#172 - kids

kids are interesting. this morning, on my way to school, there was a cute little indian boy on the bus. he was sitting on the seat in front of me with his mom, who only spoke indian. he was probably about 2ish and kept looking at me. i smiled and then we proceeded to play peek-a-boo for about 10 minutes. it was pure, unadulterated fun. simple and pure. he made me smile! it was a nice way to start the day. it's funny how kids can play peek-a-boo so long, or even hide-and-seek. i once played hide-and-seek for 2 hours non-stop. it was exhausting! i guess peek-a-boo crosses cultural lines as well. anyway, it was cute.

i always assumed i would have kids. my parents were 24 and 25 when they had me, so obviously i'm older than they were. i can't even imagine having kids at that age. i'm definitely not ready now yet. i go back and forth on wanting kids almost everyday so by that comment i'm definitely not ready. a lot of people don't think about these things. i mean that lady that had octuplets...crazy. she already had 6 kids and is on federal aid (not that there is anything wrong with that..). she doesn't work and i've heard is going to lose her house. you already have 6 kids then go through in vitro to have 8 more?! what is wrong with this lady? i know there are religions that do not allow contraception but obviously this was not a religious thing. the way i see it, each parent only has so much time and energy. so say you have 2 parents. you can only fully give one kid your whole energy at a time, so that means 2 kids at most. my parents only had 2 kids, it was enough i think. we each got attention, even though i tried to get more for myself. (it's a leo thing)

mostly i want my sister to have kids soon. i want to be an aunty! then i can play with the kids and dress them up, spoil them and not have to raise them. i would definitely need to be closer to her when she has them. of course she is not married yet so it's probably not going to happen that soon. my grandma has been telling both of us we don't need to get married before having kids, cause she wants us to have them soon while she's still around. i laugh everytime she says this, it's a very un-grandma like thing to say, especially since she's pretty conservative. of course i want to make my grandma happy but not at the expense of my life. once you have kids, your independent adult life is over, as you know it. it's the biggest commitment you could ever make. i'm not against commitment but this is huge. parents have so much influence over the outcome of the kids' lives. sometimes they don't realize how much. although my upbringing was not bad, i can attribute a lot of things to things that happened or did not happen. although i have grandiose ideas that i would be the best parent ever, it's not a good idea yet. i want to be a little more stable myself.

what a weird post that is all over the place. that's my mind today.