#161 - christmas!

i know it's not really about the presents but christmas kind of tends to focus around presents. you wake up and all you can think is, "i wonder if i got any good presents?!" unfortunately with the new airline baggage restrictions, i can't really enjoy any big presents cause i'd have to lug them back with me and pay for them. i did not really get anything to write about. i don't actually expect good presents, never have and never will. i already got something i really wanted anyway, and that was a gym membership. i think at this point in your life, as adults, you already buy the things you need and want. or at least i do. i did get $25 to the mall so i'll have to use that before i leave. hopefully there will be some awesome sales!

we had a christmas party at night, which is more of what the day means. you hang out with family, eat a lot, and play games. we played bingo. i won $4! haha it was fun but i passed out before 10. i've been sleeping weird lately. i sleep by my grandpa who needs help to the bathroom so i have been sleeping lightly at night so that i can hear him. so i wake up to take him to the toilet and it takes awhile to get back to sleep. i then wake up early because everyone else does. there are ten people in this house that was probably built for 5. it's a small house.

we've been playing lots of games - scrabble, dominoes, and cards. i love scrabble, it's fun! i'm a nerd. i've been playing wii. my favorite games i lego star wars and i'm working on it right now, started last year and am just continuing it till i can finish, hopefully. i'm almost halfway i think. my sister got an "outdoor adventure" wii game that we played, it has a running pad like on the old nintendo. my cousin's fiancee has an iphone and had a ton of old nintendo games on it! i played some duck hunt!! gotta love the classics.

we went to lahaina today, which wasn't too exciting. we ate at cheeseburger in paradise MMMM and walked around art shops. it's hard to do stuff with ten people. everyone has to agree and people walk at different paces. while i don't want to abandon my family, it would be good to go do my own thing at some point. i've got a few more days here then it's back to my regular life/schedule. it will be a welcome change but i'm gonna enjoy the fam and islands for the rest of the time i'm here.

oh, the hawaii bowl did not turn out well for us. i went to the game, cheered as hard as i could, and still yet - notre dame 49, hawaii 21. boo!! i guess you can't win em all. but...i have a chance for redemption. sun bowl on the 31st, oregon state vs pitt. our top two players, the rodgers brothers, are out with injuries. althought that's no excuse for potential poor play, it sucks cause they are fun to watch. i am just gonna cheer and hope our team steps up. pitt is a pretty good, competitive, talented team. we definitely have to show up and play way better than in the civil war. that was embarassing. GO BEAVERS!

#160 - vacation thoughts

i'm here still, lots of sun. portland is still snowing i think. it's crazy! i've been pretty busy, seeing friends and doing things. today i'm going to the hawaii bowl to watch hawaii beat notre dame! it's always fun to beat them, even if they aren't necessarily good this year. oregon state beat them 41-9 in the fiesta bowl some years ago, that was AWESOME! right after my dad and i are taking a flight to maui to join the rest of the fam. yesterday i went golfing and the day before i went surfing. i've been to a few potluck dinner parties and hung out with pretty much all my friends here. it's been good.

the only thing is i'm missing lots of snow! i've never been in a real winter. portland usually has an inch a year, maybe. it's not a big deal and it's gone in a day or two. now this is real snow! it's still there after a week and it's gettin bigger! i want a white xmas. too bad it's not snowing here, that would be cool.


i've eaten a lot here too and haven't been to the gym as much as i planned. i've had loco mocos, manapuas, pork hash, cake noodle (mmm), and lots of dessert. i think i went to the gym twice. ooops. i did surf and golf though, if that counts as exercise. oh and tennis once! ha! i'm headed to maui where i don't have any friends, only family, so definitely more gym time. i'll need "brandi time" and i'm sure to be eating a lot more ono stuff so i'll need the gym. i've got a lot of projects that my grammy has for me. paint the front door and build a mailbox are two of the big ones. i always try to do some projects when i'm there cause its fun and makes my grandparents happy. plus, i like painting. it's fun and messy!

i am glad i still have another week of vacation cause i need it. once i get back it'll be non-stop for a few months at least. work, school, clinicals, dodgeball, etc. somewhere in there i try to squeeze in sleep but i'm figuring out that i like to take a 2-3 hour nap during the day. i'm not sure how i'll be able to incorporate that into my daily schedule but when i get back but i want to try. good luck with that eh? i better finish packing and do some chores my mom gave me before i head off to the golf course for lunch...adobo fried rice! oh yeah!

GO WARRIORS!

#159 - skinny jeans

i'm sorry, it may be "in style" but skinny jeans are dumb. i hate the look of them, especially on guys. i mean, aren't your balls being squished by the skinniness of the jeans? that could potentially affect your future family. skinny jeans work on skinny people i suppose but it only makes you look more undernourished.

skinny jeans just are not sexy, especially guys. if you are wearing skinnier jeans than i am - goodbye, not interested. i mean guys are wearing women's jeans and/or sewing them to make them skin tight. and the butt always looks weird in them. i'm not sure when it became acceptable to wear skinny jeans but i'm tired of it.

baggy jeans are also stupid but they are being worn a little less. i still see people's butts hanging out of their jeans. when your belt level is below your ass, what is the point of even wearing pants? just wear your underwear cause that's what we are seeing!

i am not a big fashionista. i don't even really care how i dress. i'm sure people criticize my "fashion sense" but i'm not gonna get caught up in every popular fashion of the day just to look cool. if i think it's uncomfortable or funny looking, i'm not gonna go there. end of story.

#158 - snow day!

yesterday i woke up to a blanket of snow and wind outside my window. i didn't have much to do except hang out with friends to eat and drink coffee. what an awesome day! i've got pictures of the snow covered streets and what not, will post soon. it's been awhile since i've posted pictures. i've been very lazy with picture taking. or maybe just busy with other things. today my work was canceled so i got another day to just play. it's been awesome and i had more coffee and food with friends! i wish that was all i had to do, everyday. no real commitments, just fun and laughter. i cannot wait until june when school will be over and done with and i can have one less thing to do. it will be work, dodgeball, friends, food, etc. work cause i have to and all the others cause i want to. hopefully i'll find a job that i actually like though. well i like mine right now good enough but it's not a forever type of job.

i love coffee. i know that i shouldn't drink it too much cause it kind of makes me jittery but i love the flavor and warmth it gives me. plus it's a great excuse to hang out with friends. i feel so adult when i say "wanna get coffee?" i'm not much into the fancy espresso stuff anymore cause it's too spendy. i like a good latte now and then but good ole plain drip coffee does it for me. mmm...i think i wanna go get a cup right now!

