the scenery didn't change much. it was cold and rainy and we were standing on the bow so all the wind was going right into our frozen faces. it was pretty spectacular though.we also had stops in ketchikan, skagway and prince rupert, canada. we went on a scenic train ride in the yukon area and learned about the gold rush. basically there was gold in alaska and so a bunch of men went there to get some. what do a bunch of men need? a bunch of women. so in every gold rush town there were lots of brothels. we went on a tour of one...that's all i remember about skagway. my sister and i nicknamed it "skankway". and if you get a chance to go to prince rupert, canada - don't. there is nothing there! we're still not sure why we stopped there. so that was my trip.
now i am back in portland, studying for my exam and moving (again!). also i have to look for a RN job and start working. yikes! for all those who have been hounding me for a picture of my bf, here is one of me and jeremy at a park. we had just finished a big meal of sushi and were hanging out in the sun.
i'm so close i can smell the freedom. this must be what people in prison feel like right before they get out. anticipation of what's ahead. an insecurity of self. excitement of the endless possibilities. it feels good but at the same time i have a lot of anxiety. i've been in nursing school since january 07 and doing prerequisites for a couple years before that. so i'm used to being in school while working a couple jobs. but mostly i'm used to being in school. it's a kind of comfort yet it is a commitment. a commitment i am almost free of! no more teachers, no more books, something and dirty looks. i am so glad.
this brings up another kind of freedom though, one that i'm losing. i've been floating along for a couple years and i'm used to working whenever i want. having two on-call jobs i can usually work as much or little as i want avoiding holidays and administrators, which is definitely a luxury. i will be starting out on-call at my nursing home after training for a number of days, once i get my license. this will pay the bills for awhile but i certainly don't want to work there forever. i might get stuck. this means i will probably have to find a full time job. yuck! while full time in the hospital will probably mean three 12-hour shifts, its still kind of constricting. really committing myself three times a week for awhile sounds horrible. having to work holidays, weekends and pretty much any time they tell me to. ugh! being tied down, yuck.
good thing is i will have more free time. bottom line, more free time. i have to remember that. school took up so much time and while it will be worth it in the end (10 days from now) but it was a long process i am glad to be done. i will be able to hit the gym again and maybe even sleep in a few days a week. these are things i am looking forward to in my "freedom" summer. i will have to devote a lot of time to studying for my NCLEX but ultimately it is on my time and no one will be making me do it. i will pass the test, i know this. once i pass the test then it's on. i can be hired, trained, work and all that jazz. all the paperwork is done, it's time to wait.
oh and i also have to move. another freedom because i will be getting rid of stuff and simplifying again, of course. i have boxes yet unpacked since i moved into my apt in november. it will be gone. i need to figure out how to best get rid of these things because i don't want to add to the landfills but i doubt anyone will want any of it. it's junk. junk in my trunk. i have 33 days to find a place to live that is preferably close to where i am now, in a basement or otherwise not too hot, has an actual stove, and is decently priced. good luck with that, me.
