#66 - r.i.p. uncle

it seems like the pain of losing loved ones is never going to end. it's been a long period of mourning that hasn't really subsided, if it's not one person, it's another. grandma bean in september, ben in november and now my uncle warren. he's actually not my uncle but my dad's mom's brother-in-law. if you put it that way it would seem like we were not meant to be close. but i would say that he (and my aunty carlene) was one of the big reasons why i chose to move to oregon, almost ten years ago. he was a prof at oregon state u and we visited little ole corvallis in '98 on a west coast college visiting trip, i was sold pretty quick! everywhere i looked it was green and beautiful, i loved the rain/weather, and i would have real family close by. how could you i not choose OSU? i didn't know them very well since they only came to visit now and then but i knew they welcomed me with open arms and hearts, embracing me as their own.

uncle warren was the most caring, thoughtful, unselfish, kind person i know. my aunty has parkinson's and so he has been her main caregiver for YEARS. i've never heard him complain and he did everything with her in mind. i never heard him ask for anything for himself. everything he did was for her. he was just a special person who touched everyone he met. while i went to school i had my own room at their house, never more than ten minutes away from where i lived. there was a free-standing offer of delicious food and a warm bed with family to keep me company. he made the best teriyaki meatloaf and beef stew. no one left hungry or skinny! my sister stayed there for maybe a week and gained 5 pounds i think.

he was a professor at oregon state for many years, in the dept of education. although i didn't know him as a professor, everyone at the college spoke highly of him. he was well respected and liked. he would always ask me lots of questions about school, work and the future. he was kind of a hard ass but just wanted me to be successful and meet my potential. i want to make him proud. he retired in 2002 but i didn't graduate till 2003, they decided to stay in oregon until i did before they moved back to hawaii. when they finally did, they got a condo and retired life was good.

uncle w had always been neat, on time and kept a tight schedule, even in retirement. so it was a little strange when he started not caring about the mess in the house and being a little late. he even missed a plane. it turned out he had a brain tumor! he had to go into the hospital and get surgery...but he fought through that and made it out. he got a cool scar but eventually he got back to himself, even driving again. when i was home in december he found out he had a lymphoma in his throat and tailbone which made it hard to eat and sit/stand. they were going to do chemo and other tests. my mom said they'd given him 9 months. he died yesterday.

i read this passage today in a newsletter at work that reminded me of uncle warren:

love is very patient, very kind
love knows no jealousy
love makes no parades,
gives itself no airs,
is never rude
never selfish
never resentful;
love is never glad when others go wrong
love is always eager to believe the best
always hopeful,
always patient
love never disappears

then i realized its a bible verse - 1 corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV)

love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. love never fails.

my uncle was this definition of love, towards my aunty and everyone around him. he was not a person of many words. actually he was pretty quiet, my aunty and i are the crazy ones! i can't believe we've lost him. may he rest in peace, free from earthly pains and worries.