#157 - hope vs. fear

i recently watched the gus van sant film, milk. it was the first movie i've seen in a long time, at the theater. i just cannot afford it these days, i remember when movies were $5! anyway, it was worth every penny. it is about the first gay elected official, harvey milk. he was elected to the city supervisor position in san francisco during the 70's. it took several elections for him to become known and popular but he did. he brought hope to the people of san francisco, particularly the castro district, which was a big hangout for the gay community. at a time when there were a lot of crimes against gay men who were being beaten in the streets, milk stood up and said "no more". here is an excerpt from one of his most famous speeches, known as "the hope speech":

The only thing they have to look forward to is hope. And you have to give them hope. Hope for a better world, hope for a better tomorrow, hope for a better place to come to if the pressures at home are too great. Hope that all will be all right. Without hope, not only gays, but the blacks, the seniors, the handicapped, the us'es, the us'es will give up.

this speech reminded me a lot of barack obama, believe it or not. here is an excerpt from one of obama's speeches. while it is not the same topic exactly, they are both very inspiring and full of hope:

This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment. This is our time - to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth - that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people: Yes We Can.

so often we are ruled by fear. the last 8 years have been full of fear. now it is time to turn that around and be inspired. what's so wrong with being hopeful and positive? i am guilty of being pessimistic at times but seeing milk i just have to have hope. harvey milk was a nobody who decided that being gay was worth fighting for and who became a martyr. it was not acceptable to be in the closet and he deserved rights as an equal human being. while we have come a long way since the 70's in terms of gay rights, to me it is ridiculous that people have to fight for such things. the main issue he was fighting was called proposition 6, which was trying to get all the gay teachers out of schools in california. people felt threatened by them, that they were teaching the kids to be gay. ridiculous! heterosexuals feeling that the sanctity of marriage is threatened by gays is also silly to me. your marriage is your own thing and no one can threaten it but you. you work for it. i think a lot of straight couples don't take their vows seriously enough, and where are the activists protesting divorced couples? aren't they threatening the sanctity of marriage?

people are so much in other people's business it kind of sickens me. why are you judging other people without even knowing them? why do you think you and your beliefs are better? make sure you are perfect before you judge. no one is perfect. all we can control really is RIGHT HERE. i totally believe all people should have equal rights. we are all human. after all, even animals have rights. people believe in different religions, some will be judged by god eventually. others believe in karma and get what's coming to them. judged by the universe i guess. either way, it is a power greater than any human.

#156 - DOMS sucks

so i joined 24 hour fitness again. this is probably my third "new membership" but it's a longer one. honestly i haven't been going everyday like planned. mostly this is because i got four personal training sessions. i went to my first one last week and it totally killed me! i've been weight lifting/working out for probably ten years, since high school. sometimes i take it more seriously than others but lately i've been kind of lax. i blame my busy schedule and other "more important" things like school but really i haven't been doing much besides playing dodgeball and pushing around some weights at the gym.

my trainer basically kicked my ass and made me hurt for a week. i cursed him a lot when trying to get out of bed or walk up stairs. i could see how his workout is a good one but DAMN! i am supposed to go again today at 4 but i am scared. i am scared i won't stick to it cause i'm a wimp. i can have the best workout planned with the best nutritional plans but if i don't take it seriously and stick to it, well it's all for naught. when i am hurting from DOMS (delayed onset muscle soreness) i don't want to do anything. i don't want to do cardio or even light weights. WIMP. so i've workout out once since my last session. my eating was not so good, i mean thanksgiving was in the middle of it and who could pass up pumpkin, mixed berry, and apple pie, plus a chocolate espresso cheesecake?! not me. and all the stuffing i could want...well it was a recipe for disaster.

when it comes to food i am weak. i am trying to eat cleaner. i am trying to eat every 2-3 hours with lean proteins at every meal. i am trying to eat more fresh fruit and veggies. it's like having another job. if you are serious about working out and putting in that effort then it is imperative to do the eating as well. eating every 2-3 hours is not the hard part. i am ALWAYS hungry! it's the planning and cooking and prepping. yesterday i was gone from 6:45am to 9pm and had to prep and plan meals for the whole time i was gone. it took a lot of time and effort to do so but in the end there i was with my little cooler full of food.

what i am anticipating when i return home for the holidays is food, lots of it and not necessarily the best for eating clean. i mean who can pass up a loco moco?! definitely not me. i even invented a whole new category of artery-clogger in what i call the "stuffing moco". it was half stuffing, half fried rice, leftover turkey, fried egg sunny side up, and gravy all over. of course it was to-die-for. literally. when i am in hawaii i want to eat all the food that i miss for all the time i am not there. chicken katsu curry, teri pork at tokyo tei, dry noodles at sam sato, loco mocos, shave ice from matsumoto, hamburger steak at kahuku golf course, ramen, tempura, etc. some of these foods i can get in portland but it's just not the same. when there is something in front of my that is amazingly awesome, delicious and not good for me, i just want to eat it all. portion sizes are out the window, meal planning is out the window, and working out...well we'll see. my goal is to get 30 minutes of some kind of activity besides lifting a fork to my mouth. surfing, golfing, 24 hour, stationary cycling or walking.

#155 - economical crisis

i was watching the news and they were talking about consumerism, what we do the best. to me, this whole crisis should be a wake up call as to our spending habits. instead of encouraging people to control their spending, they are decreasing interest on loans and credit cards so that they can keep on. i do understand that a certain amount of consumerism is necessary to keep the economy rolling but on a personal level, i can control what i spend, period. i cannot control what is happening on the national or international level. sure, things will get more expensive and people will lose jobs. it is sad and scary and although i hope no one i know will be affected, i know they will. people are losing jobs everywhere. it is crazy.

i have been working on simplifying my life, which automatically means spending less or being more aware of what i am buying. i used to be quite the shopper but have never gone shopping on "black friday", the day after thanksgiving that has all the crazy sales at 4am. when there are sales you buy things you wouldn't normally buy. you spend money you don't need to spend. now when i buy things i am sure that they will last me longer and i get more from it. it needs to be something well-made and long-lasting. if i can borrow it, i do. if i can buy it second-hand, i do.

a lot of people say they shop on black friday so they can get christmas presents. every year christmas is less desirable to me. it is way too focused on consumerism and presents. it kind of defeats the whole purpose of christmas to me. lately i've been trying to make christmas presents, especially keeping in mind what people would use and love. i try to personalize it as much as i can. some things that i've made are shirts, bookmarks, and calendars. this year i am so far behind. i have no idea what i am doing this year. being a poor student i am sure people don't expect much but i still want to give some kind of gift.

this week is thanksgiving, a time to give thanks. there are so many things i am thankful for right now. we should be thankful everyday but when there is so much crap going on sometimes it's hard. in the span of about 12 hours i broke my phone and lost my bus pass (value of about $800). i blame working too much on those thing and being tired. thankfully my friend had an extra phone that works and i got a call this morning that someone turned in my pass! how amazing. i may complain about this or that but really i am so lucky and happy. i have a job, i am in school to get my RN soon, i have food to eat, a cool new house, friends, family and live in oregon. so many people have lost their jobs, are bankrupt, going through bad relationships, in jail, whatever...and so i have no right to complain. it's so much easier to be negative, i have to work on that.

#154 - civil war!

well here it is folks, the week we've all been waiting for. the battle for the state of oregon...civil war!! this is a tradition over a hundred years. oregon state versus oregon in what is the most important game of the year. you can be 0-10 but if you win the civil war then it is not all lost. whoever wins the civil war gets bragging rights and pride all year. the last two years the Beavs have been successful and before that it was back and forth, with the home team winning.
2006 - Reser Stadium

2007 - Autzen Stadium

2008 - back at Reser!
what's at stake this year is the rose bowl, yes the rose bowl. Beavers win and we go to the rose bowl on new years! since we beat USC this year we are actually at the top of the pac-10. we've gone through quite an exciting season, ups and downs. we had losses to stanford, utah and penn state. when we get to the rose bowl we will face penn state again and redeem ourselves. it won't be at their stadium and we have found our mojo on the field. when we played them at the beginning of the season we didn't quite have it together.

OREGON, YOU ARE GOING DOWN!!!

GO BEAVERS!!!