in the wee hours of the morning yesterday (may 24), hector "the projector" passed away. he had been sick for awhile, with his body no longer producing blood cells. he was anemic and perhaps had some kind of doggy leukemia. i don't know and i guess i don't really need to. he is gone, that's all that matters. he was getting blood transfusions a few times a week so that his levels would go up, and it seemed to be doing him good. but he stopped giving kisses a long time ago and just was not himself.while he may not be suffering anymore, it is hard to say he is in a better place because that place is without me. i am without him. i had not seen him in a long time but his picture on my wall is usually one of the last things i see before i go to sleep. the one with the sombrero. he definitely did not like that hat but we made him wear it for the picture.he was one special dog. special in many ways. in my opinion he was one of the sweetest, loving dogs in the world and definitely my favorite after Niki. he gave the smallest, cutest, perfect kisses. never too much tongue and he didn't try to stick it in your mouth. it was just sweet. to me, he was gentle and kind. he wasn't my dog but he was so special to me and will always be.yes, there are those who hector did not warm up to (most people) who mostly got growled at and even a special few who got love bites. it took him awhile to trust i guess. once you earned that, he was yours forever. he is my forever friend.this dog would eat anything but especially liked chicken, which Mike would always have in his truck for hector, his best friend. they always went to work together and hector would run around the house looking for trouble or some blue tape to eat. he loved to eat tape.i remember when hector was just a baby, four short years ago. he was very curious but kind of wary of new things. he was always a cuddler. all i can think about is how much of a lover hector was. it's hard for me to think of going to the coast and hector not being there to greet me. when i go to the beach he won't be there chasing or barking at birds/dogs/people. when i'm lying on the couch he won't be there trying to jump up on it with me. i say "try" because as a small, fat chihuahua he didn't think he could make it up. so usually i would just pick him up and set him next to me.indeed, i will miss hector forever. i don't know why he became so special to me but that is doggy love. he knows things about me that most people don't because i told him. he loved me no matter what and it goes both ways. he can't do no wrong. even now, i can't blame him. while i do feel some guilt for not being there when he was sick, i can't blame myself. i am just sad and i will miss him. he was a part of me and i would've given my arm/leg/butt cheek for him. hector, such a good dog!
i want to get out of here! don't get me wrong, i love portland and my life is pretty darn good right now but i want out...i want to travel. i'm getting the itch pretty bad. i think what makes it worse is the thought that i will be getting a full time job pretty soon. i hate the idea of being tied down. i have been working on-call for the past couple years, so i say when i am available and when i am not. i can say i don't want to work for the month of june or whatever. it's the bomb.
last summer i went to mexico and guatemala, it was an amazing experience and once i was back i just wanted to leave again. it was a month-long trip but i wanted more. i am not into having just two weeks off a year as your "vacation". i don't like the idea of having to plan a trip within the confines of 14 days. lame! i just do not want to work a full time job. i think that is the expectation. most places do not want to hire you unless you have experience. they also do not want to know you are going to leave after making X amount of money so you could travel to ___ for X amount of time. so i cannot tell anyone that, shh....
mostly i want to travel the world. i want to see everything. unfortunately i know i will never be able to do that. at this point there are several places that i must see before i die. there are different reasons but i've got a few trips in my head that i must do, in order to see these places.
SOUTHEAST ASIA i am totally drawn to this area right now, i don't know if its the culture, food or landscape but it just seems AWESOME! places and things in order of importance:
thailand - songkran in april - it's a new years festival where everyone throws water on each other. plus, i could eat all the pad thai and som tum i want. for cheap, like thai food should be! a thai tattoo would be cool too.
laos - while not many people i know have been there, i have heard it is cool and will definitely get there
vietnam - again, food is key here. phở is the bomb.
cambodia seems wild
malaysia - my parents went there and said it was fun but pretty grossly humid.
indonesia would be neat to go to
ITALY i feel italian sometimes. i could seriously eat italian food all day, everyday. i'm not exaggerating. i think in another life i was italian. while i mostly want to eat my way through italy, there are also a number of things i want to see/do there: rome, vatican, sicily, venice, tuscany, abruzzo, florence...basically everywhere. i want to see art and learn italian. i want to push the leaning tower over.
BACKPACK EUROPE this is separate from my trip to italy. i want to do the whole backpacking thing, taking the eurorail and sleeping in hostels. not sure where i want to start and end but i know i want to go through the chunnel! i'm guessing i will start in great britain - england, ireland, scotland. i need to golf in scotland and swim in lake guinness in ireland. then on to france, portugal, spain, germany, netherlands, austria, czech. not necessarily in that order or equal time in those places. there are obviously lots of things to see there. i'll need many months and moneys.