#153 - winter dodgeball

the fall season is nearing it's end and already registration for winter recess dodgeball opens on monday. signups for underdog dodgeball have been up for awhile now even though we just started our "late fall" season. underdog will be on mondays. for recess time there will be three nights - tuesday/thursday is regular league nights and wednesday is going to be a "no sting" league, which is going to use a different kind of ball. not a foam or rhinoskin ball but one that doesn't hurt when you get hit. this one is in SE, which is closer to my house. so potentially, i could be playing league games mon-thu and pickup on friday. dearie me that is a lot of dodgeball, my arm could fall off...or i could become an awesome dodgeball player.

monday - underdog in NW
tuesday - recess in N
wednesday - recess in SE
thursday - recess in NE
friday - pickup in NW
saturday and sunday - rest! :)

the problem here is that i have to pay for each one of these league nights so i have to decide when and where i really want to play. it's a hard life. haha

#152 - simplify, simplify

i am sure i have a post already named this. i believe it is a quote from "walden" by thoreau. i read it in high school but definitely need to hit it again. it's timeless. so i don't know if anyone noticed but it's been a week since i've written a blog. that is a long time for me. what has happened, you may have wondered...maybe not. i moved into my new place on the 5th. it's a studio, it's awesome, i live by myself and i love it. i've never lived alone, always with family or roommates, both pains if you ask me. moving always forces you to take an inventory of your "stuff". i had three truck loads. part of that was goodwill donations and other things to get rid of. i decided i had no more use for those things and that someone needed it more than i. i am trying to simplify my life. i am always trying to do this, ask anyone i know! having my own place has made it easier though. i really take a certain pride in what my place looks and feels like. i want to make it home and if there is too much clutter everywhere it just doesn't feel that way.

physical "stuff" clutter is one thing. it is pretty easy to get rid of, if you make that decision. i cut my wardrobe probably in half because there were so many things i just never wore. i thought i would make good use of somethings and just didn't. i am wasteful and very privileged. i understand that, and take responsibility for my waste. my things have gone back into circulation, to people who need/want them more than i have use for. i am also dealing with other kinds of clutter - emotional, psychological and technological. the first two are a whole 'nother post.

i am working on less techy stuff though, i cut down my list of rss feeds. it became too taxing to read through all of them. i wasn't enjoying them anymore and just trying to get through them. most of them were food-related, food porn if you will. when i am bored i like to look at pictures of yummy food. the idea being i would cook those yummy things eventually but truthfully it never happens. i don't have enough time. if i need a recipe i can get one! so the ones i still have are friend's blogs, because i still want to know what's going on there. another thing is i have no internet at my place. at first i was worried because i NEED my internet! then as i thought about it more, if i have it 24/7 i'm on it 24/7. simple as that. so i am weaning myself off of internet. it's for the best. now i go online when i need/want to, not just to waste time. i want my time to be better spent than just mindlessly surfing the net. i go online at work on night shift, at school and i can go to a coffee shop anytime. laptops rule.

my blog has become kind of boring. since i don't have a lot of time to take pictures, i'm not. so there aren't any pictures. sorry. once i get my place in order i'll probably put some pics up. not quite there yet. i'm still figuring out where everything goes or should go. i'm getting rid of things as i go along, like the college graduation present i NEVER used (2003). it's kind of ridiculous how i have dragged things around with me to every new place (8 since 2004), sometimes the thing being a box of recycling i had to go through. ridiculous! i didn't just do it then, i always left it for later. such a procrastinator!! now i'm not saying i'm going to become a non-procrastinator, that just wouldn't be right. :)

one more thing for simplicity - "have to's". a lot of times we say that we have to do things. in reality, there is nothing you really HAVE TO do. you make choices everyday. maybe if you say no the result will be negative and worse than if you say yes, making it hard to say no. i am working on saying no and not using the phrase "have to". there is no use. do i have to get up, out of bed and to work? no, but then i wouldn't get paid and couldn't eat or pay rent. there are consequences to our actions. i don't have to stay at a job i don't like but if i am too lazy to find a new one then that is my problem. i don't have to ride the bus everywhere, i can buy a used car and work extra to make more money to pay for insurance and gas. i make the choice. it's nice to have that choice but at the same time, it's on my shoulders so i am responsible.

already i am freeing up time for things like playing my guitar and reading. i just finished "WICKED" which was pretty (wickedly) awesome. i wanted to read it before i saw the musical, which i was told and quickly realized isn't much like the book. the book is all dark and adult whereas the musical is appropro for kids as well. i'm curious to see how it'll turn out and what was changed from the book. i'm listening to the soundtrack too, i like to know the songs cause it's weird when you go see a musical and don't know the songs. so now i've got "popular" in my head right now. it's insane.

i'm working on another budget, since i've changed locations and other priorities. it will be simple, of course, and i want to drastically reduce my spending/consumerism. while it would be nice to be able to buy whatever i want, i am sort of glad i need to be on a budget because i am a crazy impulsive shopper who loves to spend money (that i don't have). i've always been responsible with my credit but basically i go out shopping then have to pick up extra shifts at work to pay for stuff. vicious cycle. i did that "no buying" for lent and that worked out well. i wonder if i could do it for a whole year, or more. just not buy things anymore. something to think about.

#151 - yes we can! ...and we did!

so this is what happiness and hope feels like. it is pretty amazing. i just finished watching president-elect barack obama's speech. he is an amazing speaker that just gives me so much energy. since 2004 when he gave that DNC speech, we've known his ability on a national level to inspire people with his words. he doesn't have much experience but that may just be his advantages. he has and gives us hope. we were able to really believe in obama, not just to vote for someone so the opponent would not get in. this is my third election and i had never felt so invested or positive. i didn't want to get too optimistic before the election because in the last one i felt pretty good. we all know how that ended up. so many people came to and realized that obama is different. he will produce change and give us a new life. we can be really proud of our country. i've never felt this way. i've always known how lucky i am to be an american but this makes it totally different. i can tell people from other countries when i travel that i am from obama's america. i voted for him. he is my president!

i probably do not make any sense on this blog but i'm way too tired from watching all the election results. i'm probably too giddy to even sleep tonight. i have so much in my head that i can't really write about it. it's such an amazing feeling. i can be proud out loud and not be apathetic. i can dare to hope. these are feeling that are sort of unnatural for me and young people in general i think. washington has always been an old white rich man's world and now there is a man who represents real people there, leading the nation. tomorrow is the first day of a new attitude for this nation. we can use hope and not fear as motivation now. there will be change. we did it but the work is only beginning. our nation has become a mess and a lot needs to be done. obama can do it. we can do it.

#150 - best albums

i was just gonna put one of those sidebar things on my favorite albums but i decided to blog on it instead. i can explain, rave about or describe my favorite albums. i love music and most of the time i'll be listening to something. thank you ipod! i figure that people in the movies have a soundtrack, why not i? i'm special.

today i was listening to metallica's "metallica" (aka the black album, 1991). i was in the mood. there are so many awesome songs on that album and i sometimes forget that they all exist on the same record. "enter sandman", "the unforgiven" and "nothing else matters" are three great classics.

pink floyd - dark side of the moon, 1973. a lot of the times i'm listening to my ipod or itunes on shuffle so i don't benefit from albums that are made to be listened all the way through. this is definitely a classic album that flows so perfectly, it's seamless. i can't really single out songs on this one, it's gotta be listened to straight through. there is also a good tribute album, called "dub side of the moon" which is a reggae version with a nice vibe to it.

nirvana - MTV unplugged in new york, 1994. it was close, between this one and nevermind, the biggest selling album of theirs. they are both excellent albums but for a live album, unplugged really makes you feel kurt cobain's pain and emotion. it covers a lot of songs that were unknown or at least not hits. only one song ("come as you are") was actually a hit single.

frente - marvin the album, 1992. i don't think many people know this one but i love it. i guess they are australian but the singer has this amazingly clear and sweet voice. it's a happy album! give it a listen if you can.

sublime - sublime and 40 oz to freedom. classic sublime, what can i say about one of my favorite bands? i just love this stuff.

queen is one of the greatest bands of all time. unfortunately i haven't heard all their albums but i have the greatest hits, 1981 and they really are great! i wish i could've seen them in concert, would have been an awesome show.

in the same kind of train of thought there is the beatles. i enjoy most of their music and there are awesome songs on each album. one is a comp album of the #1 hits and has it all. they have influenced most of music today. music would be different today if not for the beatles and all of their albums are influential. they all have great songs and the evolution of the music is so evident from the first to last album. if i had to pick one besides a comp i'd say the white album.

okay well i started this post several days ago and haven't finished it. i could probably go on and on about great albums forever. so here are some others that i have no time to write about but are awesome.