SOUTH AMERICA/CENTRAL AMERICA, again i will forget my two spanish phrases if i don't go there soon. oh dear. first, see motorcycle diaries, then you will know what i want to do in south america. basically i want to travel the continent, as it is "all one america". i want to see iguaza falls, go down the amazon river, go to carnival in brazil, rain forests, mountains, oceans, people, food, etc. i want to speak spanish and i guess maybe i could learn a few phrases in portuguese as well. chile and argentina sound like awesome countries!
i'm thinking about what i want my life to be like. i'm thinking about the future. i'm sitting in a coffee shop right now, wasting time. it's not that i am bored and have nothing to do. i have tons of things to do, but i need to get this thing for school done. it's an online tutorial and i need to do 2.5 hours every 2 weeks. of course it's due friday and i didn't start till today. so i've spent the last 100 minutes clicking back and forth between the timed tutorial and various online activities (facebook, myspace, etc). i've still got another 50 minutes to spend on this.
i hate wasting time, especially when i don't have much free time. coffee shops get boring after an hour or so and i forgot my ipod. *sad mac face* i am really looking forward to more free time this summer. having a somewhat regular schedule will be nice. having multiple days off a week will be nice.
i really can't complain much right now. i have a job, i pay most of my bills, i have a house (until july 5), i'm almost an RN, i am enjoying clinicals, i play dodgeball and kickball, i have an awesome relationship, portland rocks, and it's good. but...i still complain! i'm congested (maybe allergies), tired, it's raining, i work too much, i have no free time, not enough money, i've been eating crap and time flies. overall i'm happy but those little things are annoying.
so this summer will be exciting. PLANS - i'm going on an alaskan cruise (june 20-27) and house sitting at the coast (july 9-17). i'll be taking my NCLEX (and passing!) some time in july. i'll also be moving somewhere in july. moving is never that much fun but i like to do it anyway. who wants to stay in the same place too long? get a new job, preferably at providence on 2G! whoo! my clinicals there have just been awesome and it's a great working environment. busy and interesting. draft league dodgeball, something i haven't done yet. you sign up and get picked up on a team, then play with cool peeps you haven't played with before! awesome! bike rides when it gets sunny more consistently. other than that, who knows what this summer holds for me.
maybe i'll start some new hobbies. maybe i'll have time to workout. maybe i'll cook more. maybe i'll garden. maybe i'll become president. who knows..and besides me, who cares?!
i want to say i will continue my "no buying" thing but i just don't know if i can. i want... i want a new laptop, mine takes about 20 minutes to start up and get going. it still works but i want to smash it to pieces. my desktop is just as slow starting and i don't even have it connected to the internets. i'm pretty sure they both have viruses. my laptop needs a new battery, it only lasts about 10 minutes off AC power. so i could spend money to fix them...or buy a macbook...heheif i do cave, it will be on a new laptop. that's all i can think about. i have too much clothes and other things that i would've normally spent frivolously on. i'm over buying stuff for the sake of it and to make me feel better. i would probably get buyers remorse now, something i've never really had previously. it hasn't been that hard not to buy things. i am pretty stubborn afterall. if i make a decision to do or not to do something, then it's done and done. whatever the reasons may be.
i figure i should blog. haven't done so in awhile and not really doing anything important right now. there is about 5 hours until i have some kind of commitment (dodgeball) and although there are OTHER things i could be doing, i'm just sitting here with my laptop. things are still busy with me but going really well i guess.
clinicals are badass. being at the hospital is kind of fun and i can totally see myself there in the future, if they have jobs. the whole nursing shortage-hiring freeze dilemma is dumb. no makey sensey. but that is the truth and that's where we are at right now.
monday was tattoo day. the day of the dead has always been interesting for me. it's basically a holiday to remember dead people and celebrate their lives. i guess it's similar to the japanese obon season. here in america, death is kind of taboo. we don't talk about it enough and so we don't really celebrate it. we don't talk about the deceased. i think talking about it is therapeutic. i'm around death/dying a lot working in the nursing home. memorial day is coming up and they do a memorial day service for all the people who've died since last year. it's a nice thing that they do there and we can write down some interesting memories we have of the people. i've never been to the service but it seems very nice. funerals give people a time and place to mourn that is socially acceptable. society says we have to accept a death and move on but it takes time for most people. we are human afterall.
i guess i am entering the homestretch. let's see...a month and 5 days until graduation. it is getting close folks!! i am just about halfway through my clinicals, learning a lot everyday and getting used to the long 12-hour shifts. it's not all that bad if i keep eating throughout the day and have lots of coffee to start it off. i'm not sure if coffee keeps me awake or if it's the adrenaline of things. i think even if i'm tired, if something is interesting/cool/exciting then i can definitely stay up without coffee. but...coffee is so good! i tried to quit drinking it for a time but that was dumb. it's soothing and yummy, and people like to socialize over it. it's easy to "meet for coffee", especially since there are so many coffee shops around town!
the other day i did meet someone for grilled cheese sandwiches. we went to the grilled cheese grill on ne alberta. they do have the classic plain grilled cheese but you can get all kinds of additions, and you can get it with the crusts cut off! haha but i got one with four cheeses ("the gabby") and bacon. c'mon, you know you want it!
i've never really been a big "baby" person. it's not the one thing i want to do with my life. i don't really understand those people who just want to pop them out one after another. no offense to you who do, but it's not for me. i always assumed i would have kids, two of them. the same as i'd assume i would go to college, work, and get married. are they cultural or societal expectations? sure. parental? probably. the thought of doing something other than settling down is unsettling for some. to a certain extent it is also unsettling for me but there are a lot of things i have to do before that even becomes an issue. now that i am close to being done with school (again) forever i am thinking about the future. i went into nursing thinking it was a sure thing, of course there are jobs! now with the recession all i hear about are the hiring freezes at hospitals and pushing nurses to the limits.
so back to the baby thing. i was never one of those nursing students who wanted to go into OB/GYN or pediatrics. yuck, i don't want anything to do with pregnant women and crying babies! i want patients who i can converse with who aren't crazy on hormones! i managed to get through school with only 24 hours of experience with such patients, WHEW! we did have quite extensive education on pregnancy and such but i never paid much attention. recently though, maybe it is the warm weather, my hormones, or age, i have been thinking about babies. ack! i see babies and moms with babies and dads with babies and it's just so darn cute! how could you not want one? and then i smack myself upside the head and remind myself, "oh yeah, there is a ton of stuff still to do sans baby". DUH!
my grandma wants me or my sister to have kids, she wants great grandkids! we are the only grandkids so we're the only hope. i keep telling my sister that she should be first since she's had her bf for awhile and you know they're getting married someday. speed it up! i would love more to be an aunty at this point than a mom so...anyway when i argued my gm that i'm not even married she said AND I QUOTE "you don't need to be married!" most of the time grandmothers encourage marriage before babies, right?! or am i crazy?
anyway, this is the closest to baby fever as i am gonna allow myself to get. it's just not healthy. i'll just stare at people with them. i'm not even going to hold them, it might be contagious.
***EDIT*** i just posted this a few minutes ago, i know. i went back looking through my blog cause i KNEW i wrote something on babies before. so guess what, two months ago i wrote this about kids. last year, almost exactly a year, i wrote this little piece on babies. so then i was thinking well it must be a spring thing. i am a little creeped out by all this.
right now, portland is gorgeous! the sun is shining and it is warm. it's getting a little too warm for me but i know it will go away soon. we are being teased by the weather gods, as usual. i am totally okay with that. i don't even want summer yet. it's still april. i want a few months of nice cool sunny weather, in the 50-60's preferably. i am not ready to break out the tank tops and sunscreen. i got cheated out of a normal winter of endless days of rain. we had all kinds of weird stuff like snow, hail and sun. i don't want to be cheated out of a rainy, cool spring with little breaks of sunny days.
all that being said, i've enjoyed the last couple days of nice weather. i took time off for my sanity. i did nothing. i laid in a hammock. i went on a hike. i sat in the sun. i slept in. these are all things that needed to be done, i was going nuts-o. i have a hard time just relaxing. there always has to be something being done, even if it is as simple as changing my fb status. usually i am doing two things at once (like writing a blog and resume at the same time). i feel like i am using my time better but i know that is not true. doing laundry AND dishes AND listening to music AND preparing lunch. there just does not seem to be enough time to do everything i need/want to. where does all that time go? i have been keeping a time log and i notice much of my time goes to waiting or riding the bus, at least 2 hours a day. it seems like a waste but i use it to read a lot. when i do too much it makes me less present.