• bob marley & the wailers - legend. it's legend, duh. 1984
• simon & garfunkel - bridge over troubled water
• johnny cash
• carpenter's christmas
• blackalicious - blazing arrow
• RENT
• green day - dookie
• ac/dc - back in black
• neutral milk hotel - aeroplane over the sea
• brandi carlile - the story
• mason jennings - century spring and boneclouds
• pearl jam - ten
• NOFX - heavy petting zoo
• ben lee - awake is the new sleep
• carrie underwood - carnival ride
• sugarland - enjoy the ride
• indigo girls - despite our differences
• iron & wine - the shepherd's dog

my musical taste is very varied and there is really something for every mood i'm in. right now i'm listening to some punk rock! it's good packing/cleaning music for sure.

#149 - burdens lifted

i am done with clinicals. we had ten days of clinicals at the hospital and it was such a great experience. well, i take that back, it sucked. i learned a ton from the nurses i worked with and towards the end actually believed i can do this. i got confidence and am excited to be almost there. i can't wait to get a job and start working, of course i don't know enough yet but it's exciting all the same. so the reasons it sucked are many but they all have to do with my instructor. i will not name her name of course but will call her U for useless. she is nice but pretty useless as a clinical instructor. in the past (this is my 4 1/2th term in clinicals) we have had one shadow day and then picked patients and learned a lot. our instructors were there to help us out, they sought out opportunities for learning and new skills and gave us direction. they made sure we knew what our expectations were and the lines of communication were wide open. so this is a new experience. i think it would be best to use bullet points to list things that didn't go well.

• our first day she says "this is my summer term but i have this huge credit card bill and that's the reason i'm doing this." thanks for letting us know how much you want to be here.
• she tells us we are going to have two shadow days. i ended up having three because she couldn't check me off on meds on the third day.
• we cannot give meds until she checks us off and then tells me she wasn't checking me till the 4th day! we had been getting checked off on the first day previously.
• we couldn't give IV medications until the second week, day 5/10. it wouldn't be a problem but EVERYONE in the hospital has an IV! so sometimes you feel useless and the patients are like, "why can't you do that" and basically the answer is because our teacher has no trust in the education we have received from her institution.
• when i asked her to clarify what we can do and that i was feeling like i was taking a step back she got really offended and started to lecture me. she informed me that she has all this experience doing clinicals and this is how it works best. i told her what i accomplished the previous term and that i wanted to move forward and she looked at me like i just said i was going to hold everyone in the hospital hostage with an AK-47.
• when she talks she goes off on tangents and her voice trails, you never really know what she means and she'll throw in a totally random comment.
• she disappears off the floor for hours at a time and when you need to find her she's not around. or she's on the phone or email. she's looking at pictures of cute puppies. aww...
• when she is there it happens to be when we sit down to look up things in the chart and she thinks we're not using our time wisely. but where was she the other 5 hours?
• one of my friends got kicked out of school because of her. she had it out for him. she specifically said to be there at 2:45 and then she said he was late when he showed at that time. some of his paperwork was incomplete and that to her was very important. but she didn't really stress that in our orientation. basically it was all these little things that got him kicked out, and nothing to do with his actual nursing skills or care with the patients. it wasn't even that his nurse preceptors didn't think he did a good job. it was nothing that warrants getting kicked out of the nursing program. i am upset over this, stewing actually.
• he will be the first one to say that he could have done some things right. he had the flu the previous weekend and was recovering from that. the problem is that she instantly focused in on him. other people had incomplete paperwork and she didn't give a crap. she treated him unfairly.
• she argues things. maybe it's fun for her but she really has to be right and doesn't allow differences of opinion.
• she's obsessed over diabetes.
• another gal cried because U said she couldn't communicate and all these other "non-issues" and said "if you want to leave you can".
• she lectured two gals on taking an hour lunch break when they took only 45 minutes, which was what she said to do. they were in there the whole time with their nurse and if she had asked him she would know. but NO, she had to be right. she said "i KNOW you were in there from 7-8" when in fact they were getting a new patient at 7:15 so that was impossible.
• there were other things but i'm tired of thinking about her.

so anyway, i am glad to be done. i did learn a lot and gain confidence, by my own doing and initiative, but mostly i learned that i have to just keep my nose down and fly under the radar. i don't want to be that person she focuses in on and treats unfairly. i hate authority and kissing ass, i will not do it. so i just need to stay out of the way, don't argue, and get what i can from my nurses. is that really the best learning experience for me? no, but it's what i have to do to get through school. i'll graduate, pass the NCLEX, get a job and then the real learning starts, or so i hear. it's just frustrating that they put up so many blocks to our learning and don't really foster it. in a better school or educational system i think they would try to accommodate different things like illness and be more flexible to individual learning needs. not everyone has the same learning styles.

another thing that i had to go through was a "simulation". basically there is this dummy that talks and breathes by teachers controlling it from this little room, think wizard of oz. you have a scenario and go in, with all your student peers watching on a live feed video. so you don't know what's going to happen and you have to react, with all these people watching, judging and probably commenting. it is way too much for me to handle and every time i just have so much anxiety. so this time i just freaked out a little and kind of bonked. when it came time for me to perform, i didn't. this is not a venue where i excel. i had to go in and watch my video to see how i did and it was not pretty. it's like i wasn't even there. psychologically/emotionally i don't think i was. so anyway, i am glad that is over for now. we have one more to do at the end of the term and hopefully i do better.

#148 - ballots!

i just got my ballot in the mail, yay! in oregon we have an all-mail ballot system. we don't have polling places. i don't know how this ever started but it saves a lot of time/money i think. not that the polling people are paid, but in terms of gas and time and all that good stuff. so we get our ballots a couple weeks before election, then fill them out and mail them in. it's great. they all get tallied on election day and on november 4th we will see who the next president will be.

everyone probably knows who i'm voting for president. it's no secret, obama is the man. i haven't opened the ballot yet but as soon as i do, i'm filling it out and sending it in. my vote needs to count. i have no idea who is running for other offices, besides jeff merkley. that's only because i've seen so many ads. there are a ton of ballot measures and none that really stand out. i know there is one that affects nurses so i'll definitely vote on that one. the verbage in those things is so hard to understand.

the only one i do know for sure is president. this year it is as crucial as ever to vote. the economy is in the dumps, something has to be done about the "war" in iraq, national spending has to change to support meaningful social programs, and we need someone we can trust and that has the brain to lead this country. we need change! if you didn't catch sarah palin on SNL, it's funny stuff! tina fey is dead on, i think maybe palin is impersonating her.

she was a good sport but i can't figure out why she wanted to do it. it's not gonna sway voters that way. interesting tactics, maybe they are getting desperate. in any case, what an exciting and scary election. there is a lot at stake and i'm anxious to find out what will happen. will i have to move to another country or am i going to be safe here? what kind of mass cover-up/scandal will happen this year? what kind of bs is the GOP going to pull out at the last minute? we will see.

#147 - greatness

from i hate medium an article by dan john from t-nation.com:

doing everything all at once will destroy you....you have to be lousy at everything. to be great, you have to focus on very few things — most of us can barely handle more than one.

i am living proof of this. well, i'm not lousy at everything but i am very medium. i'm not great at anything but that is because i like many things. maybe my attention span is too short or i am just not a dedicated person but there is nothing i can say i've worked hard at and seen greatness. i love working out, have my degree in exercise, and still yet my workouts suck. i don't see much gain from my workouts because i never stick to a single program. my goals are not specific enough and i don't adhere to them well. i'd be a bad client. i'm similar to the majority of people in goals - wanting more lean muscle mass and less fat. my problem is that i like to try out new things where my workouts are concerned.

right now i don't even have a gym membership but i workout at my workplace. there are some simple, common machines that use air pressure for resistance but i don't use them much because they don't really do the job and feel limiting. there are also dumbbells up to 20#, some bars that go up to maybe 35# and several cardio machines. this is a fitness room for seniors so it's pretty limited. not many of them are looking to become the next arnold. so i work with what i have and so a lot of workouts are based on simple, low weight exercises and combo work. i also do some plyometrics in hopes that it helps with my dodgeball.

i love to read any kind of information on new exercises or workouts, nutrition and health stuff. i'm a nerd. i guess the reason why i'm not in that field anymore is that i don't want my passion to be my job. my belief is that any job, no matter how much i love it, is just a job, it is a way to make money. many people would argue with me over this but it's MY belief. sure, you can do a lot within that job and be satisfied morally but it does not define who you are as a person. there is so much more than what you do at work. i'm in school to be a nurse and i want to be a good nurse but definitely don't want to become burnt out because i put too much of myself in it without having a life. i have to be able to leave and have "me time" to do what i love.

other passions i guess would be photography and food. i wouldn't want to be a professional in either field but i enjoy learning all i can about each and trying new things. i think a "jack of all trades" is not such a bad thing and really, mastering one isn't that awesome. i like to be able to have conversations with anyone on any subject and to be in "the know". i'm a pretty decent golfer and maybe if i took the time and spent the money for lessons i could get really good. i could set my goal to become a scratch golfer but really i just enjoy going out with my dad, spending a few hours talking and then beating him! that only happened once but it was awesome. i also love surfing but i don't have a car, wetsuit or board here so that makes it hard to go very often. the nice thing is that i cherish every second that i'm in the ocean on a twice-a-year visit home. each wave i catch is forever imprinted into my being and i can go back to it whenever i want. even though the ride might have been ten seconds long, it is longer in my mind. it's instant serenity when i revisit a nice ride.

there just isn't enough time. my friend beth and i had this club. well, it was more of a motto - "minimum effort, maximum results". while some would say this is a slacker club, it's kind of the opposite. you have a limited amount of time and resources so you have to make the best of it. i'd rather put in 100% effort for 10 minutes than 50% for 20 minutes, efficiency. same goes for my workouts. for cardio i usually do some high intensity interval training, rather than steady state. when i'm lifting, i always superset or keep my rest really short. i'm not doing any heavy lifting so this is perfect. circuits are also good but i'm kind of too lazy to set it up for myself. usually, i am in and out in 30 minutes, am tired but invigorated and have a good hurt the next day. maybe you can say i like multi-tasking or being well-rounded but for me, i don't need greatness.

#146 - eight months

i could almost have a baby in the time that it will take me to graduate from nursing school, which is a lot of time yet none at all. we are applying for graduation today, a couple ladies from the registration office are here to help us. after this term i only have four classes, a total of 18 credits. i have been thinking a lot about what i will do after graduation and get a job.

A DOG
hopefully i will be on a good schedule, maybe three 12-hour shifts. that gives me a lot of time for cuddling with a doggie. right now i am barely home and it would be abusive to have a dog. i find myself lonely for a little friend, especially since niki died this year. of course i wasn't living with him but he did leave an empty place in my heart. so now i am aching for a little love bug. i've been checking out the humane society and petfinder just torturing myself.of course i do "officially" have a sweet dog named maui but he lives on the coast and i know he wouldn't want to live in portland. i wouldn't either but that's how it has to be right now. maybe someday i'll have him again but not right now. so i'm always looking up little chihuahuas to adopt. i kind of want a puppy because those years are so special and they are real characters at that time but i'm not opposed to getting an older one. i get really weak just looking at these sweethearts.


OWN PLACE
another thing i really look forward to is getting my own place, without roommates. right now having roommates is all good but really, it would be nice to live alone. i wouldn't have to worry about leaving dishes in the sink overnight or not cleaning as much as my house does. i don't see my roommates that often so it's cool but i would like to be able to have a place to call my own, without buying anything. all i'm looking for is a nice little studio. not much space and real simple. the smaller the space the less room i have to fill it with crap and less to clean. i'll probably be paying almost twice as much but it will be worth it, and i will be making maybe twice as much.

APPLE SWAG
ever since i got my first ipod i've had apple envy, i guess. i play with my friend's iPhone and it's just awesome. i don't have or probably won't ever have AT&T so i'm not sure iPhone would be beneficial. instead i'm thinking the iPod touch. i'm definitely due for a new ipod and why not this guy?! photos, videos, music, internets, calendar, maps, games, really what can you not do on this thing (besides the phone)? right now it goes up to a 32GB but probably by next year it will have a bigger capacity. my old one was 60GB so i would like something similar. either way, a touch would be AWESOME!the other thing i want to treat myself with is a new computer. i got both my computers second hand. my desktop from my uncle and the laptop from craigslist, both probably 4 years old or so. ancient in computer terms. i've used macs and really like how they work and i hear they are great in terms of safety and security. i really enjoy having a laptop but i also like the power of having a desktop. if i can get the speed and power of a desktop on a laptop...well a laptop would be better so why have both. i'm looking at the macbook pro and it comes with up to a 250GB hard drive and 4 GB RAM. that's way more than my desktop has right now. of course it's gonna cost close to $3000, which is a lot of money but i figure it's gonna last me for a long time, do lots for me and just look at it!
okay so i know that is a lot of things that i WANT. it's not like i'll be making a killing right out of school so i'm not getting them all right away and these are just things. it's gonna be thousands of dollars to get it all and maintain it. my level of spending will go up probably exponentially but my income will go up a little as well. i deserve it right?! i like to think having one computer instead of two is simpler and more efficient. i can justify these things. although having a doggie will be a lot more work and money, having that little guy running around and waiting for me to come home is worth it. as for my own place, well, it's about time. i'm getting close to 30. sheesh, that's like an adult or something. i'm not into buying a house cause i don't think i can say i'll be here for longer than 5 years but you never know. eight months!