thinking about summer, i can tell this will be an awesome one! while i do not look forward to certain things, i know they will turn out ok. i already have two little trips planned and i want to do more. if and when i survive the next 50-odd days i will be free!! i will no longer have school, classes, homework, clinicals, etc. of course there will be the job search, interviews, possibly moving houses, and then work. but with 12-hour shifts at the hospital and only needing to work 3 days a week...that just sounds so sweet! i'm thinking of day trips out to the coast, weekend trips, rivers, lakes, fun, food, friends and being outside. all of what i moved to oregon for. one of the reasons i want a rainy spring is so that i stay on track and not get caught up in the nice weather too much, it makes me want to only do fun things and forget all my responsibilities.
once again i am thinking about moving. my 6-month lease is up on may 5. my landlord wanted me to sign a one-year lease once this one was up, so she wouldn't have to look for a tenant in november again. i am not quite ready to move, don't have time to look for places, and don't have money to put down for deposits. so i want to propose a 3-month lease (which would be done august, which is perfect for moving) or a month-to-month deal. she is kind of old and i could see where she would be unwilling to budge, but it is also a good idea on my part. the biggest problem is that she is somewhere far away in her RV without a cell phone, until may. i'm assuming she's coming back to take care of my lease and/or moving. i wasn't able to talk to her and so i don't know what to do. she didn't even tell me she was going on this trip in the first place. lame. so i inteded to talk to her before a 30-day notice would be appropriate. i called her, she was not there. does this mean she doesn't need 30 days notice?
i hate the physical and mental strain of moving. i hate putting all my crap (it's mostly crap) into boxes and shuttling them from one temporary place to another. i knew moving in that this place would not be my last, mostly because it's got no "real" kitchen. that bothers me but for now i deal with it because it's a good deal. eventually i want to live in a place that feels like HOME and that i will not think of as temporary. for the last 4 years that i've lived in portland i think i've lived in 7 or 8 places. my mom hates it because she has to change her address book so much. i don't do it on purpose but certain places just get old after awhile. call it what you want. i get antsy after awhile.
also i want a dog. i can't have one at my current place. :(
thinking of moving always makes me think of simplifying. i have way too much stuff, yet i really don't have much. it's all junk. if i died and there was an estate sale (or even a yard sale), there would be nothing of interest. i've got too much stuff yet nothing sellable. i probably couldn't even give my things away. there are two boxes full of junk headed for goodwill, probably is, they have been parked there in the corner for almost 6 months now, since i moved in. how lame am i? it's mostly clothes i don't seem to want/need/like anymore. i don't even like fashion so why do i have all these clothes?! ridiculous.
i am in my last term of nursing school. 10 weeks until graduation. a few months away from taking my NCLEX exam and becoming an RN, leaving professional poo-cleaning behind me. 71 days until our "pinning ceremony" which is a special nursing thing, like graduation. the problem is...in those 71 days i will be busy, very busy. these are concerns i just learned about today. you don't have to read or understand, it's for me to freak out about.
clinical hours 150 hours in the hospital doing patient care, my favorite part about school. i'll be doing thirteen 12-hour shifts.
work someone's gotta pay for rent and school. so i've got to find work hours here and there. boo. my goal is 2-3 shifts a week.
resume, cover letter, portfolio self-explanatory i guess but i have to get together all these documents i was supposed to be saving over the past 2 years and put them neatly in a fancy folder for my portfolio. i'll have to raise them from the dead/recycling.
NCLEX practice questions and medspub tutorial busywork. 200 practice questions and 2.5 hours of tutorial are due every 2 weeks. if it takes about 1 minute per question, that's 200 minutes. so 1400 minutes = almost 24 hours of busy work.
simulation three times this quarter we will be going into the sim room and take care of a dummy, who will most likely code. yuck. this creates a ton of anxiety and is just. not. fun.
ONA convention day-long convention in jantzen beach, listening to speakers and such. 8:30-4:30. BOO!