#145 - baseball playoffs!

it's october, you know what that means. october = fall = baseball, cold weather, football, halloween and almost thanksgiving! what an awesome time! so that brings me to the baseball playoffs, which have been going on but i didn't really pay attention because who cares about the games leading up to the pennant races right? now it's dodgers vs phillies in the national league and red sox vs rays in the american league. while i've always been an atlanta braves fan, i do follow a few other teams including two of these four. mostly because the braves have not been performing up to par lately. i wrote a blog about a year ago on baseball and here i am again.

basically, i want to see a phillies vs red sox world series. while i did enjoy the red sox's thrashing of the rockies last year, it didn't make for a very exciting series. i like when it goes to game 7 and it's been awhile. either way, i'd have one guy on each team to cheer for and wouldn't really know which way to go. so if i'm just a casual fan, not a rabid/avid one then wanting a good, competitive long series is best. on the phillies i've got shane victorino, who is a great guy from maui and i've seen his mom at the costco there. he's nice, down to earth and funny as well. on the other side - jacoby ellsbury of the red sox went to oregon state and of course i got to work with him a little. he is pretty shy but has a great work ethic and steals bases like crazy.

so i've got two good guys to root for and hopefully it will work out for me. i was watching the phillies game and they were down 2-0, victorino was up, he hit and the throw from ss rafael furcal (see that's what he gets for leaving the braves!) was errant. so shane took 2nd and the rest is history i guess. the next batter hit a homerun to tie. then there was another homerun shortly after to seal the deal, 3-2. tomorrow all teams play so i'll definitely be rooting for the boys.

#144 - musicals

i feel like i'm in a musical. or at least when i am listening to musical soundtracks (which i do often) i like to sing and feel like i'm in it. i cannot sing or act really but maybe it's a secret fantasy of mine. it doesn't matter what kind of musical, i love it! the only one i don't care much for is CATS. it just kind of creeps me out (sorry wongi). i do like the music but once i saw it, the cats were just weird. of course my favorite is RENT and then there are the others close behind - phantom, les mis, and miss saigon. while the movie version of RENT was pretty good and had many of the original broadway cast (who i will be seeing in june!) it was just different. it didn't quite capture the feeling of the live show. when i need a RENT fix though, i have the movie.

today i pretty much broke into the middle of a song from EVITA while waiting for the bus. while the movie wasn't my favorite, i loved the music. i hadn't heard the cd for maybe 5 years but i had to listen to it cause it was in my head. i love when they are just talking and then burst into song but it's kind of weird when they turn to the camera to sing. one of my favorite musical movies is moulin rouge, directed by baz luhrman, starring ewan mcgregor and nicole kidman. it's kind of a tribute to pop music and references/incorporates so many songs like "smells like teen spirit", "like a virgin" and "sound of music". they do a wonderful but different version of "your song" by elton john. it's a beautiful love story about love, a love that will live forever. here's a clip of the "elephant love medley":


i'm pretty excited cause i'm going to see WICKED in march! i haven't seen it before but i've got the soundtrack and it's pretty cool. there are so many shows i would go see or want to see but there is not nearly enough time or money. WICKED is based on a book that looks at the "wicked witch of the west" elphaba from wizard of oz. it's kind of a prequel i guess, about her relationship to glinda the good witch. elphaba is played on broadway by idina menzel who was also in the original broadway cast of RENT and the movie too. she won a tony award for her performance as elphaba and she has a great voice! here is a little clip of her singing "defying gravity":


music is just so important and without it life would be boring. so if i randomly break into a little song and dance, don't stare too hard, you might be in the musical too!

#143 - trimet

for the most part i enjoy doing my part and not contributing to the emissions caused by a car that i drive excessively to and from the store three blocks down. i walk there and back, it's no big deal. if i have to go a little farther i've got my trusty bus pass. the tri-met system is pretty good usually. i've got the #10 right in front of my house, #72 two blocks down and another maybe five blocks away that i only take in a pinch. so i'm in a pretty good place. the #10 is pretty reliable but only comes every half hour, going to my work, downtown and MAX line (light rail). the #72 is more frequent and i can take it to the MAX which goes to my school. i can also take the #72 the other way and connect to the #8 which is also frequent and takes me to work, library, downtown and the MAX. the MAX is actually pretty awesome, there are three different lines that can take you east to gresham (school), west to beaverton and hillsboro (friends, uwajimaya), and to the airport. it's faster, more frequent and doesn't smell as bad.

that was a lot of silly info, sorry. sometimes buses are running late, or i miss it cause my timing is off, or there are loud people on it. there are lots of reasons for me to be annoyed but for the most part it works for me. going anywhere pretty much takes an hour but i plan ahead. today i planned to go to dodgeball pickup. i wanted to get there at about 7:30 so i figured 6:30 would be great. there was a #10 bus coming at 6:38 so that was perfect. good. so i got on that bus and rode it to the rose quarter transit station, where a number of buses also stop. for some reason there was a lot of traffic and so i arrived around 7:16 (about 10 minutes late). i looked at the time schedule for the bus i wanted to take (the #77) and it said 7:16 so i was excited cause probably it was running late also. i waited, and waited, and waited...till about 7:35 only one bus came through when there should have been at least a few. it was strange. so i called their "transit tracker" which is not very accurate. it said the next #77 wasn't till 8:15! there was no way i was going to wait that long for a bus so i decided to take MAX downtown and catch another bus that went to the same area. that went well and i was downtown by 7:40. the #15 is a frequent bus and so i thought i'd have no problem catching it. it was a couple blocks from the MAX station and there were two guys already standing there. i figured the bus would arrive in a few minutes and i'd be playing dodgeball by 8. it was not to be. this "frequent" bus didn't arrive till 8:03! so i stood in the rain waiting for that one. i finally got to dodgeball, changed and started playing around 8:30. i had some aggression to take out! it was so frustrating!

usually we play till about 9:15 but what happened?! the lights went out at 9! so i was cheated out of an extra 15 minutes AND missed out on the first hour of my planned dodgeballing. after that i was just so upset and wondering what would happen next. it was a long night of irritating things happening (or not). i spent two hours waiting and riding buses basically for a ride that would take at MOST 30 minutes by car, more likely 20. so frustrating! it is times likes these that i desperately want a car because it would be so convenient!

i have thought of it a lot lately, of getting a car. right now there is no way i can afford it or the fuel and insurance costs but perhaps when i graduate and start nursing. i still don't want to rely on it but i know that if i got one i'd become lazy and drive everywhere just cause it's convenient. there is a program called zipcar that you pay a certain amount and have access to hundreds of cars around the city. they pay for gas and it's a pretty sweet thing. i haven't really looked into it yet because USUALLY riding the bus isn't such a pain. sure, it takes an hour to go to school but i can read or relax or sleep or listen to music so it's a pretty nice hour. i know most of the bus system pretty well since i've been using it over four years now and generally i like it. i feel good that i'm using mass transit and helping the environment. if not helping, at least not doing more harm.

#142 - SOLE food

what is SOLE food? SOLE is seasonal, organic, local and ethical. my philosophy and relationship to food changes all the time but i always love it. i love cooking, shopping, thinking about, looking at, smelling and eating food. food is something that you can treat purely in terms of energy (calories) and just eat for the sake of keeping your engine running. or if you are like me, food is something to really enjoy. i am in the position of being able to choose what i eat. each food dollar is like a vote and you can choose where you put that money. i choose to buy foods that are SOLE foods as much as possible. personally i believe they taste better and make me feel better but it is also better for the environment. un-SOLE foods cost more in petroleum costs, mostly due to packaging and transportation of the foods. if you are buying local produce, perhaps at a local farmer's market, the food will not be packaged as much and will have traveled less.

seasonal foods is a concept that i did not really think about before, when i lived in hawaii. there, it is 80F all year around so there aren't real "seasons". also, much of the produce is shipped in so you can get anything anytime. there are farmer's markets but if you shop in the grocery store, most of that is coming from thousands of miles away. in oregon, there are seasons and i love it. with the seasonal weather changes comes seasonal food availability. mostly, foods are still widely available despite a certain season but it is more expensive. foods that are in season are most likely coming from a closer source and will also be cheaper. these foods will be at their peak, with the highest level of freshness, and therefore best taste and nutrition. i love looking forward to eating berries in the summer and squash in the fall/winter. eating certain foods reminds me of the seasons and it is kind of strange to be eating fresh blueberries in the middle of winter. i just KNOW they are coming from far away.

organic means that the food is grown without the use of chemical fertilizers and this goes for the soil that it is grown in. the organic certification process is overseen by the government and requires three years of growing their produce organically and keeping extensive documentation. they are not able to use the "organic" label at the time and so is an expensive process. growing food organically is tough because you have to combat disease and pests without the use of chemicals. they use different methods that increase the cost but in the end, when you consume an organic piece of food you know that it has not been sprayed with chemicals. some studies have shown an increased level of nutrients in organic foods and better taste as well. while organic food is usually more expensive, it is worth the price to know that many tons of chemicals were not used to grow it.

local food i think might be the most important. when the produce is coming from somewhere closer to you, it will be more fresh and is likely to be in season. it is better for the environment and cuts the costs of transportation and packaging. it is imperative that a place like hawaii become more sustainable and self-sufficient since it is in the middle of the ocean. with rising fuel costs and increased global warming, reliance on fossil fuels and products coming from elsewhere is a very negative thing. these products have to be packaged in such a way to be safe for travel and that creates a lot of waste. some of it maybe recyclable but the first of the three R's is "reduce". hawaii is a great place to grow food and an increase in shopping at farmer's markets would be awesome. there are so many farmer's markets here in portland that i'm probably spoiled. if i had the choice between something that was organic grown in peru or something not but grown at a local farm, i would definitely choose local. especially if i am at the farmer's market and can ask the farmer how he/she grew the food.

ethical food has to do with most meat and dairy. animals have been used for food since the beginning of time but started with hunting and gathering. hunters chased animals and killed them with their own hands. these animals were wild and had a better nutritional profile, leaner. the majority of the food sources were the "gathered" foods and was not a meat-heavy diet. humans are omnivores and can digest almost anything. carnivores can eat as much meat, protein and cholesterol as they want and not have negative health effects. humans eat too much cholesterol and get bad hearts. i am not advocating for a meat-free diet (i have tried it) because for most people that is impossible. today's meat is not wild and much of it not "free range". many people have the fantasy that the cow was walking free, eating grass as he pleased and happy. the fact is most commercially grown meat is coming from animals raised in small, cramped quarters. they have no access to fresh air or enough room to roam. therefore they are given a lot of antibiotics to treat them for sicknesses arising from bad conditions. for more info on that, go to peta. that isn't what this is about. for me, i try to buy dairy and eggs that are from free range animals not given antibiotics. i try to buy meat from local animals raised without antibiotics and humanely treated. i read somewhere if slaughterhouses had glass walls, everyone would be a vegetarian. eating animals is not necessarily unethical but they should be raised and slaughtered in such a way that they are not in pain or abused.

so what does this all mean? food shouldn't be something we take for granted. if you can afford to make choices, why not make choices that are well-informed and thought out? why not choose where your money is going? is it going to pay for the cost of pesticides, packaging and advertisement or is it going towards the upkeep and maintenance of a farm? do we want to rely on other countries for our produce or find some alternatives closer to us, keeping americans in business? do we want to flood our environment with pesticides and chemicals or should we try to avoid using them? do we care about how animals are treated or should we accept the fact that they live in crammed quarters with no fresh air? in the spirit of election season, why not use your dollars as a vote to choose what you stand for?

#141 - giant killers III

i blogged a couple weeks ago about football season since we had just beaten hawaii. i wrote about the upcoming game against #1 USC and what we needed to do to beat them...well, we did it! oregon state 27, usc 21! it was our house and we defended it, we played with respect for USC and what they can do and just played beaver football. it was 21-0, oregon state at the half and i knew this usc team deserved to be #1 for a reason. they dominated the 3rd quarter and came back to within a touchdown, were going for another when greg laybourn intercepted mark sanchez's pass and ran it to the USC 2 yard line. the superstar of the night, jacquizz rodgers (a true freshman!), ran it in easily to put us up 27-14. of course they wouldn't stop and had a nice quick drive to pull within 6 with 1:19 to go. onside kick failed and it was history!

i wasn't there. (tear!) i didn't even watch it. i was in a meeting and had my friend texting me with updates. i was so nervous and clammy my whole meeting! when it was finally done i ran to a restaurant with a tv and stood outside cheering. it was crazy and i will definitely get a hold of a replay sometime. this team will be known as giant killers III. the original team was a dee andros team in 1967 who beat #1 USC 3-0. OJ simpson was on that USC team, it was historical. since then we have not beaten a #1 ranked team but we did beat them two years ago (i was there!) when they were ranked #3. although they weren't #1, many still consider it a giant victory. many thought that this year's USC team was the best and that sanchez would win the heisman. i am not sure if i doubt that now, if i say they aren't then maybe it's not a big a win as it seems. i want them to win out, i want them to play for the national championship (pretty slim chance i think) and i want to say that we were the only ones that could beat them this year. sure there are better teams than the beavs but we have a lot of heart. we've got an awesome quarterback with amazing energy. you can just feel it the way that he leads his team. he's a real leader.

sometimes i think i can believe in them hard enough so they will win. i think that maybe my cheering and believing actually makes a difference. who knows?! while i respect every opponent that dares to come into reser stadium, we will put up a fight. we will play our hearts out. we will prove that we belong here. and we will show you that just because you live in LA doesn't mean you're awesome. corvallis may be a sleepy little town, but it's a college town and it's all about the BEAVERS!!!

#140 - make me happy

today was the first day of school. i'm not sure if that's what got me in a mood or the fact that in the past year so much has happened, very personal and emotional. but anyway i am a little down right now, listening to music that will hopefully make me feel better. then i thought of doggies. so here are some pictures of me and the dogs at the beach in june! we spent a lot of time at the beach, sun bathing on the deck, snoozing and cuddling up together on the couch (all 4 of us!). it was one of the best weeks ever.















maui (white), hector (black) and sancho (brown) are such sweet hearts and i miss them very much! they love to cuddle up to me and play. sancho LOVES to play. he's still a puppy so he's always wanting to play fetch. silly sancho. hector is a bit on the rough side, to put it lightly. well, he doesn't like people or dogs he doesn't know. he's known me since he was a puppy so he loves me lots but others he like to growl at and bite. not good. maui is the sweetest thing ever put on this earth, he is the best dog. i love them all! just seeing their pictures puts a big goofy smile on my face. i miss those guys! i hope i can house/dog sit again soon. =)

#139 - ahhh, fall

tomorrow is the first official day of "autumn" but today certainly feels like it. it is crisp, overcast and wonderful. fall is my favorite season for many reasons, and october is my favorite month. we're almost there. why? the trees are all starting to change colors at the very tips of the leaves. orange tipped trees are beautiful. i love putting on layers of clothes and walking down the street with my face cold but body warm. i love the rain! my bike is now in it's "resting place" aka storage. i am a fair-weather biker. i admit it. having a bus pass and no fender for my bike really make it easy not to bike in the cold and rain. i am a wimp!