HESI exam to be taken in third week. must get score of 750 or not allowed to take NCLEX exam.
leadership project at long term care facility. spend 24 hours on various projects with old people, including an in-service for the staff and care conference with a resident.
community project going to a head start program and putting fluoride on bratty little kids' mouths. they are gonna love it.
OSBN and NCLEX fill out a bunch of paperwork, get fingerprints, passport photo, and pay around $400 in various fees. sure, that's chump change considering how much i will be making as a nurse, BUT i am not making that right now. plus i have $1200 in tuition for this quarter.
take and pass NCLEX this will be a month after graduation but it's still there in my mind.
get a job really?!! do i have to?
life i don't think i'll have one of these this term, but i can try. i do have dodgeball every thursday and kickball on sundays. that's about it.
it is 3 days into spring term. i still do not know when my clinicals will be. i know who my clinical preceptor is (by name only) and who i will be working with, but my teacher neglected to tell me what days or shift i will be on. so it doesn't really do me any good. so i cannot tell my work what days i am available, which means i won't get as many shifts to work, which i really need. i heard that my preceptor is working the 3-11 shift, which will only make finding shifts at my job harder. UGH!! this isn't really blogging, more like venting. there is nothing i can do to speed up this process and it's basically a waiting game. my teacher isn't really proactive and i can't change that. it's out of my hands, right?! i should just let it go, right?! but i can't. but i need to.
UPDATE: i found out less than an hour about my clinicals! it's cool how i tried to let it go and it righted itself. so i am on the 7am-7pm shift but i still have to meet with my preceptor so we can figure out days that i will be working with her. i have to do this with my teacher as well so hopefully we can get it done soon. now i am in class again, and we are finding out about a zillion other things we are supposed to do this term. it is going to be really busy and i'm not excited about that. basically i will not have much of a life this term. i am not sure i'll be able to get enough shifts at work either. i might have to become a vampire so i don't need sleep. anyone available to bite me?
i guess i put it off long enough. i'd heard about it and read about it, but i was not ready. or i thought it was silly. but i knew i would become a victim. what the hell am i talking about? ...TWILIGHT! two of my friends had read it, k*spice and nure nezumi. so of course i had to read it. i cannot remember when i had the conversation with my friend about the book but she brought it to me on sunday, i didn't start it that night because i had a feeling i would like it and had to get up early the next morning. i needed to sleep. monday morning i started reading it on my way to work, continued during my lunch break, on the way home from work, heading to the coffee shop, at the coffee shop, on the way home, and at home until i finished it that night. i could not put it down for long. i don't even know what the big draw was. i liked the writing, plot, characters, and of course freakin VAMPIRES!!!
it's basically a high school romance with vampires, i guess. i have always liked but never obsessed about vampires, bram stoker's dracula is one of my favorites but was written long ago. twilight is set in a small town in washington where it rains a lot and is very green. the main character, bella, is a new girl in town who is painfully clumsy. i guess i relate to her in a lot of ways. not to give a lot away but her love interest is a vampire named edward. he is perfect, fluid, talented, amazingly beautiful and did i mention he's a vampire?!
i read the harry potter books in this obsessive fashion and i couldn't put da vinci code down when i started it. i get hooked into books pretty easily i guess. i am a few chapters into new moon (second book of twilight series) but don't want to read it too fast because then i'll be halfway done and in no time i will have no more twilight to read. that makes me sad but i cannot help but just take it all in at once. it's really good!
just one more thing - the movie. i wonder if i should wait until i read them all to watch it. it's playing right now at the kennedy school for $3. how can i resist? i want to know if it's like i pictured. i don't want to be disappointed but i hear it's good as well. i will probably see it next week because i'm just not that good at waiting patiently. i am sure i could get someone to watch it with me but i wouldn't mind going alone too. i feel like i'm always behind the trends. people were reading this last year and seeing the movie when it came out, etc. well at least i am reading it and i will see it soon. better late than never.