what a strange year it has been. just last week it was 90 degrees and now it's nipply out. i've been waiting patiently for fall to arrive and now it has. i start school tomorrow bright and early, with clinicals at the hospital as well. it is going to be one heck of a busy term and i am not sure i am prepared mentally. i am having major anxiety! on top of that i am looking for a new place to rent. i am currently living with 3 guys who i never really see or hang out with. so i have nothing really going for me here, and while it was nice to be across the street from a mcmenamins pub/theater i am over it. i want to be closer to work, school and friends. so i am moving. i'm gonna live with 2 gals from work who are awesome! i can't wait. first we have to find the perfect place though, and that's hard considering we are all poor/working/students.

on another note, RENT is done on broadway but doing a final tour with some of the original cast. i have been a fan of RENT since i first saw it. it's one of those shows that i really get and that i can relate to. other ones that i love i don't necessarily connect to but just like the music, like phantom of the opera and les miz. they are all essentially about love but RENT is set more in this age and place. also, the music is rockin and i love it! it is not coming until june but i just bought my tickets!!! i got orchestra seats for a thursday night but i'm thinking i'll probably try to rush for another night. they are only performing for a week so we'll see if i can.

i have to go to kickball soon. it's cold out and i'll have to dress warmly. last week we lost to the worst team, 10-2. we were short many people and our pitcher severely sprained his ankle. we had 2 guys who never played before and i was 0-3, something that's never happened. i'm not sure where my mojo went. hopefully it'll be back this week! go CHEATERS!

#138 - sarah palin

who is sarah palin?
for one, she is john mccain's choice for VP. his big issue/concern with obama was that he had no international experience blah blah and who does he pick? the governor of alaska who comes from a small town where she was mayor of less than 10,000 people. who is this woman? i'm sure you've heard or seen her "hockey mom" comment. if not, here is her joke (told at the republican nat'l conv) what's the difference between a hockey mom and a moose? LIPSTICK! omg that is too funny....not. this election is not a laughing matter. our country is in dire need of leadership and change, not four more of the same stuff.

palin is far right, she is against abortion (a woman's right to choose), doesn't believe of separation of church and state, member of NRA, opposes same sex marriage, wants to drill in the ANWR and would not hesitate to go to war with russia. i am all for believing what you want but this woman cannot be president. with mccain being such a dinosaur the chances that he croaks and palin becomes president are high. that is a scary thought.

just listen to this woman speak. first of all she never answers this guy's question, she just dodges and talks about something else. plus she always looks like she's trying to defend herself and looks uncomfortable under pressure.


i've been hearing people who were previously clinton supporters jump over to the mccain-palin side. i wonder why. is it because she doesn't have a penis? why would anyone base their vote on that?! it clearly can't be the issues because on each one they are total opposites - war, abortion, economy, etc. people who would vote for mccain just because he has a woman on his ticket are INSANE! they shouldn't have the right to vote. i also heard the ridiculous notion that by getting palin in this time it opens the door for hilary clinton in 2012! omg that is so wrong.

i hope voters educate themselves and figure out why they are voting for a candidate. not just because "she's hot" (seriously, i heard this!) or he's black. c'mon. look at the deep issues and where they stand on things that are important to you. there is only two months left till people have to make a big decision, which to me is easier than tying my shoes or getting dressed. there is no way i can let this war go on indefinitely, have roe vs. wade overturned, and have the already sinking economy get worse. don't you think our country has gotten bad enough? the time for change is now.

here is one last thing i leave you with. saturday night live, tina fey doing palin. it's comedy.

#137 - pictures with parents

i wrote a little about my travels with the 'rents but now i've got some pictures so i wanted to share a little bit about what we did.

SEATTLE
we stayed in seattle for two nights and did a few things that were new. we went to the olympic sculpture park for a free art walk. my dad is a big photographer and my mom needs to take pictures too cause then she has something to do while he's taking photos. so basically we all three had cameras and took awhile to go through the park. it was really cool cause it was free and you kind of just walk around and look at different sculptures. art is so up to interpretation, but i enjoy it sometimes. so this picture is of one of several giant safety cones. they were gigantic and while i thought they'd be made of the same material, they were not. they were metal. art.

bumbershoot! it's a weekend of music, music, music...and also some comedy and art. but i was there for the music. my parents were there also and i think had a good time. first we saw vince mira, a young guy from seattle with a voice like johnny cash. he sings a lot of cash covers and a few originals that are basically the same style. i saw blitzen trapper for the first time. they are a portland sextet and were pretty awesome, i'd definitely go see them again. they do lots of experimental stuff and mix country, bluegrass and folk. we got tickets to the show on the mainstage at night, which was death cab for cutie. i definitely like them and had a great time, even got to crowd surf, but my favorite act of the day was langhorne slim. he plays with an upright bass player and a drummer but is definitely the show. his music is kind of folk rock bluegrass and he has a different voice. some songs kind of remind me of bob dylan and others but other stuff is just different. real fresh and entertaining. here are a few vids from youtube:






CANADA
after seattle we drove up to vancouver, BC. vancouver is where the next olympics will be in 2010. can't wait! we stayed with some relatives and had really good dim sum. we went to grouse mountain which is the "peak of vancouver". most of the olympics will be held at whistler which is an hour away but this little mountain was cool. there was a tram ride up to the top and we saw a logger show and birds of prey, which was awesome. we saw a great horned owl, ferruginous hawk, turkey vulture and bald eagle. they would bring them out and the birds would fly from perch to perch, sometimes needed a little encouragement. it was really awesome though, one of them flew right over my head! these things are pretty dangerous/vicious to smaller animals and rodents. they have beaks but mainly use their strong talons to crush their prey! i learned a lot about these guys and it was a cool little demo. i learned that the bald eagle doesn't get a white head till it's pretty old, they start out all brown. they are also pretty big guys and build giant nests as well. it was neat. they also had two grizzly bears at grouse mountain. they were orphaned as babies and were brought to the mountain so they could be safe. they are testing out new ways to save orphans and return them to the wild so they don't have to be euthanized. so these guys are testing out electric fencing technologies.

after vancouver we took a ferry to vancouver island. we went to the butterfly gardens and butchart garden in victoria. they were both pretty fun and awesome. i've never really seen that many types of butterflies. my mom bought this butterfly chart and had me memories 34 types of butterflies while we were riding in the car. so i can identify those 34! haha i am such a nerd. there were so many, and it was set in this building with tropical plants and weather. it was chilly outside but almost 80 inside. there were many different sizes and colors of butterflies, including those popular orange and black monarchs. it made me think of all those caterpillars i saw in guatemala. i wonder what kind of butterflies they were going to be.

the butchart gardens were beautiful. we went before but i don't really remember much because it was in intermediate school but it's a giant garden and really british. it was cool but a little too proper for my tastes. there were tons of pretty flowers though and that was nice. we wanted to eat at the restaurant there but you needed reservations so we tried this place outside the park that had cajun/creole food and i had ribs that were delicious! we came back for the night gardens, which they pretty much just put lights on the different plants and it looked different. usually you think of flowers as beautiful for their colors so i experimented a little and did some B&W photography to capture their different shapes and sizes in the light with shadows. it was kind of fun and interesting. the whole day was basically photography with the parents, seriously they took hundreds, maybe thousands of pictures that day. i got away with only 200 maybe. so i had fun taking pics but it was kind of a long day. we went to our hotel in downtown victoria late that night and slept well. the next day was museum day and just hanging out around the town. it was a pretty nice time in canada, i always enjoy going there...mostly cause they say "eh"!