i just went to see the musical WICKED at keller auditorium in portland. it was awesome! WICKED is based on the novel of the same name, by gregory maguire. it tells the story of the wicked witch of the west from wizard of oz, before and how she became wicked. it's a very creative and interesting idea and gives me a new appreciation for the movie.i read the book maybe 6 months ago, when i learned that the musical was coming to portland. although it's not for everyone, i really enjoyed it. the book is very dark and i wondered how they would make it okay for family audiences. so when i saw it the other day i learned - they changed it a lot. the general plot and story was the same but there were many important changes from the book that i won't go into. i am still trying to figure out if i am okay with those changes. before i went to see WICKED i listened to the soundtrack endlessly and really enjoy all the lyrics and melodies. watching it finally i was able to tie together the songs and it was pretty fun. the acting was awesome as well, i really enjoyed watching the actors.in the original production, idina menzel (RENT) was the main character elphaba. that was one of the draws of WICKED for me, being a huge RENT fan and knowing her voice. although she was not in the traveling group that i saw, she is on the soundtrack.
if you have a chance to go see WICKED, do it! it's a fun musical and story. the costumes were pretty awesome too. i'd totally recommend the book if you are into dark stories that put a twist on what you think you know. it totally gives you empathy into wickedness and you know why she wanted those damn ruby slippers!
i have a deep and incessant need to be in control. there are so many things that are actually out of my control. things like weather (damn snow in march!), tides, bus schedules, and what other people do/think. i know i cannot control these things, yet i let them bother me. why can't i just let them go?
i've been listening to a lot of buddhist podcasts and one that really stuck out was "letting go". my mind is a constant chatterbug. it's always going, never ceasing to concoct the latest conspiracy theory or ultimate utopian society. i am always judging things - myself and others. it really drives me nuts. the point of letting go is not to rid yourself of these thoughts but to actually let go of the attachment to them. when i heard that it immediately made sense. in buddhist thought, it is attachment to things that cause suffering. and let me tell you, being attached to my thoughts causes me lots of suffering. i feel crazy sometimes.
judging people is not really a good thing to be practicing. i am trying to do more positive things and less negative, working on my karma! :) it is so hard to rid yourself of those judgements, though. when you are used to one way it is hard to change. it is easy to judge because it somehow makes you feel better. it's like watching jerry springer. the train wrecks they have on there are insane and it only makes you feel "normal" and "good". i am constantly making judgements though. i need to work on immediately letting go if it. i make a judgement then it is gone. ok. i cannot really help what gets into my head but i don't have to leave it there.
another term i like is "letting be". things will be what they are, just let them. you cannot always change the situation but you can let it be, like the song. to me, the song means that the right things will come to us, when it is appropriate. we may want something really bad but it may not be the right time for it. when the universe is ready, we will get it. it may even be a different version of what we thought we wanted. just accept what you have and let it be. we are in control of some things, like what we choose to wear on a given day. but our choices are influenced by things we cannot change, like the weather. i may want to wear my favorite sweater but if it's 100 degrees out, i would not.
i have tried to meditate. it is so hard! my mind just goes and goes, on and on. i try letting go of the thoughts and it takes a lot of energy. people say that meditating gets easier, i hope so. i've been reading a lot too, right now i'm reading a book of dalai lama writings. reading it really makes sense but it is the putting it into practice that is hard. i read something about 10 things to avoid. there are the obvious ones like killing and lying but then there are the more subtle, like idle gossip (i think that goes with right speech). i often speak without thinking and say things i later wish i had rephrased. i involve myself in a lot of idle gossip. and i like celebrity magazines, which is the ultimate idle gossip! it's one of my guilty pleasures.
another thing i think about with letting go is being in the moment. when you can let go of the extraneous thoughts then it may be easier to stay in the moment. you cannot be in the moment without letting go. two of my favorite songs are "let it be" (the beatles) and "be here now" (mason jennings). this is a constant struggle because my mind is always going, therefore i am planning the future and reviewing the past. i am rarely here. it is easy to be off somewhere else but it is better to truly enjoy this moment because in a blink it is gone. when i am totally in the moment i really enjoy myself. and when i am enjoying myself then you know i am in the moment.
